by L. E. Waters
Victor slaps a hard hand down on Elijah’s coat. “Which one do you like?”
Elijah doesn’t even look my way. He must have known he wouldn’t be able to do what he’s about to do with me sitting there watching him. He struts up next and picks a small, thin blonde who doesn’t look older than his real age. As he walks to her room, I think about how he doesn’t even bother to try to help me out of this one and leaves me to fend for myself.
Finally, it’s just me and little Timmie sitting there. The ugliest woman with a masculine cleft in her chin, whom no one has picked, comes over to us and starts running her long nails up and down Timmie’s arm.
“How ‘bout you honey? Got any money to have some fun with Mama?” she practically purrs.
He tucks a long lock of hair behind a slightly pointed ear and his small hand shakes. “Joe?” He looks to me.
I say, “He just got over a bad case of dysentery so he’s not up to much fun right now.”
Then she turns her attention to me. “What about you then, Sugar? How ‘bout you let Mama here make you a man?”
I almost laugh out loud at how much magic that would take and I notice too late that she’s studying my face with her beady eyes. She reaches up quickly to touch my face and gives me a knowing wink. My heart stops. Why did she do that? She gets up, turns to go down the hall and points me into her room. I get up slowly and march in to see what she knows. Timmie takes a deep, relieved breath.
The room is the size of a closet. Only big enough for a cot with a mattress on top. No windows. No air. Just a disgusting musty smell that I’m unfamiliar with but can make a good guess as to what it is.
She sits down on the bed. “Honey, your game is up. You don’t pay me a dollar, I’m going to go out there and tell all those boys your secret.”
I’m shocked. “Secret?”
“Oh, come on! You might be able to fool stupid men, but you can’t fool no woman. You’re no more a man than I am.”
I reach into my boot where I keep my pay and take out a dollar.
She quickly snatches it from my hand. “You know, honey, what gave it away is yer little boobies.”
I look down and see suddenly what she’s talking about. I guess I have grown but, since I barely take any of my clothes off, didn’t realize they’re protruding more.
“If you give me another dollar I can wrap you up tight with some bed sheet rags. No one will ever notice and, as you grow, they’ll just keep getting squished down.”
I can’t believe how well this is turning out for me. She puts out her hand, waiting, and I find another dollar for her. She pulls out of a drawer what I’m hoping is a clean sheet and starts to rip it into long strips.
She commands, “Take your shirt and undershirt off.”
I obey but self-consciously hold myself with cupped hands. She laughs, slaps my hands down and starts winding me. Even though it feels tight and I’ll be twice as hot, I feel more secure knowing I can last a little longer with Elijah.
She smiles a broken-toothed smile. “All set, Honey. Your secret’s safe with me. I understand you’re just doing whatever you can to make a livin’.”
I feel sorry for her suddenly and realize that no one picks such an occupation if they can help it.
“Come on. Let’s put on a good show, huh?” she says with a wink.
She unbuttons her corset a few buttons and tousles her hair. Mama plants a couple lipsticked kisses on my neck and cheek. She pulls my arm around her and opens the door. We walk out and Jessie, Elijah, Victor and Timmie are all waiting out there. Elijah’s face turns white when he sees where I’m coming from. A look of total confusion flashes across his face.
“Oh, Honey. Don’t tell me that was your first time. You can’t lie to me. I know a veteran when I see one!”
Jessie suddenly notices me for the first time.
“Sweetie, whenever you’re in my neck of the woods, Mama will give you a little freebie.” Then she glances over at Jessie. “He might look like a boy, but he’s all man in that department.”
Jessie’s eyes widen with surprise and poor little Timmie looks down, ashamed of himself for sitting on the bench. I feel badly for the added pressure I just put on him. I hope we never come back here. James walks out with his girl smiling wide. For some foolish reason I wish he were out here when Mama was going on.
As if she reads my mind, she turns to James and says, “Sorry about the noise, sugar. I hope we didn’t ruin your time. Joe here tore up one of my sheets and tied me up!” She then turns to me and caresses under my delicate chin. “You knew just what Mama wanted.”
James stares at me as if realizing that he had heard sheets ripping. I laugh so loud on the inside. All the boys walk out with their heads low, except me. Elijah looks jealous and I realize I stole all his thunder. On the walk back, Jessie suddenly calls me up ahead with him.
He puts his arm over my back and says, with a slap, “Didn’t know you had it in you.”
He’s more right than he knows.
As soon as we get back to the tent, Elijah makes me spill how I managed that all and starts laughing and can’t stop. I never ask him about what he did and I don’t want to know. I lie back in bed listening to the sounds of the men moving around the camp and think. I don’t remember falling sleep, but I have the dream again.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
This time, the field is not flat but is steeply sloped with many more trees. Elijah is in the fog but he runs away from me. He has his back turned and flees with Victor. They leap and frolic, too caught up in their play to notice the gathering clouds overhead. Suddenly, thunder and lightning rages all around. Men shout and scream. I look around in the confusion and then a bolt of lightning strikes the group of playful boys. Elijah. I dart to where they were and nothing is left but singed, burnt grass in a massive hole.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
I wake up crying quietly and check over at Elijah next to me. I can tell by his breathing that he’s still asleep and, as I look at his peaceful face, I realize that I can never leave him. He’s all that I have and if we get the call to battle, I’m going to break my promise to stay with him.
