Mom, dad is having an affair.’ Silence, you could hear every noise in our suburban house. The air conditioning lightly humming, the dripping shower that needed fixing. The breeze blowing the wind chimes ever so gently against the window frame. But from my mother, silence.
‘I need to go start breakfast, come down when you are ready, honey, and I will make you your favourite pancakes.’ That was it. She rose from the bed and closed the door quietly behind her. Nothing, no ranting that I was liar or a horrible daughter for suggesting such a heinous lie. No crying and screaming it can’t be true. Just life as usual and I flopped down onto the bed, my body so weary I couldn’t move an inch.
Closing my eyes, I fell into a restless sleep, visions of a blonde haired woman with chocolate eyes chasing me with a knife.
“You will pay for this.”
I slept for around two hours, completely exhausted and climbing out of bed, I had never felt so weak and emotionally drained. Virtually stumbling down the stairs, I headed to the kitchen, silence all around. Seeing the note on the table, I read my mom’s meticulous handwriting, the spirals so perfectly formed; they had gone to the mall. The mall?
Grabbing a bowl out of the cupboard and pouring the cereal in, watching the fruit loops flow into the bowl I took a bite and instantly regretted it. Dry heaves racked my body as I once again threw up and flopped down onto the floor.
Aimlessly changing channels on the TV I lay my head down on the butterfly shaped pillow, feeling nothing, empty, a void less canon.
Finding an episode of the Gilmore Girls, I sat motionless, just waiting for what I do not know. For things to make sense, to go back to a time when all I worried about was school and my sister.
Those days were long gone and life would never be the same again. Or would it? My mother had done what she typically liked to do on a weekend, shopping with my sister and brother.
She would bring back pizza and popcorn and we would all argue over what movie to watch, until Seth won. Being the youngest had its advantages. We would make ice cream sundaes and all fall asleep on the couch. That was a typical none school Friday weekend for us when dad was away.
If I had thought for a second this would have been the reaction to my bombshell news, maybe I would not have agonised over it for so long.
Shaking my head in disbelief. I told my mother my father was having an affair, and she went to the mall.
caitlan - aftermath
The party had ended a couple of hours ago and Lexi had gone to bed complaining of a headache. I had helped my mom clean up and was just putting the trash out when I heard movement upstairs.
I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and was just about to go back to bed when I saw Lexi creep down the stairs and sneak out the front door. I watched her from the window run into a cab and drive off, who knows where. My mom would flip; my dad would have her imprisoned in Rapunzel’s tower.
Grabbing my cell phone, I dialled her number, nothing, straight to voice mail. What was she doing? The fight her and dad had was the worst I had ever seen and now she was leaving home without permission late at night. I lay down on the bed and reached for the laptop, just wanting a distraction. Who was I kidding? The first thing I did was check my emails.
Happy birthday to you! I see from the tracking info you have only received one of your gifts. I’m so sorry about that, I wanted so badly for you to get it today. It should be with you tomorrow if not I will fly down there myself. Speak soon I hope.
Lucas x
Ps I so wish I were there.
My heart was pounding reading his message over and over. He would come here. My mom had agreed it was okay for me to give our address out, but I never thought of the fact he could come over. I was thrilled and terrified at the prospect. Smiling to myself, I hit reply.
Thank you so much for the gifts, Lucas, I LOVED them, can’t believe there is more. You shouldn’t have spent so much money on me. Just a card from you would have been more than enough. I had a great day, but… I wish you had been here too.
Lexi.
Should I have said that, holy crap, what did I do? Trying to recall the message, but it was too late; the reply came back before I had a chance to attempt it.
Lexi, I would get on a plane right now if I could.
Holy crap, I replied without even thinking, my fingers connected directly to my heart, bypassing my brain completely.
Me too.
Hitting send, I was visibly shaking, adrenaline coursing through my body.
I just want you to know. I have ended it with Lisa, it was a long time coming and she was already seeing someone, just didn’t know how to say it without her dad going crazy. I just want to be honest with you always.
Lucas. xx.
What did that mean? Argh, being a total novice with guys was a pain in the ass and led to hours of over analysing every word they said until my head was so befuddled I couldn’t remember what day it was.
I wished Lexi were here and with that thought, I had an idea. I could check her journal and see if she had written anything in it about where she was going. Wrong on so many levels I know, but she is my sister and what if she was in trouble and needed me, but I had no clue where she had gone.
Lucas
Caitlan sneaked out tonight and I have no idea where she has gone. I haven’t told my mom, but I need to try to figure out where.
Speak soon, k?
Lexi X.
Adding the X felt like another puzzle piece was fitted together. I had fallen for him weeks ago, but knowing he had a girlfriend, I couldn’t in all good conscience let myself feel like that. Now, maybe there was hope. Another reply back interrupted my musing.
Of course, please let me know if I can do anything and when you find her. I’m always here for you Lexi, no matter what.
Lucas xx.
