‘The cheeky bastard!’ she said. ‘Did you see that? He just walked straight past.’
‘It’s alright. I’m not speaking to him anyway,’ said Trina, trying to put on a brave face.
Word soon got around that Zac had snubbed her, then other rumours started. Zac was supposedly interested in a really pretty girl in his year and was going to ask her out. Her name was Rebecca Statton and Trina knew of her. While she was very attractive, Trina doubted she would go out with Zac. Rebecca was too studious and well-behaved to waste time with a bad boy, but there was a chance that Zac would put pressure on her until he’d won her round.
Trina’s next move was to play off some of her admirers against each other in the hope of getting Zac jealous and perhaps making him see what he was missing. She had already met one of them after school and embarked on a pointless date where they spent time walking round the shops and chatting before he bought her chips and she went back home.
Her second date was with a boy called Ryan in her year who took her to the cinema to see Golden Eye. Ryan was a tall, blond boy, good looking but the quiet type and not cool like Zac. Still, it would be good to be seen with him and maybe it would bring Zac to his senses.
When they arrived in the cinema foyer, she was thrilled to spot two of Zac’s friends in the crowd with two girls. Trina was pleased that they had seen her too and hoped news of her date would soon get back to Zac.
While watching the film, Trina noticed Zac’s friends a few rows in front. One of them kept glancing curiously behind so she started kissing Ryan to give him something to look at. It was when she casually gazed ahead, to see if Zac’s friend was still looking, that she spotted Zac. He had arrived late and was joining his friends while chatting and laughing with Rebecca Statton whose hand he was clutching.
Trina was livid, not only because Zac had moved on, but also because he appeared so happy. And he’d taken Rebecca to the cinema, which was something he’d never done with her. Deciding she couldn’t sit through the film while watching Zac with Rebecca she got up to leave.
‘Hang on! Where are you going?’ asked Ryan.
‘Home!’
‘But you haven’t seen the film yet,’ he said.
‘I’ve seen enough,’ she said. ‘Don’t worry, you don’t have to come with me. You can stop and watch.’
Then she went, leaving Ryan to watch the film alone.
A maelstrom of thoughts ran through her mind. She was annoyed, upset and humiliated. He hadn’t even had the decency to finish with her before he started parading his new girlfriend around. Damn Rebecca Statton! Trina was so consumed with anger at Zac’s treatment of her that it didn’t occur to her that she had also been seen with other boys. In her mind the other boys were nonentities anyway but Rebecca Statton was something else altogether. All the boys fancied her!
Trina felt like crying, but it was more a feeling that she should be crying although she knew she wouldn’t. It was only when she got over her initial shock at Zac’s behaviour that she realised she wasn’t really upset about losing him. Trina wasn’t actually in love with Zac; she was in love with the idea of being a part of Zac’s life and her upset was more concerned with losing face now she had been officially dumped.
She was dreading facing everyone at school when they found out she was no longer with him, but Trina knew she’d get through it. She’d play it down and pretend she wasn’t really that bothered anyway. It wasn’t that far from the truth because Trina had used Zac for her own ends, same as she’d done with the other boys. She was beginning to realise more and more that boys just didn’t appeal to her in that way.
25
September 1997
Trina was now fifteen and had just begun her last year of secondary school. Zac Poole had left school the previous summer and she hadn’t heard from him since. Trina didn’t know what she wanted to do once she had sat her GCSEs. Ideas about working in a hairdressing salon or a fashion shop had floated around in her head but she hadn’t yet decided. What she was certain of was that she didn’t want to go on to sixth form. She was bright and astute but hated studying and knew it wasn’t for her.
For the last year she’d drifted in and out of short-term relationships with boys. Although none of them appealed to her on a long-term basis the relationships were mutually beneficial. She gave the boys sex and they treated her to cinema and bowling trips whilst also enabling her to fit in with the crowd. Currently she wasn’t seeing anybody and, if she was honest with herself, she was happier that way. All boys got on her nerves after a while.