Chapter 5
The next morning, while getting ready for first drill of the day, we get the call that tells us to pack up, collect three days rations and ready to march.
Elijah hears this and worries immediately. “Joe,”—which he always calls me now even when we’re alone—”now’s the time you’ve got to say something. We’re headed off to fight. The Confederate army is coming north and they’re just waiting to pick the spot for a battle to occur. It’s time to stay here.”
I keep packing. “I’m not going to tell anyone anything. I’m staying with you.”
“You promised me that you wouldn’t see fighting.” He grabs my hand and stops it from stuffing in my tin plate. “It’s been almost two months now so you will have Pa’s check for sure.”
“I can’t leave now. I’m their only fifer. They need me for the march and for getting commands heard.” He knows the fife’s high pitch is the only thing that can be heard above cannon fire. “I’ll be back with the officers.”
“Officers are the ones the sharpshooters are always trying to pick off. You don’t think they hit little fifers who get in their shot?”
“Look Elijah, I don’t care about getting hurt. I’d rather be here and die with you than go back alone to no one. You’re all I’ve got. What would you do if you were me?” I hold his gaze while the tears well up in my eyes.
He stares down at his shoes for a moment and we both hear Timmie’s drum telling us to assemble.
“Alright. We better get going.” And with that he gives me a long hug in the safe seclusion of our tent. “At least I’ll know you’re safe as long as I hear your fife.”
“Wait, give me your blanket and shelter half.”
“Why?”
“So I can stuff th
em in my pack so you don’t have to carry them.”
His eyes widen at the idea and he yanks out his tightly packed items. “You’re so smart.”
I stuff them into my knapsack, nearly splitting the seams, and we venture out together.
Victor fumes as we ready to march. “I knew we were going to head out just before my package arrives. It’s going to be weeks before I’ll get those socks.” He lifts his trouser legs to show the droopy socks. “My little sister can knit better than these machines.”
I’m so grateful for the kind old lady who sent us these tight, hand-knitted socks.
We begin our long march not knowing where we’re even headed. We can tell by the sun that we’re marching northwest. Apparently no one ever tells the soldiers where they’re headed in case of spies or anyone getting taken prisoner. You just march and march until you were told to stop and make camp. The harmony of footfalls, the creaking of the army wagons, the occasionally braying of a stubborn mule and the groans of the cattle prodded at the end of line all create the hypnotizing din of the march.
The more we march, the more I worry. This is all becoming too real. I romanticized battle and thought it was going to be exciting, but now I’m realizing what’ll soon be at stake. The heat becomes unbearable. It’s June 28th and we’ve probably already marched sixteen miles with only a few breaks. The worst of all is the quick breaks of only a few minutes. Just long enough for our muscles to all stiffen up and we all get back into line like old men.
Whenever we get a chance to truly rest, a few boys volunteer to fill up everyone’s canteens. They string dozens of straps around their sweaty necks in hopes that someone else will volunteer for them at the next break. I find a shady spot beside Elijah, who’s resting his head on his knapsack. He sees that I only have my arms to lay my head on and he throws his coat to me to sleep on. Since it hasn’t rained in a day the ground is dry and we all try to catch some sleep in the short time we’re stopped. Fluffy puffs of seeds from the eastern cottonwoods fall around us like flurries, a fantastical summer snowfall. Timmie shakes me awake far too soon to signal for everyone to get back to the march. The men all groan at my fife’s annoying sound and Timmie’s head-pounding taps.
We march four more humid miles until we finally make camp. Elijah and I barely get our tent together before we fall asleep. During the night, the sky opens up and drips hitting my face wake me up even though the rest of me still feels asleep. The rain comes down so strong that the cotton duck tent can’t hold it off. Elijah also sits up with a groan and stares up at the leaks. We both grab for our ponchos and lay them over our heads before falling back to sleep right away.
As we assemble for the next day, veterans comment that we’re definitely hurrying toward something by the speed of the march. We’ve also joined with many other regiments along the way. Something large is brewing. June 29th comes and goes and with it another twenty or so miles.
Whenever the band gets a break from playing, I try to listen to the murmurs behind me. “Where do you think we’re headed?” someone asks.
Another answers, “Probably back to Virginia. That’s where most of the fighting has been since the war began.”
“But we’ve been heading west for too long.” I recognize Jessie’s voice. “No, my guess is it’ll be Pennsylvania.”
“Pshaw! Pennsylvania? Nothing’s out there.” A sneer twinges whenever I hear Victor.
James says, “I’ve heard a buzz going through the ranks that Hooker’s resigned.”
“No chance,” Victor says, “Fighting Joe would never give up on us. Not for anything.”
