Distance was everyone’s best friend at that time, he decided, and, in the meantime, focusing on medical advances was preferable to allowing his mind to wander to what he wished his life could look like. For his child and for Flick.
It was pointless to try to ignore what he knew both of them could face. A life not dissimilar to his childhood. There had obviously been advancements made in medical technology and procedures but it didn’t change the harsh reality that their child would not have a normal childhood. Neither would they have a normal entry into the life of parents. But he was not about to burden Flick with that now. Dealing with a difficult pregnancy was already challenging her and he wasn’t going to add to that.
The scrutiny of the scan by Tristan was ridiculous in Flick’s mind but she didn’t want to argue with him any more. She lay awake some nights wondering if the wives of all surgeons and doctors had to listen to over-zealous husbands interrogate obstetric sonographers about the babies they were carrying. Or if she’d just managed to get pregnant by the only specialist in the world who imagined the worst.
She surmised that perhaps years of seeing children suffer might have affected him and it wasn’t perhaps his fault entirely. She also knew that distance was, against her will, making her heart grow fonder. Her mind kept wandering back to the feeling of contentment when she’d lain in his arms. She would look down at her baby and think that, no matter how confused and disappointed she was, she couldn’t hate the father of the baby she already loved so much. It wasn’t possible.
That reminded her, she needed to find the strength to tell her sister that she would be an aunty before year-end and then attend her first appointment with her obstetrician, Darcie Green. First she would make the call that she was dreading.
‘You’re what?’
‘I’m having a baby.’
‘Oh, my God, I can’t believe I’m hearing this from you,’ Megan replied incredulously. ‘I didn’t know you were even seeing anyone, let alone seriously enough to want a child. How could you not tell me you had a boyfriend and all the plans you two were making?’
Flick stalled the conversation with a silent pause. Her sister’s voice was a mix of surprise and excitement and she wasn’t sure how to break the news that she was wrong on both counts about the boyfriend and the planned pregnancy.
‘The baby wasn’t planned, was it?’
‘No, a complete surprise, actually.’
‘And is there a boyfriend?’
Flick shook her head at the phone. ‘No to that one as well.’
‘So the creep did a runner when he found out?’ Megan sounded furious that a man could win over her sister and then disappear when the news broke. ‘I’ll kill him, Flick.’
‘It’s not exactly the way it happened. He didn’t run away when I told him, he actually left the morning after we, well, you know … And I hadn’t spoken to him for three months. Then four weeks ago I found out I was pregnant.’
‘And he’s back now?’
‘Well, he knows about the baby. The news landed like a lead balloon and I haven’t spoken to him in nearly two weeks. Although he did come to the scan—’
‘How good of him,’ Megan interjected sarcastically. ‘He got you pregnant, did a walk of shame in the morning and didn’t contact you for three months? He’s a jerk, plain and simple. How did you get in touch with him to even tell him about the baby?’
‘We work in the same hospital, so I see him now and then but, to be honest, I’m avoiding him. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s easier on my own. His attitude is so strange, I’m not sure if it’s from years of being around sick children, but it’s like he’s looking for a problem with my baby before it’s born.’
‘Is he a medico or midwife?’
‘A neonatal surgeon.’
‘So he’s shown no interest in helping out?’
‘He’s offered financial help, but to be honest I’d rather do it alone. I’m not sure he’d really be helping me long term. I think he might actually make things more difficult.’ Flick was still terribly confused by his attitude.
‘You have to do what’s right for you and the baby. But don’t let him shirk his responsibility either.’
‘He didn’t want more than the one night all those months ago, so I think we should leave it at that. I’m not chasing him to be involved in my life or the baby’s.’
‘I still can’t believe any man would walk away from you and his baby. He’s clearly insane and you don’t need him!’ her sister wailed, and Flick could picture her pacing the hallway in her house over five hundred miles away. ‘You know the problem here? You’re too sweet for your own good.’
‘Clearly not sweet. I got pregnant on a one-night stand!’
‘That has nothing to do with being less sweet, it means you were played. That creep took advantage of you.’
Flick knew it wasn’t true. She had willingly gone to bed with Tristan with no promise of what would happen in the future. He hadn’t told her something to make her believe he would be there for ever.
‘No, Megan, he didn’t take advantage of me. I wanted to spend the night with him. And I did. I just didn’t think for a moment that I’d get pregnant. We were careful.’
‘I don’t doubt it, Flick, but nothing’s foolproof,’ Megan replied. ‘Are you really going to be okay?’ Her tone was warm and comforting.
‘I’ll be fine, or, should I say, we’ll be fine.’
‘I know I don’t need to ask if you are keeping the baby, that goes without saying.’
‘Yes, I’m keeping the baby and we’ll get by. I’ve got some savings and the rent on my place is next to nothing. I’ll be qualified before I have the baby and I can return to work after a few months.’
‘Oh, Flick.’ Megan paused before continuing. ‘For all you’ve done for me over the years, don’t hesitate to let me know if you need any money. I owe you more than you know. I have a career because of you.’