It was the weekend and Trina was sitting in her mother’s living room watching TV when a car pulled up outside. Large, silver-coloured and gleaming, it was much flashier than the cars that usually parked on her street and Trina went to the window, curious about who was driving.
She gazed in awe at the beautiful vehicle, but when the driver stepped out, she felt a mixture of disappointment and intrigue. It was her cousin Josh, and his brother, Calvin, was getting out of the passenger side. She was disappointed that they were visiting because, at eighteen and nineteen they hadn’t outgrown their spitefulness and were still mean to her, but she was also intrigued as to why they were driving such a flash car.
Without waiting for them to ring the doorbell, Trina rushed into the hallway and answered the door.
‘Oh, it’s you,’ said Calvin. ‘Is Aunty Daisy not in?’
‘She’s in the kitchen,’ Trina bit back. Then she shouted. ‘Mam, Josh and Calvin are here to see you.’
They strutted through to the lounge, each of them dripping in gold. They were wearing chunky gold chains around their necks and sovereign rings on their fingers. In addition to the jewellery was the usual mix of expensive designer sportswear.
When Daisy came through to the lounge she eyed them cautiously and nodded at them. ‘Would you like a drink?’ she asked formally.
Josh grinned. ‘Yeah that would be nice. Coffee, three sugars.’
‘Same for me,’ said Calvin.
‘Can’t Trina make the brews?’ said Josh. ‘I’ve come to show you my new car.’
Just then Trina’s three younger brothers ran into the house. ‘Is that your car, Josh?’ Tyler gushed. ‘Can I have a ride in it?’
‘Me too,’ said Ellis and Jarell but Trina stayed silent, refusing to join in with their adulation.
Josh smiled widely as Daisy walked over to the window to examine the car. ‘Sure,’ he said, cocking his head back smugly. ‘Once we’ve had a drink.’
‘Good grief!’ said Daisy. ‘How on earth did you come by the money for that?’
‘Hard work,’ said Josh.
‘Yeah, hard work and good contacts,’ said Calvin, grinning.
Daisy tutted and backed out of the room. ‘I’ll make you both a drink then I suppose you can let us all have a run out in it, the boys first then me and Trina.’
While Daisy made the drinks, Trina’s younger brothers fussed over Josh and Calvin, asking them about their clothing, jewellery and car. Trina hated the way her cousins patronised her younger brothers and showed off what they had. But, although she was loath to admit it, she wanted a run out in the car just as much as her brothers did.
When she grew tired of listening to their condescending and scornful comments, Trina went to help her mother fetch the drinks through to the living room. She was glad when it was finally time for her and her mother to have a run out in Josh’s car. Calvin came with them while the younger boys waited in the house and, as she stepped out of the front door, Trina swelled with pride at the admiring glances from neighbours.
Trina jumped straight into the front seat, enjoying the feel of the plush leather upholstery and admiring the fancy dashboard with its CD player. Josh started up the engine and the sound of Gangsta’s Paradise by Coolio blasted out of the in-car speakers.
Daisy jumped, to the amusement of Trina and her cousins, and then said, ‘For heaven’s sake, Joshua, turn it down. It’s enough to deafen us.’
>
Josh reached over to the volume control and flashed Trina a sarcastic grin before turning the music lower. Trina settled back into her seat, staring out of the window as they blasted up the street, and relishing even more envious glances from their neighbours. As they sped through the streets, Trina kept one eye on the dashboard and the other on the road ahead. She was intrigued by all the fancy dials that swivelled around.
It wasn’t long till they reached the motorway. Trina wound down her window, taking delight in the sense of speed and the feel of the wind hitting her cheeks and gusting through her hair. It was the biggest thrill she’d felt for a long time but it was soon over.
When they got back indoors, she couldn’t resist the urge to quiz Josh about the car despite her determination not to feed her cousins’ overblown egos.
‘How much did it cost?’ she asked.
‘Shedloads,’ said Josh, cockily.
‘Did you have to save for ages?’ she enquired, naively.
Both of her cousins laughed but they waited till their aunty was out of the room before they continued their discussion.
