‘I’ll go for Tyson, if you don’t mind. Here, take him.’ She tapped the end of Joker’s nose and the whites of his eyes showed as he tried to see. ‘If you do that again then that’s it, we’re over, finished. Okay?’ He shook his head violently so that all his painstakingly neat plaits rocked from side to side, boats bobbing on the crest of a wave.
Rory double-checked his tack, then tightened his body protector and put his hat on.
‘You’ll blow them away,’ said Lottie, giving him a rather awkward hug around his body armour. ‘Oh, I love you, and I love you too Joker.’
‘More like suck them to death.’ Tab, despite her protestations, had grown incredibly fond of the big bay horse, and sneaked him a Polo mint as Lottie gave Rory a leg up into the saddle.
‘This is so exciting. Oh hell, my phone’s ringing.’ By the time Lottie managed to prise her mobile out of her skin-tight jodhpurs it had stopped vibrating. She ran to catch up with Tab, Rory, and Joker, who were making their way towards the start of the cross-country course, staring at the caller-ID on the phone display as she went. ‘That’s strange. It’s Uncle Dom. What does he want? He knows we’re here. Oh, I’ll ring him back once you’ve gone through the start gate. I’m not going to miss that for anything. Oh golly, look at the way he’s flapping his ears. Do you think that means he’s excited?’
She was still shouting love you and go for it, when Joker launched his large frame onto the course, lolloping off at a ground-swallowing gallop.
Despite a ‘call me’ text, Dom was refusing to answer his phone, which was annoying. Lottie hated it when you were trying to ring somebody back and they just wouldn’t answer. With every redial it got more frustrating.
‘It can’t be that urgent, can it?’
Tab shrugged, too busy trying to keep track of her precious Joker as he headed towards the lake, then faltered on take-off. ‘Oh bugger, I hope he doesn’t really dump Rory in the lake. You don’t think he was listening to what I said, do you? Shall we go to the other side of the course?’
Lottie dithered. She desperately wanted to support Rory and Joker on their first major outing together, but Uncle Dom’s call was unsettling. He was a bit like Gran. He didn’t do anything without a reason. She was rocking from foot to foot when her mobile burst into life. But it wasn’t Dom.
‘Where the hell are you? I’ve covered the whole bloody course looking for you.’
‘Dad?’ She frowned. ‘What course?’
‘The cross-country, what do you think, you ninny? I’ve seen Rory twice – can’t miss that big clown’s face.’ She presumed he was talking about Joker, not her husband.
‘We’re near the start.’
‘Well get your arse over to the horsebox pronto, love. There’s a good girl.’
‘Dad?’ But he’d rung off. He was pretty much permanently attached to his mobile phone, but was as blunt on it as he was face to face. He’d said what he wanted to.
‘I better go, Tab. Are you alright for a bit?’
‘I’m fine.’ Tab was already striding off, shouting behind as she went. ‘I want to see him over the coffin – if he’s let Joker have his head he’ll never hold him back. Catch you later.’
Billy was sitting on the ramp of the horsebox looking hot, sweaty and not at all happy when she got there. ‘Sorry, love.’ He stood up wearily, which immediately sent her stomach into her boots. ‘Bad news. Your gran’s been rushed into hospital and Dom said he thinks we should be there. Thought it easiest if I came over in the car and got you.’
‘Hospital?’
‘Yes, hospital.’
‘But there’s nothing wrong with her. I saw her yesterday. I was talking to her.’
‘Yes, well, that’s what she wanted us all to believe. Come on, love.’
Billy didn’t speak again until the car had bounced its way over the uneven field and was on smooth tarmac. ‘She’d summoned Amanda for coffee this morning and had a dizzy spell. Admitted she’s been having funny turns, getting lightheaded – for heaven’s sake put your foot down, it’s not a bloody Sunday.’ Billy was near enough to touch the bumper of the car in front – he wasn’t what you’d describe a patient driver. ‘And having pains in her neck. These bloody drivers are a pain in neck, shouldn’t be allowed on the road. Amanda was worried, insisted Dom took her to hospital and,’ he leant on the car horn, ‘they think it’s a heart attack.’
‘Oh God.’