Feeling euphoric on one hand and petrified on the other for Lexi’s safety, I closed the laptop down and headed to her room. Opening the door quietly I turned the light on and surveyed the room. Where would she keep it?
Lexi had decorated her room herself with the wall colour a sunshine yellow and daisies strategically placed, glowing under the white light. Her closet was my first choice and sliding the door across I marvelled at her clothing collection. Mine could fit in a corner.
Lexi had designer taste in clothing and my mom feeling the same, always showered her closet with love. I wondered if she did it because of my dad, but then shook that thought away. She loved her daughter and that was all.
Thoughts of my dad and Lexi’s horrendous argument were penetrating my brain, and I wondered if I would find in her journal the cause. Reaching onto the top shelf in her closet and coming back empty, I continued with the hunt. Under her bed, drawers, all empty. Where would she have put it? My musings were cut short with the sound of my cell phone indicating there was a message and I ran across the hall to retrieve it.
Hi, Caitlan, I’m sleeping over at Leah’s, see you in the morning. Ps, don’t tell mom, love you.
I knew she was lying, but she was clearly okay and with that thought in mind and the tiredness creeping up, the tendrils tightening with each second, I went to bed.
Waking in the morning to the sound of Lexi’s door opening and closing, I wanted so badly to run across the room, like I always would have done and get the gossip, but something was stopping me. Her secrecy was hurting, more than I had thought possible. She used to tell me everything and now, I was the last to know.
Throwing the pillow over my head I drifted back to sleep, until Seth pounded on the door demanding I get up, breakfast was ready. Taking a bite out of my blueberry pancakes, I watched my mother, so distracted she put the orange juice carton in the oven after being in Lexi’s room for ages.
Lexi still had not come downstairs and I was done with it. Clearing my plate I ran upstairs, throwing my jeans, flats and a blue shirt on and re-joined my brother and mother, we were going to the mall.
Mom was so distracted the whole time
, and Seth was milking it, asking for various different toys and my mom was agreeing without checking the price tag first.
‘Let’s go get an ice cream sundae,’ my mom enthusiastically announced after purchasing my brother a new video game.
‘But we usually have them tonight with the movie.’ It was our family tradition. Every school vacation weekend my dad was away, we would eat junk food and watch movies. My mom would be the female Willy Wonka and provide all kinds of delicious and disgustingly fun snacks for us to munch on. My brother would always win in the movie choice and we would go to bed nauseatingly full, but happy.
‘Okay, well let’s get a milkshake then,’ leading my brother by the hand, he grinned mischievously; he was so lucking out today. It was as though my mom did not want to go home or something.
After almost two hours of wandering aimlessly while she tried on various different outfits and Seth conned her into more toys I was done.
‘Mom, can we please go now, I want to practice.’ This was true in part, but I was dying to speak with Lucas, after the new revelations. My courage was building, and I wanted to know what this meant for our friendship. Lucas had said my gift was arriving today, and I was desperate to open it.
‘Fine, let’s go then,’ and once again the distracted look was plastered all over her face as she firstly forgot where we had parked, secondly could not find her keys and thirdly her glasses. Mom was usually so on top of everything; it was as if I had walked into someone else’s life.
Arriving home, I saw the box immediately waiting for me at the front door. Mom just went straight upstairs and Seth to his room, no doubt to play the three different video games he had scored and I carefully took my package upstairs, hovering at Lexi’s room. I could hear the shower on so decided to wait and call on her later.
The desire to open the package too strong to contain any longer. Grabbing the scissors out of the drawer I carefully cut the tape and peered inside the box. A smaller box was inside wrapped with a turquoise ribbon and gently pulling it aside, I opened the lid.
A silver bracelet lay on a pillow of white satin with the letter L, set in blue topaz stones gleaming back up at me. My heart stopped, it was so beautiful. The letter L, L for Lucas.
Grabbing the laptop I fired it up, impatient to see my emails and opened the first one.
Morning, baby.
Hope you slept well. I was thinking maybe, if you are up for it, we could pull an all-nighter tonight. I just want to be with you, technologically speaking. Did the parcel come?
Lucas xxx.
I immediately hit reply.
It is so beautiful; I love it so much. L for Lucas and of course tonight sounds amazing. Speak soon.
Lexi xxx.
Actually, it was L for Lexi, but that sounds great too. I get to be worn on your arm, 24-7. Oh yes, I’m loving this. Speak soon, baby.
Lucas xxx.
‘Hey, sis. You look happy, what did you get?’ Lexi’s voice scared the crap out of me, so engrossed in talking to Lucas I had not heard her come in the room.
‘He got me a bracelet. How are you?’ I looked sheepishly at her, she was still in my bad book for lying to me and keeping secrets, but as always I could never be angry with Lexi long and we soon got into an animated discussion about Lucas and the gift and what it all meant.
‘I’m telling you, Caitlan, he has fallen for you, without a doubt. You have got him hooked,’ hugging me close. ‘I’m so happy for you, little sis.’ Her term of endearment used to drive me crazy, younger by two minutes, but in this moment and seeing her smile for the first time in over a week, I couldn’t care less.
