by Julie Reece
To top the day off, I get home last night and find an envelope that Alex had mailed stuffed under my door. He sent a gift along with his note. Peace offering, he called it. I left both sitting on the counter.
Autumn,
I wanted to say this face to face, but that’s been impossible, so I’m sending this letter in the hope you’ll read it and at least consider giving me a chance to explain.
Last year, I made the worst mistake of my life. I can’t believe I was so stupid, and I know it’s not an excuse, but I didn’t know what I had, or how I really felt about you, and ever since then, I’ve been sick with regret. All I do is think about us and what I threw away. No other girl compares to you. There’s no one else I want, no one who understands me like you do. And I know you, too, Autumn. Better than you might think.
I’m going to school in the fall. Sydney said you’ve enrolled but won’t tell me where. Only that it’s in Georgia. I know you’d have to put me on probation, maybe forever. I deserve that. But if you give me another chance, I will prove that I can be good for you. Be what you need. Will you at least think about it? We could start slow, just a conversation. No pressure. I’ve changed so much. I know you would see a different guy. Please Autumn.
I’m sorry, and I love you,
Alex
I love you, Alex. He’d never said the words while we were dating. I brush an angry tear from my eye. They all say sorry. They all seem so sincere, but … There’s always a big, fat but. If a guy cheats once, won’t he cheat again? If a boy will lie about his name, and who he is, what else will he lie about? How lonely do you have to be to open your heart to that sort of risk? It’s hopeless.
I’m so done with guys.
My throat is raw and my head pounds. At first I thought it was stress, but now I think I’m catching a flu. Bubonic Plague would be good, too. Put me out of my misery. Jesse told me to help myself to the cold medicine in the bathroom cabinet, which I did. Liberally. Then everyone cleared out of my way. Though no one’s said anything, I can tell Caden must have clued them in on my knowing who he really is now. The whole clan was in on it from the start. Even Jesse.
I wipe my eyes again, pull my cell from my back pocket and dial Sydney. She won’t sympathize, but I have to talk to someone.
“Hello?”
“Syd. Hey, it’s me. How’s it going up there? I was just calling to, uh, you know, check in.”
“Ugh. It sucks butt, that’s how it’s going.” Her voice is shrill, like a dentist’s drill, and I brace myself for a rant. “I’ve had the worst day, like, ever. First, they asked me to cut fabric for draperies, but Demonte’s nine looks exactly like his four, so I cut it too short.” Uh oh. “Then I was demoted to fabric sorter. Me! De-mo-ted. That so doesn’t happen to people like me. Apparently, rose, mauve, and dusty pink are three distinct colors that look a hella lot the same to moi. Then, Nate sends me for coffee, like I’m some errand girl.”
“Wow.” A smile bleeds out, but I don’t dare laugh.
“Right? So, I came back with three Caramel Macchiato and one Mocha Frappuccino instead of three Mocha Frappuccino’s and one Caramel Macchiato. Big deal. Do you think they were grateful?”
“I’m guessing not.”
“Good guess. I swear, it’s impossible to please some people. You’ve never heard such whining, and bitching, and moaning from more spoiled, pouting, high-maintenance, self-important people.”
My eyes roll. “That must be so hard.”
“You have no idea. When I’m in charge, I’m never going to treat people this way. Three weeks, Autumn. Three weeks and I’m out of here.”
You and me both, sista. “Anyone can do anything for three weeks, right?”
The screen door swings open and Dexter appears. Ignoring my warning glare, he makes a beeline for the open seat next to me on the swing. Perfect. He stretches his arm out behind me and mouths: I need to talk to you …
Not a chance. My glower meets Dex right in his two interfering eyeballs. “Distract me, Sydney, before I hurt someone who won’t take a hint.” He smiles, glancing at his watch.
“Er, okay. Tell me more about the new brother. He sounds like a delicious, little snack.”
I hate how she describes boys like they’re Happy Meals. “Remember how you just said you were going to treat people differently, more like people?”
“That was me, wasn’t it? Okay, tell me about the older brother … ”
“You mean Dex?” His gaze snaps up. “Hm, well, he’s handsome and funny. He’s smart and fun to hang out with.” Dexter grins like a fox with a mouse. “But I don’t think he’s for you.”
