Neel stands up, switches off the light, and takes out his handkerchief from his pocket. He kneels down once again and tries to blindfold Titiksha with the handkerchief. She stops him by holding his hand.
‘What’s this?’
‘It will help sort things out better. Trust me.’
Titiksha slowly lets go of her hand as Neel blindfolds her. She tilts her face expecting a kiss but instead of complying, he breathes on it; in a circle from her left cheek to her forehead to her right cheek to her chin. It’s only now that he kisses her on her lips slowly sucking on her lower lip. It’s a soft pursing of lips which soon grows into an uncivilized smooch. He stretches his leg and reaches out for her purse lying on the side table beside the bed. He brings it to him with his leg. Then taking the purse in his hand, he unzips it, continuing to smooch her, and turns the contents of the purse upside down on the bed. He picks the lipstick up. Titiksha isn’t able to breathe properly because of the way Neel’s face is covering hers. She pushes him and breathes hard.
‘Take it slow.’
Neel holds her face and writes on her forehead with the lipstick: NIVRITA.
‘What are you writing?’
‘You will know.’
And when you will know, you’ll also know what humiliation is. Neel pushes Titiksha on the bed. She lies down. Neel lies on top of her pressing his lips on to her throat. As Titiksha parts her legs, he adjusts himself well between them and soon is inside her. Seeing Nivrita’s name on his girlfriend’s forehead gives him an unprecedented kick. He mauls her breasts, and fucks her with a virility he had never shown before. Titiksha starts butt-slapping him pleading him to slow down. But he doesn’t. The moans he heard in the toilet, Nivrita’s name right front of him, and Titiksha’s infidelity all has made him a monster. After a good five minutes long sexual assault he collapses on Titiksha; done for the night.
It’s morning now. The call bell rings three times at one go. Then stops. It awakens Neel. He feels a mild headache. The bell rings again. Once. Neel sits up and turns to his right. Titiksha isn’t around. Probably she is in the toilet, Neel thinks, and gets up.
While going towards the hall room, he glances at the toilet. It’s locked from the outside. The bell rings again.
Wasting no time, Neel goes ahead and opens the door to see Nivrita. He isn’t able to decipher the weird look on her face. A moment later she bursts out laughing.
‘What?’
‘Who did this to you?’
Again the indirect talks!
‘Who did what?’
‘Who wrote my name on your forehead with a lipstick?’
FROM NEEL’S MANUSCRIPT
9
Till I crossed sixteen, I would regularly be depressed because I felt unwanted. Then Neel came into my life and gift-wrapped it with his love. This was what came to my mind when Neel invited me to his birthday party at his place. Till then I had never attended any birthday party before. Not even mine. I remember whenever my birthday arrived, my classmates used to wish me but not my parents. I never asked about it either for I assumed that was the norm: on birthdays only classmates wish you and not parents. By the time I realized the assumption was wrong, I didn’t really care much because I was used to it and my own birthday, or for that matter anyone else’s, lost all its significance for me. Whenever I was invited to any fellow classmate’s birthday party, I used to miss it out of vengeance against my bad luck. It was a silly thing on my part but I used to feel like a winner by not availing the opportunity to enjoy myself only because whenever I wanted to enjoy before, I wasn’t ever given the opportunity. Hence when Neel requested me to be there at his birthday party I was instantly in two minds.
We were standing by the water cooler filling up our bottles with cold water when Neel told me about the party.
‘Won’t Avni have a problem if I come to the party?’ I wasn’t scared of her. I only cared about Neel and didn’t want to put him in any awkward situation like I did the last time by kissing him in front of Avni. Though the fact that he never confronted me about it meant he perhaps liked it.
‘I have invited most of my classmates so why would she have a problem?’
Honestly I was expecting an answer like: I don’t give a damn about Avni. I hid my disappointment well.
‘But I don’t go to birthday parties.’ It was the truth but I said it to see his reaction; to see whether he would pester me to attend the party or not. Instead I saw his face turn sad and he become quiet. I wanted to pull his cheeks real hard for I thought he was looking at his cutest best.
‘I will come,’ I finally told him without considering the feasibility of it.
‘Great! Any time after six. See you.’ He went back to the class.
The problem was I wasn’t allowed to go out of my mama’s house in the evening except if it was for tuitions, and he knew well that I had my tuitions only on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Thankfully Neel’s birthday was on a Friday. I consulted Yo-didun. Even she was quiet for she couldn’t take me out late in the evening. Moreover, it was a birthday party, and not some shop where I could just pop in and out within minutes. I was in a fix. But this wasn’t the only problem. Of all the days, the morning of Neel’s birthday, I had to have my periods as well. There were dark circles around my eyes. And my lower abdomen suffered acute spasms. I didn’t freak out because without those dark circles, I wasn’t much beautiful anyway. But Yo-didun neutralized those dark circles by applying Kajal on my eyes. I saw myself in the mirror and for the first time I thought I had nice eyes. In the evening, the spasms relaxed. I lied to mama that Rajiv sir had some work on Saturday so he was having a substitute class on Friday instead. Fortunately he didn’t dig further because Bijoya mami seemed convinced. That’s the way it worked between them. If Bijoya mami had a doubt, mama would have one as well.
