by KB Alan
She smiled at the sight, then felt the smile stretch even wider when she spotted the car coming down the lane. Since he didn’t have the early morning shift, he was in his SUV, not the cruiser. Too bad, because she always loved seeing him in it, remembering. With her plans to go play in Boston that day, and Drew being so careful with his reputation, it really was a miracle that things had progressed as they had.
One she was determined to enjoy to its fullest.
Drew opened his door and got out, his gaze pinning her in place. She pivoted as he walked up and through the door. The casual saunter was all natural and she knew he’d just be confused if she told him how turned on she could get just by his walking toward her. But it was the truth. Without saying a word, he rested his hands on her hips and his lips on her mouth. Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, he opened his mouth and hers for a kiss.
Her body melted into his, her arms going naturally around his body, her feet sliding into place between his. She couldn’t say how long they stayed like that, enjoying the kiss and the press of their bodies together, but when her stomach rumbled, she felt his lips smile against hers, and he eased her back.
“Hungry, I take it?” he asked.
“Apparently,” she laughed.
He took her hand and led her to the kitchen.
“I guess I could have made something, had it ready for when you got home.”
“Not if that meant you’d still have work you needed to get done after dinner,” he teased. “I can make some sandwiches,” he offered.
“Ugh. I want real food. Actually, I think I want Italian. Yeah, a big plate of pasta. Let’s go to Mama’s, the drive will be totally worth it.”
She actually felt his body go still beside her. And realized her mistake. They didn’t do “going out”. They did staying in. Staying private. They did sex and play, not dating. Instead of feeling bad about her mistake, she felt irritated at his reaction.
“Look, Drew. You expect me to trust you in the bedroom, even when we’re not actually in the bedroom. Can’t you trust me not to start calling you Sir in public, or begging you to fuck me on the table?”
His eyes went frosty and he closed the fridge.
“Emma.”
If he’d said it any other way, she might have laughed at herself and tried to have a reasonable conversation. Instead, he said it in his Dom voice. In his chiding, “you’re being a brat, begging for attention” voice.
Anger erupted through her faster than she thought possible. “No, Drew. You don’t get to pull that shit on me when we’re like this. My walking through your door does not automatically mean we’re in a scene and you can treat me like a sub. I know that’s the only thing I’m here for, but there are still boundaries.”
“That’s not fair, and you know it.”
“Really? Do I? Fine. You’re right. We had an agreement and I’m being unfair. I’ll go get dinner and when I come back, if I’m in the mood to fuck, I’ll let you know. Otherwise, I’ll head home and we can set up another play date.”
She turned to walk away, but she didn’t get far. Drew’s hand on her arm wasn’t painful, but it was insistent. “Jesus, Emma, you didn’t even give me a chance to answer you.”
“Oh please, your expression was answer enough, I promise you.”
“You’re not being—”
“Fair. Yeah, you said. I’m hungry, I’m sure I’ll be much more reasonable after I eat.
“Dammit, we talked about this.”
“I know, Drew. I know you don’t want to date. That doesn’t mean I don’t need to eat. Like I said, I’ll go out to dinner and come back. You can have a sandwich, like you said.”
Her anger had already burned through, replaced by a vague nausea that she didn’t want to examine too closely. “Look, I know you have an issue with going out in public with a play partner. I get it. But if you don’t trust me well enough at this point to know that I can have dinner in public without embarrassing you, then I think we have a problem.”
“I don’t think you’ll embarrass me.” He shoved his fingers through his hair, gave a little tug. “But you have to admit, going out on dates will change things. Change this. Change what we both said we wanted.”
She started to deny it, then clamped her mouth shut. He was right. Yes, they could go out and get a meal, like buddies. She could tell herself that was all it needed to be, but she’d be lying. She didn’t just want a good meal, she wanted to spend time with Drew, sitting and talking. In public. She hadn’t admitted it to herself, but she’d already started to see them as a pair. A couple.
Her legs felt weak as she moved to the table, pulled out a chair and plopped down. “You’re right. I’m being unfair. I guess… I don’t… Hell. I don’t know.”
He pulled out the chair next to her and sat, bracketing her legs with his, taking her hands in his. “I do trust you. I don’t think you’re going to out me in public and get me fired. But I do know that you’re leaving the state in, what, seven months? Something like that? And I know that I don’t want a long-term relationship.”
“I think maybe we need to find a middle ground. I don’t want to feel like your whore who’s only good enough—”
She didn’t get the rest of the sentence out before he dragged her off her chair and into his lap.
“Baby,” he crooned carefully. “Tell me that’s not really how you feel.” He cupped her chin, met her gaze.
A lump had somehow lodged in her throat and she had to work to speak. “No, Drew, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I don’t feel like that.” A tear escaped and his eyes followed the path it trailed down her cheek. “I guess I just need more. I shouldn’t have reacted like that, though. Honestly, I didn’t realize what I was feeling.”
He returned his gaze to hers and she felt as if he were seeing through her, seeing inside to every thought and feeling she was having. She hoped he understood the mass of confusion better than she did. He leaned in and kissed her forehead and the tight bundle of fear that had sprouted deep in her belly loosened.
