by Leigh Carman
I guess I’ll find out.
Van
“ARCHER! COME see me, now,” Coach Bannerman shouts as I enter the crowded locker room. Conversations stop dead, and every single head turns my way.
Ignoring the looks from my teammates, some curious, some friendly, some hostile, I follow Coach to his office.
“Yeah, Coach?” I ask the minute he shuts the door. That’s when I notice the other man in the room. “Oh. I didn’t know anyone else would be here.”
The man, who is wearing an expensive tailored suit, is standing in a corner looking at the framed photos Coach has on the walls. At the sound of my voice, he turns to greet me.
“Hi. I’m Bowen Miller. You can call me Bo.” He smiles and extends a hand. I blink a few times before accepting his hand. The man is very good-looking. Dark hair, dark eyes, maybe six feet tall, and fit but slender. Not as thin as Toby, though. Bo is definitely packing some serious muscle under that expensive suit.
And I’m staring like an idiot.
Bo winks, and I yank my hand back, standing there awkwardly, not knowing who this guy is or why he’s here.
“Why don’t we sit?” Coach says.
Bo waits for me to take a chair before gracefully sinking into the other one while Coach sits behind his desk.
“What’s going on?” I ask, glancing from Coach to Bo.
Coach rubs his face, obviously exhausted, but manages to paste on a pained smile. “Bo here is in public relations. Jack and the rest of upper management asked him to help us out for a little while.”
I narrow my eyes at Coach. “Help us out? What about Becca?” As far as I know, Rebecca Klein is the team’s PR director.
“I do more… specialized work,” Bo says, lifting one ankle to rest on his knee.
“Specialized. Like what?” Suspicion tingles at the back of my neck. I have a bad feeling about this.
“I do crisis management for celebrities. You know, politicians, actors, but mostly sports stars,” Bo says, giving me a lopsided grin. “Some people call me a fixer.”
“And?” I ask, still confused.
“Van,” Coach says, drawing my attention away from Bo, who I now don’t trust at all. I hate cryptic and I hate pompous. No matter how good-looking Bo is, his attitude puts me off. “We’re going to have to manage the media now that you’ve told the team….”
Coach lets his words taper off, and my brain finally catches up, the pieces clicking into place. I clench my jaw in an effort to remain calm.
Turning to the man next to me, I shoot him a hostile glare. “So you’re here to control the fag? Is that it?”
Bo’s smile is gone, replaced by the serious countenance of a man used to controlling every situation. “No. I’m here because your bosses asked me to be here. To help you come out painlessly.” I snort derisively, and he smirks. “Okay, as painless as possible. Is that better?”
I ignore him and focus back on Coach. “So we have to ‘handle’ my situation is what you’re saying?” I stand, agitated and fairly pissed off, now staring at Bo, who is sitting calm as can be in his fancy suit as if fucking with my life were no big deal. “The guys in the locker room are already going to give me plenty of crap for being gay, and you want me to let you turn my sexuality into some kind of circus shit show? Well, pardon me for being blunt, but fuck you.”
Bo stands gracefully, buttoning his extremely expensive bespoke jacket as he does. “That’s not what this is about, Mr. Archer. It’s about helping you any way you need it. If you want to come out, I’m going to help guide you and keep the media respectful, in whatever way is best for you and the team. If you want to bury it, kill the story and the rumors, I’m here to do that for you as well. It’s your circus shit show,” Bo says, a playful spark in his eyes as he throws my words back at me. “I’m merely the ringmaster.”
“Coach?” I look to my boss for guidance. “They’re going to let me come out?” I figured management would shit a brick over this and force me to squelch my confession with dozens of denials and a blonde beard or two on my arm.
Coach Bannerman stands to join Bo and me on the other side of his desk. “Van, the NFL isn’t exactly where it needs to be regarding sexuality, but it’s adapting. Will it be difficult for you if you come out? Yes, but no one is going to force you to live a lie. Management is leaving the decision to you. Bo is here to work with you no matter which way you want to go.”
I’m stunned speechless.