“Why not?”
I hold Dexter’s gaze, so much like Caden’s it slices though me like a hot knife. I can’t believe I never saw the resemblance. “Come down to the pool hall for a while with me,” he whispers. “Let’s shoot a few and talk.”
I ignore him. “Because despite his obvious charms, he’s a player.” Dex’s jaw drops. “I don’t think he’s capable of sticking with one girl for more than a night, or twenty minutes, whichever. He’s committed acts of douche-baggery on an epic scale.” I shrug. “His younger brother had to learn that from somewhere.”
He fakes a wounded expression and clutches his heart. “That hurts, Autumn.”
“Younger brother?” Sydney asks.
My skin stings where Dexter’s pinching me. “Ow!” I stand, darting away from the swing. Shooting a scowl at him over my shoulder, I keep moving.
Syd huffs into the phone. “Wait, I’m so confused. There are three brothers?”
“Yeah, I’ll tell you about him later.” I skip down the steps and head for the dock. My head pounds in time with my throbbing arm. My throat dries, and I cough. I should have eaten today but wasn’t feeling it.
That’s when I see Caden. He’s leaning against the split rail fence all fine, and sexy, and stupid. I hate how his biceps bulge from beneath the sleeves of his black shirt, how his dark bangs fall over his forehead in the breeze. He looks pissed as hell, though I don’t know what he’s got to be mad about. I storm the lake like a soldier at Normandy. Halfway down the dock, I take a seat, letting my legs hang over the side.
“Autumn?”
“Here, sorry. I just walked past someone I hate and couldn’t talk for a minute.”
“Never mind. I have to go anyway.” She sounds pissy, and I’m betting it’s because I made her wait. “Oh, and I got your dress.” Her tone lightens. “I’ll overnight it in the mail tomorrow.”
“Thank you, Syd. Seriously, you rock. I don’t know what I would have—”
“I know. I’m made of awesome. Your gown is to die for. I actually Googled Mighty Moo and saw the ghastly dresses those pageant hos wore last year. You’ll smoke ’em, hon.”
My chest tightens. All of the sudden, I envision my twin dressing me in some cotton candy monstrosity just because she thinks it’s funny. Layers of pink tulle, or some other pastel nightmare swallowing me whole. Satin shoes dyed to match. She wouldn’t … would she? I shudder. I can’t take another stab to the back right now. And whatever it looks like, I’ll be forced to wear it with no time left for a plan B. “Listen, Sydney, you didn’t—”
“Later. Got to run, luv, I’m late. Ta!”
The line goes dead. I stare at the lake. Worry and stare. She wouldn’t take this opportunity to humiliate her little sister yet again, would she? She might. She has before. I sneeze and my throat burns with my swallow. My life is the rust stain inside a truck stop urinal. Yes, it is.
“Hey.”
I stop feeling sorry for myself long enough to crane my neck up at Dex. “You know, from this angle, I can punch your family jewels and drop you like a bag of rocks.”
He kneels, grinning into my face. “You could try. Listen to me. You and I are going to eat some pizza, throw darts, and talk. You are not going to say no. If you do, I will kidnap you anyway, and things will get really ugly. The police will get involved, maybe the Feds. Do you understa
nd what I’m saying?”
“That you’re a criminal, and I’m going?” I feel too lousy to argue anymore. “Lead the way.”
21
Autumn
The Stix and Q Pool Hall is about what I’d envisioned. Dark stained paneling lines the walls. Six pool tables sit on one side of the room, a dozen wooden dining tables on the other, divided by an old parquet dance floor. Cigarette smoke, thick enough to rival a California forest fire, burns my eyes, but I make out three dartboards spread against the back wall.
Dex orders pizza, but I’m not hungry. The place is packed with people, and smells like sweat, and peanuts, and stale beer. Our waitress Katie, who is on a first name basis with my host, sets a pitcher of beer down in front of him. Her long pause gives him a solid view of her cleavage before straightening. She smiles, running her finger over his shoulder.
“Douche-baggery,” I accuse, making squinty eyes.