“We’ll find some middle ground. I don’t want you to think I’ve been actively avoiding going out in public with you. I’ve just been having way too much fun with you in private to want to waste any time out and about.”
He dropped his hands to her thighs, leaned back into the chair. “But, I have to be honest. Going to your friend’s family restaurant seems like a whole lot more, not just a little bit.”
She nodded. “You’re right. And I don’t want that. I’m not ready for that. I was totally overreacting.”
Chapter Thirteen
Drew watched her face, trying to figure her out. Was she being honest? With herself, as well as him? Was it just an overreaction, or was she setting them both up for heartache? It shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Everything had been going so well that he just hadn’t considered the fact that the normal progression in that case was to move forward. To move into a real relationship, one with an expectation of a future.
There was no question that if he were even the slightest bit interested in such a future, Emma wouldn’t have had to push. He’d already have nailed her down with a commitment and ensured that she was just as interested in a future as he was. But he wasn’t. So he hadn’t anticipated.
Looking at her closely, trying to fathom all that was going on inside her gorgeous head, he decided he believed her. She hadn’t realized she’d been itching for more and had overreacted. The problem was, were they kidding themselves thinking that they weren’t heading for disaster?
They could keep saying they didn’t want anything complicated to develop all they wanted, that didn’t mean that they weren’t developing exactly that, just by being together. He was going to have to give it some thought, after his heart stopped racing. They’d fought, but it hadn’t turned ugly. No name calling, no screaming. Nothing like he’d had to listen to constantly, growing up. He pushed the thought away. His parents’ issues had no place here, nothing to do with his relationship with
Emma.
He lifted her up. Right now, they both needed to eat. “Get your jacket. It might not be up to Mama’s standards, but we have a pretty decent Italian restaurant not too far from here.” He wrapped his arms tightly around her, one hand cupping her head, his nose buried in her hair.
“I’m sorry you were upset, baby.”
She squeezed him tight. “It’s okay. Not your fault. Thank you for listening and not overreacting. One of us in that state was enough.” She pulled back and offered him a wobbly smile.
Dropping a quick kiss on her nose, he let her loose to get her jacket. He found an umbrella in the coat closet and led her to the passenger side door of his truck, then ran around to his side. He tossed the umbrella in the backseat and slid in.
It was a quick drive despite the weather, and while they were quiet, it wasn’t uncomfortable. The parking lot was only half full, so he wasn’t worried about their lack of a reservation.
“Wait for me,” he ordered quietly, grabbing the umbrella. She did as he asked and he held the cover over her while she exited, then led her into the restaurant. It took only a few minutes to have them divested of their coats and seated in a warm booth.
He studied her while she read the menu. It hadn’t been as hard as she might imagine not to get pissed off earlier. Yeah, his first reaction had been anger. But he’d quickly seen her pain, which had been like a punch to his gut. The anger had slid away to concern, a need to know why she was hurting and how he could fix it.
He held back a sigh. They’d only known each other two months and in that time he’d been telling himself they were just having fun. But the truth was, he’d never had fun with anyone like this before, hadn’t realized how impossible it would be not to fall in deeper. How could he, when he’d never met anyone like her before? Her joy and enthusiasm, her sweetness with Toby, the way she responded to him, all of it was addictive, like a drug he hadn’t realized he needed to be wary of.
Her hand came into his line of sight, rested on his clenched fist. He looked over, saw she was watching him, concern and worry easily read on her face.
He turned his hand, linked his fingers with her.
“Sorry, baby. It’s nothing, I’m just realizing how much of an idiot I am.”
Regret flashed through her eyes but he stopped her before she could speak, then was interrupted by the waiter. They ordered and when the man left, he lifted her hand to his lips, pressed a kiss to her knuckles.
“I’m not saying what we decided when we met was a mistake, because it made sense for us at the time. What I’m saying is, it was stupid of me not to realize pretty early on that it wasn’t going to fly for very long.”
“Well, if you’re an idiot, so am I. I swear, I haven’t been stewing about it or anything. As I said, it took me by surprise too.”
“I guess neither of us is used to this kind of thing, which is sort of the point.”
“You’re right. We’re just going to have to figure it out together as we go.”
He looked away, swallowed hard. “I’m still not sure I can give you what you need.” He wasn’t used to being unsure, didn’t like the feeling at all. Her gaze dropped to the table and he squeezed her hand. “The dating thing.”
Her uncertainty was palpable. “Look. If your boss walked in right now and you introduced us, what do you think would happen?” she asked.
“I trust you. I don’t think you’d try to hurt me, or even do so accidentally. But you told me you’re trying to be free and open about who you are. I can’t ask you to bottle that up inside like I do.”
“I was trying something new, and here’s the thing, it didn’t really work. I mean, it did in that I met you, and that was amazing. But letting other people,” she glanced around, made sure no one was anywhere near close enough to hear her low voice, “who are into kink know that I’m into kink didn’t really do anything for me. It’s really more about what I’m trying to figure out for myself, about myself. What I’m going to be able to live with when I move back to California, and what I won’t be able to live without.
