by E. N. Joy
“You, you want me to go?” Terrance asked his mother. She immediately replied with a nod. Now Terrance stood there looking the same way Bethany had been looking when Mother Doreen wanted to be alone with Terrance back at the church. “But, Momma . . .” Terrance’s words trailed off. This was the first time he’d ever been able to communicate with his mother verbally, and he wasn’t about to let it be tainted with back talking. “Okay, Momma, but I’m going to be right outside that door if you need me.” He said those words to Lauren but was speaking to Mother Doreen. “And remember, if you need anything, you can always push the nurse’s call button,” he added, knowing his mother had never used that button before.
Lauren nodded as Terrance reluctantly exited the room. After Terrance left, initially there was silence. Mother Doreen broke that silence by digging into her purse and pulling out the journal she’d read most of the entire ride there. “Oh, by the way, this belongs to you.”
Lauren looked at the journal.
“I hope you don’t mind, but Terrance thought I should read it.” Mother Doreen got no reaction from Lauren. “I’ll just go put it over here next to the Bible.” She walked over to the end table and placed the journal next to the Bible. She then stared out the window. She pretended to be admiring whatever it was Lauren had been so fixated on, but what she was really doing was taking a quick moment to ask God for direction—to order her steps and her words.
“En . . . End,” Lauren said, this time a little more relaxed, as if she was finally getting the hang of this talking thing.
“Huh? Excuse me?” Mother Doreen swiftly turned to face her.
“End.” Lauren swallowed, which seemed to help her words come out easier and clearer. “Did y . . . reeeeead end—theeee end?”
“Oh, did I read the end of the journal?” Mother Doreen guessed, and Lauren nodded. “No, but I read most of it. I read enough to know that you were in love with my husband and that he hurt you very mu—”
“Sssssit.” Lauren looked at the chair next to her bed. “Si’ chair.”
“Yes, of course.” Mother Doreen walked over to the chair and sat down.
Lauren swallowed twice. “I tell you,” Lauren said, now her words much clearer for Mother Doreen to understand. “I’ll tell yyyy . . . ou the end.” Lauren coughed. Trying to get the words out had nearly choked her. In between coughs she managed to say, “Waaater.” She grabbed her throat. “Nur-urse! Waaater!”
Mother Doreen buzzed the nurse. When the nurse replied via the intercom, Doreen asked her if she would bring Lauren a pitcher of water. The nurse brought the water within minutes. She almost jumped for joy, but certainly cried tears of joy when she saw how well Lauren was doing. Before leaving Lauren alone with Mother Doreen, she took her vitals with promises of returning shortly with the doctor.
“This is nothing short of a miracle,” the nurse exclaimed. “Wait until your son finds out.”
“I think he knows already.” Mother Doreen was sure Terrance knew.
“Why that little . . . Wait until I . . .” the nurse flung her hand. “Anyway, Miss Casinoff, I’m calling your doctor pronto. Saturday night or not, I’m sure he’s going to want to head right on over and see this for himself and examine you.”
The nurse exited the room. Once it was just Mother Doreen and Lauren alone again in the room, Lauren nodded toward the closet. “Shoe box. Closet. Top.”
Mother Doreen walked over to the closet and opened the door. On the top shelf was a shoe box. “This?” Mother Doreen asked Lauren over her shoulder. Once Lauren confirmed that’s what she needed, Mother Doreen returned to Lauren’s bedside with the shoe box in hand. She sat back down in the chair, placing the shoe box on the bed next to Lauren.
Mother Doreen watched Lauren struggle for a moment to get the lid off, then finally assisted her. Lauren fumbled around in the box before finding what she was looking for.
“Yours,” Lauren said, holding something out to Mother Doreen.
Mother Doreen opened her hand, and when the cold piece of metal rested in the palm of her hand, her mouth dropped opened. “My ring! My wedding ring. I’d given Willie permission to claim it from the jail property, but when I got out, he said he didn’t know where it was. That he had lost it. Honestly, I thought he’d gambled it away or something.” Mother Doreen took her eyes off the ring and planted them on Lauren suspiciously. “But you have it.”
