The house was quiet as I entered, and I tried to keep my noise level down so I didn’t wake her. Lately, she had been so tired. Maybe I should plan a little getaway for us this weekend and take her out to the lake and rent one of the little cabins out there. We could have some alone time together. I dropped my keys on the table and wandered over to the couch.
After pulling my boots off and setting them at the end of the couch, I stood and walked to the bedroom. The door was open and the light was off, but there was no Becca lying in the bed. The bathroom was empty as well. So, she wasn’t relaxing in the bedroom or the bath, maybe she was working on the rooms upstairs. I called out her name, and it seemed to resonate portentously in the empty house. She didn’t answer, so I began to systematically search the house room by room, though deep down I knew I wasn’t going to find her here.
Thumping down the steps, I told myself she must have decided to go out somewhere after all. My assumption that her car was in the garage must have been erroneous. I was surprised, but hopeful that she was coming around. When I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and dialed Becca, it went straight to voice mail. She must have left her charger behind again. She was always doing that despite me riding her ass about keeping one in her purse. It scared the shit out of me to think of her out there and not having a way to call for help or for us to find her if, God forbid, she found herself in another situation like before.
My next call was to Steph to see if Becca had called her or stopped by. As the phone rang, I walked back through the living room toward the kitchen. Passing the table, my gaze caught on a piece of paper I had missed when I came in and tossed my keys down. I began to read the note Becca left as I walked toward the kitchen for a beer.
The words seemed to crowd in my vision as I disconnected the call. My hand fisted around my phone, and the hand holding the paper clenched until the paper was no longer readable. My heart pounded and my breath caught before I launched my phone across the room, shattering it against the wall and leaving a dent in the sheetrock. It took me a few seconds for it to register that agonized cry I heard came from deep in my soul.
I drove like a raving lunatic down to Reaper and Steph’s. My bike tore up the driveway, skidding to a stop and throwing small bits of loose asphalt as I reached the end of the driveway. Mind racing, my chest heaved with the inability to catch enough air in my lungs. I felt disconnected and my hands shook as I climb the stairs of their porch and banged on the door.
“Hollywood—” Steph started to greet me with a smile that quickly disintegrated as she took in my disheveled and frantic appearance.
“Where is she? Is she here?” In my anger and unraveled state, I barged into the house yelling Becca’s name. Reaper came from the living room with a beer in his hand as I was pushing past Steph.
“Bro, what the fuck? I love you, but if you touch my wife like that again, you’ll be picking your ass up off the floor. That’s if you get up at all.” Reaper looked at me with a mix of anger and astonishment in his ice blue eyes. My brain registered what he said, and I looked to Steph as understanding of my behavior sank in.
“Steph, babe, I’m… I’m sorry. My mind is not thinking right. Is she here?” Steph glanced to Reaper and held a hand up to him before looking me in the eye.
“What are you talking about? Becca? She was home and said she was going to take a nap when I left after lunch. Did you call her?” Steph looked at me with concern in her eyes. I had no idea if that concern was for Becca or me and my insane, unfamiliar behavior.
“Yes, of course I tried to call her. I just got voice mail.” I shoved the crumpled letter at her because I didn’t trust myself to speak more than I had. My brain felt on the verge of shutting down. Goddammit this was why I had never wanted to share my heart. Moisture battled behind my rapidly blinking eyes, and my hands gripped tightly in my hair as I slid down the wall to sit on the floor. She didn’t have to read the letter out loud. It was burned in my memory already.
Mason,
I’m so sorry for handling things this way. You deserve better than this, but I need to get away. It’s just all too much right now, and I need to get my head straight. Please don’t try to find me, because I know you will, but I need some space to think. No matter what I decide, I won’t keep your son from you, but I can’t be there right now. Maybe ever. I just don’t know. When I can, I’ll be in touch.
Please know that I love you with all my heart, but I just don’t know if that is enough. My mind is all over the place. I feel like I’m unraveling, and I can’t put this on you while I try to get myself right. Take care of yourself.
