‘No time like the present,’ he told her, before he headed back to his afternoon consults. ‘Why don’t you head home and have a nap, see how you feel when I get home at seven?’
Flick did just that. But when she woke and while she showered and dressed, butterflies filled her stomach. Morning sickness had well and truly abated but it had been replaced by uneasiness of another kind.
The idea of a date was unsettling. Her feelings for Tristan were as strong as ever but she was unsure how he felt. They were living together but she knew the baby had made that happen. Without the pregnancy, she wondered if they would be even talking, let alone going on a date. So much time had passed after their one-night stand without so much as a word from Tristan, and as much as she wanted to think he did have feelings for her, she suspected their living together was more from a sense of duty and doing the right thing for the child.
For that reason, Flick decided to keep her heart tucked away. She didn’t want to fall further in love with the father of her child. Falling in love had already happened, almost four months ago. Now she was trying to fall out of love, and that was so much harder.
‘Are you ready, Flick?’
She ran the brush through her hair once again before she looked down at her slightly rounded tummy inside her knee-length black dress.
‘Looks like Mummy and Daddy are going on a date,’ she muttered under her breath, as she grabbed a warm coat and left the safety of her room.
The drive to the restaurant took fifteen minutes and Tristan filled it with questions about Flick’s day and about how the home birth had gone that morning with Sophia.
‘It was intense,’ she told him. ‘I’ve been at home births quite a few times now but this one had an audience of millions.’
‘Must have been a big house.’
Flick smiled at the absurdity of her statement. He was making her relax and she loved being in his company. ‘Well, perhaps I was exaggerating a little. Maybe close to thirty.’
‘That’s still a huge number,’ he replied, as he pulled into the street near their destination. ‘Big family?’
‘Quite a few family members but I think most were from the yoga class the woman teaches.’
‘Now, that’s taking the lesson to the extreme.’
Flick had thought the same when she’d arrived with Sophia to find the house bursting at the seams with people.
‘I must say, during the labour they were all so lovely and supportive and not one tried to interfere or cause any issues. They were celebrating from the moment we arrived until the birth. They’d set up a small birthing pool in the family room and the helpers kept bringing warm water and generally offering assistance without distracting from the mother’s needs.’
Tristan pulled up in the restaurant car park and turned to Flick, grinning. ‘You’re not thinking you’d like to do the same in a few months, are you?’
‘Well, actually …’ she paused for a moment with a slightly mischievous smile curving her lips ‘… I thought that we could invite the entire medical staff from the Victoria who aren’t on duty at that time. Maybe set up the birthing pool in the cafeteria.’
‘I’m not sure if it would positively or negatively affect the lunch trade.’ He laughed. ‘But if that’s what you want then I’ll pick up the birthing pool next weekend. I can have it on standby in my office.’
Hearing Flick giggle made him feel very at ease and comfortable. It was the way she’d made him feel on the beach that fateful morning. She was so natural and sweet. But she was far from naïve and he knew she would challenge him and make him a better man. He already felt like a better man, just being near her. He was confronting his worst fear and yet with her beside him it didn’t appear overwhelming any more.
Dinner was lovely and they both agreed that the baby would have to love Italian cuisine as they couldn’t get enough of the delicious pasta and garlic bread.
‘I should slow down,’ she said, after finishing her second piece of the herb and butter-coated bread. ‘I’ve had enough carbs for an army.’
‘You are eating for two,’ he reminded her.
‘Two, not twenty.’
Tristan smiled but it was bitter-sweet, thinking about the child. He hoped after that night he wouldn’t have to hide his feelings about Flick. He just didn’t know how she would feel about him when she learnt about the risk to their child.
‘Is everything okay?’ she asked, her curiosity piqued by the way he suddenly seemed lost in thought. ‘You seem a little preoccupied.’
Tristan decided that when they got home he would sit her down and, like two intelligent people with medical backgrounds, they would discuss the options and accept the challenges ahead.
‘I’m good,’ he told her, confident that he would be once he had explained what might lie ahead for them. And how they would get through everything together from now on. ‘Let’s order dessert.’
‘At this rate, I’ll roll into the hospital cafeteria to give birth.’
Tristan shook his head. ‘Neither will happen, believe me.’
As they walked to their car in a side street not far from the restaurant ominous-looking clouds suddenly opened. There was no shelter other than a few overhanging branches from the large trees that had lost most of their leaves in preparation for the winter months.
‘We can run for it,’ Flick said, as the rain pelted down, soaking her hair and her clothes.
Tristan pulled his jacket off and wrapped it tightly around her. ‘We’re not running anywhere in this. The pavement’s slippery and I’m not taking that chance.’
‘But now you’re getting drenched, and it’s freezing.’
‘Don’t worry about me. I’m just fine.’ His white shirt quickly became wet through and clung to his body, but he didn’t care. His sole focus was in his arms and, secure in the knowledge that Flick was safe and warm, he walked her slowly to the car as the rain kept pouring down. At that moment he realised he had everything he wanted and would not let it slip from his fingers. He was chilled to the bone and he had never been happier in his life.
