"I know who." He pulled back and asked, "Where are they?"
I blinked up at him. "Wait, how would you know?"
"I saw their car."
Before I could ask where, Aunt Vivian's voice drifted out from somewhere behind me. "Melody, darling, I'm so relieved to see you."
Startled, I whirled to face her. "Yeah, I bet."
She offered up a smile that looked more like a grimace. "And I see you have company." Her eyes narrowed to slits. "How nice."
I didn't bother smiling back. "What are you doing here?"
"Why, making sure you're okay, of course. That storm was awful, wasn't it?"
"Seriously?" I said. "That's the best you can do?"
She drew back. "Just what are you implying?"
"I'm not implying anything. I'm telling you flat-out that I know you're lying." My voice rose. "You're not here to check on me. You're here to check on…" I made a little fluttering motion with my hands…"the freaking punch-bowls!"
Somewhere behind me, I heard Jake, ask, "What's a punch bowl?"
Bishop said, "It's a party thing. Don't ask."
Ignoring all of them, my aunt trotted out her overly patient voice and said, "No. Darling. We're here to check on you."
I gave her a hard look. "Is that so? Then why, exactly, were you wanting the punch bowls?"
My uncle wandered up behind her and said, "To, uh, water your cat?"
I stared at him. Even from Uncle Ernie, that had to be the dumbest excuse I'd ever heard.
I didn't have a cat. And even if I did, I sure as heck wouldn’t be 'watering' it with a bowl that could hold ten kittens and enough yarn to knit a sweater.
Again, Jake's voice carried across the short distance. "What's with the leprechaun?"
My uncle looked around. "What?" His eyes gleamed with interest. "Like a new statue or something?"
Slowly, my aunt turned to face him. Through clenched teeth, she said, "I told you that suit looked ridiculous."
He looked down to study his clothes. "What? This?" He looked up. "But it's my favorite."
Next to me, Joel asked, "Want me to toss 'em out?"
My aunt gave a little gasp. "Are you referring to us?" Her voice rose. "Unlike you, we're family!"
From somewhere behind us, Jake muttered, "And here, I thought ours sucked."
My aunt's gaze swiveled in Jake's direction. "And who, exactly, are you?"
"Me?" He grinned. "I'm the guy who's gonna toss ol' Lucky out on his ass."
Joel spoke up. "The hell you are."
My aunt gave Joel a grateful look. "Thank you."
But then, Joel said, "If anyone's tossing him, it's me."
Chapter 46
Together, Joel and Jake studied my uncle, who was slowly backing away, as if planning to bolt.
Jake turned to Joel and said, "We could toss him together. You grab his legs. I'll get his arms."
My aunt made a little huffing noise. "That's it! We're leaving!" She turned to my uncle and barked, "Get the car."
He frowned. "You want me to use the front door, or…?"
With a tight smile, she said, "Of course I want you to use the front door. What other door would you use?"
My uncle's mouth opened, but before any words came out, my aunt barked, "For Pete's sake, just go!"
My uncle gave a little jump, and then scurried toward the front door. But when he neared it, the guys made no move to get out of his way. My uncle practically skidded to a stop and stared up at them. "Would, uh, you mind moving?"
"That depends," Joel said. "You coming back?"
My uncle lifted his left wrist and pushed back the sleeve of his green sports jacket. He studied his watch. "It's pretty late, so, uh—"
"I don't mean tonight," Joel said.
My uncle turned to give my aunt a questioning look.
Joel's voice cut across the short distance. "Hey, Lucky! I was talking to you."
My aunt stepped forward. "Melody!" she snapped. "Are you going to just stand there and let these…" Her mouth tightened. "…hooligans, speak to your uncle like that?"
I turned and studied the hooligans in question. In spite of their clean-cut faces and normal clothes, they looked dark and dangerous as they eyed my uncle with open hostility.
My uncle took a couple of steps backward and glanced around as if seeking a quick escape.
My aunt looked to me and demanded, "Well?"
I gave her my brightest smile. "Yes."
"What?" she sputtered.