Becca
“Oh my God, Hollywood. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. She didn’t say anything about this to me today. I swear.” She handed the crumpled-up note to Reaper before crouching down next to me. Her hand rested on my shoulder, and my agonized eyes met hers as I tried to figure out how I was going to just let her go. Despite telling myself it would be for the best, I couldn’t do it. She was mine, and I loved her. Now I just needed to find her and show her she was stronger than she thought and we were even stronger together.
MY MIND CONTINUED TO aimlessly wander as I stared out the window at the fields rushing by. The sky was so blue and the clouds were obscenely soft looking. They tempted me to reach up and try to grab ahold of them. The whine of the diesel engine lulled me into a peaceful stupor. My father was casting surreptitious glances my direction, but respected my fragile state for now and remained quiet.
He had called me shortly after Steph left with Remi and Wyatt and told me he was driving through. Imagine his surprise when I asked him to come by the house to pick me up and then when I walked out of my house with a bag in hand and climbed in his truck. Something told me he wasn’t expecting me to go with him, even though I had asked him to get me.
Surprise, Dad!
He had met Mason once when he stopped on his way through town with a load on his way to Minneapolis. We had all had lunch, but I had introduced him as Mason and never mentioned that he was a member of the local MC. After my mother’s reaction to Reaper and Steph, I just didn’t want to give her a reason to call me and remind me how much I had disappointed her. Again.
My dad and Mason seemed to get along really well and had talked Army and classic cars through the entire lunch. As I hugged him goodbye that day, I had asked him not to mention Mason to Mom because I didn’t want to endure her million questions about him and our relationship.
So, I knew he was dying to ask me what had happened and why I was heading down the highway with him. When I could pull the words together, I would talk to him, but at that moment, it was all I could do to hold myself together. As the miles continued to fly by, I felt myself drift off to sleep. My dreams were filled with the scent and feel of Mason wrapped all around me.
The truck coming to a stop woke me from my blissfully diverting dreams. For a moment, I was disoriented, until I remembered making the impulsive decision to leave with my truck driving father after he called. After hanging up with my dad, I had scratched out a hasty note to Mason and thrown a little bit of the clothing that still fit me and a few toiletries in a small duffle bag then raced out the door when my dad pulled up. At the time, it seemed like the perfect solution to my problems. Now I wasn’t so sure, but I told myself the time away was going to do me good.
“Hey, Becca-girl, you sleep good? You can go lay in the back if you want to stretch out. I just need to fill up and stretch these old legs and we’ll be back on the road. No pressure, sweetheart, but I’m heading into South Dakota with a load I’m dropping off tonight and then taking a load back down to Nebraska. After that, I was heading home for a few days. So, when you feel like talking, you need to let me know if you’re coming home with me or what your plans are. Okay?” My gaze flickered over to my father, taking in his full, red beard with the gray weaving through it. A small, fleeting smile crossed my face at the memories of being a little girl and braiding his beard. My bear of a father was suc
h a gentle giant my whole life, and he never let me forget I was the best thing that ever happened to him.
“I know, Daddy. Thank you.” The truth was, I didn’t really know what the hell I was doing. Guilt was beginning to eat away at me for my cowardly escape. Mason didn’t deserve what I had done. God, I fucked up. Making a mental note to call him after my dad and I talked, I rested my head back on the seat and stared listlessly out the window. My dad slipped out a frustrated sigh, climbed down from the driver’s seat, and began to pump fuel in his truck. He climbed back in and pulled forward to park his truck in preparation to go inside the truck stop. Once he backed in to an empty spot, he started to get out of the truck.
“I’m pregnant, Dad.” It was a soft whisper, and I wasn’t sure if he would even hear me. I just needed to get it out. Silence greeted me, but I knew he was still facing me as he had begun to step down and froze.
“Becca?” My dad’s strong, gruff voice quivered as he said my name. Tears streaked down my cheeks in wavering rivulets, and my breath came in shaky bursts. My hand covered my mouth as if it could hold in my silent sob. What I had always imagined as a happy, excited time in my life, which would be shared with my parents in a moment of joy, was blurted out in emotional strife. After all, my parents were going to be grandparents; I was going to be a mother. This should be a time of celebration and happiness, right?
