Jessica put her hands up and pleaded with her mother. “Ma, just listen to me for a second.”
“No, I don’t want to hear it. I want him out.”
Jordan tossed the napkin into his plate and stood up from the table to leave, but Jessica stopped him.
“Jordan, wait a minute!” Jessica screamed. She turned her attention back to her mother and said, “Mama, you said yourself that Jordan needs some help.”
“You don’t—” Her mother tried to finish, but Jessica cut her off.
“I am taking him to a detox program in the morning and he needs to stay here so he can at least have a chance to get there in the morning.”
Her mother’s face showed reservations, and she said with apprehension, “Jessica, do you know what you’re getting yourself into?” She looked at her son and screamed, “He’s a liar and a thief and you can’t trust him!”
Jessica approached her and said softly, “Mama, I just don’t want to see my only brother die on those streets without at least giving him a chance to recover.”
There was a long pause. Mrs. Jones looked into her daughter’s pleading eyes and said in a steady low tone, “Jessica, I gave your brother all the chances in the world and all he did was disappoint me.” Mrs. Jones looked at her son with sullen eyes and continued. “I just feel sorry for you when you see for yourself how much of a liar he really is, and when he breaks your heart I pray to God that he doesn’t turn you cold like he did me.” She walked around Jessica and toward her bedroom and slammed the door behind her.
Jessica looked at her brother, who had his head down shamefully.
“I’m sorry for turning her that way, Jessica. I really am. I didn’t mean to.”
She walked over to her brother, hugged him, and said, “I know, but, Jordan,” she pulled away from him, “you got to do it this time or she’s never going forgive you again. You hear me? You got to come through this time.”
He exhaled deeply and agreed by nodding.
Jessica then asked him the question that was nagging her for days. “I want to ask you something.”
He shrugged his frail shoulders. “Go ahead.”
“How did you start getting high on that shit in the first place?”
He turned his head and spoke as if he’d told the story a million times. “After I lost you and Daddy, I had nobody. Then when we lost the house and moved to this block I was getting into fights from the day I got here. Nobody liked me because I was different. They began to pick on me and call me a retard because I rode the yellow bus. Then after being by myself for a few years, I met this dude. He let me hang out with him and his friends, partly because I always had some money, and we use to chip in to buy some weed and some wine and that was the first time I ever drank or did drugs.
“I felt accepted for the first time in my life. I didn’t even like it, but I did it just so I could fit in.” Jordan paused as he remembered the moment. “Then one night they was with these other dudes from the neighborhood, they was real fly and popular and they asked for money to put in for some smoke, but this time they asked for ten dollars. I thought that was way too much, but I put it in anyway because I just wanted to be accepted. When the dude came back he pulled out some the weed, some cigars, and these little bottles that I never saw before. I watched them cut the cigar open and fill it with the weed and another dude emptied the bottle and put these little white pebbles in a dollar bill and crushed it up then sprinkled it all over the weed then rolled it up all together. We stood in a circle and they lit it up and began smoking it and passing it around. I looked at each boy’s face as they did it and saw their eyes light up like they went to the moon or something.”
He looked at his sister. “They call that getting beamed up. Then they passed it to me and I took a pull for the first time.” He closed his eyes as he thought back and smiled.
Jessica was confused.
He opened his eyes and explained, “As soon as I smoked it, sis, I felt powerful, I felt invincible. It took me outside my loneliness and had no more worries at all. For the first time in my life I felt like everyone else instead of the retard that I am.”
Jessica melted as she looked at the sincerity in her brother’s eyes and she knew he was serious. She again looked him in the eyes and placed both hands on his cheeks. “You are not a retard; you just learn things slower than others, and you don’t need any drugs to make you fit in. You hear me, Jordan?”
He nodded.
They sat up the rest of the night and caught up on old times when the subject of their father came up. “You know, Jessica,” Jordan said, “when you went away, Daddy was messed up over it real bad.”
Jessica put her head down as she listened.
“It was like when you went away a piece of him just died. He retired early because he got real sick and just hung around the house. Then he just stayed in the bed and wouldn’t eat or nothing. And that’s when he had his first stroke.” He shook his head, trying to fight back the tears. “When he finally was let go out of the hospital he was real small, half his size, and no longer able talk in full sentences. He would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night calling out your name over and over.”
He looked up at Jessica with tears falling from his eyes. “And not long after that, he just gave up and died.”
Jessica was devastated because this was the first time she’d heard any of this.
Jessica stood up quickly and changed the subject to prevent her from shedding tears and said, “We got a big day tomorrow, so you better get some sleep so we can get downtown early. You sleep in here, and I’ll sleep in the living room, ok?” She smiled and exited the room and said before she left. “Jordan, I’m proud of you.”
He smiled back and said, “Thanks, sis.”
Jessica approached her little brother and hugged him affectionately. She pulled away and stared into his eyes and said seriously, “Jordan, I love you with all my heart and I know you love me, but before I let you live and suffer another day in hell on your knees from these drugs, I’d rather kill you myself so our mother can live in peace.” Jessica never blinked her eye. “You understand, Jordan?”
