by Kristy Love
Unfolding Desires
Copyright © 2015 by Kristy Love
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except where permitted by law.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
License Notes
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Edited by:
Brenda Letendre
Cover Design by ©:
Sarah Hansen at Okay Creations
Interior Design and Formatting by:
Christine Borgford at Perfectly Publishable
Proofreading by:
Alexis Durbin at Indie Girl Proofs
Unfolding Desires
Dedication
PART ONE
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
PART TWO
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Epilogue
Thank You
Coming Soon
Also By Kristy Love
Acknowledgements
About the Author
“When a girl has a wall up it’s because it was built. Brick by brick, lie after lie, heartbreak after heartbreak.”—Unknown
MOMENTS. LIFE WAS made up of them. Small ones that add up to big ones that change everything. The problem with moments was it was impossible to know what type you were entering. One that changed your life irrevocably or one that effortlessly slipped into the next.
I wasn’t about living in the moment. I liked things to work out and I did my best to plan accordingly. After my sister left for college, my whole life became about moving out of my small town and getting back to her. I got good grades in school, I dated a smart, responsible guy whom I loved dearly, and I followed curfew.
It was terribly boring.
But it was necessary. I wanted out of this life, and to the life where my mom having a bruise on her cheek or her wrist wasn’t normal. A life where I could call my sister with good news, like what happened today. I wanted a love that made my heart soar and my knees quake. Unfortunately, I didn’t believe that kind of love existed and I was damned sure that life wasn’t a fairy tale like in movies.
Because the life I did have involved my mom with bruises, my dad being an asshole, my sister absent, and a love that was safe and comfortable. This was my life and I had to live it, one moment to the next. They bled together and created a picture, though that picture wasn’t vivid. I wanted vivid blues, reds, and oranges. I wanted to look back over the tapestry of my life and see a vibrant masterpiece.
I just wasn’t sure if that was realistic for my life.
I pulled up outside of my boyfriend’s house . . . No, he was my fiancé now. I pulled up outside my fiancé’s house and looked down at the ring on my left ring finger. It was a simple yet beautiful engagement ring, but it was fitting. Our love was a simple love.
Robert and I had been dating for three years, but we’d been best friends since fifth grade. He moved to our town and we just clicked. Immediately. It didn’t become romantic until the summer before our junior year of high school. He kissed me and asked me if I’d go out with him. It was so sweet and unexpected. I’d dated some, mostly casual dates, but Robert never dated. Anyone.
Maybe he’d always been waiting for me.
We were even more inseparable after that. He was my support system when my sister, Cassie, was banished from our family. He helped me sneak out of my house when things were really bad and my dad’s temper flared.
He was always there.
He was my constant.
And now he would be my husband.
Normally, Robert was super cautious; he had a one-year plan all the way through a ten-year plan. He was attending college up in Maryland, yet he came home every other weekend to see me. I assumed if marriage was in our future, an engagement would happen nearer to when we were both done with school.
I was still deciding what to do with my life and taking classes l`ocally until I figured it out. My parents weren’t happy that I was in my second year of school and still going to community college. But I had no idea what I wanted.
Other than getting out of my house. That was what I wanted more than anything.
When he knelt down and proposed to me on the dock, surrounded by pink rose petals, I thought I’d melt. I wasn’t normally the type of girl who liked romantic gestures, but romance was in Robert’s bones. He was always surprising me with flowers or chocolates. He even surprised me by taking me shopping. Most boys didn’t like shopping, but not Robert. He was as into it as I was.
I loved him so much. Sometimes, though, it felt as though our love was comfortable . . . simple . . . not vivid. But then I thought of how much I loved him, how he’d always been there for me, how he picked me up after my sister left. That’d be enough.
I climbed out of the car and shut the door. I walked toward his sidewalk and paused for a second. There was a bright red hatchback in his driveway. His parents were out of town this weekend, so it wouldn’t be one of their friends. I shook off my curiosity and hurried toward the door. My parents were thrilled about our engagement and wanted to go to dinner tonight to celebrate.
Okay, my mom was excited and wanted to go to dinner. I hadn’t heard from my dad, which wasn’t unusual. I had tried to get in touch with Robert for the past couple of hours and he didn’t answer, so I decided to stop over after I was ready. I wore my red dress, which was his favorite on me. I had on black heels that made me just a little taller than him, but he didn’t mind.
I opened the front door. I’d been coming here for most of my life and Robert’s parents considered me family. I’d been just walking in forever.
“Robert?” I called, peeking my head around the door. “You here?”