"Yes. I am going to let them." I stepped toward her. "No. Not just let them. Encourage them."
Her jaw dropped. "But I'm family!"
She was wrong. She wasn't family. Yes, technically, she'd married my dad's brother, so that made her family in the legal sense. But she'd never been family in any way that mattered.
"And while we're on the topic," I said, "how'd you get in?"
She looked toward the front door. "The door was open."
I knew otherwise. "It was not."
"Well, I don't mean open, open," she clarified. "But it was unlocked."
I gave a decisive shake of my head. "Nope. Not even close."
My aunt lifted her chin. "How would you know?"
"I know, because I locked it myself. And, I set the alarm."
My aunt's gaze darted from me to the guys and back again. She gave a little sniff. "What is this? An interrogation?" She threw back her shoulders. "Well, I don't like it."
Joel spoke up. "You'd like it less if we handle it."
My aunt drew back. "Are you threatening me?"
This time, it was Jake who answered. "Does a leprechaun shit in the woods?"
My aunt gave a dramatic gasp. "What are you saying? You'd mistreat me?" Her voice became shrill. "A woman? What kind of people are you?"
Joel looked unaffected by the theatrics. "Keep stalling, and you'll find out." His gaze shifted briefly to my uncle. "And we don't need to hurt you." He gave her a cold smile. "We can beat it out of Lucky."
My uncle croaked, "What?"
My aunt turned to give my uncle a long, speculative look. I could practically see the wheels turning in her head. How bad would they hurt him, anyway?
The way it looked, it was a risk she was willing to take.
In truth, I would never let it get that far. But a little fear would do both of them good.
I said, "Just tell us. I deserve to know."
My aunt snorted. "Deserve? What does that have to do with anything?" Her lips curled into a nasty sneer. "Haven't you gotten enough already?"
I knew exactly what she meant. In their will, my parents had left nearly nothing to my uncle. I recalled his face when the document was read. My uncle hadn't been happy. And as far as my aunt? Well, let's just say her reaction hadn't been pleasant.
That was years ago, and they'd been trying to even things up ever since.
If they only knew. Sure, I was the primary beneficiary of my parents' estate. But I had zero control and nearly no cash to speak of. As far as the property itself, it was so deep in debt that it hardly mattered.
In the end, I'd be lucky to get a punch bowl. Forget the little cups. And the ladle.
At the sound of sirens, my uncle perked up. He cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled out, "Help! Police! Over here!"
Joel gave a low laugh. "Hey Lucky, they can't hear you. Not over the sirens."
My uncle dropped his hands from his mouth and muttered, "How would you know?"
Joel gave a loose shrug. The way it looked, he knew plenty. But I'd known that already, hadn't I?
Pushing that distraction aside, I stared at my uncle. "And besides," I reminded him, "the police are here to arrest you, not rescue you."
My uncle's face froze. "Us? Why?"
Did I really need to explain this? I threw up my hands. "Because you broke into my house. That's why."
My aunt gave another gasp. "You wouldn’t seriously prosecute us?"
Funny, she hadn't denied breaking i
n, not within the last two seconds anyway. Was that progress? I had no idea.
I looked to the guys standing in my doorway. And then, I turned to look at my aunt and uncle.
I tried to see things how the police would see them. The guys in my doorway looked dark and dangerous. My aunt and uncle looked like a pissed-off socialite and her lucky mascot.
I sidled closer to Joel and peered around him out the open doorway. If I wasn't careful, the police would be arresting the wrong people.
Chapter 47
Officer Nelson had barely made it through the front door when my aunt cried out, "Thank God you're here!" She pointed toward Joel and his brothers. "I want them arrested!"
I made a scoffing sound. "Oh, please. You're the ones who broke in."
My aunt gave a toss of her hair, making her earrings glitter in the foyer light. She hoisted her designer purse higher on her shoulder and asked Officer Nelson, "Do we look like thieves?"
The words had barely left her mouth when something slipped from the inside of my uncle's jacket. It clattered to the floor, and we all turned to look. It was a silver ladle with gold trim. My uncle looked down and said, "Huh. Where'd that come from?"
