Abby looked around at the apartment that was identical to hers yet so very different. Where her living room was practically empty, Ethan had lots of big, comfy-looking furniture, magazines and huge television. It was also surprisingly clean for a bachelor pad.
"Well, I think it's even cleaner in here than my place, and I don't even have anything to clean up."
He laughed, leading her to the couch and gesturing for her to have a seat. "Yeah, well, I may have put a little extra effort into my weekly chores today."
"You didn't have to do that." But Abby was secretly pleased that he had taken the time to impress her. "So, how are you feeling? After the fire, I mean," she added hurriedly. Not that he would take her question to mean what was he feeling about her. That was ridiculous. But it was what was on her mind at the moment.
"Better after a solid twelve hours of sleep. It was pretty crazy, but we got it under control without too much trouble. It's not the first brushfire that's gotten out of control around here, and it definitely wasn't the worst."
Abby shivered involuntarily just thinking about how terrible some of the situations he’d seen might have been. She quickly pushed the thought from her mind, not wanting it to steer her from the purpose for which she’d come to see him.
"So," Abby began, taking a deep breath, "I actually wanted to talk to you about something." She lifted her eyes to his as he sat down by her on the couch, a wary expression on his face.
"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you too. But you go first." The way he was looking at her with such uncertainty made her stomach clench.
Maybe this was a terrible idea. Maybe she shouldn’t have suggested that she come by at all. Maybe he was gearing up to let her down gently. After all, he had made it clear that he wasn't exactly a commitment kind of guy. Yet here she was ready to spill her guts to him and see what he might want to do about it.
"Maybe you should go first then." If he was going to call it quits before it had even really begun, she certainly didn't want to put all her cards on the table first and end up feeling like an idiot.
He shook his head, giving her a halfhearted smile. "No, it's fine. What I have to say can wait."
Now her stomach really felt like it was in knots. She shouldn't have eaten that second helping of dessert at the Kincade's. But what else was she supposed to tell him now except the truth? She had talked herself up the whole way over. But now that she was faced with the possibility of rejection, she was definitely second-guessing herself.
Maybe it was like a Band-Aid. Get it over with in one quick jerk. Then she could deal with the fallout.
Trying to steady her nerves, she twisted her fingers together on her lap. Ethan reached over and placed his hand on top of hers.
"Hey," he said, "are you okay?" He still looked wary but now he looked concerned as well. "Did something happen?"
"No." Abby shook her head. Then she looked him straight in the eyes and said, "I wanted to talk about us."
Ethan nodded slowly, though he still looked like he dreaded whatever she was about to say next.
Taking a deep breath, she plowed ahead. "Look, I know that you aren't a relationship kind of guy. And I know that I may be about to make a complete fool of myself. And please, no matter what I say, I just want you to be honest with me."
She closed her eyes, not sure she could look at him when she said it. "I had pretty much sworn off men after… well, just sworn them off. I had absolutely no desire to get involved with anyone when moving here."
"Well, you weren't exactly throwing yourself at me, that's for sure. I did take a little hit to the ego that first day." Abby opened her eyes to find that Ethan was grinning at her. Why was he grinning?
She couldn't think about it. She had to get this out before she lost her nerve. She looked away again, unable to look him in the eye. "Anyway, to say that these last few days have taken me by surprise would be an understatement. Everything that I told myself I would never do, I’ve done. I know I'm probably not even making sense right now. What I'm trying to say, Ethan, is that I know you may not be interested, but I'm not ready to walk away from this just yet. I don't know what is ahead, but I'm really enjoying our time together and I want to explore that a little more."
This time when she looked back at him, not only was he still grinning, but he looked like he was trying really hard not to laugh. Seriously? She looked at him indignantly, her embarrassment taken over by irritation.
"I really don't see how this is funny at all. You know what? I shouldn't have come here." She pushed herself up from the couch and started toward the door in a hurry. "I'm sorry I wasted your time. Don't worry, I'll pretend like this conversation never happened and we can both go on with our separate lives."
Ethan jumped up and grabbed her by the wrist. "Whoa, wait. Abby, where are you going?"
She kept her back to him, unable to look at him for fear of what she might see on his face. Pity? Amusement? She had never been so humiliated.
"Look, Ethan, I'm sure that this all sounds ridiculous to you. You have women throwing themselves at you all the time. And here I am after one date telling you—you of all people, who made it clear you don't do relationships—that I want to see where this can go?"
She spun around then, needing to make him understand. In for a penny, in for a pound. Did it really matter at this point if she made an even bigger fool of herself? "I've been through a lot, Ethan. And I was fully prepared to tell you the other day that I can't do this. But there’s something about you. I don't know. I just couldn't walk away yet."
Abby didn't know what she expected him to say next, but what she absolutely did not expect was for him to pull her to him and wrap his arms around her waist and say, "I couldn't have said it better myself."
***
Abby looked up at him startled, her eyes full of confusion. He tried to bite back the laugh that threatened to break through again, but he didn't do so well.
"I'm sorry. I promise I'm not laughing at you, Abby. I know that must have come across all wrong."