‘You’re absolutely soaking,’ she told him, when he finally climbed into the driver’s seat. He had already tucked her into the car. ‘Take your shirt off and put your jacket back on. At least then you might not get pneumonia.’
She wiped the rain from his face with her fingers and instinctively tried to brush the water from his hair.
‘I’ll be all right once we get home,’ he said, unbuttoning his shirt and discarding it on the back seat before he slipped his jacket over his bare chest. ‘We can sit by the fire and warm up. Let’s just get you home, you’re the important one here.’
‘You’re very sweet, and you’ll be a wonderful caring father, Tristan.’
Without thinking, she suddenly leant over and kissed his cheek.
The feeling of her lips on his skin unleashed a passion that he had been fighting for too long. He was powerless to contain it any longer. Cupping her face in his hands, Tristan turned her gently towards him. Looking into the beautiful blue eyes that were staring back at him in anticipation, he said nothing. Instead, he took her mouth with his and wouldn’t let her go. Tenderness turned to desire as he explored the softness of her lips and the warmth of her mouth with his tongue.
Flick wasn’t sure what was happening but it felt so natural to be in his arms. Her head was spinning and her heart was beating very fast as he kissed her with the same passion she so vividly remembered.
Suddenly he pulled away and sat back in his seat, staring straight ahead. ‘Should I apologise?’ Tristan asked, his voice low and breathless.
‘I don’t know, should you?’
‘I would apologise if it was something you didn’t want me to do,’ he said, turning to look at her.
Flick had been hiding her feelings for too long. She had imagined it was only her who wanted more than a sensible arrangement for the sake of the child, but his kiss proved there was so much more than duty on his side.<
br />
She leant over to him and let her lips find his again. ‘Sorry won’t be needed tonight.’
Tristan pulled her back into his arms and felt the curves of her body as his hands explored every inch that the confines of the car would allow. He continued kissing her the way he had wanted to every day since he’d left the crumpled warmth of her bed.
‘Let’s go home.’
CHAPTER TEN
FLICK’S HEART SKIPPED a beat when Tristan’s hand reached for hers as they walked to the front door. The rain had stopped but he still held her hand tightly. His grip was strong and she felt secure. She had a feeling that they might just have their fairy-tale ending after all. He was perfect and everything she could want in a man.
For the first time in her life she felt safe letting herself lean on someone else. She didn’t have to stand on her own any more and be strong. A smile spread across her face as she thought about the three of them in a few months. The baby’s arrival was early in the relationship but the way he’d kissed her and the way he was holding her hand told her that he wasn’t going anywhere. Everything she could ever want was right beside her.
Tristan unlocked the front door and switched on the soft hall light so Flick could get out of the cold quickly.
‘Why don’t you take off your coat and boots and I’ll get the fire going.’
Flick smiled as she watched his broad silhouette lean over the dark fireplace and load wood into the hearth. His chest was bare under the heavy jacket and she felt her heart race as she pictured him holding her into the night. He lit a match on some rolled up newspaper that he wedged between the logs and she could see the glow of the flames.
She felt like the luckiest woman in the world as she walked to her room to drop off her coat and boots and slip off her damp stockings, wondering if she would wake in his bed or he would wake in hers. Wherever they woke, it would be the three of them. Tristan, Flick and their baby.
A few minutes later she returned to find Tristan missing but the fire burning nicely.
‘Make yourself comfortable, there’s a towel for your hair,’ he called out from the kitchen. ‘I’m making something to warm us up.’
Flick rubbed her hair dry by the warmth of the fire then curled her legs up onto the sofa and drew the mohair blanket up across her feet. The prickly fibres tickled her bare skin. The room was warming quickly and she knew that once Tristan moved close to her, there would be even more heat.
Tristan returned with two mugs of piping-hot chocolate, put them on the low coffee table then sat down next to her. The room was still lit by just the glow of the fire now taking hold and enveloping the room with gentle warmth.
He looked at Flick, curled up beside him, and realised that the moment had come to tell her everything before they took their relationship back to the bedroom. He wouldn’t do that for a second time without her knowing everything. Reaching for her hands, he took them in his. There would be no secrets between them any more.
‘There’s something I want to tell you.’
Flick drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. Her heart raced. She prayed that she would like what he wanted to tell her and that it had something to do with committing to her and to their baby.
‘After that wonderful night we shared I wanted to call you,’ he began, with his warm hands holding hers and melting away the every last remnant of her resistance. ‘But I couldn’t.’
Flick didn’t say anything. The room was quiet, save for the crackling fire and Tristan’s voice, and she wanted to hear every word of the man who had captured her heart so totally.
‘It wasn’t that I didn’t want to ask you out, Flick. Believe me, whether we slept together or not, I thought you were amazing and if things were different I would have asked you out immediately. I would have pursued you to the end of the earth but I had to think about you and what you needed long term. And in my mind it wasn’t me.’