She slipped the ring on her finger. It still fit just like it did the day Willie slipped it on her finger after saying, “I do.” A part of her was glad to know what had really become of the ring. Another part of her wanted to know how Lauren had ended up with it. Within seconds, Mother Doreen would certainly find out. Lauren would tell her in her own words, just as well as she could get them out.
Chapter Forty
Willie felt torn as he sat next to Lauren’s hospital bed holding her hand, comforting her; letting her know that everything was going to be okay. He felt torn because perhaps instead of being by his mistress’s side, he should have been at his wife’s side. She was in jail, a place that would always be thought to be foreign to a preacher’s daughter. She’d been raised to dream about heaven; now she was living a nightmare in hell. He was sure most would agree he should have been by Doreen’s side telling her that everything was going to be okay. But at the moment, though, Lauren seemed to need him more. After all, the doctors had just made her give birth to a dead baby boy. A baby his wife had killed while it was defenseless in his mistress’s womb.
“He’s dead. My baby is dead,” Lauren said as if she was telling him about the weather. She just looked head-on as if dazed—as if in disbelief. “Willie, our baby is dead.” She turned to him, gripping his hand. “Our baby is dead. Your wife killed our baby.”
Willie looked into Lauren’s eyes and could see for the first time it was registering in her mind exactly what had taken place.
“Shhh,” Willie told her. “It’s . . . it’s okay, baby. It’s okay.” Willie rubbed Lauren’s head. “Don’t you worry about a thing, Lauren; everything is going to be all right.”
“No, no, no, it’s not.” Lauren shook her head repeatedly. “My baby, our baby is dead. What about that nice little area in my bedroom you got together for the baby, with that beautiful bassinet and those teddy bears? And all the diapers, blankets, and little cute outfits? I’ve gotta go home to that, Willie. I gotta go home without my baby. What am I going to do with all that stuff now, huh?”
Lauren began to cry her eyes out as it all began to sink in. Tears streamed out of her swollen black and blue eyes, down her puffy face, and past her bandaged, broken nose and busted, stitched-up lips. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this, Willie. You were supposed to tell her about me. You were supposed to tell her about us. You were supposed to leave her and be with me. You were supposed to come here to West Virginia to see about me and the baby—to take care of us. Not bring Doreen with you.” Lauren shot back at Willie all the things he’d told her over the past year. Lies they had been—all lies. Obvious lies since Willie had done none of the things he’d told Lauren he would do concerning getting out of his marriage.
Guilt consumed Willie. He couldn’t help but wonder if this, in fact, was all of his fault. Was he to blame for Doreen’s actions? Could God, would God, really hold him accountable for someone else’s actions? Now he wished he’d paid more attention in church instead of watching skirts in the choir stand. Now, instead of sneaking away from Doreen from the pew pretending to go to the bathroom, all the while sneaking in the back choir room with Lauren, he wished he’d sat his tail right there in that sanctuary and listened to the Word. After today’s unforeseen catastrophe, he wished he’d just stayed his behind in Kentucky and never went to West Virginia in the first place.
What on God’s green earth made him pick up and do something so stupid? So selfish? He looked down at Lauren and pictured the beauty that lay behind her swollen, distorted face. Those pretty brown eyes with batting lashes, delicately arched eye
brows, that perfect nose and full lips. The body—good Lord, that body. He had to admit, Doreen had a nice li’l figure on her too, but she didn’t work it like Lauren worked hers.
Willie shook his head and reminded himself, That’s why—that’s why I did it. Yes, they may have been shallow reasons, very shallow reasons, but they were his reasons nonetheless.
“You didn’t leave her, Willie,” Lauren said, jerking Willie from his own selfish thoughts. “Guess you gon’ leave me now, huh? Guess you gon’ leave me here like this and go running to see about her . . . the woman who murdered your own flesh and blood. You gon’ go see about her, huh, Willie? Are you?”
“Lauren, honey, I know this hurts. I’m hurting too.”