I heard a deep, masculine grunt. My heart pounded, wondering what was going on. I stepped inside and pushed the door closed behind me. A balled up shirt on the floor caught my eye. My brows furrowed as I walked over and picked up the baby blue polo—the one Robert wore earlier when he proposed. Another article of clothing at the entrance to the hallway caught my eye. A pair of jeans, faded with rips in them.
Definitely not Robert’s. He’d never wear something so trashed.
I picked those jeans up and clutched the two articles of clothing to my chest as if they were a shield.
I had a feeling I’d need it.
As I picked my way down th
e clothing-littered hallway, I heard a rhythmic creaking. My hands shook and my heart pounded in my throat.
What the fuck was going on?
Robert’s door was cracked open and the noises were definitely coming from there. My stomach turned and rolled and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to discover what was behind that door.
At the same time, I couldn’t stop my feet from propelling me forward, craning my neck to peer through the small opening, clothes still pressed to my heart.
How was it that my heart was already breaking?
“Fuck,” Robert moaned. The word grated me. Robert never swore, at least not with me. He didn’t like it. He thought it was crass. A painful lump formed in my throat.
Whatever was behind this door . . . it was going to change everything. I already felt my life collapsing around me, turning upside down. My stomach was in knots and I felt as though I was about to be sick.
I reached forward, nudging the door open inch by inch. The scene in front of me unfolded slowly.
I couldn’t stop the sob from exploding up my throat.
The thrusting and moving limbs in front of me stopped. Cold. Robert cursed under his breath and scrambled.
“Roxie, sweetheart, I can explain,” he said, pushing at the chest that loomed over him. He clambered off the bed and grabbed his underwear off the floor, then yanked it up his legs. He was flushed, his hair looking freshly fucked. His chest heaved with his ragged breaths.
All I could think was he never looked like that with me. Sex with me was always slow, practiced, like a chore.
My eyes cut to the naked man kneeling on the bed, still clearly aroused. He looked annoyed, like I was the intruder. He was built like a swimmer: broad shoulders, cut muscles, and strong legs. His hair was sandy blond and he had beautiful brown eyes.
At least my fiancé had good taste.
“Roxie,” Robert said again, reaching for me. I stepped backward, out of his reach as my eyes cut back to him. I was so utterly confused that I couldn’t even process what was going on. I knew what I saw. I saw my fiancé being fucked by another man.
“What’s going on, Robert?” I asked. My voice surprisingly steady even though I felt my insides were shaking.
“I can explain.”
He kept saying he could explain, but he wasn’t doing it. Instead, he stood there with his eyes wide and his face draining of color. The guy on the bed had enough sense to tuck himself into some underwear. If my heart wasn’t being ripped out of my chest, I’d probably find the whole situation a turn on.
Instead, I was trying to hold myself together.
“Then explain,” I demanded, turning my eyes to Robert, wishing like hell my glare could laser him in half.
“It’s not what you think it is.”
Anger boiled up inside of me, replacing the hurt and devastation. How dare he treat me as though I were a moron! “What the fuck do you think it looks like, Robert? I’ll tell you what it looks like. You were getting fucked by another man on the day you proposed. So, tell me, what am I mistaken about here?”
The guy moved, the one I still had no clue who he was. It appeared he was planning to leave the room, but when my eyes cut into him, he stopped moving.
“This is between you and me, Roxie. Let Greg leave,” Robert said, his voice pleading.
Greg. The asshole who played a part in ripping my heart to shreds had a fucking name. Greg. “I’m pretty sure you brought Greg into this when I caught you being fucked by him.”
“I don’t want any part of this,” Greg said. Of course, on top of his incredibly hot body, he had a sexy voice. Of course. I was officially in hell.
“Maybe you should have asked Robert here about his relationship status. Because you’re involved, Greg, whether you want to be or not.” Every time I said his name, it came out like a curse. I guess it was.
“Roxie, please. Let’s be rational,” Robert pleaded, trying to calm me down.
Wrong fucking thing to say, asshole. “Rational? Rational?!” I screeched. “What the fuck is rational about this?” I finally dropped the clothes I’d been clutching as anger clawed its way free inside me. It devoured the heartbreak, the devastation, the sadness. Instead, I was left with nothing but rage. Rage that Robert did this to me when he was all I had. He’d been everything to me for so long and he lied to me. This wasn’t a lie we could come back from.
Robert rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know what to say.”
“How about you tell me how long this has been going on. Tell me what this is exactly.”
Greg and Robert shared such an intimate look that I felt like an intruder. That pissed me off more.
“I met Greg when I first got on campus. We have a lot of the same classes. I’d never met an openly gay man before.” Robert looked up at me sheepishly. “We hit it off . . . And I started questioning things.”