‘I’m not sure why you would think that.’ Lovingly, she searched his eyes for an answer. ‘Was it because you’re a workaholic? I hope not, because I’m more than okay with you being dedicated to your career. I admire you more than you probably know for how hard you work and how much you give to those babies and their parents.’
Tristan didn’t doubt anything that Flick was telling him. Her support was something he wouldn’t question. She was equally dedicated. It was something he knew they shared.
‘My marriage to my work and avoiding commitment aren’t the issues, Flick, they are the results of something else. They’ve been shields for me to hide behind. Ways to avoid relationships and block out what I went through as a child.’ His hands gripped a little tighter around hers.
‘What you went through?’
‘I had a heart transplant when I was sixteen.’
‘Oh, my God, Tristan. I didn’t know,’ Flick said, not masking her surprise at what he was telling her. ‘Please, believe me, that doesn’t change how I feel about you. If there are problems in the future, we can get through that together. I don’t want you to live in fear.’
‘I don’t fear for me,’ he said in a serious voice. ‘I gave up being scared about my mortality years ago.’
‘The scar down your chest, that was from the open heart surgery.’ It was a statement, not a question, as she remembered the scar from the beach.
‘Yes, over twenty years ago. I was sixteen when I received another man’s heart. I guess it made me determined to live two lives out of appreciation for what I’d been given. His life had been cut short and mine had been saved. I thought I owed him something for it.’
‘So you became a workaholic out of respect for the donor?’
‘In a way,’ he started. ‘I decided to study cardiology and then specialise as a neonatal cardiothoracic surgeon in the hope of helping children with similar cardiac defects.’
Flick remembered thinking the scar was faded and the way he didn’t hide it had led her to believe he had come to terms with whatever had happened. His line of thinking had been so mature at such a young age when he’d decided on medicine as a career but clearly he wasn’t at peace with what had happened. He had residual issues that were driving him to stay alone. It didn’t make sense. He was through the worst of it and still lived in fear of something.
‘If you’re not fearful of dying, and clearly you shouldn’t be, then what are you scared about?’
Tristan swallowed and paused. He knew what he was about to tell Flick was no longer about him. It was about the baby she was carrying, and while she could be strong for him he wasn’t sure how she would react to the same news about her child.
‘I was diagnosed at birth with HLHS, which is hypoplastic left heart syndrome. It’s congenital and hereditary.’
‘Hereditary?’
‘Yes, it’s genetic.’
‘So you can pass this on to any children that you father?’ she asked, realising that the heart condition was something very different from what she had imagined. Wrestling her hands free from his, she rested them on her stomach protectively.
‘Yes, although now it can be operated on in utero,’ he replied, to calm the concern he saw on her face. ‘And it’s not definite that our child will automatically inherit the condition.’
‘But it’s very serious,’ she said, biting the inside of her cheek nervously. ‘Our baby might die?’
‘Flick, I didn’t plan on having children for good reason …’
‘You didn’t answer my question. Could our baby die from this condition?’
‘Yes … but I will do everything in my power to make sure our baby lives.’
Tears welled in Flick’s eyes and trickled down her cheeks. Defiantly she wiped them with the back of her hand as she struggled to fill her lungs with air.
‘A heart transplant is not always necessary now. Surgical intervention has come so far since I was a child.’
‘Why didn’t you let me know sooner? When I told you about the pregnancy or any of the days since then? I took a
chance on you that night. I opened my heart to you and you’ve kept something this important from me for the last four weeks.’
‘We used protection so I never thought for a moment you would fall pregnant. And it’s why I walked away the next morning. I knew you loved children, you’re a midwife. I thought that if we were to take our one night and turn it into something more, I would one day have to tell you that I didn’t want to have a family and maybe you wouldn’t want to build a life with me. To me there was no point in pursuing you and getting in too deep and then having you leave me when I couldn’t give you what you needed. I suppose I was being selfish. I didn’t want to have my heart broken when you walked away, which was inevitable, but neither would I agree to have children and risk them going through what I went through as a child.’
‘And that’s why you were asking all the questions at the scan.’
‘Yes. I just wanted to know what we might be dealing with, but, having said that, there may be no problem with our child.’
‘And you planned on telling me all of this tonight after dinner?’
‘Yes, I just wanted to find the right time to tell you,’ he told her honestly.
‘So the kiss was just a way to soften the blow?’ she asked, unable to bring herself to look at him. Then suddenly thinking about how ready she’d been to invite him into her bed, she felt ill. ‘If we hadn’t been drenched in the rain and needed to dry out, would you have told me this after we’d made love? Would you have used sex to cushion the delivery?’
‘No,’ he argued. ‘The kiss happened because I have feelings for you and I wanted to tell you before we made love.’
‘Of course you would have,’ she spat angrily. ‘I’m supposed to believe that even though you haven’t kissed me in almost four months, you’ve suddenly developed feelings and had the need to kiss me, and it just so happens to coincide with the same day that you let me know our baby may need a heart transplant. How convenient.’
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