“Oh really?” She sounded doubtful. “You’re probably glad the baby died. You were probably only being bothered with me because of the baby. Now that there’s no baby, there’s no me and you.” Lauren began to break down. “Please tell me that ain’t so, Willie. I already done lost the baby; I can’t imagine losing you too. I’ll have no reason to live. No reason to breathe.”
Willie buried his face in his hands. He didn’t know what to do or what to say. This was all too much. He never meant to hurt anybody. He never meant for no woman to get hurt; not Doreen, not Lauren, or the other one-night and one-month stands he’d had in addition to them. Doreen was his wife. He loved her above all. She was a part of him. The one-night and one-month stands—they meant nothing. Lauren, on the other hand, had grown on him. Even before she turned up pregnant, there was something about her Willie was drawn to. She was just this young, innocent church girl who knew very little, if anything, about the world. If he wanted to be honest with himself, she reminded him of Doreen. And just like Doreen, she had a singing voice that could put him to sleep at night, and it did—on many occasions.
“So are you? Are you gon’ leave me here like this, Willie?” Lauren asked. “Or are you going to be a man of your word and still be with me? Leave Doreen and make me your wife?”
Willie was in the hot seat now. These weren’t just rhetorical questions Lauren was throwing at him. She wanted answers, and she wanted answers now. But Willie didn’t have all the answers. He didn’t have any answers. It didn’t take long for Lauren to begin to help him make up his mind.
“She’s gon’ probably spend the rest of her life in jail anyway, so you might as well be with me. What can she do for you in jail? Nothing. But me, Willie, you and me got a chance.”
Willie just stared down at the hospital floor. Could Lauren perhaps be right? At this point, Doreen hadn’t been to trial yet, let alone sentenced. She’d mentioned to Willie something about a plea bargain her lawyer had said was on the table. But Doreen had been adamant about not taking it. Said she wasn’t gonna admit to something that would make the world think she was a monster. No telling how long she could be locked up—maybe forever, just like Lauren was suggesting.
As painful as it was, Lauren scooted up in the bed and lifted Willie’s face up toward her. “You and me, Willie, we still have a chance. I’m out here free as a bird. God’s gon’ give us another chance. All we have to do is repent. God can give us our baby back. We can make another one.” Lauren sniffed as tears fell from her eyes. “I want my baby back. I want our baby. We can do this, Willie. We can.”
Lauren wiped her sad tears away and almost instantly filled with excitement. “Her—your wife—being in jail is like abandonment. It’s like she left you. No judge in their right mind will refuse you a divorce. Then it will be just you and me, Willie.” She touched her now empty womb. “Just you and me and the baby we can still have.” Lauren stared at Willie while waiting on a response. “So what do you say, Willie, huh?”
Willie thought for a minute. Some of what Lauren had said made sense. Most likely Doreen would have to serve some time in jail. How long, he didn’t know. But in jail or not, she was his wife and he loved her. He’d always loved her. He would always love her. But there was nothing he could do for her while she was incarcerated. There was nothing she could do for him. But like Lauren had stated, she was out here with him free as a bird. And she was so fragile right now, he could only imagine how much more it would devastate her if he was to tell her what he was really feeling in his heart.
Lauren was a bird, a free bird, but she was broken right now. She was a bird with a broken wing. She couldn’t fly right now—not without his help. So perhaps he could just be there for her until her wing healed and he could set her to flight . . . without him. But for now, he would tell her all the things he thought would make her better, not knowing in the end, they would only make her worse.
Chapter Forty-one
From the hospital room, to the courtroom, to the jailhouse, not to mention his job—Willie was spreading it thin. In two weeks alone he’d lost several pounds. Half the time he didn’t know if he was coming or going—or where he was coming or going. One day, in the midst of all the back and forth, he lost his set of keys. He couldn’t drive, get into the house, or anything.