A soldier chimes out from farther behind. “Meade’s been appointed our new General.”
“Meade? Why Meade?” An echo goes through the line.
“First McClellan, next Burnside, then Hooker, now Meade.” James says, “It seems that old Abe thinks changing generals will win the war.”
After a long whistle, Jessie says, “Things must be worse than I thought if Hooker’s jumped command.”
Another voice rings out, “It must have been Chancellorsville. Not giving over temporary command to Couch when he was knocked out. That did him in.”
“He’s not gone.” Jessie says, “He’s still our corps commander.”
“Maybe, but I don’t like going into something big with a general on his first day on the job.” The worry in James voice unnerves me.
“Well, at least we still have the Old Man,” Jessie says.
Sounds of agreement reverberate all around me.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
June 30th and I can’t believe it can possibly get hotter but it does. We only get to refill our canteens three times and we’re not allowed to break march to get refills. Coats, blankets, extra clothing, and every sort of personal article is found thrown along the side of the road. Many men, who cannot withstand the blisters any longer, take their shoes off and hang them on their muskets over their shoulders. I can’t imagine how the rocky road must feel on their tired feet as they plod stoically on.
James steps to the side and quickly empties out all of the contents of his knapsack. I look back as he painstakingly decides on what is most important and light. He stuffs his shelter half back in his pack, along with some letters and other small items. He gives a second glance to his clothes and rubber blanket left on the roadside but rejoins our company. I felt guilty holding onto all of my things, safely packed in the army wagon dragged by complaining mules, as these men struggled around me. Even my fife grows heavy with all this marching.
Two soldiers in our regiment get heat stroke and are left by the roadside while we continue on. I keep an eye on Elijah and see his head pop up occasionally when he checks on me. I’m lucky to be in the front of the march, since the dust is thick from being kicked up by so many feet and those caught in the dust storm dampen handkerchiefs to breathe through it all. We march through until midnight. While Elijah and I tiredly tie our tent together, we hear the sounds of skirmishers in the background. Many sleep on the ground, heads propped up on nearly empty packs, their half-tents and blankets discarded long ago. We all feel it’s going to happen here, and happen soon.
Elijah breaks our worried silence as we crumble down exhausted onto our bedrolls. “Listen, Josie,”—I hadn’t heard him call me that for months—”look me in the eyes.”
I stare up into his beautiful green eyes as the blue light of the moon illuminates our tent slightly.
“If something happens to me during this battle promise me something.” I look away but he pulls my eyes back with a gentle hand under my chin. “You need to promise me that you will get out of here and go find someone to take care of you. Someone who will watch over you like I do.”
I just nod to have him stop, but I know deep down what I’ll do if something happened to him.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
July 1st, we’re allowed to rest until 3:30 pm and I join the band in signaling our troops forward to support the First and Eleventh Corps, already engaged with the enemy in a town called Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. There is violent skirmishing all night and our regiment holds its position until early morning. I can’t even see where Elijah is all night, but I’m relieved when I spy him lining up to move out with our whole division. We’re marched across the fields and placed in line of battle along the crest of a slightly elevated, wooded hill. We’re told we’re the complete end of the whole Union army and so in no way can we fail.
I make my way beside Timmie, standing with his drum nearly to the ground outside Greene’s stately tent.
Timmie whispers, so he doesn’t disturb the arguing commanders inside. “Did you see the red sky this morning?”
I shake my head. “We didn’t move until they made us.”
“That’s a sign that something nasty’s brewing.”
“Just because there’s a red sky?”
“In the morning. It’s a warning.”
&nb
sp; I wipe the sweat that’s dripping into my eyes. “Well, I hope so. We need something nasty to break this heat. I can almost drink the air.”
We both look up the thick, early-summer haze that weighs on all of us.
“I wish I could. Haven’t been able to fill my canteen.”
I hand him mine and he’s careful to only take a few needed sips. “I bet the sky will open up and cut the whole battle short.”
Old Man Greene shouts suddenly and draws our attention past the flap into the crowded tent. “You must allow me to build strong fortifications to withstand the barrage.”
“We don’t have time,” division commander Greary insists.
“My breastworks will decide the battle, I implore you.” Years of battles and hard earned wisdom lie heavy in the lines on Old Man Greene’s face.
After a heavy sigh, corps commander Slocum says, “Fine. Build what you must.”
“But we don’t have the time.” Greary holds his hands out like he’s supporting the world within. My heart pumps faster.
Slocum slumps his shoulders slightly but pretends certainty in his voice, “Greene was a civil engineer prior to the outbreak of the war and I must rely on his expertise.”
Greene commands immediately, “Put every soldier to work gathering logs, stones, rails, even earth. We must build impenetrable breastworks, and quick.”
Timmie and I leap back as four officers rush out of the tent with his orders and go in every direction to spread the word.
Greene tells the commanders, “I’m waiting on reinforcements, but the Greys gather below the hill. I can hear their footsteps in the leaves below.”