He looked in her face to see if she was joking. He realized she wasn’t and simply nodded.
She rubbed the back of his head and said, “Good. I’ll see you in the morning.” Jessica closed the door.
It was about 4 o’clock in the morning when she was startled and saw someone standing over her as she slept. Jessica adjusted her eyes and rubbed them and saw that it was her mother looking down upon her.
“Mama?” asked Jessica. “What’s wrong?”
Grim-faced, her mother answered, “Are these your pants, Jessica?”
Jessica adjusted her eyes again and looked at the jeans in her hand and nodded.
“Well, I found them at the front door.”
Jessica was confused for a moment when suddenly she jumped up off the sofa and ran down the hall to Jordan’s room. She swung the door open and switched on the lights and looked at the bed. He was gone.
Jessica ran back to the living room and snatched the jeans from her mother’s hand and quickly checked the pockets. She checked all four pockets before realizing that Jordan had in fact stolen every dime of the money Vonda had given her. Jessica looked at her mother, who simply shook her head knowingly and walked back to her bedroom and closed the door.
Chapter 13
Before Jessica exited her building that day she was fuming because she felt used by her brother. One part of her wanted to ball up and cry, and the other part of her wanted lash out and hurt somebody, and that was the reason she walked downstairs with a baseball bat sure that she would be able to release some frustration. Before she even made it downstairs to the front of the building she accosted a male and female smoking crack in the stairwell. They barely paid her any mind until she lifted the bat and banged it against the railing.
“Get the fuck out of this building right now!” yelled Jessica. She watched the two scra
mble down the stairs as if their lives depended on it. Jessica continued down the stairs and threatened everyone she crossed paths with until finally the dealers ran inside the building to see why everyone was running out.
The dealer, a young boy no older than nineteen, looked up at Jessica coming down the stairs palming the baseball bat in her hand and yelled, “Bitch, what the fuck are you doing? Are you crazy?”
Jessica was not fazed by his slurs and walked right up to him and swung the bat without even hesitating. The bat hit the boy in his shoulder and he backed out of the building screaming more obscenities at her. The remaining boys were caught off guard as they watched their homeboy cry out in pain.
“Bitch, do you know who you fuckin with? Do you know who I’m with?”
Jessica gritted her teeth and spewed, “Like I give a fuck! I told y’all motherfuckers yesterday if I see you in my building it was gonna be on. Now it’s on, motherfucker!”
Jessica charged after him with the bat high in the air and yelled so loud she sounded like a banshee. She connected the bat to his other arm and he fell to the ground screaming in pain. She turned her attention to his partner and hit him with a brutal blow to his legs. The other boys had the sense to back far away from the bat wielding crazy woman. People from the surrounding buildings began to raise their windows and cheer loudly as Jessica warded off the local dealers.
Jessica had fire in her eyes and wasn’t backing down as she challenged the boys for more. “Come on, come get some more and see what happens.”
Tenants from her building began coming out one by one to show solidarity. The young boys weren’t backing down and began to surround her and were ready to make their move on her until one of the tenants from her building walked out and said loud enough for all to hear, “I got your back, sister.”
He then pulled out a huge pistol from his waistband and asked, “Now, which one of you want to be the first to get a bullet in their ass?”
Seeing the weapon stopped the boys in their tracks. They eyed the pistol with malice. The boys now knew they meant business.
“You got this one, but we’ll be back!” they threatened.
The man behind Jessica sneered. “If you do, I’m gonna be right here to put some of these bullets in your ass, so I’ll be waiting.”
The four boys then backed away and walked off down the block. The man patted Jessica on the shoulders and led her back toward the building, over to the group of people that had formed on the steps. They immediately began congratulating her for her bravery.
The man stuck out his hand and introduced himself. “Hi, my name is Cleveland. I’m the building’s superintendent. Pleased to meet you.”
Jessica smiled. “I’m Jessica. My mother lives in 3F and I just moved in yesterday.”
He smiled widely and said, “Oh, you Ms. Jones’ daughter. Welcome to the building.”
After things finally died down, Jessica and Cleveland sat on the stoop and spoke about the situation for nearly two hours.
“This neighborhood was a good neighborhood to live in and raise your kids. Everybody looked out for each other and respected the old folks.” Cleveland pulled off his hat, exposing his graying head of hair. “But, about three or four years ago that crack shit came out and changed everything.” He shook his head. “I knew all of them. I watched them all grow up right before my eyes from when they were little till now, and it changed all of them.” He shook his head again. “I seen a lot of people in my time get strung out on drugs—heroin, reefer, alcohol, everything. But, I ain’t ever seen a drug change so many and so fast.”
He looked Jessica in the eyes and confessed, “My own son got himself hooked on that damn drug and got his self mixed up in that game by selling it. He got his self killed just a year ago.” His shoulders deflated. “You see, Jessica, that is the Devil’s drug, and it will get you one way or another. It doesn’t discriminate, and if the drugs don’t get you, the lifestyle will. So it doesn’t matter if you smoke it or sell it, it will bring you down one way or another.”
Jessica listened and absorbed everything he had said.
