by P. Jameson
The idea scared the ever-loving shit out of him. Made him want to run. Fast and far.
He pushed everything out of his mind and focused on his mate, increasing the pressure of his hand. She writhed against him as her pleasure built and built.
She was so close, her thighs twitching beneath him.
“Come for me, baby.”
The first time she came, her body clamped onto his fingers so tight he had to slow his tempo.
“Yes,” he murmured. “Like that.”
The second time, the sounds from her throat became wild and animalistic. But the third time, she cried out with such an ear piercing scream, he almost came in his pants. She squeezed her thighs together around his hand and he experienced the aftershocks with her.
When she relaxed, he pulled out, licking her arousal from his fingers. She stared at him with hazy eyes.
This. This was real. The most real thing he’d ever had. How could she say she loved him, and not see that?
Vesh rose and headed for the door. He needed to run. Under the moon, where he could think. He needed to purge himself of everything that kept him from giving into her fully. If only he could figure out how.
“Vesh?” Her voice was shaky and hoarse. That one word managed to sound panicked, hurt, and hopeful all at the same time. “Where are you going? Please. Wait.”
He paused, his hand landing on the doorknob, but he couldn’t look at her. “The smiles are fake,” he growled, and then stormed out of the cabin.
***
Braeh was devastated. She’d told him how she felt, but instead of opening up, he’d rendered her useless and then walked away. She’d never loved a man before. None except her dad. And that’s why this reaction hurt so badly. She didn’t need Vesh to love her back. That wasn’t how love went. Sometimes the person you loved just didn’t have the same feelings. And it was okay. Hurtful, but okay.
What she had needed though, was honesty. For him to talk to her. Explain what was happening to them, to him. Explain why he cared so much about her pleasure but not his own. She’d needed him to hold her like he had every other night.
But he’d angry-fucked her and walked away.
Tears fell from Braeh’s eyes and she didn’t even try to pretend they weren’t there.
She crawled to her pants and dug the cell phone from the pocket. Then she went to the bed and wrapped the blanket around her still shaking body.
There was only one thing to do. She flipped through the phone until she came to her sister’s number. She answered on the fifth ring, just before it would have clicked over to voicemail.
“Kerri. I think it’s time for me to go home.”
***
Hours passed. The moon had peaked and was waning when Vesh decided he’d been away long enough. He was still frustrated and confused, but the running had done him some good, and he’d come to a conclusion: he was keeping Braeh. Forever. He’d find a way to overcome his issues and be the man she deserved.
He and his mate needed to talk things out if they had any hope of making it work, but all he wanted to do was curl into their bed behind her, and hold her until the sun came up.
All hopeful thoughts came crashing down when he entered the cabin to find her throwing things into her suitcase.
His short whistle sounded like two pops. She didn’t turn around.
Vesh’s mouth dried and his heart thumped dangerously in his chest.
“What are you doing?”
“Trager talked to Cael. They’re going to let me have my own cabin until I can figure out arrangements to get home.”
Home. To Alaska.
“Like hell. You’ll stay right here with me.”
She shook her head. “Why? You clearly have a problem with me. One that no matter how hard I try, I can’t fix. I’ve done nothing to you, Vesh. Yet, you play with my feelings, drawing close one moment, pushing me away the next. I don’t know what the hell it means to be a wolf’s mate, but Kerri tells me this isn’t natural. Something about us is messed up, and I just don’t think… I don’t think I belong here.”
“Fuck that, Brae. You’re mine.”
She stared at him sadly. “Am I? Am I really?”
Yes, he screamed inside, mine! But the truthful answer was, no. He’d done nothing to claim her. Not her body and not her heart. He wanted to now, to be what she needed.
She shook her head, zipped her bag. “It sure doesn’t feel like it.”
Vesh swallowed the thorny lump in his throat. She couldn’t leave. His breath came faster and faster. These nights they’d shared in this cabin had been some of the best he’d ever had. Simple. Just her lying in his arms. Breathing the same air. Whispering in the dark.
Damn it. Why couldn’t that be enough?
“Fine,” he snapped. “Go. I don’t need the distraction anyway.”
Her bottom lip trembled as she stared at him. She wouldn’t look away, and he almost dropped to his knees right then to beg her forgiveness. But begging? No. His mother was the last person he’d begged and he swore never to do that again.
All he could do was watch in horror as she straightened her shoulders, turned, and walked out of their cabin without a second look back.
Vesh paced the floor. This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t leave him like this. She loved him.
He pushed his palm into the sore spot on his chest. His heart hurt like a motherfucker.
“Alright, wolf,” he muttered. “Tell me what to do. I need her.”
The wolf never talked to him. It was his animal for fuck’s sake. But something niggled through his mind anyway. You need her, but you don’t want her.
“I do,” he bellowed. He did want her. He wanted to be one with his wolf again. He wanted Braeh to be his. He wanted her love and to love her back… forever.
So, what’s the holdup then, jackass.
