by Hilly Mason
“What is it, love?” It was Alex. Her heart skipped a beat as she recognized his voice. They hadn’t spoken in near a week, since she had agreed to take on the job with Alex’s ridiculous salary. She was to start teaching the girl in the morning.
“Papa, it was the monster again.”
“Monster? I’d thought we told that monster to leave last week.”
A sniffle. “Well, he came back,” she said.
Sophia found herself walking closer to the soft glow coming from Annie’s bedroom. She stopped before the open door and peeked inside. Alex was sitting on the bed with the girl in his arms. The girl was resting her head on her father’s shoulders and looked up at him with large, adoring eyes. As Alex leaned forward to kiss the top of Annie’s head, Sophia’s heart clenched at the sight.
“All right, then. I’ve been practicing my skills in warding off monsters,” Alex said to Annie.
“You have?” Annie asked hopefully.
“Shall I give it a try tonight?”
“Yes, Papa. Please!”
Alex cleared his throat as he scanned the room. Sophia ducked out of sight.
“Now where is he? Ah, there he is! He’s standing by your wardrobe and he is speaking to me. Do you want to know what he is saying?”
Annie nodded doubtfully.
“Well, he’s saying that he wants to be your friend. He’s just been very shy about it. He has never met a lady before, you see.”
“He... wants to be my friend?”
“Yes, he’s actually standing right there in the corner of the room. Do you see him?”
“I think so.”
“Why don’t you go over there and introduce yourself?”
“A-all right.” Annie slid down from her father’s lap and walked across the room. “Hello,” she said to the shadow casted by the large wardrobe. “My name is Georgiana St. George. Would you like to be friend?”
Annie paused for a response and then ran over to be back in her father’s arms.
“What did he say?”
“He wants to be friends. You were right, Papa. Can you stay with me until I fall asleep?”
“Of course, my love.”
Alex leaned back against the pillows, his daughter’s body still curled, nestled into his chest. She stuck her thumb into her mouth and closed her eyes, sighing heavily. Tears still dampened her cheeks, and Alex carefully brushed them away with his fingers and kissed the top of her head. He rocked her gently, humming a quiet lullaby.
Feeling like she was intruding on something special not meant for her eyes, Sophia turned and left silently.
She felt oddly sad when she pulled the covers back over her body once in bed. Watching Alex and Annie interact in such a way made her miss her own parents. She wondered how much her life would have been different had they not became ill. She probably would have been married to a man in Calcutta, most likely a soldier for the British East India Company. Would she have had a child of her own? Sophia had prayed for a child for so long while married to Lord Gibbs. And seeing Alex with his own child, she couldn’t help but think about how that could have been her daughter he cradled in his arms.
Sophia hated how much that thought hurt her. The vague ache in the pit of her belly startled her as well. The wind outside was picking up and howled through the room like an accusatory voice. She got up and closed the window before falling into a fitful sleep.
The winds had died down sometime during the night, and so, too, had Sophia’s obtrusive thoughts, allowing her to sleep, if only for a few short hours. At daybreak, Sophia yawned as she drew the curtains back. The culinary garden just below her window was filled with about a dozen people, harvesting herbs and vegetables for the day’s meals. Further across the field, toward Ramsbury Lake, she noticed a few branches had broken from the trees and debris was scattered to-and-fro, but the sun was breaking through the clouds, and the wind was calm.
Joyce knocked on the door, opened it, and poked her head in. “You’re awake then?” she asked. “Good. Your breakfast is piping hot, and the tea is just about ready.”
“Thank you, Joyce,” Sophia said, sitting down at her table. “It still doesn’t feel fair to eat such lavish meals while you are still getting meager portions in the servants’ hall.” Alex had not invited her to breakfast or dinner in the dining room, but he did order his servants to take the house’s meals to her room.
“Oh, don’t mind me,” Joyce said as she began to comb out Sophia’s tangled hair. “And this is just what you wanted. You’re rising up quickly and soon you’ll have enough money to figure out what you want to do with it. Have you a plan already?”
Sophia hadn’t really thought about it yet, as the shock of the amount Alex was to give her was still fresh in her mind. But soon she would have enough money to perhaps start afresh somewhere, perhaps get a loan from the bank and start a business. But what would she do? She had no skills...
Except, perhaps, teaching.
“I haven’t decided yet,” Sophia finally replied.
“Have you seen much of Lord St. George?” Joyce asked conversationally as she tied Sophia’s hair up neatly off her neck.
She remembered the tender moment she had witness last night and shrugged. “Only in passing. I can never tell if he loathes me, or if he just can’t figure out what to think of me.”
“I wouldn’t say he loathes you,” Joyce said. “He did get a physician for you, and moved you out of the drafty servants’ hall. And, he’s paying you a handsome sum of money to boot.”
“Perhaps he just feels obligated to help. It’s not every day that a lady falls from grace like I have.”
Once dressed, Sophia left her bedroom to meet with Annie for her lessons. As she was about knock on the girl’s door, the door swung open and Alex walked straight into her, her nose slamming indelicately into his hard chest. As she stumbled back, he quickly grabbed both of her shoulders to steady her.