He exhaled deeply and continued, “And now there you have it. Drugs are running rampant all over the place—on your street, in your building—and even the police can’t do anything because people are so afraid to do something about it and just let them be.”
Jessica became confused. “Why now? Why did you wait so long to do something about it? Why wait till now to take a stand?”
He stood to his feet and paused as if he was searching for the right words to tell her. He exhaled and admitted, “I guess it was because I was afraid.” He turned away from her so she didn’t see the shame on his face. “I survived the Vietnam War and saw a lot of killing, and I did plenty of it myself. If I didn’t die over there, I refuse to die where I was born and raised. Like I told you earlier, it works on both sides of the fence in that crack business, and it even changes the ones that sell it for the worst. Some of these same li’l boys I used to give change to and who use to call me Mr. Cleveland are the same ones I fear the most. Now they call me ‘old man’ and tell me to mind my business. They disrespect me by telling me that they will sell their drugs anywhere they want and if I try to stop them they will hurt me.”
He looked at Jessica, real serious, and ended it by saying, “And I believed them.” He shook his head. “When they first came in the building selling their stuff I would run them out of here by calling the police, but they must have known it was me, and one day, about six of them ran up on me and beat the living daylights out of me. The people in this building didn’t even come out and help; they didn’t even so much as call the police.” He sucked it in as he recalled the moment and said angrily, “So, I just said fuck it! If they didn’t care about me, I didn’t care about them and I just began to mind my own business like the rest of them. You live longer that way.”
Jessica understood. “Why did you come out and help me then?”
He tossed Jessica a sheepish grin and said, “I guess I’m stupid and a glutton for punishment.”
Jessica grinned back and thanked him just the same. Moments later her mother walked out the building and Jessica stood up immediately.
“Good morning, Ms. Jones,” Cleveland quickly said, as he tipped his hat toward her.
Jessica tried to hide the bat behind her and stammered, “Hey, Mama, are you on your way to work already?”
Her mother eyed the bat she had behind her and nodded toward Cleveland. “Good morning, Cleveland.” Ms. Jones turned around and looked back in the building and asked, “What happened? I didn’t see our morning guests huddled in the building.”
Cleveland gave her a faint smile. “I guess they took the day off.”
She looked her daughter in the eye. “Jessica, can I have a word with you?”
Cleveland got the hint to excuse himself and said, “Well, Jessica, it was nice meeting you, and you know where I am in case you need me.” He nodded to Ms. Jones again and walked into his apartment on the ground floor.
Her mother turned to face her and said shrewdly, “Jessica, I’m not stupid. I know that you are upset about your brother, and I really do know how you feel, but you cannot take your anger out on anyone just because they sell drugs. You just got home from prison and don’t want to put yourself in jeopardy and go back there. These people out here are not worth risking going back to prison for.”
“These boys have virtually taken this building hostage and locked people in their own homes, and I’m supposed to sit by and let them do that shit?”
“Watch your mouth, Jessica,” her mother warned.
“Sorry, Mama, but from the moment I got home they were trying to push that stuff on me and called me all kinds of names when I walked in the building.” Jessica paused for a moment to ensure she understood. “I was even walking up the stairs and saw a girl sucking a man’s penis and they barely even moved to let me by. All I could think of was if they can do that in front of me, what do they do
in front of my mother? I just can’t sit by and take it.”
“Well, I been doing fine all these years without you being here, so what makes you think I can’t handle myself by now, Jessica?”
Jessica was unmoved. “Because, Mama, it’s only going to get worse before it gets better, and I’ll be damned if I sit by and let somebody put their hands on you if I have anything to do about it!”
For the first time, Ms. Jones realized that Jessica was no longer the innocent child who went away over six years ago.
**********
Jessica decided to give Vonda a visit because she needed a friendly ear to vent her frustration. When she arrived to her building she knocked on the door and a booming male voice answered, “Who the fuck is it?”
“It’s me, Jessica. I’m here to see Vonda.”
“Who is it?” the voice repeated as the footsteps grew louder.
“Jessica!” she said, only this time louder.
The door suddenly flew opened and Jessica looked upward into the man’s face. He was a fiercely huge, dark-skinned man with a Tootsie Roll pop in the side of his mouth. She immediately recognized him as Vonda’s youngest brother—Chubby.
He began to blink rapidly when suddenly his mean scowl turned into a smile. “Jessica, holy shit, is that you?”
She smiled and nodded. “Yes, Chubby, it’s me.”
He snatched her off her feet and swung her around the doorway like she was a rag doll. He put her down and stepped backwards to get better look at her and grabbed her tightly again. Vonda came to the door to see what the excitement was about and saw that it was her homegirl and smiled. He ushered her inside and locked the door behind him.
“Damn, Jessica, Vonda told me you got out a few days ago. What took you so long to come over and see a nigga?” He looked her up and down. “Damn, and you looking good too.”
Jessica was also amazed at how much Chubby had changed. “Forget about me, Chubby. Look at you. You look like you could play in the NFL, you’ve gotten so big. I remember when I was able to wrap my arms around you and now look at you—all big and sexy as ever.”
Harlem Girl Lost 2 Page 12