‘We don’t save,’ said Calvin. ‘But we have to do some bad stuff to get what we want,’ he bragged while Josh shot him a warning look.
‘What sort of stuff?’ Trina persisted.
‘Stuff you shouldn’t fuckin’ know about,’ snapped Josh.
‘Yeah, you don’t need to know,’ said Calvin, following his brother’s lead. ‘You wouldn’t be tough enough to do what we do. Girls can’t cut it.’
‘Bet I would!’ said Trina, affronted at the insult.
Josh snapped at his brother again. ‘That’s all she needs to fuckin’ know!’
She didn’t have a clue what they were talking about but she was nevertheless annoyed that they should think her incapable because she was a girl. It was that same old familiar insult and it got to her every time.
‘Anyway, bro, we gotta go now,’ said Josh, signifying the end of the discussion.
They went through to the kitchen to say goodbye to their aunty. Daisy saw them to the front door then went through to the lounge to watch as they set off in the car. Trina’s brothers pursued the car excitedly with their friends as it roared down the street.
Daisy tutted again. ‘Poor Tamara. I don’t know how she puts up with it. Heaven knows what they’ll be getting into next,’ she muttered cryptically.
When her mother went back into the kitchen, Trina was left alone with just her thoughts for company. Although her cousins’ insults had riled her, she couldn’t help but be impressed by the car and their expensive clothes and jewellery.
She thought about how they might have come by the car and other expensive items. By piecing together her mother’s cryptic comments as well as the few things her cousins had told her, she guessed that they had somehow acquired them by illegal means. At this point, though, she had no idea about the extent of their illicit dealings.
As far as Trina was concerned they were just her two goofy cousins, Josh and Calvin, and she didn’t see any reason why she shouldn’t have what they had. If they could get hold of those things then why couldn’t she? In fact, she’d make sure she got what they had. She wasn’t sure how she would manage it but somehow or other she would one day say goodbye to her life of poverty and have all the things she desired and deserved.
26
April 1998
Springtime soon arrived and the date for leaving school loomed closer. But Trina still hadn’t made a decision regarding her future despite her mother’s concerns. By now Daisy was running two jobs to provide for her family and pay the bills; cleaning in the daytime and bar work in the evenings. Trina had noticed the way her knuckles were often raw and how tired she became due to the late-night hours in the pub.
But instead of feeling pity for her mother, Trina felt contempt. How could Daisy possibly hope to give her advice about her future when she so obviously hadn’t made a success of her own life? Trina didn’t dwell on her mother’s misfortunes, choosing instead to spend as much time as possible out of the home. As the nights became longer and warmer, she was enjoying hanging out at the park more frequently with Nicole and her other friends. She hadn’t paid much thought to her GCSEs; the idea of studying didn’t appeal to her.
She and Nicole hadn’t been in the park long one night, and had just started drinking some alcopops. They were hidden in a small glade behind some bushes, which had a narrow opening, giving them a view of anyone passing by on the pathway through the park. Trina had her back to the bushes when she heard someone walking past. She looked at her friend, Nicole, standing opposite her, and noticed how her eyes narrowed curiously as she peered through the gap.
‘What’s wrong?’ whispered Trina. ‘Who is it?’
‘Not sure. Wait there,’ said Nicole, passing Trina her drink and making her way through the bushes and onto the pathway.
After a moment’s hesitation, Trina put down the two bottles of alcopop and followed Nicole through the clearing in the bushes. If her friend had run into a problem then she wanted to find out what it was.
Once on the path she found Nicole hugging another blonde girl. Trina wasn’t sure who the girl was; her body was obscured by Nicole and her head was facing downwards, resting on Nicole’s shoulder.
‘Jesus, Shelley! I can’t believe it’s you,’ said Nicole, releasing the taller girl from her embrace and holding her at arms’ length so she could look at her. ‘You look great! How the fuck did you find me?’
‘It wasn’t hard,’ said Shelley. ‘All the kids hang about in this park. I just asked some girls over there if they’d seen you and they sent me here.’