“I didn’t do anything but smile!” Dex laughs. “You want a Coke?” I shake my head. “Oh, that’s right, you like the hard stuff.” He lifts his head. “Hey, Kate? Bring my friend an iced tea, will ya?”
She winks. “Anything you want.”
He points to the pool sticks lining the wall across from us. “You play, and I’ll eat.”
Did Caden tell his family that I play? I decide it doesn’t much matter and head for the closest, empty table. I chalk the cue, preferring mine at home with its shorter, Irish linen wrap and smaller shaft. No point being a snob. I haven’t played in forever. Maybe a game or two will clear my head.
Dominant hand and left foot forward, I lean over the table. My father, ever the stickler for the proper body positioning, taught me well. Cue parallel to the table for maximum control; I aim, pulling my arm back over the wearing green felt. One, two, three, strike. The cue ball rockets forward crashing in for the break. I sink one, but barely, and don’t set myself up well for the next shot. I’m too close to the table, too keyed up. You gotta be kidding me! I’m rustier than I thought.
“Need some coaching?” Dex laughs.
“In your dreams, pal.” I shift and line up my next shot, keeping my follow-through straight and relaxed this time. Sweet. With every new ball I sink, my confidence rises. I’ve missed this more then I knew, and start to fool around, try a few of my favorite trick shots. My head is fuzzy. Throat dry and tight, but I shake it off and focus. While I miss a few, more complicated shots, most are successful. Not half bad, Teslow.
Last ball in, I look around as a few people applaud. I nod, caught off guard. I’d been too engrossed in my game to notice anyone watching. One guy sporting a “Property of John Deere” T-shirt, winks from under his spiky brown bangs. His friends laugh and push him forward. He’s cute, but I’m not in the mood for company, so I head back to Dex and our table before the guy can make a move.
Dex lifts a slice of pizza my way. “Well, aren’t you just full of surprises?”
“That’s me. Surprise Girl.” Between us on the table, a huge glass of iced tea beckons. I gulp two thirds down without stopping. My eyes close as the cool liquid eases the desert in my mouth. So good. The taste is off, a little bitter, but it’s no wonder considering the amount of drainage my sinuses are producing.
Dex shakes his head and smiles. “I like you, kid. You’re good for us here, good for my brother.” When my lips part, he holds up a hand. “No one knows better than I do what a pain Caden can be, but I’m asking you to talk to him anyway. He’s pretty miserable, and there’s more to this situation than you know.”
He’s miserable? “It doesn’t seem very complicated. When I met him at the job fair, there was a misunderstanding, and I thought he was someone else. I insulted him, and that’s on me. He took my hire as an opportunity for some payback. End of story.” But it wasn’t. Because over the last few weeks, I’d let myself care about him, and what he thought of me.
“I see.” Something in his smug expression makes me want to clobber him with my pool stick. “So that’s it then? He’s your boss and tormenter and you understand why, and that’s it?”
“Yes. What else is there to say?” My stomach turns queasy. When did it get so hot in here?
“Plenty, if you’re into him, because I thought you might be. And he might be into you, too.”
“What? No!” My face heats like a stove burner set on high. “You’ve lost your mind.”
“Do you think love is too strong a word?” Dex continues, lost in his own little world. “Probably. It’s too soon. Crush sounds like middle school. Obsessed is too creepy. Infatuated? No, that’s wrong, too.” He looks up, rubbing his beard as though he’s contemplating a game show answer for the win. “Maybe he just likes you. A hell of a lot.” He levels his gaze right at me. “Stop being so stubborn. Give him a chance to explain. Haven’t you ever made a mistake?”
“Many. Probably made one coming here tonight.” I down the rest of my tea and pound the empty glass on the table top. “You’re certifiable.”
He smiles that infuriating smile of his at me over his mug of beer. “I’ve been called worse.”
“Dexter!”
Over my shoulder, I watch Jesse and Quinn maneuvering through the crowd. I’m not waiting for them to join Dexter in ganging up on me, defending their stupid brother. Instead, I grab my pool cue and head back to the table. Anything to put space between me and this awkward conversation.