Aunt Vivian was glaring at him now. Through clenched teeth, she said, "Darling, this is no time for one of your practical jokes." She looked back to Officer Nelson and said, "As you can see, my husband is quite the character."
We all looked. He did look like a character – the kind who hid pots of gold at the end of rainbows. Except in this case, the gold was mine, theoretically anyway.
Officer Nelson turned to me and said, "You pressing charges?"
I didn't know what to say. I wanted this to end. But I so didn't want the publicity. Plus, in a weird way, I actually liked my uncle.
When I'd been younger, he'd been the guy who dressed up as a pirate every Halloween. He'd taught me how to make mud pies and play the harmonica – badly. He'd attended every one of my school plays and all of my birthday parties, at least until Aunt Vivian had gotten her bony claws into him.
I was still considering the question when Bishop asked, "Care if I look around?"
Distracted, I murmured, "Yeah, sure. Go ahead." I turned back to Officer Nelson and asked, "Let's say I do press charges. What happens then?"
"What?" my aunt sputtered. "You're actually considering it?"
"Of course, I'm considering it," I told her. "What do you think? That you can stop by and rob me all the time, and that I'm never going to do anything?"
Her gaze narrowed. "Oh, you've done plenty."
If she was referring to the incidents with the hose and the safe, she was wrong. I hadn't done either one of those things. But I was glad someone had. The whole sorry situation made me want to scream. This definitely couldn't go on forever.
Next to me, Joel said, "I say we search them, see what they've got."
My aunt gave a dramatic gasp. "What?"
I was so tired of the theatrics. I looked to her and said, "Will you just stop it, already?"
Behind us, Jake said, "Hey Melody."
I turned toward him and asked, "What?"
"Got any rubber gloves?"
I stared at him. "Excuse me?"
"Rubber gloves," he repeated, flashing an ominous grin in my uncle's direction. "We'd better go full-cavity."
I was still staring. Did that mean what I thought it meant? I turned and gave Joel a questioning look.
Oh, my God. He was actually nodding.
"Good thinking," he said, glancing toward the center of the house. "You got a basement, right?"
As Joel obviously knew, I did have a basement, in the form of the wine cellar. But it's not like I had access to it, as he also knew. Reluctantly, I asked, "Why?"
"If they scream," Joel said, "it'll be less noise for the neighbors."
At this, my aunt gave a little shriek that might be considered a scream.
From a few feet away, Jake gave a low chuckle. "See?"
I looked from brother to brother. I didn't have any neighbors within screaming distance. But that was hardly relevant. Besides, they couldn't be serious.
Desperate for a dose of sanity, I gave Officer Nelson a pleading look. Shouldn't he be taking charge of this?
As if reading my frustration, he finally spoke up. "Let's you and me talk." He flicked his head toward the front door. "In private."
My aunt blurted out, "No!"
In unison, Officer Nelson and I turned to look.
Her eyes were wide, and her skin was flushed. "You're not leaving us alone?" She swallowed. "With them?"
I looked to the "them" in question. In truth, they did look kind of scary, not that I was afraid. But of course, they weren't threatening me with a full cavity search.
Over my aunt's objections, I ducked outside with Officer Nelson. Closing the front door behind us, I lowered my voice to ask, "What do you think?"
He shrugged. "Looks to me like a family problem."
It was. And it wasn't. I persisted. "But let's say I wanted to press charges. Could I?"
"Sure," he said. "Doubt it would stick though."
I felt a surge of new despair. "Why not?"
"You got a relative who swiped a soup ladle."
"Actually, it's not for soup. It's for the punch bowl." I waved away the distraction. "But never mind that. I'm just saying, they broke in. Past midnight." I turned and gave the house a worried glance. "And who knows what else my uncle has."
"So you do want to press charges?"
I sighed. "I don't know."
So far, the conversation hadn't been reassuring. I could just see it – a boatload of bad publicity, and all for nothing. Worse, if there were no real consequences, even after I pressed charges, it might even encourage them further. Who knows? They might rent a moving truck and load up the furniture.
