Evelyn smiled. Katie was also her best friend. Her maid was her uncle’s illegitimate daughter and Evelyn had had no hesitation at bringing her cousin into the household. Being a bit of a loner, with all her friends from the ton now wed and having children, she often felt out of place.
‘Don’t call me milady. You’re being mean.’ Evelyn pouted as she was aided.
‘Need to keep you on your toes, Evie.’ Katie laughed softly. ‘And now you need to get better. I will tell your brother you are resting.’
‘I don’t want him to worry.’
Katie smiled and tucked her tightly in bed. ‘You’ve been ill for some days. You need to rest and stop taking on too much. The Season is almost over.’
‘Yes, you are correct as always.’ Evelyn sighed, settling against her pillow sleepily.
The next time she woke up, Evelyn saw her brother holding a tray of food. He had a most fierce frown on his face. ‘Evie, look at you, you are ill. Katie told me.’ He shook his head and placed the tray down before he sat on her mattress. ‘Sweetheart, if you’ve been feeling unwell you shouldn’t be doing too much. Perhaps I should call the physician.’ He frowned worriedly.
Evelyn could see her brother’s concern and it made her feel sick again. They were all they had left. The only blood relatives they had were their unwed uncle and Katie, his daughter. And their uncle was an army man, often moving from one post to another. ‘I’m sorry.’ She tried not to cry again but failed dismally.
‘Don’t be sorry. It is not your fault.’
‘It is,’ she whispered, knowing it to be true.
‘Yes, well, I suppose that is what happens when you are stubborn and do not rest.’ James kissed her on her forehead. ‘Will you try to have some broth and dry toast, for me?’
‘You are stubborn also,’ she pointed out.
‘Indeed,’ he murmured, ‘a horrible trait we got from Mama. Papa used to tell me so,’ he added lovingly. James helped her sit up and settled the tray in front of her. ‘I’ll stay here in case you need me. I gave Katie a few hours to herself.’
Evelyn found herself smiling because, she knew, no matter what, she always had her big brother by her side.
She just hoped that his patience and tolerance for her would stretch further. For one, she did not wish to embarrass her brother. Evelyn was very much aware of the fact that she was jeopardising both the Mayhew name and James’s name in the eyes of the ton. Perhaps selfishly, she knew that without her brother she would not have much left in the world. Evelyn was now resigned to the fact that she would never wed. That was her greatest fear. She did not want to be left alone without one person to love her, even if she had her child.
* * * *
Two weeks later Evelyn felt as though he was trapped in her head. She felt guilty for lying to her brother. She felt guilty for what happened between her and Matthew, yet she was still so utterly heartbroken over what had happened between them.
She could not take it anymore.
Katie had confronted her the previous morning. Katie was not stupid—or for a bad pun, she was not blind. Evelyn wasn’t surprised that Katie had eventually spoken to her frankly. But dear Katie, ever so supportive, was determined to support Evelyn. Of course, Katie could understand. Her dearest friend and maid also happened to be her illegitimate cousin. Katie was adamant that she would help Evelyn.
As it was just the previous week, with her brother being friends with Matthew, they had received an invite to his betrothal party. It had been one of the reasons why her heart broke all over again. But she understood. Their relationship had been so secret and discreet that not to invite her with James would have been suspicious.
So Evelyn was going to see her brother. To tell James everything—except about Matthew’s identity. She refused to ruin her brother’s lifelong friendship with Matthew. Gathering her courage, she burst into her brother’s bedchamber, something they did to each other. ‘James, I must confess…’
Being that she couldn’t see, it was the sounds she recognised before recognising the dim shapes. With the curtains drawn, she could focus a bit better than in full light.
She let out a surprised gasp.
Evelyn had heard of such things. No one really cared what they said to a half-blind spinster. She just had never suspected these things of her brother. She wasn’t one to take everything the Bible said to heart, but she didn’t think that it could be wrong when no one was being hurt. And she recalled as a child on the country estate seeing rams and male dogs do much the same thing and they weren’t cursed to the devil. Recognising the man on top of her brother by his voice alone, in the back of her head she was impressed by their discretion.