Katie walks by and I touch her arm. “Can I get another tea?” She nods and moves on. Best damn tea I’ve ever had in my life. It’s a million degrees in here; I could probably drink a whole gallon. I rack another set of balls, ignoring everyone else. When I lean against the table, it looks longer, the colorful balls farther away than last time. My vision blurs a moment which I attribute to the smoke. I blink, refocus, aim, and break with a vengeance.
“Hell yes!” I yell, doing my geeky victory dance. Katie returns, placing another glass in my hand. What starts with a sip becomes full-on guzzling. Feeling better, I try more of the fancy, trick shots that I used to entertain my father’s guests. The weight of the cue, the feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment—it all comes back. The game flies by. Others are in line for my table. I can’t stall anymore, so I lift my glass to the guys waiting and reluctantly head back.
“Are you playing or what?” I slide my butt onto the stool seat with difficulty. It’s too tall and makes me feel like a seven-year-old.
Dex sets his mug down. “Are you going to let me? You’ve hardly missed a shot.” He gestures to the same group of guys on the far side of our pool table, glancing sideways at us. “Your playing is drawing quite a crowd.”
“Don’t exaggerate,” I say, though he isn’t. I put my drink against my forehead, the chilly glass soothing my hot skin.
Quinn is polishing off the last of Dexter’s pizza while Jesse shucks the shell off a peanut before popping it in her mouth. “Are you okay?” she asks.
I squint until my eyes focus. “Peachy. It’s just really hot in here. And smoky.”
“No. Well, yes, it’s always like this, but I meant about Silas.”
“Caden?” I correct. She winces, but I’m impervious, and feeling a whole lot better than I did an hour ago. “I can’t believe you guys,” I say, addressing the whole table. “The way you all were in cahoots together on this … ” I wave my hand back and forth, “ … family subterfuge.” The word comes out stutterfudge, but I know they know what I mean. My head is suddenly too heavy for my neck. I slide my elbow onto the table and drop my chin into my palm. “Big bunch of lions. Liars.”
The Behrs go silent, exchanging confused glances.
“Sneaky,” I say. The room spins, and I put both hands flat on the table to stop the whirling. “The lot of you are s-s-sneaky.” I chug more tea, the glass feels heavier and lighter at once. Weird. “A bunch of lying sneaks. Caden, too, big jerk.” I face Dex. “I was into him, sort of. Maybe, is that what you want to hear?” People from the next table stare, and I feel like I might have spoken too lou
dly. When my chair tips back, my palms smack the table top to keep my seat. Pressure squeezes my bladder uncomfortably. “Also. I need to pee.”
Quinn slowly lowers the beer he’s been holding mid-air. “Holy hell, she’s sauced.”
“Dexter, what did you do?” Jesse glares at her brother, but his hands shoot up.
“Nothing. I did nothing. I swear.” His eyes get as round and innocent as a basset hound. Suddenly, I’m picturing Dex in a collar and sniffing other dogs, which strikes me as profoundly hilarious.
Sweet Home Alabama plays on the overhead speakers. I sway to the music until Jesse turns to me, her hand cool and comforting on my arm. “Aud, honey. Did you take something? Did someone you don’t know give you something to drink?”
“Heh.” I laugh but can’t remember the joke. I put my hand on the back of Jesse’s head and pull her close. “No, no, no. I have a cold. I took some sinus medicine, that’s all.” I release her and sit back. “And I have to pee.” For some reason, it seems super important to reiterate that part. Jesse lifts my tea and sniffs. “Ooh. Don’t drink that!” I say. “You’ll catch my germs.”
She ignores me, taking a sip and sputters. “Gah! This is a Long Island iced tea. Dex, how could you?”
He tries not to smile and fails. “What do you mean how could I?”
My gaze bounces from face to face around the table. Through my tea-induced fog, I surmise that my drink was spiked, and I’m now drunk. Dex, however, doesn’t seem the least bit sorry.
“Don’t blame me. I ordered an iced tea. Minus the Long Island. I had no idea she was over there getting blitzed off her ass.” He chuckles. “I should have guessed something was up at the rate she sucked those things down, though.” Jesse scowls as Quinn and Dex double over laughing.
“I really need to pee, guys,” I say, under my breath. Then I reach in front of Jesse while she’s distracted, pulling the almost empty glass of tea my way.