‘She’s okay, love.’ He put a hand briefly on her knee, then returned it to the horn. ‘Bit more befuddled than normal, but she’s already got the nurses on their toes. Insisted she had to see you, though, and they won’t let her out.’
‘So it is serious.’ Lottie bit down hard on her lip, the sweet taste of blood flooding her mouth and making her feel sick.
Billy didn’t answer straight away. But when he did, his gruff voice was soft. ‘She’s an old lady, love. We tend to forget because of the way she is, but I’ve noticed she’s not been getting around like she used to.’
Lottie scrunched her eyes shut. It was her fault. She’d dragged her off on that walk after the village show. Elizabeth had been slower than normal, had wanted to turn back. Had been tired, and she hadn’t paid any attention. She shouldn’t have let her walk so far, and she shouldn’t have been moaning on about her own silly problems. Oh no, what had she said? She should have noticed her gran was feeling off, and she really shouldn’t have been going on like that. The whole idea of her running the estate was to stop Gran stressing.
‘It’s nobody’s fault.’ Billy shot her a glance that said it all. Soft, caring, making her want to burst into tears. ‘She’s a good age, love. Now come on, shoulders back, stiff upper lip eh, like she’d want.’ He winked. But it didn’t hold the normal joviality.
* * *
‘I do wish everybody would stop fussing. Sit down, Charlotte. Here. Come on, no here, on the side of the bed. I haven’t got anything catching, you know.’
Lottie didn’t think she had. She just thought she looked small and frail in the big white bed.
‘The rest of you can go. Go on, run along. And you can take that look off your face, Dominic, I want to talk to Charlotte. She’ll tell you if I expire, won’t you dear? Not that I intend to.’
Lottie sat down and pleated the edge of the sheet.
‘Don’t worry, I am not about to launch into a death-bed confession, dear. Oh don’t look at me like that. I felt a bit off colour and asked Dominic to bring me in for a quick check up. Now, I think it’s time we talked about children, but not how to make them. I think you youngsters know far too much about that.’ She placed her hand over her granddaughter’s and Lottie stared at it.
Elizabeth’s skin was papery thin, almost translucent, sea green-blue where the veins ran through, and at the base of her thumb it was mottled brown, wrinkled like an autumn leaf that would soon crumble. The once-soft, gentle touch was slightly dry, almost weightless. A lump formed in Lottie’s chest, like urgent indigestion demanding attention, the pressure building. She mustn’t cry.
‘I was like you when I was young, Charlotte. Not a maternal bone in my body. I’d always wished I’d been born a boy – they had far more fun. When I bore my children it was out of a sense of duty, one did that in those days, but from the day they were born they were mine. Nothing ever belongs to you like your child. Men can play with your heart and your sensibility, but a child can snap it in two. A child will bring you grief, but they will also give you the best moments of your life. I would have gladly given my life for Alexa’s if the good Lord had let me trade. Losing her left a scar that never healed.’
Lottie glanced up through her eyelashes to see that Elizabeth’s eyes were closed.
‘That child was a force of nature, as wilful as an uncut colt, but it is the fearless that leave the strongest mark. She had her insecurities, like all of us, and you were the greatest one, Charlotte.’ Her eyelids sprung open, her piercing blue gaze rested on Lottie.
‘Me?’
<
br /> ‘Oh yes, the thought of having a baby terrified the poor girl.’ A smile twitched at the corner of her mouth, then faded as though it was too much effort. ‘Alexandra was my greatest success, Charlotte, and you are hers. I had never seen her unsure until she looked on you for the first time. But the moment she touched you it went. I’ve been thinking about what you said, and you really have to understand that your mother didn’t abandon you, child. To think that would be cruel and unjust. She would never, ever willingly have left you.’
Oh please don’t say you’re going to leave me as well, thought Lottie, crossing the fingers on the hand that was at her side, hidden from Elizabeth’s sight.
‘I’m not going anywhere yet.’ Her tone was dry. ‘You shouldn’t fear the future, child. You are not your mother. If you have a child then you will probably be around until it is quite fed up of you.’ She coughed and Lottie cringed. ‘It is surprising how quickly youngsters need to find their own feet. They are surprisingly resilient. Just look at young Roxanne.’ The corner of her mouth lifted briefly and Lottie couldn’t help but smile.