“What kinds of things?” I asked, my voice low. The knife that was in my heart twisted painfully with every word he spoke.
“About who I am. Who I’m supposed to be with. Who I love.”
“Are you in love with him?” I didn’t want to know what the answer was, but I needed to hear it. I needed to hear the truth.
They exchanged a tender look again, making me feel like the outsider. There truly was no hope. He was gay. He was in love with another man.
I didn’t wait for an answer. “Then why’d you stay with me? Why’d you ask me to marry you?” I twisted the ring off my finger. It suddenly felt as though it was burning my skin. I didn’t want it against my flesh.
“Because I don’t know what to do. You know the town we live in. It’s small and conservative. How do I tell my parents that their only son is gay?”
“You tell them, Robert. You tell them and you fucking tell your girlfriend of three years. Be a fucking man.”
“There’s no need to get hostile,” Greg said, speaking up. His velvety voice pissed me off more.
“Fuck you, Greg.” I held the ring in my hand, knowing this was the end. Truly the end. There was no more Roxie and Robert after this. No more wedding. I was never going to be Mrs. Roxie Donaldson. I’d stay Roxie Brennan. I’d go home to my house full of anger and hate. The house where my sister used to be, but now wasn’t welcome. I’d have to tell my dad that I was no longer engaged because my boyfriend was gay. My stomach turned violently and I fought back the urge to vomit. I ran to the bathroom and just made it to the toilet before emptying my stomach into the toilet. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I was sick. Robert stroked my back, comforting me.
Didn’t he realize he was the one breaking my heart into pieces? Didn’t he realize I was completely, truly, and utterly alone now? My best friend was gone. Both of them. Cassie and Robert.
Everyone left.
I refused to let them see me cry. I stood up, wiped my mouth, and turned to Robert. My eyes burned into him, or maybe it was just my eyes burning as I struggled to hold back the tears. I thrust the ring toward him, holding it out there until he opened his palm and I dropped it into it. I pushed my way out of the bathroom, giving Greg a searing look and leaving the house.
Leaving Robert.
Leaving a part of my heart behind.
I was never, ever opening myself up to this again.
Love was for pussies.
I LEFT ROBERT’S house and shot a quick text to my mom, telling her we wouldn’t make it to dinner. She replied and asked what was wrong, but I ignored her; I turned my phone off.
I couldn’t deal with this.
I gripped the steering wheel as I drove, my knuckles white, my arms shaking. My jaw was clenched, my muscles rigid.
I’d hold it together.
When I got home, I ran inside and flew up the stairs until I was in my room. I slammed the door behind me and flung myself on my bed before bursting into tears. Sobs wracked my body, so hard they hurt.
Life had changed so much over the last four years. Robert was the only constant. We’d gotten together after my sister left
for college and never came home. I was lonely without her because she was my best friend in the world. She took me to parties with her; we hung out all the time. We had many of the same friends and rarely fought. We had an amazing relationship, even though we were sisters. She didn’t care that I was younger than she was.
But when she left for college everything changed and not just because she was living a couple of hours away. Shortly after leaving, she called home, crying. She was pregnant. I’d expected my parents to flip out. Who wanted their daughter knocked up at eighteen, only a freshman at college? Plus, my dad was the mayor of our small town and preached conservative morals. Cassie and I were brought up having to follow rules. No drinking, no drugs, no premarital sex. We were expected to get good grades and be respectful. Other than that, anything went. Sure, our dad had a temper, but we managed. We had each other. My mom was around, but she conceded to our father in all things.
Unfortunately, as soon as my dad found out Cassie was pregnant, he completely cut her off. He closed the bank account he set up to cover her expenses while she was in college. He cancelled her cell phone, insurance, everything. He told her to never come home again and to never call.
It killed me. I wanted to be there for her. It had to be terrifying to find out she was pregnant, but then to lose her whole family, too? I couldn’t imagine what she was going through. My dad threatened me, telling me that if he found out I’d contacted Cassie, I’d be cut off the same way. I’d be dead to my family.
I was only sixteen. I had no idea how to even handle that.
Then things got worse. He was angry all the time. My mom would have random bruises on her cheek or around her wrist. She was terrorized by him because she failed to raise her daughter right. He frequently threatened her to not fuck up with the only daughter they had left or she’d pay for it.
Even before we were dating, Robert was there for me through it all. He was my rock. He became my best friend in Cassie’s absence.
And now he was gone, too.
It felt as though I was always left behind. Though I couldn’t blame Cassie. I’d left her. I wanted to contact her, so many times. I was scared, embarrassed, and ashamed. I abandoned her when she needed me the most. How could I show up now like nothing ever happened?