At her gasp, the figures in the bed stopped their enthusiastic actions. She imagined the similar scenes between her and Matthew that had led her to her current predicament.
‘Evie! I can explain!’ James hastily said, still clinging to his lover.
‘I, um, ah...’ she stuttered. She shook her head. ‘We can talk... It–it doesn’t matter, really, James. I promise you. I am just shocked.’
She turned and rushed back to her bedchamber, leaving her brother and his lover alone. She heard her brother’s secretary, John, soothing his brother.
Quite outside of the norm, he also doubled as James’s secretary because the Earl had not hired another since the valet who had been with him since childhood had died. Now, it seemed that John also took the role of the Earl’s lover. John had been in her brother’s employ for at least five years now and she wondered if they had been lovers that long. The oldest of John’s four elder brothers was a marquess, leaving John essentially to his own devices to find his way in life with the small amount of wealth trusted to him. John had gone to Oxford to study law very briefly before abandoning his studies to do a stint in the army fighting Napoleon. Despite this, he also advised James and had connections to aid with legal matters. John was Evelyn’s age and it was his second eldest brother who had gone to school with James.
This new revelation had certainly shocked her. But she knew deep down that it did not change her feelings for her older brother. If anything, Evelyn prayed that this would in fact help her when it came to her own confession.
Evelyn took a deep breath, sitting on the edge of her bed. It was difficult for her to think of much else. With her own situation in mind, she decided that if her brother could find someone to love and stay with, she could not begrudge that, even if that was with another man. It was a hell of a lot better than her romantic effort.
‘Evie,’ James said softly at her door. ‘I need to explain to you.’
She shook her head. ‘No. It is nothing to signify, James. I have heard of such things. And being that I understand your attraction to the male body and cannot see the attraction to the female form, I cannot say anything.’
‘That is a very novel and enlightened thought, Evie,’ James said shakily, sitting down next to his sister. ‘I was afraid you would hate me.’
‘Never,’ she told him.
‘It is said that my craving is unnatural.’
‘No. How can it be when it is what you feel? And as a child I saw rams and dogs do the same and I was told that was natural,’ Evelyn reasoned.
He kissed the side of her head. ‘My amazing and enlightened little sister.’
‘With vision that lacks clarity and pushed aside by society because of the infirmity, it is simple to see things differently.’ Then she asked seriously, ‘Are you and John in love?’
‘Yes, very much so, Evie,’ James said softly. She could hear the smile in his voice.
‘He is most handsome,’ she told him. ‘I cannot say I blame you.’
James laughed. ‘You are a saucy wench, dear sister. You are meant to be all that is innocent and sweetness.’
‘Not that innocent.’ Evelyn’s happiness left her at that thought. ‘If you have love you need to hold onto it, even if you must be discreet. But I won’t make you hide from me.’ The words seemed to come
so naturally that Evelyn was hardly thinking as she poured her heart out to her brother.
There was a throat cleared at the door.
Evelyn once again recognised the voice it came from, as well as seeing his shadow. ‘Do you love my brother, John? If you hurt him I will hit you with my parasol.’
James jubilantly hugged his sister.
John approached, crouching in front of her. ‘You, dear Evelyn, are a miracle. And yes, I love your brother very much.’
‘That’s good.’ She nodded. ‘I...at least you are more successful in love than I.’
‘Evie,’ gasped James. ‘Where did this come from?’
‘When I came into your chamber just now...’ She cleared her throat. ‘Well, I had come to make a very important confession. I just hope you can be accepting of me.’
James nodded, holding her close.
John went to leave but Evelyn told him to stay because they might need his help.
‘I am guessing from all these remarks, that you perhaps have had a bad experience with an affaire of the heart?’
Evelyn suddenly felt tears again. ‘Yes, it started after Grandmama’s funeral. We were both grieving and I... He was so kind to me, so tender...’