‘There’s no stopping Roxy, she’s a mini Sam.’
‘And Samantha is a splendid mother, despite outward appearances, and has a very warm heart.’
‘I know.’
‘She has time for people.’
Lottie suddenly felt guilty; there had been plenty of times recently when she’d felt hassled and short of time, and had blamed herself for letting Sam drag her off to watch the filming. But the other girl had a busy life too. Yet she’d been making time for Lottie, filling the gap that Pip had left. Talking sense and supporting her whenever Pandora had made life uncomfortable.
‘Is that why you got the ponies for Roxy and Alice? Because you knew Sam would come and see me every day?’
‘Samantha is a good ally, Charlotte. Her words come from her heart and from common sense rather than from a need to impress. She can see what is false, see through pretence rather well, and she stands by her friends. I know you miss Philippa as much as I do, and you miss young Michael rather more. We all need somebody to listen and tell us we are taking the right path.’
‘I know.’ I need you too, thought Lottie. More than I need anybody.
‘History does not always repeat itself, dear. That is a fanciful notion. You are already older than your mother was when she was taken from us, and those scandalous newspapers reports about Rory and Pandora are not a repeat of your father’s headlines when you were a child. It is simply Pandora trying to bring her film, her fantasy, to life. Life imitating art, and very badly, if I may say so.’
‘I never said I thought Rory was after her.’ Lottie went back to her origami of the bedsheets.
‘No, but you fear that will happen if you tell him the truth about how you really feel about having children. You have to trust the strength of your relationship, Charlotte. Trust him enough to be completely honest, open your heart.’ She smiled. ‘It is a far bigger sin to assume your fears are grounded than to declare them and risk confirmation. Be brave, my dear. Look at me.’
Lottie glanced up.
‘Let one crow of doubt in and the whole flock may follow. Don’t let them. You’ve faced so many challenges, proved you are strong, so don’t doubt the strength of the man you chose. Rory is not your father. Although I must say, William did a splendid job of bringing you up, even if we did have our differences at times.’ Her voice was drifting off again, lost in thought. ‘He would have had to change, grow up, even if Alexandra had been here. You do realise that, child? Change is an important part of growth.’ She squeezed Lottie’s hand. ‘You’re like her, you know, so like her in some ways. Strong and resourceful. I’m so proud of what you’ve done at Tipping House.’
‘But you don’t think the wedding business is good enough, do you? That’s why you let Pandora come here? You wouldn’t have introduced me to Jamie if you hadn’t wanted it to happen.’
‘Twaddle, dear. I have never wanted to see our home turned into a film location. All that nonsense is ridiculous. Your wedding business is a splendid idea, very fitting, but I rather thought we should take the opportunity to make it bigger and better.’ Lottie could have sworn she’d brightened up. ‘Out of the flames will rise your phoenix – if you will let it. Just imagine what will happen after this film is screened. I’m sure you will have interest rekindled. James arriving seemed quite fortuitous. Not that I foresaw Pandora’s involvement – she really is the most unpleasant young lady. So unfortunate. But it’s all about spin, my dear, isn’t that what they call it? In my day we called it being one step ahead.’
‘And that’s why you agreed to it?’ Lottie tried to keep the smile fixed on her face, but the tightness of her jaw, the pounding of her heart, had to be visible. Gran had such belief in her, had worked so hard, Lottie couldn’t admit that soon the dream could be over, that however well the wedding business rebounded, it could be too late to save Tipping House.
‘Of course, and of course it has kept you occupied, which is not a bad thing. I do hate idle hands.’ She patted Lottie’s hand. ‘I know you will always do the right thing, Charlotte. But don’t let anybody rush you into anything. You always have more time than you think. Signing away your life is easy, living it is harder. And now, dear, I do feel rather tired. It’s all the excitement. Hospitals are such wearing places – one is much more relaxed at home. You go off and find young Rory – practise making babies.’ She closed her eyes.
Lottie frowned. What did she mean about signing away her life? ‘I’ll come back later, just to check how you are, when I’ve done the horses and, er, the baby-making practice.’