“I’ll leave you two to talk,” Coach says. “You have one hour until I expect you suited up for practice, Archer.”
Still unable to manage a single word, I nod. Coach pats my arm and leaves me with the “crisis expert.”
Bo claps his hands together, rubbing them gleefully. “So, let’s get started, shall we?”
Discussing my sexuality with a total stranger. Great. Just great.
“TOBY?” I enter the house and shuck my shoes by the front door. “Where are you?”
“In the sunroom.”
I smile and hurry to the back of the house, a house that actually feels like a home. Especially with Toby living with me, even if it’s only temporarily, while he recovers. If I had my way, he’d never leave.
“You look happy,” he says. “I thought you were nervous to face everyone today?” Toby puts down the book he was reading while I drop to the other end of the couch, lifting his feet to rest them in my lap.
“I am,” I reply, still grinning. “Happy, that is.”
“I take it you didn’t get the reaction from your teammates that you expected?”
“Not at all.” I dig my thumbs into the arch of one of Toby’s feet, and he groans. “In fact, the bigwigs are letting me come out.”
“What?” Toby pulls his feet from me, curling them beneath his body as he shifts closer.
“Be careful, baby. Your side is still healing.”
Toby brushes me off with a wave of his hand. “I’m fine. They said you could come out? And still play?”
“Yeah. And I mean, I know it won’t be easy. I know some of the guys are gonna be assholes about it. Especially defenders I go against. But hell, they already call everyone a faggot on the field, so I’m used to it.”
“Are you sure?” Toby asks, reaching to take my hand.
“I’m sure. And it’s not just for you, Toby, though I’d do anything for you.” Gently, I put my hands on his waist and slide him onto my lap. I run my fingers through his thick hair. “It’s for me, Toby. I’m tired of hiding. Tired of being alone. Tired of the lies. I already told most of the team, and the guys who didn’t know are sure to know by now. Rumors will start and gossip will spread. It’s just easier to do it now. I don’t want to deny it, deny you, any longer.”
Toby puts his hands behind my neck and lowers his head until our foreheads touch. “I’m so proud of you. I’ll be here, no matter what happens.”
“I know. I love you so much, Toby.”
“I love you too.”
I pull him in for a kiss, loving the way we fit together, the way he tastes on my tongue. Toby shifts on my lap and moans into my mouth.
“Fuck, baby,” I groan, tearing my mouth away. “You’re still hurt.”
“I’m fine,” he breathes, grinding his erection against my rapidly hardening cock.
“Toby….”
“Make love to me, Van. I need you.”
The desperate sound of his voice combined with his continuous movement against my crotch has me losing control. I slide my hands from his waist up his sides, and he hisses in pain.
“See?” I exclaim, horrified that I hurt him. “No, Toby. When you’re better. I refuse to hurt you.” Carefully, I move him back onto the couch and rise, reaching down to shift my painful erection into a more comfortable position.
Toby juts out his bottom lip in an adorable pout, and I laugh. “It’s not funny,” he whines, palming his own obvious hard-on through his thin sweats.
My eyes are glued to that hand as he caresses himself. �
��No, it’s not,” I say, my voice husky.
Toby strokes harder and squirms, pulling another moan from his throat. Then his face goes pale. “Ow.”
“That’s it,” I practically shout. “Stop doing that. I’ll make you take a cold shower if you can’t control your hormones.”
Toby smirks. “I can’t help it. It’s you, Van.”
My own dick gives one last interested twitch. Frustrated, I change the subject. “Will you come to the press conference with me?”
Toby’s eyes bulge, and he looks like a deer caught in headlights. “P-press conference?”
“Yeah, you know, that thing I do with reporters and cameras and stuff? Bo said I need to do one to stop the rumor machine. I want you to be there.”
“You really want me there?” Toby tilts his head adorably.
I crouch down so we’re face to face. “I always want you with me, Toby. I love you.”
His light eyes glimmer with tears, contradicting the smile on his face. “Of course I’ll go. I don’t know anything about press conferences, but I’ll go.”