‘I understand that. I at least had John for my emotional needs.’ James spoke softly. ‘But you didn’t have anyone.’
‘No one wants someone like me. I am almost blind and I am six and twenty,’ she said bitterly. ‘But he was so kind and...and I fell in love with him. And then it ended.’
‘But...?’ James tensed.
‘I am with child,’ Evelyn cried. ‘Katie deciphered it and she made me tell you immediately.’
‘With child,’ James said quietly with very little emotion. ‘And the child’s father?’
‘When he told me that we could no longer see each other...’ Evelyn sucked in a deep breath, thinking back to the day a few weeks ago. ‘When he told me that we were to end, I did ask what if there were to be a child. But he said we were very careful and that it was being melodramatic or some such things.’
‘Let me guess,’ John said then. ‘You knew you were with child?’
She nodded, sobbing against her brother’s shirt. ‘I was going to tell him but...’
‘He told you that he no longer wished to see you,’ James ended grimly.
‘That’s why I think you and John...at least your love is real.’
‘Let me guess again,’ John said gently. ‘He is married and you didn’t know.’
Evelyn decided that was true enough, so she just nodded.
‘Give me his name. I am going to punch the bastard,’ James declared angrily.
‘No, don’t, James.’ Evelyn shook her head desperately.
‘Jimmy,’ John said to his lover cautiously, ‘that will not achieve anything. He is married and we cannot do anything. What is important now is your sister.’
She felt James nodding. He growled out, ‘I want to hunt down whoever it is that decided he could take advantage of your kind nature and did not give a damn about you, Evie.’ He kissed her on the top of her head again. Evelyn felt James force himself to calm down as he held her. He rubbed her back in a soothing motion. ‘That was why you were ill the some weeks ago?’
‘Morning sickness,’ she admitted, ‘but it was the day that he left me.’
‘Will you think about ever telling me the name of the man?’
‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘All I will tell you that he is in the ton.’
‘So now I am going to stand at every party trying to discern which married man got my sister with child that you couldn’t know that he is indeed married.’ James sighed. ‘I cannot force you, dear one. You can keep your secrets.’
‘Are you going to turn me out now?’ she asked.
‘No, Evie, I could never do that to you,’ James said gently. ‘How far along are you? Do you know?’
‘Of course I know. I’m blind, not daft,’ she retorted. ‘I am almost three months gone.’ She sniffed. ‘There is a bump. I am going to start showing soon.’
‘May I touch?’ James asked. When Evelyn nodded, James placed his palm on her stomach. He could barely feel anything under the layers of her dresses and skirts. ‘We are quite an unconventional lot.’ He chuckled softly. ‘Now, we must decide what will happen. I know this sounds cold, but I want to make a suggestion that I just came up with. First, do you want to keep the child in your life?’
‘Please, oh please, James.’ Evelyn sniffled with some hope.
‘Then there are a couple of things open to us. You need to wed,’ James said patiently, ‘or, keep your mind open here, we will have to manufacture a story which would mean that you or I adopt the child. This is why I make these suggestions—now that you know of John and me, you must realise that I have no intention to wed. If you carry a boy, I would be more than happy if he were to be my heir. Since we have no other males in our line other than Uncle Thomas, it may be argued that the title may pass to an adopted son. However, if you later wed and had a son in that marriage, or if Katie did the same, then the boy born in wedlock would inherit. If that were the case, this babe, if it were a boy, would not inherit anything in regards to titles. Regardless of his father, I love his mother. I had always secretly hoped that you would have children to pass the title onto.’
‘Oh, James, it just seems so complicated!’ she cried.
‘I know this is callous, dear Evie,’ James continued, ‘but you, more than anyone, can make the calculations. The babe will be born in six months. We must plan everything.’
‘No man will marry me to save anything,’ Evelyn pointed out, ‘and I don’t want to marry anyone.’