The word kids didn’t sound as though it was intended as an insult, more a statement of fact. Trina recognised the name, Shelley; it was Nicole’s older sister. As soon as Nicole moved away Trina could see Shelley full on. She looked older than them and beautiful with blonde hair and lovely blue eyes. The attraction was instant.
Although Trina had been attracted to girls before, she’d never felt a pull like this. She’d previously dismissed it, knowing deep down that she fancied girls but telling herself it was maybe just a phase. But now she knew for sure.
As Nicole fussed over her sister, Shelley smiled back at her, enjoying the attention and the feeling of sisterly warmth that passed between them. Then Shelley’s eyes locked with Trina’s and Trina felt a moment’s discomfort; her intensity of feeling unsettling her. Nicole spotted her sister’s wandering gaze and spun around.
‘Trina, I can’t believe it!’ she said. ‘This is our Shelley. I’ve not seen her for months.’
She was delighted at seeing her older sister and Trina beamed a big smile at both of them. ‘Hi!’ she said, feeling herself blush under Shelley’s scrutiny.
Trina recalled Nicole mentioning that her older sister had left home under a cloud. Her memory was hazy with the details but now she wished she’d paid more attention to what Nicole had told her. Now, as she looked at Nicole’s striking sister, Trina was eager to find out as much as possible about her.
For a few seconds they surveyed each other. Shelley was similar in looks to Nicole but prettier. She was wearing a short A-line skirt and a cropped top with a slouchy jacket layered effortlessly over the top, adding just the right volume to her slim frame. Her makeup was perhaps a little overdone but, in a way, it added to her charm.
The bright red lipstick, frosted eyeshadow, blue eyeliner and lashings of mascara were very much in fashion. Nevertheless, the way they had been liberally applied would have looked tarty on someone older, but with Shelley’s elfin features, her makeup seemed to transport her from innocence to streetwise sophistication.
‘Trina’s my best mate,’ said Nicole. ‘I’ve told you about her before. We have some right laughs together.’
‘It seems an age since I was palling around with my mates at school,’ said Shelley wistfully.
‘I bet you’re glad you’re not there now,’ said Nicole. ‘It’s shit.’<
br />
‘Course I am. I’m doing alright for myself now,’ said Shelley.
‘Where you living?’ asked Nicole.
‘I’ve got a two-bedroomed flat in Whalley Range. You’ll have to come and see me but don’t let my mam know.’
‘Oh no, I won’t,’ said Nicole. ‘She’d kill me.’ Then she seemed to sense a change in her sister and quickly added, ‘I’m sure she’ll be alright in the end though. You know what parents are like.’
‘It’s alright,’ said Shelley. ‘I don’t need them. I’m doing alright now,’ she repeated.
As the conversation continued, Trina became mesmerised by her. She seemed so grown-up and switched on compared to them. Trina felt childish and unknowing compared to Shelley, who had an edge to her. It was in everything about her; from her stylish clothing and striking features to her mannerisms. She noticed her body language; the flirty way she tossed her long blonde hair and the way her smile seemed to mask a hidden depth. She would become momentarily lost in thought but then quickly recover, hinting at a life of tough decisions.
And when she spoke, she just seemed to know everything they were feeling as though she had experienced it all already but in a more enjoyable and shocking way. She was also knowledgeable about the wider world; a world outside of school and family life.
The more Trina watched and listened to Shelley, the more smitten she became. It was a revelation and she knew straightaway that she’d found what she’d been looking for. She had fallen instantly and unremittingly in love.
27
April 1998
The following day at school Trina couldn’t wait to find out more from Nicole about her older sister, Shelley.
‘Your sister’s really nice,’ she gushed. ‘Why did she leave home?’
‘My mam and dad kicked her out.’
‘Why?’
‘She got into loads of rows with them about drinking and staying out late. Then my mam found out she was shagging around, and she went fuckin’ ballistic. They had a massive row and Shelley walked out. My mam told her not to bother coming back so Shelley told her to fuck off.’
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