“Awesome.” I grin.
Toby’s brow crumples up, and he whispers, “What’s going to happen?”
I stand and head out of the room. “It’ll all be fine, Toby. Trust me,” I toss over my shoulder.
Toby’s laughter is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.
Maybe I can have it all.
Chapter 14
Toby
MY ENTIRE body convulses as a shiver makes its way down my spine. The fear is so intense, my teeth chatter despite my attempts to remain calm.
“Hey, it’s going to be fine.”
Leo’s words, though meant to help, don’t do much to quell the panic knotting in my gut. I nod and huddle further into myself. What I really need is to find a quiet place, throw down my mat, and meditate to clear my mind. Of course, doing that in the busy LA Superior Courthouse would probably be frowned upon.
Leo slings an arm over my shoulder, pulling me in close. “Van wanted to be here. You know that,” he says.
My heart sinks at the mention of his name. “I know. Away game and all.” It sucks, but it is what it is, and I guess I’ll have to get used to it if I’m going to make any sort of real attempt to be with Van. If I’m honest with myself, although I do really want him here today, in a weird way, I want to be strong enough to face this on my own.
“The police and DA got Van’s statement, and he’ll only have to appear if there’s a trial. But today? Facing Austin in the courtroom? This is for you, Toby. Closure and all that.” Leo studies me carefully. “We don’t have to be here if you want to go. You haven’t been sleeping, you have bags under your eyes, I’m sure you’re having nightmares…. Am I close?”
I press my lips together in a tight line.
“Hmmm. That’s what I thought. Watching this will help, T. I promise. And if you need to leave, we’ll leave.”
“Okay.” I reach for my best friend, pulling him into a hug. “Thanks, Leo. I couldn’t have done this without you.” We break apart, and Leo dabs carefully at his damp eyes. “Sorry, Leo. I’ll stop being all emotional. I know how you get when you ruin your makeup,” I say with a grin.
Leo elbows me and sniffs haughtily. “You know it, honey. Don’t mess with this hotness.” He gestures at himself. “Let’s find out what courtroom it’s in and go watch that bastard finally get what he has coming.”
Leo lifts a perfect brow, waiting for me to give him the go-ahead.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
With a wide smile, my best friend links our arms and leads the way to watch my ex’s arraignment.
“TOBY?”
Van’s booming voice accompanies the slam of the front door.
“In the kitchen!” I call out, pulling a roast out of the oven and sliding it onto a trivet. With a flick of the wrist, I give the vegetables on the grill top a quick turn and set down the fork as Van appears in the doorway.
“Hey, beautiful.” He crosses the room and pulls me into his warm embrace, lowering his mouth for a deep, passionate kiss.
I slide my arms around his neck, groaning as our bodies connect. I’ve decided Van is a total ass man, because his large hands immediately make their way down my back to cup my glutes, and he begins to knead and massage them.
He pulls his mouth away, and I whimper from the loss. “How did it go?” Van traveled today, and I haven’t had a chance to talk to him about the arraignment. The topic is like a bucket of ice water on my good mood.
I step back and turn to carve the roast. “It went fine.” I begin to slice the meat, mutilating it under my trembling hands. Van puts his hands over mine and gently removes the sharp utensils.
“Baby. Stop. Come sit with me.”
“But dinner….”
“It can wait.” Van takes my hand and leads me to the large sectional sofa in the main living area connected to the kitchen. He sits and pulls me onto his lap, nuzzling my neck and pressing small kisses up and down the sensitive skin. “Are you okay?” His hot breath caresses my ear, and I shudder.
“It was… difficult. Austin was angry. Really angry. But I needed to see it. To see him getting what he deserved after so long, and….” I swallow. “He’s going to jail, and I’ll get the money back, but I don’t want it and… I really don’t want to talk about this.”
Van hooks his hand under one of my legs and brings it around until I’m straddling his hips. “Then we don’t have to talk about it.” He frames my face with his hands and skims his thumbs over my lips. “I love you so much, Toby. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there.”