The holdup? The holdup was…
He stopped, his eye catching on the carpet where she’d lain while he wrung orgasm after orgasm from her. She was beautiful and pure and happy and healthy. Her smile could light the darkest night and her touch could heal a multitude of hurts if he’d let it.
The holdup was, he didn’t want his shit filtering into her life. He didn’t want to bring her down; he wanted to push her up. He didn’t want her knowing the real him because the real him was ugly and scarred.
The holdup was, he knew she was better off without him.
Chapter Fifteen
Braeh felt nothing but despair when she hung up the phone with the travel agent. There were no flights to Alaska until Monday. That meant she had to endure two more days at the Ravendale camp, hoping not to run into Vesh. She didn’t want him to see her red-rimmed eyes. And her broken heart was surely showing on the outside. Otherwise Jude wouldn’t have let her have the day off.
There was a knock on her new cabin door. The sound made her jump, and she prayed it wasn’t him. Peeking through the window, she was relieved to see a different male.
She opened the door. “Cael?”
He nodded once, his too-long hair flopping over his forehead. He’d shaved the beard shorter and it threw her for a loop. “Care to take a walk with me? I think we should talk.”
She narrowed her gaze at him. “Talk? Kerri said you want me to stay, but you might as well save your breath. I don’t belong here.”
He looked down the path that led in front of her cabin. “Whether you stay or go is your choice, but I think you need to hear what I have to say.”
Braeh’s curiosity was piqued. And she could go for a walk. She’d been hiding out in her cabin for the entire day.
She closed the door and followed Cael down the steps.
“How are you?” he asked.
Dumb question, but she gave him a break. “I’m… fine. I can’t get a flight until Monday so…”
He nodded, watching the ground. “How much has Vesh told you about his past?”
She knew he had secrets. That was about the extent of what she k
new. “Hardly anything at all. Why?”
“He’s a goddamn alpha male, so I figured that was the case. Opening up to you about these things would be next to impossible.”
“Wait. Do you know something?”
Cael glanced at her, his eyes wary. “I know enough. And that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
He sighed and Braeh waited for him to gather his thoughts.
“His sister, Besh, she was my one true love. I met her when we were young. She was quiet and timid and I didn’t know it at the time, but she’d suffered years of abuse at the hands of their mother. I just wanted to make her smile. And when I finally managed to do that, I knew she’d be mine forever.”
Cael kicked a rock out of the path.
“While we were together, I learned of how badly she’d been treated. But not only her. Her younger brother also.”
Braeh’s heart thundered in her chest. Vesh.
“Their mother was a selfish wolf. She lacked all the motherly instinct that wolves are known for. She cared only for herself and her own enjoyment. Her children were nothing more than a tool to get what she wanted.”
Cael stopped walking and stared into the forest like he was looking through a mirror into the past.
“The female sold her own young to anyone who would pay her price. They were slaves. She whored them out for years to men, women, criminals, brutes. Whoever, whatever, it didn’t matter as long as they had a fucking dime.”
Tears blistered Braeh’s eyes. What the alpha described was horrendous. Unforgivable.
“According to Besh, her brother got the worst of it. He… he tried to protect her. He’d take her place as much as possible. Because of him, she was spared a great deal of suffering.”
No. Braeh couldn’t stand knowing Vesh had been hurt so badly. She bent with her hands on her knees. She was going to be sick.
“When we were barely grown wolves, she was given to the Alpha by her mother. Somehow, she ended up with that bastard as her intended. It ate at me that we weren’t mates. In my heart, she was mine. There was no room for another. When I found out she had no desire to mate him, we decided to run away so we could be together.”
Bending, he picked up a pebble and chucked it into the dense tree line.
“Vesh… found out our plan. And I don’t know his reasons, but he ratted us out. I’ve thought a lot about why he must have done it and come up blank. But after the life he’s lived, I can’t pretend that he didn’t have some pressing reason for helping his sister into the hands of another abuser. Someday I hope to have those answers. Perhaps after she’s free again.”
Braeh’s head spun with the information. She felt faint. Dear god alive, why hadn’t Vesh told her? She could have helped him. They could have worked through things. But all he’d done was run away. Maybe… maybe their relationship just wasn’t important enough for him to come clean about all this.
Would he rather be without her than talk to her about the things that haunted him?
She was going to find out.
“I have to talk to him,” she wheezed. Damn, her chest hurt.
Cael shook his head. “That’s what I wanted to tell you. He’s gone.”
“What?” Braeh’s throat burned like she’d swallowed acid. “What do you mean gone? What about Besh and Jax? Where would he go?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, damn it, Cael! Don’t you have guards around here? How did he just leave?”
“Listen, I know you’re upset. I have no answers for you. I told you all this because I thought it needed to be said. Whatever you do with it is your business.”
Braeh crossed her arms over her chest. “Are you going to look for him?”
He shook his head. “Vesh is a grown wolf. He can go where he wants. The guards will be on high alert though, since he knows where the camp is located.”
Turning on her heel, Braeh stalked back to her cabin.
The next two days were torture. She continued checking in with Cael and Lexar, but there was no sign of Vesh. Even though they weren’t officially looking for him, Cael had scouts out, watching Ozarka. None of them had seen Vesh either.