She knitted her eyebrows together and shook her head. "I don't understand."
Ethan pulled her even closer and lifted a hand to brush his knuckles across her cheek. "I think we have our wires crossed. I was so sure that you were about to call things off with me and that you were trying to let me down gently, that I couldn't stop laughing when I realized that you’re actually here to tell me the same thing I wanted to tell you."
Now she really did look confused. "That you…” She shook her head. “You wanted to tell me what?" She didn't look as if she believed him.
"Abby, from the very first minute I saw you, you got under my skin and I can't get you out of my mind. I don't even want to try. Not anymore. Yeah, people are right when they say that I don't do commitment, don't do relationships. And I honestly don't know what this is between us, but I am most definitely not ready to walk away from it either."
For a minute she just stared at him as if she were trying to process what he was saying. Then a smile broke over her face, warming him up as if it were the break of dawn after a long cold night. Yeah, anyone that could make him feel like that with just a smile was not someone he could walk away from. No matter how much it terrified him.
"But I do need to warn you," he said, hoping that he was not about to ruin everything. "And you can do with this what you will. But I'm not so sure I'm good for you."
She narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"
"The idea of a relationship has me sweating bullets. I'm no good at it. And I can't make any promises about how this will end."
"Promises of that kind are empty anyway. No one knows what the future holds. But here's the thing. The idea of opening myself up to someone scares the hell out of me too. I had decided that it was best not to let myself get close to anyone. That way I wouldn't get hurt." She looked up at him earnestly.
He shook his head "Abby, the last thing I want to do is hurt you, but based on my own history, I can't even promise you t
hat." He shoved away the memories that threated him and cradled her face in his hands, wanting nothing more than to kiss her, but he had to make sure she knew what she was getting into.
"I know. And it's crazy because we haven't even known each other long, but I’m willing to take that risk."
He grinned at her and arched an eyebrow. "You? The reigning queen of playing it safe? You do realize that taking risks is my life, right?"
Abby laughed. "Yes, I do believe I’ve seen that already. So, just to be clear," she said, shaking her head in what looked like disbelief, "we're on the same page here? Closing our eyes and jumping, with no clue where we’re going to land?"
"Sounds about right."
She sucked in a breath, and wrapped her arms around his neck. "This is so not like me."
"That's where you're wrong," he said, bending down to place a gentle kiss on her lips. "I think you are just discovering your wild side. I saw it that first night at the Old Gin. There's a daredevil inside just waiting to come out."
She laughed. "If you say so."
He tangled his fingers through her hair and stared into her eyes. It was absolutely crazy and he couldn't believe he was doing this, but right then, with Abby and his arms ready to explore whatever this thing was between them, there was nowhere else he’d rather be. And when he lowered his lips to her ready and waiting mouth, he knew that this kiss was full of passion and promise.
CHAPTER NINE
The week flew by for Abby in blur of long days at work that seemed to never end and evenings with Ethan that seemed to end too soon. They had seen each other every night that Ethan wasn’t on duty at the firehouse. Now it was Friday, and she’d agreed to go on the beach trip with him, for better or worse.
“These just aren’t enough options,” Lissa said, tossing a handful of swimsuits across Abby’s bed in disgust. She was supposed to be helping her pack for the trip, but Abby thought she was turning out to be more of a distraction.
“You’re going to be gone for five days and you only have three swimsuits? I don’t even know what to say. We need to have a serious fashion intervention with my sister Maggie.” Maggie, a blooming fashion designer that was starting a design program in college this fall, had designed or selected most of the clothing they carried in the boutique at Kincade Supply. Abby knew her sense of style paled in comparison.
Sighing, she sat down on the edge of the bed. “Lissa, it’s not a fashion show. I don’t need a different outfit every day.”
Lissa continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “And what’s with the practical one piece here? You should only have bikinis as long as you have a body like yours.” She wrinkled her nose.
“I’m not going to be lying on the beach sunbathing all week. I’m learning to surf. The last thing I need to worry about is my swimsuit coming off.” Just the idea of getting out in the water made Abby’s stomach churn, but she’d decided to go and she wasn’t going to back out now.
Lissa sighed, melodramatically in Abby’s opinion. “It just kills me to think you’ll be wearing that.”
Abby rolled her eyes. “Then don’t think about it. You’re supposed to be helping me, but I feel like I could have done this in half the time by myself.”
“Fine. I won’t say anything else about the swimsuits, but I insist on getting a say in your other clothing choices. I mean, it’s a trip away together. You know what that means, right?”
She had an idea what Lissa was hinting at, but she’d tried really hard all week not to think about it. “I’m sure you’ll tell me anyway.”
Lissa put her hands on her hips. “Well, not that it’s any of my business—”
Abby laughed out loud at that. “Since when has that stopped you?”
“As I was saying,” Lissa said, glaring at her, “it may not be my business, but you can’t tell me that you guys will go away on a trip together and that things won’t heat up between you.”