Elizabeth opened one eye. ‘You should talk to young Tabatha, and that Jamie, talk to them about the fire.’ She sighed. ‘They make such a splendid couple. I really must find out if that courtship has progressed. Tomorrow, when I’m feeling brighter.’
‘What do you mean, the fire?’
But the eye was very firmly shut again and Elizabeth showed absolutely no sign of having heard.
‘See you later, Gran.’ She didn’t often kiss her gran these days. Elizabeth didn’t do demonstrative, but she felt a sudden need. She would have loved to have hugged her, held her close, but maybe that was a step too far.
‘Of course. Now leave an old lady to her sleep.’ Lottie had her hand on the door when Elizabeth spoke again. ‘Charlotte, remember one thing. You have something Pandora doesn’t. Family and heritage. It’s the first that’s most important. You should never forget your family and friends, Charlotte. They will always be there for you. Our family is our strength.’
* * *
Rory was the first person Lottie saw when she came out of the room. He was still in his mud-spattered breeches, his curls flattened to his head by his riding hat, and he was the most welcome sight she’d seen all day. She was just about to jump on him when a man with a clipboard bustled in and cleared his throat.
The consultant peered over his glasses at them until they’d stopped fidgeting and then launched into what sounded like a rehearsed speech.
They thought it had been a heart attack, or more than one. A warning sign. She had to rest, in bed, in hospital. She was elderly, frailer than she seemed, and they shouldn’t be taken in by her manner and words. She’d be exhausted when they went. She needed tests – they’d keep Dominic informed. He didn’t know when she’d be well enough to go home. She might need care. It was best if they let her rest now and came back tomorrow. She was comfortable and in the best place. Then he checked his notes and rushed off to another emergency.
* * *
‘Okay, darling?’
‘I think so.’ Lottie wasn’t really sure how she felt. ‘She looked so old.’
‘She is old.’ He opened the car door for her, did up the seatbelt.
‘But old, old. You know, small, fragile.’ She’d looked tiny in the big stark room. Adrift in an ocean of white. Helpless. ‘How long have you been here?’
‘I came as soon as I
finished my round. Tab said she’d sort Joker. Are you sure you’re okay?’
‘I think I just want to go home and have a cuddle.’
‘I can sort that.’
‘Gran said the other day that I have to find my ‘wonderful’, and I have to talk to you about what I want and making babies, and I need to talk to Tab and Jamie. Not about making babies, about fires.’
‘Quite a list.’ The corner of his mouth quirked up in the way that made her stomach do a happy dance and made her want to kiss him.
‘She will be okay, won’t she?’
‘I hope so, darling.’
Lottie knew when they got back to Tipping House that she should be tired, that she should rest. But she couldn’t stop talking, about anything. As long as she didn’t have to stop and think.
‘Was Joker good?’
‘He was fabulous, never had a horse like him.’
‘Dad reckons he’ll pull your arms out of their sockets in the show-jumping ring.’
‘Rubbish.’ Rory grimaced. ‘He doesn’t half motor on, though, if you let him, and he’s a big horse.’
‘Is Tab on her own looking after him?’
Rory grinned. ‘Well I’ve got a feeling she might have some company.’
‘Come on, let’s go and check the horses. I need some fresh air, and you do, too, don’t you Harry?’
Harry wagged his tail and lifted a paw, waiting for the command to go.
‘I can do them, Lots. You stay here.’
‘I want to, and then you need a long bath or you’ll be so stiff you’ll fall off tomorrow.’
They were making their way back from the stables, the dogs milling around with their noses to the ground, when Lottie spotted a car making its way up the long driveway. It was Dom.
‘I can’t hang about,’ he had wound down the window and stopped a few yards from them, ‘Amanda’s been on her own with Alice for hours, so I really do need to get back, she’ll be worried. Mum said you should have this.’ He waved an envelope in the air. ‘Forgot to give it to you earlier. Heaven only knows why she has got letters in her handbag, but she was quite insistent that you read it before we visit her tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at 11am, unless I hear otherwise from the hospital. I presume you’re off competing, Rory?’
Country Rivals Page 35