‘No, you have a career because you studied.’
‘And because you paid for it, and I’ll never forget that.’ Megan sounded choked up. ‘No matter what, I’ll be there for the birth. I’m the aunty and I wouldn’t be anywhere else.’
‘I know you’ll be an amazing aunty, and I’d love you to help me through the birth if you can get away from the practice.’
Megan sighed. ‘Of course I can, but I’m still angry, it’s just unfair. You shouldn’t be dealing with this alone.’
‘I’m not alone. I have you and I have my baby.’
Flick was the obstetrician’s last patient before lunch and she sat, reading, in the waiting room. The receptionist was running an errand and Darcie was taking a phone call so Flick picked up a parenthood magazine and started flicking through the pages, looking at the pages of nursery images and articles on every aspect of raising a child, including a few that she hadn’t even considered.
Every day she learnt something new about the role of a mother.
And about herself.
And the feelings she had for Tristan that just wouldn’t go away. He wanted nothing to do with her and it hurt. She knew she had pushed him away but he certainly hadn’t fought to come back. The pain was there every day and she just wanted it to stop. She wanted to stop caring about a man who didn’t care about her. It had been two weeks and he hadn’t reached out. She tried to keep busy but her mind would return to him at random times during the day and it didn’t help that his name would be brought up by nurses and doctors around the hospital.
Unsettled by her thoughts again, Flick dropped the magazine onto the table and walked into the adjacent waiting room to get some spring water from the cooler. The light was switched off as the room was only used for overflow patients when both obstetricians were consulting.
The door suddenly opened and she turned to see another of the hospital obstetricians, Sean Anderson, walk past the darkened room in the direction of Darcie’s office. She heard him knock on Darcie’s door but he was clearly on a mission and
didn’t wait to be invited to enter. From the look on his face, he was clearly distracted by something. Flick stepped back to her seat just as he disappeared inside Darcie’s office and, without closing the door behind him, began talking.
Flick didn’t know him very well. But she did know that he had arrived at the Victoria at the end of her third-year clinical placement to take up the role of locum obstetrician so he had been on staff for about six months. He seemed nice enough, very handsome, almost as tall as Tristan, and everyone seemed to like him.
‘Darcie, I can’t get any answers from Isla and none of it makes sense. Isabel just up and leaves after I’ve been here for barely two months. It was too convenient and I want to know what’s really behind it.’
His voice was loud enough for Flick to hear every word but there was nowhere she could go so she began reading and tried in vain to block out the conversation.
‘Sean, I honestly can’t help you,’ Flick could hear Darcie reply. Her voice was lower and she wasn’t sure if it was because Darcie knew there was a witness to the conversation. ‘You know as much as I do. I was offered the secondment and I took it. Isabel is over at the Cambridge Royal, acting in my role, and I’m here. I don’t think there’s anything sinister or mysterious about it. It was a career development opportunity we both wanted.’
‘You live with Isla, you must know more than that.’
‘I do live with Isla, but I don’t make a habit of eavesdropping so, no, Sean, I don’t know any more than you and I really don’t think there’s any more to know! I think you’re over-thinking the situation and I have no idea why.’
‘I intend to get to the bottom of it, with or without your assistance. I know there’s something going on. Isla and Isabel are hiding something. I just don’t know what it is.’
Flick kept her eyes on the magazine. The conversation ended abruptly and she knew Sean would be leaving Darcie’s office. She didn’t want to acknowledge him or that she had heard anything. She wasn’t interested in hospital gossip so she didn’t make eye contact and continued reading as he rushed back past her.
A few moments later Darcie appeared at the door to her office.
‘Flick, please come in.’
Flick lifted her head to see Darcie smiling, and she wondered if it was half from embarrassment from Sean’s whirlwind visit and abrupt departure.
Flick had no idea what Sean’s problem was and had no desire to find out. She had quite enough of her own problems. She also thought that other people’s affairs should be just that. Clearly relieved that Flick didn’t ask about the conversation she had overheard, Darcie ushered her in and closed the door as a deterrent to further unannounced visitors.
‘I’ve had a look at the scans you had two weeks ago, Flick, and everything was within normal parameters for the twelve-week mark of your pregnancy. You seemed quite sure of the conception date, but due to your irregular cycle the first day of your last normal menstrual period was not clear. Your baby’s due date is a little clearer after the scan and should be in early November, somewhere between the seventh and the tenth, which is around the time you estimated. Tell me, how are you feeling?’
‘The morning sickness is less intense,’ Flick told her, as her lips curled into a half-smile with the news of the baby’s birth date. It made it even more real and gave her something to feel happy about. ‘I’ve had three days in a row that I haven’t actually thrown up. I’m crossing my fingers it might be the end of it.’
‘That’s good news and you could be right,’ Darcie commented and made note of that in Flick’s records. ‘I’ve made a bit more time for your visit today, Flick, because you did seem a little overwhelmed with everything on your first visit and I wanted to make sure you understood everything. Being a midwife gives you an advantage over other mothers-to-be but it’s still daunting with your first baby.’
