by Leila Haven
The sex had been primal and hard. Whatever was keeping us drawn to each other was strong and there was no way we would be able to deny it now. One moment had changed everything, there was no going back to ignoring our feelings.
I wasn’t going to be the first to admit them, but I wondered if Rafter felt it too. I didn’t feel confident enough that he would reciprocate in order to say it first. As tough as it was, I needed to protect myself first.
He pulled away from me, leaving a cold space where his body once was. His cock slid out of me, dragging a trail of his cum with him. He cleaned it up before the table could get messy.
Rafter turned away from me and started picking up our clothes. He gathered mine together and handed them to me. I started to dress, feeling slightly awkward in the silence.
I needed to say something. “What do we do now?”
“I don’t know. Pretend like it never happened, I guess. Nobody can know about this.” He looked at me seriously and I felt a lump form in my throat. He regretted having sex with me already, he couldn’t even pretend for a few minutes more.
My clothes stuck to my skin as I dressed. I was trying to hurry so he didn’t see the disappointment in my eyes. I had hoped for something more than just a quick fuck in the office.
Rafter was fully clothed when he spoke again. “This has to be our secret. You know it’s forbidden for us to be doing this, especially considering I’m your superior. We could both lose our jobs.”
“I get it, you regret it. I was just a piece of ass you wanted for one time. You don’t need to give me a lecture.”
“Is that what you really think?”
I stopped so I could get a read off him. He seemed to be sincere but I wasn’t entirely sure that my eyes weren’t deceiving me. “I don’t know what to think, to be honest. Explain it to me, please.”
“We can’t tell anyone because it would end our careers but that doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings for you. I didn’t lie to you, Sasha. We just have to be careful.”
All the thoughts in my head spun around in circles as he stepped closer to me and planted a kiss on my forehead.
“I hope you feel the same,” he said.
My eyes flicked up to meet his. “I thought you were being a jerk.”
“And now?”
“I think you’re telling the truth.”
He let out a laugh. “I wouldn’t lie, not to you.”
I wished I could believe him.
Chapter 14
Matt
҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉
I waited a full five minutes before leaving the room after Sasha. I couldn’t think of her as Kincaid anymore. She had planted herself directly in my heart and I couldn’t let her go.
It was quite possibly the most stupid thing I ever did but she owned me now. I couldn’t pretend that I didn’t have feelings for her. Especially when I hadn’t felt those kinds of emotions since falling in love with my daughter’s mother so many years ago.
Sasha was extraordinary. She was strong and intelligent, caring but also understanding that sometimes there was a greater good to consider. She was the kind of woman I wouldn’t have believed existed before our deployment.
The corridor was empty when I stalked back to my quarters. I needed a shower so I could get rid of the scent of our fucking session. If the happy grin on my face didn’t give us away, then one sniff would.
As I went to grab my washbag from my bunk, I noticed a note left on my pillow. It was a note from Atoll, he wanted to see me immediately. When Major Arthur Atoll told you to see him immediately, he meant it. There was no time for a shower now.
I hurried through the base to reach his office. When I knocked he barked for me to come in. There was a sense of trepidation with each of my steps.
Had news of our sex session reached Atoll’s ears already? They said the grapevine was the fastest method of communication but that was taking it a bit far.
“We need to have a serious talk,” he said by way of greeting. My first thought was that he knew what I had just done with Sasha and was about to fire or reprimand me. My armpits started sweating with the thought.
“What can I do for you, sir?” I said, trying to fix my face into a mask. He could accuse me of things, but that didn’t mean I had to admit to them.
“I think we have a major problem in our ranks.”
“What kind of problem?”
He sat down behind his desk as if he was wearing all the burdens on his shoulders. My dread only grew heavier on my own. “We have a rat running around the base.”
I knew he wasn’t talking about an animal but a person. Someone that was acting as a double agent and giving away our secrets. It was a million times worse than what I was up to. It should have been a relief, but it wasn’t. Not even close
All the moisture left my mouth while I tried to answer. “I have had some suspicions myself,” I admitted. At least this was a topic I could speak about. “You remember the last deployment, when my group had been ambushed on a trip with the civilians? We all suspected that might have been an inside job.”
“Yes, Corporal Watson said as much and I had to believe him. There have been too many incidents lately that I cannot ignore.” Atoll gave a heavy sigh and I felt for him. Dealing with internal espionage was difficult. We were supposed to all be on the one side but there was someone fighting against us in disguise.
Atoll continued. “Tell me about your mission today. I want to know exactly what happened and who else knew about the details.”
I took a seat to recount the whole thing, from the time we left base until the time the building exploded and we barely got out alive.
The only people that knew about our mission were those in the troop. I certainly hadn’t told anyone else, they were all busy with their own orders.
Which meant it had to be one of my men.
The feeling of betrayal ran deep in my veins. I respected and cared about my comrades, I would easily lay down my life to protect them. To think one of them was actually working against everyone was deplorable. His actions were costing us lives and that was as far away from acceptable as possible.