Unfortunately, he didn’t have enough money to pay a locksmith to help him get into his vehicle or house. He’d paid Lauren’s hospital bill once she was released. That’s the least he could have done considering his wife was the reason she’d been in there anyway. He was also paying the bills and putting money on Doreen’s books. He was always left with just enough for bill money and plenty of alcohol to drown his troubles in. That meant there was no money for emergencies, and needing to get into his house and vehicle was an emergency. The only other person who had keys was Doreen, but the jail had taken all her personal effects when she’d been arrested.
With the help of Doreen’s attorney and her signing an affidavit, they released Doreen’s belongings into Willie’s custody. Even with the keys to his car and house now in hand, he still felt locked out; locked out of his own life. He was living for everybody else; trying to make everybody else happy in their circumstances. Guilt was a mutha, that was for sure. Along with guilt came the feeling of obligation. That meant never being able to tell that person who he felt obligated to the word “no.”
It was official. Willie was a “yes-man.”
“Yes,” Willie said to Lauren’s question. He hadn’t even really heard her clearly. But he knew from her tone that a question had been posed which required a response. So he said what he always said.
“Oh my God, Willie, for real?” Lauren got up off the couch from where the two had been sitting watching TV. She jumped up and down. “Oh, Willie, I love you so much.” She went and flung her arms around his neck and began planting an array of kisses all over his face. “I can’t wait to be your wife!”
Now that, Willie heard—loud and clear. “Huh? What?” He gently pushed Lauren off of him until she was seated next to him, his hands around her wrists. “What are you talking about?”
“Boy, quit playing,” Lauren laughed. “I’m talking about you just saying yes to wanting to marry me.” She wriggled her wrists from Willie’s hands and threw her hands around his neck again.
Willie sat there in a daze. What on God’s green earth had he gotten himself into now? “Well, wait a minute now, Lauren. Yes, I want to marry you, but you know I’m already married.”
“Then we’ll just have to take care of that then, won’t we? Brother Carl over at the church is a lawyer. I’m sure he’ll be glad to help for a small love offering,” Lauren said. “Why, it shouldn’t take long to finalize the divorce at all. I mean, heck, your wife’s in jail so she can’t really fight it. And besides that, you love me. You’ve been with me almost every day.”
Willie sat frozen. Was this really happening to him? Was it really?
“Oooh, I can just see it now. Us standing before the preacher man vowing to love, honor, and obey. Me in a pretty gown and you slipping a beautiful ring on my finger.” Lauren jumped up and down with her hands clasped together. “I can’t wait! I can’t wait! And I’m going to make you the happiest man in the world. I’m gonna be more woman than that
Doreen ever could have been. No way are you ever gonna want to stray away from me for another woman. Because not only do I love you more than anything in the world, but I know deep in my heart you love me more than anything too. Otherwise, you wouldn’t even be here with me. Ain’t that right, Willie?”
He was in too much of a state of confusion to even respond.
“Willie?” Lauren went and sat back down next to him on the couch. “You do love me, Willie? Don’t you?” She turned Willie’s face to face her. “Do you love me? Do you love me, William Tucker?”
“I . . . I do,” Willie had stammered, first on the couch when Lauren had asked him if he loved her. And now he was stammering those same exact words in front of the judge who was asking him if he took Lauren to be his wife.
“And I do too!” Lauren exclaimed. The two witnesses down at the courthouse chuckled at Lauren’s outburst.
“Then I now pronounce you man and wife,” the judge said. “You may kiss the bride.”
Lauren eagerly laid a huge smacker on Willie’s lips. He just took it all in. He took it in with the hugest lump ever in the pit of his stomach. What had he done? What in the world had he done? That was one question. But the bigger one was how, if at all possible, could he undo it.
“It’s been almost a week. Where you been?” Doreen asked Willie during his visitation to her at the jail. “Oh, shoot . . .” she thumped herself on the forehead. “Overtime, huh? You been working overtime in order to prepare for when I get out of this place, haven’t you? Sure, you have, and I appreciate it so much. I hate not being able to talk with you. But I know you’re just doing what you have to do.” Doreen squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. All she wanted Willie to do was agree—to affirm what she’d said with a nod. Whether or not it was true, Doreen had learned that hearing the truth was sometimes far more than she could possibly bear.