“Not wearing that necklace again isn’t even about you. What I was looking for wasn’t jewelry or even community. I already have that. I already knew where to go to be with people who were like me. Honestly, I think my tattoo serves as a better reminder to myself that just because I usually look and act one way doesn’t mean I can’t be smug about my naughty side. But I really don’t want everyone to know I have the naughty side. I like being subtle.”
“All right. You have class at one tomorrow?”
She sat back as the waiter brought them glasses of water and a basket of breadsticks. As soon as the man’s hand was clear, she snatched one, quickly rattled her order off to the waiter then took a bite. Drew couldn’t help but smile as he placed his own order, thankful that the mood had changed. He hated seeing her hurt, much preferred to see her enjoying her food. Although not as much as he liked seeing her enjoy him and what he did to her. But was that going to be enough? He clenched his jaw, forced the thought away.
Holding up a hand to indicate she would answer, eventually, she chewed her way through the bite, then took a sip of the water. “Yes, one o’clock. I should leave here by noon to be safe.”
Now that he thought about it, he realized she liked to be early for things, hated to feel rushed. He wished he could change the fact that the burden of their meet-ups almost always fell to her.
“If it doesn’t interest you in the least, tell me, but I thought in the morning you might enjoy a trip to the shooting range.”
Her eyes got that satisfying look of anticipation he was used to seeing only in regards to sex, letting him know immediately that she liked the idea.
“Oh, that would be fun!”
“It might be a mistake on my part, introducing you to firearms,” he said, giving her a wry grin.
She laughed and took his hand before giving him a mockingly serious expression. “I solemnly vow never to point a gun at you, no matter what you do.”
He just couldn’t resist her. He leaned in for a taste and she met him halfway. Her lips were buttery with a hint of garlic and he wanted to lick them, order her to stay perfectly still for him while he used one of the breadsticks to paint that buttery flavor all over her body. Her breath quickened, as if she could sense the direction of his thoughts, the heat of his desires. He knew the waiter was approaching so he forced himself to give her the small kiss that was appropriate to the environment, then leaned back.
He asked the waiter for more water, even though he didn’t really need it, just to keep the man’s attention on him while Emma sat back. The waiter didn’t deserve to see the look of soft arousal on her face. She met his eyes as the plates were being set on the table, her attention focused solely on him.
Knowing he should do more, offer her more, give her more, he only gave her a cocky wink and looked down at his meal. The chicken looked delicious, but he found he didn’t really care. Instead he cut himself a bite and ate it while mostly just watching Emma start in on her pasta. As he watched her lick her lips clean, he tried not to think that he was very much in trouble here.
****
They were both quiet on the drive home. He took her hand in his, rested them on her thigh. The rain had intensified but traffic was light, and he kept his speed nice and easy. He squeezed her hand and put the car in park. She didn’t wait for him to open her door, but jumped out and twirled herself in the downpour. He could only shake his head and laugh at her obvious enjoyment as he followed her to the door.
Without saying a word they went upstairs and he undressed her. She remained still while he worked his way to having her naked. Since she was sopping wet, he couldn’t enjoy a slow reveal, but sent her to the bathroom to get a towel so he could pat her dry. She just smiled at him and let him do as he pleased. When she was dry, he cupped her jaw in his hands and licked her lips as he’d wanted to at the restaurant, worked his way along her jaw, down her neck to spend some time at the hollow
of her collarbone.
Other than murmuring his name and bracing her hand lightly on his shoulder, she remained still. He enjoyed the ever-increasing tension as it worked its way through her body. Her nipples tightened hard under the barest brush of his lips, her chest flushed with her arousal, and her breathing accelerated.
He picked her up, eliciting a sweet little gasp, and laid her out on the bed. For a minute he just watched, her gorgeous body deeply aroused, her eyes heavy with need. He pulled his clothes off quickly and rolled on a condom without taking his eyes off her for more than a second. Stretching out on top of her, giving her some of his weight, wanting to feel the connection along their bodies as much as possible, he moved his fingers into her hair, his thumbs resting along her cheekbones. He met her eyes and slowly slid into her. Her hips tilted, easing the way while they watched each other. His rhythm slow and steady, he paused every few strokes to make sure her clit was getting the pressure she needed. When her gasps were coming steadily, her body arching up into him as much as possible, he caressed his thumbs along her cheek. “Let go for me, baby,” he whispered. “I need you to come now.”
She gave a small cry, her eyes closing, but only for a moment. They fluttered back open, watching him watch her come. So beautiful, his Emma. So perfect. He thrust into her squeezing channel, felt as if he was fusing their bodies together in a way that could only be described as amazing, and came. Only after he’d finished did he allow his eyes to close. He let more of his weight settle onto her welcoming body and he tried very hard not to worry about what the future held for them.
****
The next morning he dragged her out of bed without much more than a kiss and put her to work scrambling eggs while he made the coffee and toast. She wasn’t exactly grouchy, but neither was she fully awake until they were finished eating, and he enjoyed the transition. They made quick work of the cleanup and he followed her back upstairs into the bathroom.