My chest tightens from the sheer power of the emotions I feel for this man. “I understand, Van. No matter what, I will always support your career. I’m a big boy, and besides, Leo went with me.”
Van’s mouth quirks up in the corner, and his green eyes sparkle. “How did that go?”
I snort. “He almost had to be escorted out for shouting obscenities at Austin during proceedings.”
Van throws his head back and laughs. “Of course he did. I like him, Toby. He’s a great friend.”
“He is.” I shift on Van’s wide thighs, sliding down until our groins press together, my knees on either side of his hips. With my hands on his shoulders I grind down, reveling in the thrill of his cock hardening against me. “No more talking,” I whisper, lowering my head to nip at the salty skin on his neck.
Van groans, and the rumbling emanating from his throat vibrates against my lips. I duck and lick across his Adam’s apple, sucking and biting my way up to his ear.
“I want you,” I breathe into his ear, then shove my tongue into its depths, drawing a shudder and a loud hiss from the man beneath me.
He grabs my waist and thrusts his hips up off the couch to press our erections together. “How does your side feel? Are your ribs okay?”
“I got the all clear this afternoon from the doctor.” I mouth against the shell of his ear, making sure to brush my lips across it.
“Fuck,” he growls. I continue teasing the sensitive skin of his neck, returning to bite and suck his earlobe into my mouth while Van drives his hips up and forces my own down with his strong hands. The intense friction on my cock has me nearly losing it in my briefs.
“It’s been too long,” I say, trying to climb off before I come too soon.
“Don’t get up,” he growls, gripping my waist harder to hold me in place. He slides his palms beneath my ass, and I understand what he wants. I wrap my arms around his neck, my legs around his middle, and hold on tight.
Van rises from the couch, me clinging to him as he walks us to his bedroom. Because we can’t stop devouring each other’s mouth, we bump into a few walls on our way but manage to make it unscathed. He releases me, and I slide down his body, my breath hitching as my aching dick drags against his before my feet touch the floor.
“Jesus, Toby. I need you so much.” Van pulls his own shirt over his head and tosses it to the ground. He grabs th
e hem of mine and yanks it off. Van steps forward until our naked torsos almost touch. I can feel the intense heat radiating off his tan skin.
Van skims his fingers down my body, starting at my collarbone. He explores every inch, gliding his hands across my pecs, brushing over each nipple and down the ridges of my abs. “So fucking beautiful,” he whispers.
“Van….” My voice hitches, and my knees go weak.
Even in the dim light of the bedroom, I see the absolute devotion and love in his eyes. It’s so powerful it steals my breath. When Van drops to his knees and pulls down my loose yoga pants and briefs, I stop breathing completely. He taps each calf, and I lift my feet one at a time as he removes my clothing, until I’m standing completely naked with Van kneeling before me.
“I can’t lose you, Toby. I won’t.” He puts his hands on my thighs, sliding them up and down the fronts as he stares up at me.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I whisper, reaching down to comb my fingers through his hair. Van presses small kisses around my belly, carefully avoiding my throbbing red cock. “Please,” I beg, desperate for more.
“This?” he asks, flattening his tongue and licking a swath up the underside of my shaft.
I groan and throw my head back. “Yesssss.” Fluid is leaking steadily from the slit, dampening my belly and dripping down the side of my dick. “More.”
He swirls his wicked tongue across the head, catching the salty release. “Fuck, you taste so good.” With that, he grips my cock in one hand and swallows it down, surprising me.
“Oh God!” My hips buck forward, and I apologize. “I’m sorry, I didn’t….”
“Shhhhhh. Go ahead. Fuck my mouth, baby.” Van puts his hands on my ass and wraps his lips around my cock again. He presses me forward, urging me to rock my hips.
“Fuck, fuck….” I tighten my grip on his hair and do as he asks. Starting slow, I thrust my dick in and out of the glorious, wet heat of his mouth. Every time I pull back, he hollows his cheeks, sucking hard. “God, Van.” He digs his fingers into my ass harder, coaxing me to move faster. “So good.”