Flick nodded. It was overwhelming for many reasons. And one of them was Tristan.
‘Although the birth is quite a few months away, and your background gives you a solid knowledge of what to expect, I thought we could talk about your needs during the pregnancy and the birth, along with the type of birth you’d like. I’m not sure if you’ve decided on delivering your baby at home or here in MMU. Also, I wanted to raise interventions such as an episiotomy, the use of pain relief and how you would like to approach the day and what you see as important.’
Flick had given thought to all of Darcie’s questions and answered her honestly and also told her about wanting Sophia as the primary care midwife. Darcie listened to Flick’s plans then took her blood pressure and asked her to step on the scales and noted both.
‘Blood pressure’s good, and now your morning sickness is lessening you’ll start to have a slow and healthy weight gain. I’m pleased that you’ve made informed decisions about how you want this baby brought into the world. Assisting at so many births has certainly allowed you to choose the right delivery for yourself. Sophia is a great midwife.’
‘She’s wonderful and after shadowing her for the last few months I couldn’t think of anyone else I would want with me.’
‘What about the baby’s father?’
Flick took a deep breath and looked down at where her baby was resting safely inside her. ‘I don’t think he’ll be a part of the birth, but I’ll have Sophia and my sister. That’s more than enough.’
Darcie patted her arm gently. ‘You’re in good hands with Sophia and there’s nothing like having sisterly support too.’ Then she continued with the examination. ‘If you could climb up on the exam table, I’d like to check your baby now.’
Flick loosened her scrubs and lay down.
Darcie began the examination, gently pushing her fingers into the softness of Flick’s stomach to measure the height of the uterus before she listened to the heartbeat. Happy with the baby’s progress, she turned her attention to Flick and listened to her heart and lungs, then felt her breasts for any lumps, before checking her throat to ensure her thyroid wasn’t enlarged. Finally she asked Flick if she’d noticed any varicose veins, before directing her down off the table.
‘Not yet, and I’m hoping to avoid them. I elevate my legs at night,’ Flick replied as she tucked in the T-shirt she wore under her scrubs and sat back down on the chair.
‘That’s a sensible idea with the standing you do all day. I’m sure that you don’t need any dietary advice but if you do I can refer you to one of the hospital dieticians, and yoga can help with any back pain over the coming months.’
‘So you’re happy with the baby and my health?’
‘Very. You’re extremely healthy and everything seems fine.’
‘Then I’ll just make another appointment in four weeks to see you again?’
Darcie paused. She wasn’t finished with Flick. There was something that she needed to ask but she had decided to complete the physical examination before she raised it.
‘There was another reason why I requested this longer appointment. There’s something I need to ask you.’
Flick was taken aback. She had no idea what Darcie would need to know that she hadn’t already covered.
‘I was checking the records and I noticed that your scans were released to our cardiothoracic surgeon, Dr Hamilton, with your approval.’ Darcie’s pretty face became drawn with concern and she maintained eye contact with Flick. ‘Is there a reason why you’re concerned about the baby’s heart? I’ve read your medical history and there appears to be nothing that would lead me to believe that there’s any risk but obviously seeking Dr Hamilton’s expert opinion is not something you would do lightly.’
Flick’s pulse suddenly quickened and her eyes darted around nervously. She had momentarily forgotten about Tristan’s behaviour at the scan and how the sonographer had offered to send him a copy of the images and report and that she had agreed.
She wasn’t about to lie to her obstetrician but the idea of telling her the truth made her stomach knot. It had already been established that the father of
the child would have little or no hands-on involvement in the pregnancy but now she’d have to divulge his identity.
‘If there’s a need for genetic testing we can arrange that to be done,’ Darcie continued, sensing there was something on Flick’s mind that was causing discomfort. ‘And if there is an issue we have the best surgeons and counsellors to help you through the process. I know you are going through this without a partner, but I’m hoping you have a good support network. Family or friends?’
‘There’s no genetic issues that I’m aware of, none at all. But … for some reason the father of my baby wants to be doubly sure the baby is healthy. He’s going completely overboard but I guess that may have something to do with his line of work.’
‘So the father of your baby requested Dr Hamilton look at the films.’
‘No, no one called Dr Hamilton. He requested them himself.’
‘I see,’ Darcie replied, as she drew a deep breath. ‘So Dr Hamilton has more than a professional interest in this baby?’
CHAPTER SIX
TRISTAN WAS ON rounds in MMU when he came upon Flick. She looked tired and a little pale and he surmised morning sickness had taken its toll. He didn’t want to keep his distance any longer. He wanted to be there for her.
Looking at her struggle made him ache inside. The time apart had made him miss her in a way he hadn’t expected. She was carrying a part of him and that made the feelings he had for her so much harder to ignore. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that it was something so much more than the baby drawing him to her. She hadn’t been far from his mind before he’d found out she was carrying his child and now she never left it at all.
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