“Oh, Lord St. George,” Sophia said, blushing profusely and rubbing her nose. “I did not know you were still in the lady’s bedroom.”
“Still in there?” Alex asked, raising an eyebrow. He looked tired—he probably only got as much sleep as she did. “Were you spying on me last night?”
The way he said that made Sophia want to stomp on his foot. Spying on him? Ha. “I heard a noise last night coming from the lady’s room and went to investigate,” Sophia said, emphasizing the last word lest he believe she actually was spying on him. “I saw you in here with her, that’s all.”
“Ah, I see.” The hardness in his eyes softened just a bit, enough for Sophia to notice, but he still looked wary. “How have your living arrangements been?”
“Quite well, thank you.”
“And you received your breakfast this morning?”
“Yes, I have.”
“Very good.”
There was strained silence between them. Sophia shifted uncomfortably. When they were younger, there were never any awkward silences between them. Even though they hadn’t known each other long, they had always been candid with each other like they had been friends from birth.
Does he remember that?
“Well, I have some business to attend to, so I must be on my way,” Alex told her.
“What, like making arrangements to desecrate my home?”
Alex looked startled for a moment, and then composed himself.
Again, she felt an ache deep in the pit of her belly. She lowered her eyes, ashamed. “I apologize, Lord St. George.”
“Sophia.”
The fact that he said her given name caused her eyes to flutter upward at him to meet his gaze.
“You can call me Alex,” he said. “Like you used to.”
“But...”
“We’ve known each other for a long time,” he explained. “It sounds strange for you to call me otherwise.”
“A-all right then,” Sophia said, hating herself for stammering like a maiden. Maybe he did remember, after all.
�
�Annie is just waking up. Her studies begin at eleven.” He nodded at her and turned to walk down the hall.
Now alone, Sophia took a deep breath to calm her nerves. Since it was not yet eleven, she began to walk back to her room to rest, until she heard a loud shriek coming through the opened door to Annie’s room.
Isabel was tying ribbons in Annie’s hair as Annie kicked her legs in the air and wiggled her head impatiently.
“Hold still,” Isabel said sharply.
Annie rolled her eyes at Sophia, and Sophia bit back a smile. She reminded Sophia of herself when she was a girl. She had a bit of spunk and defiance in her that Sophia liked.
But once she started attending balls, she hid that part of her personality. “Husbands don’t like women who speak their minds,” Abby had told her firmly. “So just nod meekly and smile at them. Men will come crawling for you.”
Nod and smile. Oh, how Sophia did that. And it worked, effortlessly. Men were practically fighting amongst themselves to get a turn to dance with the mysterious woman from India. And Sophia loved the attention. Why change with what worked? In England the only thing that mattered was to marry well and marry rich. There was no room for being adventurous, sarcastic, and independent.
Was Annie destined for the same fate? Was she going to have to resort to nodding and smiling to please society’s expectations while burying who she truly was?
“Lady St. George, I told you to stop moving,” Isabel snapped.
“Really, I think she looks fine,” Sophia said, not liking how the maid pulled at the poor girl’s head while braiding it. She looked like she was about ready to snap the girl’s head straight off her neck.
“Nobody asked you.”
“Excuse me?”
“Oh, are you deaf as well as well as stupid?” Isabel asked. “I said, nobody asked for your opinion. Now leave.”
Sophia set her jaw. Perhaps she was technically still a servant at Ramsbury, but she was still in a higher position than the maid.
“If you continue to speak to me like that again, I will have Lord St. George in here to let you know whether my opinion matters. I am certain he is not going take too kindly to you harming his own daughter.”
The maid paled as she heard this. Her hands dropped from the child’s head. She gave Sophia one more dark look before she exited the room.
“Ouch,” Annie moaned.
“Milady, are you all right?”
“My head still hurts.”
Sophia sent a silent curse to Isabel. She would have to tell Alex about her. He seemed to care deeply for his daughter and he would definitely want to know if a maid being rough with her. She undid Annie’s hair and combed it out.
“Really, why would a four-year-old need her hair done like she’s going to a ball?” she said under her breath.
“Huh?”
“You have very lovely hair,” she told the girl.
“Thank you,” Annie said. “Papa said I have my mama’s hair.”
Sophia paused from comb. “Do you miss your mama?”
The girl nodded. “I do. It doesn’t hurt so much anymore,” she explained. “At first it felt tight right here,” she placed a small hand over her chest, were her tiny heart beat.
“I understand,” Sophia told Annie. “My parents died when I was young, too.”
“They did?”
“Yes. But do you know what I realized?” Sophia put a hand over her own heart. “I realized that they are always living inside of me. Sometimes, when I feel lonely, I talk to them. When I do I can feel their presence. They’re always watching out for me.” It definitely helped during her time in prison, when she had no one else to talk to.
“I’ll try,” Annie said. “Do you think... my mama can protect me from monsters?” She glanced at the door as if to see if they were alone. “My papa says he’s good at it, but I don’t think I believe him.”
Sophia chuckled. “Oh yes, she would definitely be able to do that. All you have to do is put your hand to your heart and call on her. You might not be able to see her, but she’ll be there to protect you.”