He had disappeared without a word.
Her heart was breaking. There was no goodbye. No hope for working things out at all. The worst part was she had no way of knowing if he was alright. No way to check up on him. And just under that, was the fact that he didn’t seem to care whether she was alright either.
What a mess. What a fucking heart-wrenching mess.
Sullenly, she packed her bags and Trager drove her and Kerri to the airport. She was sad to be leaving her sister, but no good could come of staying. Kerrigan would just spend her days fretting over Braeh, trying to fix things.
She squeezed Kerri into a hug. “I’ll be back for the ceremony. I promise.” Their mating ceremony/wedding was yet to be scheduled since they were homeless, but it would happen eventually. “And you know dad will die dead if you don’t let him walk you down an aisle of some sort. So have the wolves come up with something, okay?”
Kerrigan nodded and pulled back, wiping her eyes. “I’m sorry this trip sucked so bad.”
Braeh shook her head. “Don’t, Kerri Carebear.”
Braeh hugged Trager. “Bye, wolf-in-law. Be good to my sister.”
“You bet.” He looked angry. “And.. I’d love to kick his ass for you if I see him.”
Braeh smiled, trying to make it not look sad. “Nah. He’d probably enjoy that too much.”
With a final hug to Kerrigan, she went through security and found her gate. While she waited to board the flight that would take her too many miles away from her wolf, she dialed her dad’s number.
He answered, sounding distracted. “Hi, honey. I was just about to call you. There’s a… from the restaurant… he… to know… coming home.”
“Dad, can you repeat that? You’re cutting out.” Stupid Alaskan cell service.
“From the restaurant… when you’re coming home… when you’ll reopen.”
It was hopeless. But she got the gist of the message. Someone wanted to know when she was coming home to reopen the restaurant. “Well, that’s why I was calling. I’m actually waiting to catch a flight right now.”
“Oh, good… glad to hear… I… see… soon.”
“Okay, dad. Love you.”
“… too. Bye.”
She hung up just in time for them to call her boarding section. She looked around the airport. This was it. No more Joplin. No more beautiful Ozarks. No more Vesh.
Homeward bound never sounded so dreadful.
Chapter Sixteen
Braeh carried her bags into her house and dropped them by the door before going back out to lock the car.
Things sucked a whole lot. Like, she’d packed her bags and moved to Sucktown. But all she could do was try to make the best out of a bad situation. She’d throw herself into opening the restaurant to help keep her mind off things. Eventually—hopefully—she would feel better about what happened in Missouri.
Yeah, and hopefully this optimism would hold over for tomorrow.
Her heart ached at the idea of spending another night alone in bed. She hadn’t even realized how much it meant to her until it was gone. Wasn’t that how things worked?
Braeh crunched through the snow, back to her door, ready to lock herself away from the world for a while.
A whistle stopped her dead in her tracks. Two short notes.
“Vesh.”
She spun, almost slipping on the ice, but he stalked forward and steadied her. He looked so different. Had it only been a few days since she last saw him? Her eyes ate him up. She couldn’t believe he was here, that he wasn’t an apparition. Or, more likely, a jet lag induced vision.
“How did you get here?”
“I drove some of the way. To an airport where I could get a same-day flight out. I’ve been here two days.”
Wait. So… he’d left the camp and immediately come to Alaska. For her
?
“I knew you needed time,” he explained. “And I did too. I needed to think about how I was going to fix things. When you didn’t show up, I went to talk to your dad. He wouldn’t tell me anything until I told him I was from the restaurant. Your dad’s a bastard.”
“He’s a bit over-protective is all,” she murmured. Her mind was still reeling with shock.
Vesh reached for her hand and she let him take it. He pulled her close, placing their linked hands to his chest.
“I need you, Braeh. I know this, have always known this. But you didn’t. Now I’m telling you. I need you. Don’t you fucking dare reject me.” His words were a command but his tone was a desperate plea.
“Vesh—” He stopped her with a finger to her lips. The feel of his skin against hers was almost her undoing.
“I would take you, make you mine, and mark you right here and now, but I’m trying—trying—to do things right. I want to make you understand why I’m like this. I need you to see me. The real me. But I don’t know how.” His voice broke like the crack of a baseball against a window pane. “I’ve buried that shit so deep, and for so long. Dredging it up… I just don’t even know where to begin.”
Her sad wolf. She wanted to comfort him, but this was something he had to do on his own. He had to make the decision to be with her all the way… or not at all. Halfway was no way to do a love affair.
“I already see the real you. You’re broken. I get that.”
His face fell.
“And you don’t like it. Don’t like feeling broken. Don’t like me thinking, knowing, you’re broken. But too bad. I know. And I don’t care. I still love you. I still think you’re strong and brave and fierce. And I think you can do and have and be anything you want.”
The emotions flickering on his face were too many to be named.
“But what do you want?”
“Damn it, don’t you know?” He clenched his fist in her hair. “You. I want you. Everything else can go to hell. Just be mine. Give me forever. Give me everything.”