‘How was the mall today?’ I thought she looked pensive for a second, but then decided I was imagining it and told her all about mom’s odd behaviour.
‘So, she never said anything to you?’ Lexi looked visibly concerned, and I pondered whether she knew more than she was letting on. Mom shouting us for dinner quickly halted any further discussion and sitting down to watch the movie, I was trying desperately to think of an excuse to go to bed.
After we had got half way through the movie, my feign yawning was finally noticed and my mom decided it was time for bed.
Brushing my teeth and putting my pyjamas on I cranked up the computer, my heart pounding at the thought of Lucas.
My blood felt like it was on fire and sent delicious waves of joy through my veins. A message was waiting for me.
I’m so sorry, baby, my grandfather is in the hospital and we are here waiting on news. He will be okay, but my mom is freaking out and I can’t slip away for long. I so wish you were in my arms right now.
Lexi, I love you, will you be my girlfriend?
Yours always, Lucas xxx.
I was blushing beet red and my blood once on fire was now an inferno. Hitting reply, I choose my words carefully.
I really hope everything is okay with your grandfather. I wish you were in my arms too and I could make it all better somehow.
I would love to be your girlfriend, Lucas. I love you too.
Truly yours in all the ways that matter L xxxx.
I hit send and sighed. I finally had a boyfriend and he was the most amazing, intelligent, thoughtful guy I could ever hope to meet. The fact he did not know my real name was the only thing that marred everything and in the back of my head, I tried to reason this. L is for Lucas, not Lexi. Caitlan loves Lucas and one day he will know the truth.
Lexi – Curiosity killed the cat
I still felt sick to my stomach the next day and virtually crawling out of bed, I slipped my dressing gown on and proceeded downstairs. I could hear my mom on the phone in the kitchen and pausing I heard my name.
‘How is this possible? How does my innocent sixteen year old know this and how long? You bastard, how could you do this?’ I froze, completely rooted to the spot as Caitlan jubilantly came through the front door after practice, no doubt floating on air fuelled by Lucas’s love. I watched as her expression dramatically changed.
‘Oh, what is it, Lexi?’ Running over to me, I hadn’t realised I was crying. Hearing the sobs now echoing in the hallway and the kitchen door being slammed shut I let Caitlan wrap her arms around me. This was it; our family was destroyed.
My mom, opening the kitchen door interrupted us.
‘Caitlan, sweetie, can you go start breakfast for Seth, I just need to speak with Lexi for a moment.’ Caitlan looked pissed, but agreeably did as she was requested; my mom led me into the formal dining room, closing the door quietly behind us.
‘I am so sorry, Lexi, that you have been put through something no one at your age should ever have to deal with. I just want you to listen to me very carefully. Everything is going to be okay, honey, I promise.’ Tears still streaming down my face, I accepted the proffered tissue and sitting down on the dining chair listened intently.
‘I am so sorry, Mom.’ Interrupting before she could continue.
‘Now listen to me, you have absolutely nothing to feel sorry about. This is all my fault.’ I was shaking my head in disgust. This was his fault. ‘I knew about the affair, Lexi. It doesn’t matter how, but I did. We are working through this the only way I can and I know it will be so difficult for you to understand. I just want you to know I am okay, everything will be fine, sweetheart, and you do not have to worry about a thing. Have you told your sister?’
Not being able to say the words, I simply shook my head in answer, no.
‘I know you don’t like to keep secrets from her and I am not asking you to lie. If she were to find out the truth, please tell her to come to me. I would appreciate it if you didn’t volunteer the information to either your sister or brother please. I have this handled and I don’t want for anyone else to suffer the way you are doing needlessly.’ I just could not form any words, again nodding my head in agreement.
‘Right, let’s go get some breakfast then, I will speak to your sister. I love you, honey, more than you could ever fathom and I will never forgive myself for putting yo
u through all of this.’ Tears were brimming in her eyes and again wordlessly, I wrapped my arms around her as tightly as I could manage.
Kissing me on the forehead and stroking my cheeks, she left me sitting there, completely drowning in disbelief, no life ring free as she went to speak with my sister. I just leant on the table and feeling the nausea taking hold, ran upstairs to vanquish my body of the poison left there by my so-called father.
Lying on my bed completely bewildered and so confused I heard a tentative knock at the door.
‘Hi, I bought you some breakfast,’ Caitlan smiled casually and laid the tray with blueberry pancakes and orange juice on the bed.
‘I am so sorry, Lexi, mom told me about Christopher breaking up with you. He is the biggest idiot known to man.’ So that was the lie mom had told. I just nodded, not wanting to openly lie any more than I already had and just laid in her arms as we snuggled on the bed, completely lost in our own thoughts. Seth broke the silence.
‘Mom has said we are going to grandmas, you need to pack,’ slamming the door against the frame in his excitement, the noise ricocheting inside the hollow empty nothingness I had been swept away in.
The Beginning (The Butterfly Series Book 2) Page 5