‘You could wed me. It would be the perfect convenience,’ John interjected.
‘No!’ both siblings exclaimed.
Then Evelyn said, ‘That is sweet and practical. But I cannot in good conscience do that to you or James, even if it was in name only. Besides, part of me hopes that one day I will meet the right man.’
John threw hands up. ‘The two of just like to make things complicated. James is always like this. I can see you both do it. I would wager the babe will be the same!’
That had Evelyn in fits of giggles.
James chortled and wiped the tears from his sister’s face. ‘That’s better. I like it when you smile. You leave the planning to me, Evie, and you keep that babe safe.’
John then asked, ‘Out of curiosity, what were you going to do if James did not take the news well?’
Evelyn blushed. ‘Katie and I were going to leave. She has a small trust and a cottage from uncle. She wants the baby to have a chance with real family, like she did even if she isn’t a legitimate cousin.’
‘No one has ever said that the Mayhews are good at following social rules,’ James shamelessly replied.
‘We have the love and the good intentions. That is all that matters,’ Evelyn said softly, smiling up at her brother. ‘What do you think? If I have a boy, shall we call him James?’
‘I’ve always thought James was a good name.’ Her brother winked. ‘As I said, you leave the scheming to me. John will ensure I don’t do anything over the top. He once did aspire to become a lawyer and he has connections who are also discreet. He does make me toe the proverbial line.’
‘I try,’ John said blandly.
Evelyn sighed. ‘I just wish I could see the babe properly. And what if the babe becomes blind like me?’
‘The physicians have always said that there is no evidence that this is a familial disease,’ James assured her. ‘And besides, physicians have been making better spectacles. If you didn’t have the headaches you would be able to see much better.’
She nodded.
‘And besides, like you, there will always be a friend or whatnot to support the babe,’ John pointed out. ‘You have your handful of friends and that is all that matters.’
Evelyn nodded, sighing. ‘Yes, you are indeed correct.’
‘Now, you, my dear, need t
o rest and make sure you eat,’ James said to his sister. ‘You take care of the babe and I will take care of the schemes. I promise the babe will know you as a mother somehow.’
She smiled. ‘And you as a father? Unconventional but I know you will be a good father to my child.’
‘You really need to put “unconventional” into the family coat of arms.’ John rolled his eyes. ‘I’m going to go to my office and start reading and preparations. If anything else, the babe needs to arrive in this world discreetly before any fantastical plots can be put into motion.’
Evelyn cuddled her brother. ‘This babe is going to have two fantastic uncles.’
‘Two uncles, eh? Indeed, I would suppose you are correct.’ James smiled up at his lover. ‘Now you should rest this morning, I will send Katie to help you and to thank her for helping you.’
* * * *
‘That cousin of mine is quite wonderful.’ Katie beamed as she fussed around Evelyn. Evelyn could not help but roll her eyes. Katie had just talked briefly with James and she had filled her cousin in on the rest. ‘I am relieved I didn’t have to sneak you out of the townhouse and out of the city.’
‘John is to help James, so he knows. He tells us we need to put the word unconventional in our coat of arms.’ Evelyn smiled, feeling a lot of love for her brother and his lover. It was a surreal thought that her brother and his secretary were together but she was happy that he was happy. ‘John did offer to wed me, but I said no. He is handsome and all that is kind, but we both deserve better.’
‘Unconventional Mayhews,’ Katie mused. ‘It does work.’
‘Perhaps it started with Uncle Tom? After all, your mama followed the drum with you in tow and they were never wed. I know what it is to lose one’s mama. I am glad that Grandmama and Grandpapa allowed you to stay here with us when your mama died and uncle brought you here to us.’
‘Indeed, their new ward,’ Katie said dryly. ‘Despite the fact everyone knows the truth.’ The younger woman tittered. ‘Unconventional Mayhews. Very accurate, I would say.’
‘And you are one of them,’ Evelyn exclaimed, ‘unless you wed to rid the name!’
To Be by Your Side Page 2