Annie grinned. “Oh, good,”
“Do you know what also helps?”
“What?”
“Inviting the monster to tea.”
“What?”
“It’s true! When I was a child, I also had an unwelcomed visitor in my bedroom. I was very scared for a while, just as you were, but one day I grew tired of being so frightened all the time. I set up my best tea set and invited him to join me! And you know what? He was actually very kind. All he wanted was a friend.”
“Papa said that the monster wanted to be my friend, too. I would love to have a friend. I was supposed to have a brother, but he died with mama.”
“Well, I can also be your friend, milady, if you’d like.”
“I would like that. Can we have tea here later, then?”
“Of course.”
Annie hopped off the chair and walked over to her, holding out her hand. “Come on. We’re supposed to go to the library to study,” she said as she led Sophia out of the room.
They walked down the stairs to the entrance hall. The library was across the way from the drawing room, where Sophia had her fateful first encounter with the Lord of Ramsbury. They also passed by Alex’s study, which was left open. Sophia risked a peek and was amused by Alex’s shocked expression that his daughter (scared, timid, quiet, child that she was) was holding hands with someone she had just met days before. Then in turn he surprised her when he gave her a small smile. Sophia quickly averted her gaze as she followed the girl.
Sophia bit back a gasp as they walked into the library. It was just as large as the entrance hall with floor-to-ceiling shelves filled with books. A rolling ladder made easy access to the tops of the shelves. The room was brightened by large windows and a sprawling sunroof. In the middle of the library were couches perfect for reclining with a book, and a long, wooden table to study on.
“Oh, I can stay in here forever,” Sophia exclaimed, spinning around in a circle to take in the sight. When was the last time she had sat down and read a book for pleasure?
“Men don’t like women who read,” Abby had said to her. After hearing that, Sophia had closed her last book for good.
The books were meticulously organized by genre and author. Stopping by a shelf of poetry, she reached out at random and grabbed one. Ah, Mary Darby Robinson’s Poetical Works. Now, there was a woman who would understand Sophia’s plight. Robinson had been just as embittered by marriage as Sophia was, if not more.
She then grabbed a few other books off the shelf pertaining to the lesson plan she had crafted the day before. She channeled her old governess from Calcutta. The woman was of both English and Indian heritage and incredibly educated in languages and history. She had taught Sophia not only the romance languages, but also a bit of Bengali. Sophia suspected that Alex had no use for his daughter to learn Bengali—and Sophia was very much out of practice—so she decided to stick with the basics: reading, writing, and arithmetic.
I used to love studying, Sophia thought. The romance languages, ancient mythology, art... There was a time when she would spend all afternoon in her family’s library in Calcutta, poring over old books that had been acquired from all over the world.
“Are we to learn French?” Annie asked hopefully, putting a pause to Sophia’s memories.
“If we have time,” Sophia told the girl. “Let’s start first with our numbers...”
Later that afternoon, after lessons were finished and both woman and child were cross-eyed from hours of reading and writing, they went back to Annie’s room. Sophia called on Joyce to set up a tray of tea with biscuits and have it sent up to them.
“Enough for three people,” Sophia told her maid.
“Three?” Joyce asked. “Who is the third person?”
“Annie’s monster.”
Joyce looked at her quizzically, but did what she was told, and the tea party went off without a hitch
.
After a successful day of learning and placating an invisible monster, Sophia retired to her room with her supper, feeling more satisfied than she had felt in a long time.
I could get used to this, she realized, leaning back into her chair. She then stiffened. Of course, I would not get used to living in Ramsbury. But teaching...
She lifted her teacup and stared at the dark contents, remembering the orphanage in India. Tea wasn’t restricted to the higher class in a land where tea fields grew just outside the city, and Sophia was always with a cup of tea whenever she worked with the children.
She tapped the porcelain cup with her fingernails. With the amount of money she was to receive from Alex, she would perhaps be financially able to open her own boarding school.
Her hands started to shake with excitement. She could hire a few more teachers and teach girls how to be strong and independent women. Who knew? Maybe as they grew up, they could pave their way into making changes in a system that desperately needed to be reformed.
It would be a long while before she could afford to buy Comerford House, but in the meantime, she could rent something smaller. Perhaps she could get a bank loan! Sophia sipped her tea to swallow down her excitement. It was too early to get her hopes up too high, but at least now she had a plan!
As she went to bed that night, instead of extinguishing her candle, she decided to spend some time reading the book she had borrowed from Alex’s library.
Yes, being out in the country was different than the city; there was no way around that. But Sophia was starting to enjoy how quiet it was, how she didn’t have to watch her step for fear of ruining her slippers in mud or slop. She didn’t have to worry about pickpockets distracting her while she walked to the stores around Grosvenor Square. And the nights were quiet in the country, save for the nocturnal birds, and the yipping of foxes hunting in the fields.
There was hardly any room for peace and solidarity in London, even in Hyde Park there were people everywhere. At Ramsbury, she could sit on the bench beside the lake and forget for a short while that other people existed.
She opened the book, and in doing so a piece of paper dropped onto her chest. It was folded in half, but unsealed. She picked it up and unfolded it.