My mind scrolled through the men I charged with my own life every time we stepped off base. Watson, Simon, Cooper, Hamilton, Sampson, the list went on. I wouldn’t have thought any of them were capable of working for the enemy.
But, clearly, one of them was. The Taliban had been ready for us when we turned up at the building this morning. They had had enough time to rig it with explosives and leave it for us to find. That kind of thing didn’t just happen by coincidence.
It happened because someone decided that they weren’t on the right side anymore.
As their superior and leader, it felt like I’d failed in my job somehow. One of my duties was to motivate them to carry out our missions, to instill the values of our military into their souls, and to make them into a cohesive unit. Whoever this snitch was, I’d failed them enough that they found inspiration from outside our ranks.
For whatever reason he chose to do it, any blood shed was on my hands. The responsibly had lain with me first.
“What do you want me to do, sir?” I asked. I’d never had to deal with such atrocities before, but there had to be guidelines and protocols we needed to follow. If what we suspected was true, then there would be more deaths and I wanted to find the bastard before he could cause any more damage.
“We need to find out who it is,” Atoll said sadly. This whole thing was the worst-case scenario. I felt his pain. “Speak to your men, but do it subtly. We want to catch the person, not tip them off so they go AWOL. If they desert us now, they will run straight to the Taliban and we’ll never see them again. Keep your eyes and ears open, and watch them like hawks, Rafter. This isn’t a game, it’s a war zone.”
“Yes, sir. I understand.” I stood to leave but Atoll waved his hand to keep me seated.
“There’s one other thing.” His gaze changed from sad to an angry glare. “Keep your han
ds off Kincaid. You’re a good man and I don’t want to see you reprimanded for improper actions. I’m reassigning her to Corporal Manning. If I see you within ten feet of her, there is nothing I can do to save you. Understand?”
He knew. Maybe he didn’t know everything about us, but he knew enough to be suspicious enough to take drastic action. Soldiers weren’t reassigned often; it didn’t help with the comraderies we were supposed to develop with our teams.
I wavered between sheer panic and relief. If Sasha wasn’t in my group anymore, I wouldn’t be able to look out for her. I wouldn’t know what she was doing out in the field and I wouldn’t be there to save her if everything went to shit.
Relief was a smaller voice inside my head. If I had to stay away from her, the only way for that to effectively happen was to not be around her. I wasn’t sure if I would have enough self-control to leave her alone. If my cock made my decisions I would never be able to be away from her.
I’d never lied to my superiors before but there was a first time for everything. I needed to be able to protect Sasha and I couldn’t do that if she was reassigned. “There is nothing going on between Kincaid and myself. I promise you there is no need to have her reassigned.”
“I’m not an idiot, Rafter. Do yourself a favor and accept this and then get out of my sight. Find the snitch and keep your cock in your pants.”
He held my gaze and refused to look away. I knew it was impossible to argue with him and I had no right to either. He was the major, he had all the control there.
I looked away first. “Yes, sir.”
“I don’t want to have this conversation again.”
“Yes, sir.”
I left his office with a barrel of emotions raging through me. Everything with Sasha had been so incredible and now it’s all being ripped away from me. All the physical relief she had given me had been replaced with anger.
Still, it could have been worse. Atoll could have easily fired both of us if he suspected we were fraternizing. For some reason he had decided to keep it on the down low and not make his concerns official. I had no idea why but I was grateful for it.
If he had been tipped off to our relationship, then it could also have been at the hands of the snitch I needed to find.
The only person who had seen us together was Private Simon. He had caught us kissing in the rec room but had promised me he wouldn’t tell anyone. If I was going to be searching for a spy, he was going to be my first suspect.
I liked Simon, we’d been brothers in arms for a long time. He’d never given me a reason to think he was disgruntled or against anything we did. He was either the world’s best actor or it wasn’t him. Sure, he liked to talk his mouth off but that didn’t necessarily mean he was talking to the wrong people.
There was only one thing I knew for sure: I was going to have to watch everyone. The snitch’s actions were causing deaths and it couldn’t go on. I had to find them or I was letting my whole team down.
I went to bed with a headache and queasy feeling in my gut. The idea of a spy was taking my mind off Sasha but only barely. I didn’t know how I was going to be able to be around her and keep my hands to myself.
Even after the incredible sex we’d had in the meeting room, my cock was still aching for more of her. I wanted her in every way possible but now it was forbidden. I couldn’t lose my job and let her lose hers.
It was impossible sleeping. My head was full of spies, explosions, and Sasha’s naked body. They kept playing on a loop, mixing together to create a horror show for my own personal viewing.
At the first sign of dawn, I quickly showered and dressed. Most people were still asleep, giving me a spare moment to myself to do something I really needed to.
Sasha was already awake when I caught up with her. She had just stepped out of the showers, the hair framing her face still sticking to her cheeks. I went to brush them back but stopped, my hand wavering awkwardly in the air.
“What are you doing up so early?” I asked, taking back my hand and letting it fall to my side. Her rosy cheeks made her glow, all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss her.