I was still pondering all of this when Officer Nelson mentioned that without signs of a break-in, I might be fighting an uphill battle.
In the end, I told him that we'd try to work it out amongst ourselves, but asked if he wouldn't mind sticking around, just in case.
"Mind?" he said. "I want to see how this ends." He leaned closer and lowered his voice. "You do know, you can't really do a cavity search, right?"
I gave a vigorous nod. "Sure. We're just teasing." I summoned up a smile. "You know, family stuff, like you said."
Right. Because nothing says family fun like a rubber glove up the butt.
Officer Nelson gave me a dubious look. "Your friends do know that, right?"
"Sure. Totally."
The words had barely left my mouth when the sounds of yelling made both of us rush back inside. We burst in through the door just in time to hear my aunt screech, "He's not a leprechaun! He's a human being! What's the matter with you people?"
"Return the stuff," Joel said, "and you won't have to find out."
"There's nothing to return!" she yelled. And then, as if noticing for the first time that we'd returned, she visibly reeled in her temper. She gave Joel a stiff smile. "Because, as I've already explained, we haven't taken anything."
"Yeah?" Joel said. "You want us to take it up with Lucky?"
"Go ahead," she said. "He's not afraid of you."
The sound of a hard thud made all of us turn to look. It was my uncle, setting a crystal salt-shaker on a nearby side table. This was followed by the pepper shaker, three spoons, and a white dish cloth.
My aunt sighed. "Well, this is just lovely."
Ignoring her, I zoomed in on my uncle. I just had to ask, "Why the dish cloth?"
He glanced around. "What dish cloth?"
I didn't even know what to say.
Next to me, Joel said, "It was for the shakers. So they didn't break."
Of course. I knew that. Or at least, I should've. Obviously, the whole sorry scene was turning my brain to mush.
Across from us, my aunt was giving my uncle the look of death. Under her breath, she said, "I'll break something, alright."
&nb
sp; Funny, I wanted to break something too. I gave her a hard look. "How about you?"
"What about me?" she said.
"Fork it over."
"Fork what over?"
I crossed my arms and waited.
"Oh, alright. Fine." She reached into her purse and pulled out a crystal candlestick. She marched to the side table and slammed the candlestick onto it, next to the shakers. She turned toward us and said, "There. You happy now?"
Why lie? "No."
"Why not?" she demanded.
I eyed her purse. "Because that purse is too big for one candlestick."
She lifted her chin. "I'll have you know, this is a Fendi."
I smiled. "And I'll have you know, I've got rubber gloves in the kitchen."
In the end, it didn't come to that. After a lot more haggling, along with my reluctant promise to not press charges if, and only if, she cooperated, she finally thrust her purse in my direction. By the time it was all over, I'd recovered the matching candlestick, along with a silver gravy boat and the matching ladle.
Two ladles – even for them, that had to be some kind of record.
My aunt looked to my uncle. "Are you getting the car or not?"
I spoke up. "Wait. You can't go yet."
Her gaze narrowed. "Why not?"
"Because you still haven't told me how you got in."
"Yes, I did," Aunt Vivian said. "Remember?"
I rolled my eyes. "Give me a break. The door wasn't open. I checked it before bed."
She smirked. "Well, maybe you didn't check it good enough."
We were still going back and forth when Bishop emerged from who-knows-where. He looked to me and said, "Hey Melody."
"What?"
"You should give it up."
My jaw dropped. "Give it up? Why?" I turned to give Joel a pleading look. "We can't give it up now."
But he only shrugged. "Eh, it's probably for the best."
The response seemed so out-of-character that I didn't know what to think. "But—"
He reached for my hand. "Just trust me, okay?"
I glanced around, hoping to see what I was missing. When I looked to Jake, he said, "I still say we go for the gloves."
My aunt gave a loud huff. "That's it! We're leaving!"
And then, she grabbed my uncle's elbow and practically dragged him past Officer Nelson and straight out of the house. From the open doorway, I stood ,watching with the others, as the two of them marched down my long driveway, heading to who-knows-where.
Something True (Joel Bishop Book 2) Page 18