My father had yet to move, and I knew he was waiting for confirmation of what he thought he heard. It felt like an impossibility to turn my head and meet my father’s eyes. Shame flooded me. Not because I was pregnant and not married. Not because the father of my child was a biker. Shame because I had waited so long to tell them and because I was being a coward by running. Once again.
“Yeah, Dad. You’re going to be a grandpa…” Slowly turning my gaze to him, I worried my bottom lip with my teeth. “The baby is Mason’s.” Well, that was dumb and obvious, I supposed.
“Well… Becca… honey. I, uh, I don’t know what to say. The thought of becoming a grandfather warms my old soul, Becca-girl, but you don’t seem happy, and… well… you’re here with me and that baby’s father is back in Grantsville. Do you want to come in and have a cup of coffee with me and we can talk? Damn, you really know how to catch an old man off guard, sweetheart. Give an old man a little warning before dropping bombs like that.”
A blubbering laugh escaped my lips briefly at my dad’s ability to bring humor to my moment of recklessness. Today I had acted without thought. My impulsive decision to leave was affecting not just me, but Mason, my friends, my family, and my unborn baby, whom my hand rested softly over. Steph didn’t even know where I had gone, or the I had gone at all.
Incapable of words at that moment, I just nodded and climbed out of the truck. My feet shuffled in trepidation, like a prisoner off to the gallows, as I made my way around the truck to face my father. Damn, I hated the thought of disappointing my dad. As I came face to face with the man I loved more than life itself and who loved me unconditionally, I expected disappointment to emanate from him, but I saw only worry and love as he held his arms wide open for me to fall into.
“Daddy…” My sobs broke through, and I stood in a busy truck stop soaking my dad’s red plaid shirt with tears that wouldn’t stop as he held me, smoothing my hair and whispering soothing words of comfort into my ear.
I WAS EXHAUSTED AS I pulled my bike up in front of the rust-colored house with scattered spots where the paint was peeling away from the siding. White trim surrounded the windows and the porch. The yard was well kept and the flower beds were meticulous. The breeze coming off the lake felt good as it blew gently through my hair, which stood on end after I pulled off my helmet.
By the time I got Becca’s parents’ address out of Steph it was after seven. Another three hours to get here, and it was now after ten at night. Was it too late to knock on the door? I hated to be a dick and wake up Becca’s parents, but I didn’t think I could wait until tomorrow to see her. Deep inside, I knew she had run home. There was nowhere else I could imagine her going, and believe me, I searched. Hacker had checked her credit card and bank card for activity, but nothing.
It ripped me in two to think she ran from me, that she didn’t have the faith or trust in me to wait and talk to me, but I wasn’t going to give up on her. For about two seconds, my anger turned me defensive and I was pissed at her and told myself, if she didn’t want to be with me, then fuck her, but deep down I knew that was bullshit and I would die fighting to keep her. Some things in life were worth fighting for. My family was one of those things.
After I set my helmet up on top of my right mirror, I swung my leg off my bike and stood looking at the front door of the house. Stretching out my tired muscles, my eyes glanced briefly at a weather old “Semi Parking Only” sign. Becca’s dad’s sign. The one her dad boasted she bought him when she was a young teen. Her father was a big, gruff dude, and he and I hit it off right away the day we had lunch with him. I hadn’t met her mom, but with a nervous breath, I knew that was about to change.
Placing one heavy foot in front of another, I moved closer to the door. My fist raised and knocked three short raps on the door. Silence met my knocks. My fist was raising to knock again, when the porch light flicked on and I heard movement on the other side of the door. The door opened with the chain still in place, and Becca’s green eyes in the face of an older woman with blonde hair looked at me with reservation.
“Mrs. Kannan?”
“Yes?” She continued to look at me with question and suspicion in her eyes.
“Ummm, my name is Mason. I’m…” I didn’t even get the rest of the words out before the door slammed shut. Well fuck. Then I heard the scrape of the chain and the door flew open.