“I’m always up at this time. It’s the only way to shower without a group.” She smirked like it was a joke but I knew it wasn’t. Finding any time alone was difficult on base and it was hard to adjust to.
“I had fun yesterday.”
Her sexy grin was the best thing I had seen since the day before when she was naked and underneath me. “Me too.”
“If I had my way, we’d make it a mandatory activity.”
“Anytime, Corporal Rafter. Your order is my command.”
My cock was pulsing in my pants, already starting to harden just from being close to her. My body responded to that woman like I was a teenage boy and she was a cheerleader. Everything she did was sexy.
I needed to think of unsexy thoughts or she would be able to see my arousal – along with everyone else that glanced my way. I pushed all the thoughts aside.
There was no way to sugarcoat what I needed to say. “Atoll is moving you to another unit. He knows about us, we have to… stop, whatever we’re doing.”
Her gorgeous eyes saddened with the news. “How did he find out?”
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t want to move units, I like most of the guys I work with. It’s not fair making me move.”
“I agree but I couldn’t talk him out of it.” No matter how many times I replayed the conversation in my head, I still couldn’t think of how I could have convinced Atoll. Failing begging on my knees, there was nothing more that could have done. Even begging probably wouldn’t have worked.
She chewed on her lip as she processed the news. While she was at it, I may as well add to her stress. “There’s something else.”
Her eyes flicked to meet mine, only just masking the dread in her expression. “What is it?”
“There’s a spy in our ranks,” I started. “I don’t know who it is but you need to be careful. We’re pretty sure it’s somebody in my troop but there could be more than one. You have to promise me you’ll stay safe out there.”
“I’m a soldier, Matt. Staying safe is something I aim for but it’s not guaranteed.” Her arms crossed over her chest, pushing her boobs together and putting thoughts of ripping off her clothes into my mind. “I just can’t believe this is happening. I should speak with the major, maybe I could convince him—“
“No, don’t. With the whole spy thing, maybe it’s for the best. My unit might not be the safest to be in right now.”
Storms were still gathering in her eyes but she nodded anyway. People were starting to move around the dorms. “Be safe out there, Kincaid.”
“You too, corporal.”
We reluctantly parted ways. We were in a warzone, seeing her again was not guaranteed. Nobody forgot about that on the base. The thought of never seeing Sasha again forced a lump to form in my throat.
After a quick breakfast I headed out with my crew. Sasha’s absence was felt by everyone. “She’s been reassigned,” I replied after the fifth time I was asked about her whereabouts. I didn’t elaborate.
My team lined up beside the truck, awaiting their first orders of the day. My eyes went from one face to another, but I couldn’t see the one with yesterday’s blood on their hands. If only it were that simple.
Chapter 15
Sasha
҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉
My blood boiled. Uncle Arthur had no right to move me from Matt’s unit. The formal direction came through during breakfast, a succinct note from the major ordering me to report to Unit C at seven hundred hours.
The eggs on my plate didn’t look nearly as appetizing after that. I couldn’t just let the matter rest. I belonged in Unit A, I’d spent so long building up trust with those men. I didn’t want to start all over again.
And then there was Matt. I loved working alongside him. We knew how each other operated, we could work in sync without having to talk. Not to mention t
he eye candy. Seeing Matt every day and obeying his orders was definitely a plus for Unit A.
I was standing in front of Major Atoll’s office with my knuckles rapping on the wood before I could change my mind. He had to listen to me, even if it got me nowhere. At least then I’d said my piece.
“Come in.”
“Good morning, Uncle Arthur.”
He smiled when he saw me, then must have realized why I was there and quickly wiped it from his face. “The decision has been made, Sasha. I’m not going to change my mind.”
“If you’d just listen to me—“
“There’s nothing left for you to say. What were you thinking, getting involved with Rafter? You know it’s against protocol.”
“We didn’t plan on it.”
“What would your family say? Your father, your brothers?”
Shame burned my face because I knew exactly what they would say. I was a soldier, I was supposed to be ‘one of the boys’. They hadn’t seen me as a female since my mother died. The moment she was in the ground I was raised to be just like my brothers. To say I was a tomboy was an understatement, except it wasn’t entirely by choice.
Plus, having sex with my superior proved everything people said about why women shouldn’t be allowed on the frontline.
We were a distraction.
We were too weak.
We were too emotional.
Our comrades would spend their time protecting us instead of doing their jobs.
Every bad thing someone had muttered about females in the military was being perpetuated by me. I was a walking cliché and that definitely was not something my family would be proud of.
It wasn’t something I was proud of.
Maybe Uncle Arthur was right. Being moved to Unit C wasn’t punishment, he was saving me from further shame. If my family found out about my actions I would never be able to look them in the eyes again.
I accepted my reassignment and left Uncle Arthur’s office to head toward my new troop. It felt like I should have been wearing a scarlet letter on my shirt. I was going to have to seek out Simon and have a word with him about tattling. Having that conversation with my Uncle was not pleasant.