“Things are plenty hot, thank you.” While Abby had been enjoying getting to know more about Ethan that just how amazing of a kisser he was, the chemistry between them was undeniable. And unlike anything she’d ever experienced. She was an idiot if she thought they’d make it through this trip without things going to the next level. The idea both terrified and excited her. She hadn’t been with a man since Derek. Would she even remember what to do?
“Don’t worry, it will all come back to you,” Lissa said, as if she could read her thoughts.
“Lissa!” Abby’s face felt like it was on fire.
“I’m just saying.” The grin on Lissa’s face could only be described as wicked, and Abby couldn’t help but giggle a little.
“Fine. I’ll let you pick out the rest of my clothes.” She flopped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling as Lissa bustled around the room, pulling things out of drawers and tossing them on the bed. “Just don’t pack a ridiculous amount of things. It’s only five days.” She had a feeling that after Lissa left she’d have to cut the choices by at least half.
Lost in thought about what it would be like to spend five days and nights with Ethan, Abby didn’t notice that Lissa had gone over to her jewelry box until she heard the creak of the old metal hinges. She shot up out of the bed and rushed over, but it was too late. Lissa was holding her wedding ring in her hands and looking at it with a frown on her face.
“Whose is this?”
At any other time, she may have had the presence of mind to play it off, but she knew the look of panic on her face gave it all away.
“Abby?” Lissa prodded, concern taking over the curiosity. “Are you okay?”
Abby nodded, taking the simple gold band from Lissa and placing it back in the jewelry box before closing the lid firmly. She looked back at Lissa.
“Why do you have a wedding ring?”
Any number of excuses could have been made, but Abby was tired of hiding from the past, and she certainly didn’t want to lie to her sister-in-law who had shown her nothing but kindness from day one.
“It’s mine.” She dropped to the bed with a sigh. “I was married.”
Lissa came and sat next to her. The shock on her face couldn’t have been more obvious. “Does Jesse know?”
Abby shook her head. “I almost told him last week, but I just wasn’t ready. It’s too painful. I haven’t told anyone about it, actually. I try not to think about it.”
“What happened?”
Looking at Lissa, she saw that her now-closest friend and family member wasn’t just asking out of nosiness, but that she was genuinely concerned for her.
Abby took a deep breath, trying to slow her racing heart. They were words she’d only spoken aloud once before, when she told her mother. “He died.”
Lissa clasped her hands to her mouth, then reached out and hugged Abby tightly. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”
It was hard to talk over the lump in her throat, so she just nodded until she could take a few more calming breaths. She tried to remember her mantra and breathe in and out.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Did she? Part of her did. She’d only talked with a counselor a few times after Derek’s death. It had weighed so heavily on her for so long that she almost felt the need to get it out. But the other part just wasn’t ready to go there. Not when she was about to take a trip that would force her to face her biggest fear. It was too much to deal with.
She shook her head. “Maybe another day? It’s been a long time now, a couple years. I’m okay. But thank you.” She offered a smile, and Lissa wrapped her in another giant hug.
“Whenever you’re ready. And I won’t say a word to anyone. Not even Jesse. This is yours to tell when you want to.”
Abby believed her. Despite Lissa’s busybody nature, she was a good friend, and Abby knew she could trust her.
Just then, Abby’s phone beeped with an alert from a new text, and she glanced at it and saw it was from Ethan.
Want to grab a bite before we head to the airport?
He and
his friends had chartered a flight with a private jet, so they were leaving later that night to get in as much time as possible at the beach. She texted him back.
Sure, almost done. I’ll come down in a few.
“I need to finish up so I can meet Ethan for dinner before the flight,” she told Lissa.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
She took a second to make sure she could answer truthfully. And was happy and a bit surprised to be able to honestly say, “Yeah. Yeah, I am.” She smiled at Lissa, already feeling lighter because her friend knew, and even better that she wasn’t thrown into a pit of despair over talking about it. “I think I’m better than I’ve been in a long time, actually.”
Lissa smiled back, some of the spark returning to her eyes. “That’s because you have one of the hottest guys known to womankind waiting to sweep you away for the week.” She stood from the bed and made her way toward the door, turning back to say, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
Abby laughed. “I’m not so sure that leaves a lot of things off the table.”
Putting her hands on her hips, Lissa pursed her lips and said dryly, “Haha. Now go meet that fireman and have the hottest time of your life.”
“I think I’ll do just that.”
***
“Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has turned on the ‘fasten seat belt’ sign…”
Ethan tuned out the last of the pre-landing instructions, choosing instead to focus on Abby. She seemed nervous. Was it from the flight or something else? Maybe spending the week with him?
The past week with her had been amazing, and he couldn’t wait to take this trip with her. Though he did have a hard time pushing aside the memories of the last time he’d taken a woman on a trip. And the resulting tragedy. But he was trying really hard not to focus on it, wanting to enjoy his time with Abby.
“You okay?” he asked. She was squeezing his hand so hard her knuckles were white.
She nodded, her mouth pressed into a tight line. “I’ll be a lot better once we are on the ground.
Saved by Love Page 8