“Oh my God. You’re Becca’s man! Come in, come in!” Becca’s man… why did I love the sound of that so damn much? She ushered me in and motioned for me to follow her into the kitchen. My eyes took in my surroundings, out of habit, and I noticed a comfortable and extremely neat home. In my mind, I pictured Becca running through the house at various stages of her life. Unbidden, I felt a smile take over my face.
“I made a chocolate cream pie today. Would you like a slice? Sit down, sit down! Make yourself at home.” She bustled around the kitchen, pulling out small plates, cups, and silverware. Evidently, no answer was a “yes” for Becca’s mom. She sliced a healthy piece of pie and set it in front of me. “What can I get you to drink?”
“Water, please, ma’am.” Becca must have gone to bed, so I settled in to visit with her mother while she rested. Now that I had made it here, there was time for me to talk to her in the morning. Since she hadn’t been sleeping well, maybe being safe in her childhood home would give her the peace she would need to sleep well.
“‘Ma’am’? Oh hell, don’t make me feel old! Please, call me Gina. I must say, you made quite an impression on Rob, my husband. He spoke very highly of you, and that doesn’t happen very often. Becca is the apple of his eye, and I don’t think anyone has ever been good enough for our girl in his eyes.” She smiled at me, causing small creases to form around her bright green eyes. “Now tell me, what do I owe the pleasure? Did you have business in town? Is Becca coming too?”
“Wait. What? She’s not here?” My heart began to pound as adrenaline pulsed through my veins. I thought for sure she had headed here. My fork dropped next to my plate and my appetite disappeared like a wisp of smoke.
“Here? Why would she be here, Mason? She has a new job and well… you now. I can’t lie to you and tell you that it hasn’t torn me up inside that she rarely calls me anymore, but I know she needed time to get past her anger with me. I really only wanted what I thought was best for her. She’s my only baby, you know. I just want her to be settled and happy.” Her face showed grief, and it aged her immediately, though it didn’t diminish her beauty. It was easy to see where Becca had gotten her stunning looks from. Her mother was an attractive older woman.
“Mrs. Kannan—Gina, Becca l
eft earlier today. She, well, I guess we had a falling out, and I thought she came here. Steph gave me your address, and I got here as quickly as I could. You haven’t talked to her? She’s not answering her phone to me. She’s having, ummm, a hard time, and I thought she came here to ground herself again.” My hand mussed my hair as it ran absently through it. Her expression told me she hadn’t spoken with Becca and had no idea what I was talking about.
“Mason, she hasn’t called me in ages now. She’s definitely not here. Wait, let me call Rob, maybe he’s talked to her. Unfortunately, he tends to talk to her more than I do lately.” She appeared sad. Then she jumped up and grabbed a cell phone from the counter by the back door. My patience was wearing thin, and my anxiety was rising by the minute.
Where the fuck are you, Becca? I tried to utilize the breathing exercises my shrink had me try way back when, but it wasn’t really helping.
“Rob? Have you heard from Becca? Mason is here because he thought she was here. Now I’m starting to get worried…. What? What the hell, Rob? Why didn’t you call me?…. Okay. Sure, hon, I understand. She’s okay, though?…. Okay, yes, baby, I’ll keep him right here.” Her eyes met mine, and her eyebrows raised at me as if she was daring me to argue. My hands raised in mock surrender. “Yes, I love you too. Okay, I’ll see you late tomorrow morning. Drive safe.” She pressed the end button and set her phone down on the table.
“What did he say? Is Becca okay? He talked to her?” I wanted to shake her, but I was trying desperately to hold my shit together. Patience was waning fast with me, but it wasn’t her fault.
“She’s with him now.” Relief flooded through me. “He couldn’t call earlier because she has been awake and upset. She just dozed off, and he hadn’t had a chance to call me. He told me to keep you here if it meant I had to tie you to a chair. Do you want to tell me what that is all about?” Her expression was one I had seen my own mother use when she was waiting for me to explain my actions after I got in trouble for some wild stunt or another as a kid.
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