Yo-didun gave me her old earrings to wear but I politely told her that I was going to go without them. I was never into accessories. As I walked out of the house, I saw Bijoya mami gape at my dress. I was wearing my favourite salwar suit which was a touch better than the other dull salwars I used to wear on most days. If she’d asked, I would have casually told her all my other clothes were unwashed. But she didn’t ask anything. I gave her a sly smile. I didn’t care even if she understood that I was up to something for I knew she wouldn’t be able to prove it.
Neel had given me proper directions to his place on a piece of paper which I kept referring to while directing the taxi driver. It was a huge house in Paikpara. I knew the party had already started because I could hear loud music blasting from the house. The guard showed me the way inside the house.
An old man-servant opened the door, followed by a brown Doberman who, I later learnt, was his dad’s pet. It barked at me but the servant silenced it by repeating the word ‘bondhu’ (friend) a few times.
‘Kokhababu is upstairs,’ he said with a benign smile.
I was inside the hall but there was nobody there except me. One look at the spacious hall and I knew Neel hailed from a rich family. Not just a well-to-do but also a rich family. It was evident from the way the room was kept—the branded furniture, curtains, carpet, showpieces, paintings, and what not. Maybe his father’s business was running really well. I remembered how Neel had told me that his father kept going from home to shop to home. If his father didn’t work hard at the shop, then his birthday party wouldn’t have happened. When one gets too much too easily, one overlooks its worth. How true! I could also guess Neel’s family had travelled around the world from all the framed photographs of the three of them. I recognized his mother immediately. Soon I saw a man stepping down from the staircase. I recognized him from the photographs. He was Neel’s father.
‘We all have been waiting for you,’ he said and then looking up, raised his voice as if calling someone, ‘She is here!’ He then came down to the hall room.
I was a bit surprised to hear Neel’s father was waiting for me. I could sense a nervous feeling perpetrating in me
. It meant Neel must have told his parents about me. I was curious to know what all he had told them.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I couldn’t come earlier.’ Next, I saw Neel’s mother, whom I had met in the hospital before, appear by the staircase looking worried.
‘Oh! She is just another of Neel’s classmate. Not from the pastry shop. I don’t know when you will learn to distinguish people,’ she bellowed and disappeared.
Neel’s father immediately gave me a condescending look, perhaps wondering how the hell could I be Neel’s classmate? It was the same look his mom had given me in the hospital. I didn’t quite understand why they did that. I understood Neel had not yet told them anything about me. But was it a reason for him to presume I was some pastry shop girl?
‘The party is upstairs.’ His father’s voice was strict.
There they were—some of my classmates and many of whom I didn’t know at all. Nobody noticed me. It was nothing new for me but I felt a bit odd being there. From the dresses they wore and their body language, it was obvious that most of the other girls hailed from affluent backgrounds. They looked much younger than me. It was then I realized why Neel’s father had looked at me like that. With a demure middle-class attitude, no makeup, or trendy clothes, I was probably not even looking their age. I would have turned and moved out of the party and later lied to Neel I couldn’t make it, if at that moment Avni had not called out to me.
‘Hey newcomer!’ she said. The fact that I wasn’t a newcomer anymore and Avni still termed me so, told me that this party won’t be what I had hoped it would be.
‘Hi Avni,’ I replied.
She was wearing taut pink shorts with a white off-shoulder top. L’Oreal was evident in the streak of her hair which was coloured purple in front. She came up to me along with her silly groupies.
‘Where exactly are you coming from?’ She looked at me from top to bottom. ‘Fish market?’
I knew my world was different from theirs but at that instant, I wanted to belong to that world of Avni in order to prove that I too could belong anywhere. I coveted the world where people like Avni and Neel belonged. Not having to wash clothes themselves, no tension of scoring high marks all the time, and no feeling of loneliness during birthdays. So much for wishful thinking!
‘Where’s Neel?’ I asked.
‘I will tell you but you’ve got to promise me one thing.’
‘What?’
‘You won’t embarrass him or anything the way you are embarrassing yourself standing here?’
There was further laughter from her silly groupies. I wanted to scratch Avni’s face with my long, dirty, and uncut nails, but I saw Neel in the distance and stopped myself.
‘Oh don’t worry Avni. That’s your speciality. I’m no match for you on that.’ I walked away from Avni towards Neel. He was genuinely happy to see me. So was I.
‘Hey, you are late. I’ve already cut the cake. But good that you came.’
I took out an envelope from my tuition bag and gave it to him.
‘Happy birthday, Neel!’
‘Thanks. You have a thing for making cards, isn’t it?’
It’s not a card.’ I had known he would think I am a card-making-freak, and hence I had intentionally not made one for him.
It piqued his interest and he immediately took out the piece of chart paper from inside the envelope. I was good with paper and had made him a paper cut out of a lips opening. There was something written on it. He read on. Perhaps it took him some time to understand what it actually was.
‘It’s a song!’ The smile he had was exactly the one that had encouraged me to write it.
‘My first,’ I smiled, ‘for Paintbrush.’
‘This is my best…’
I wanted him to complete it, and he would have actually said whatever he wanted to had Avni not barged in.
‘So miss newcomer has written a song. Let me see.’
Even before Neel could say anything, she snatched the chart paper cut-out from his hand. She then called out for everyone’s attention.
‘Listen everyone! Someone has written a song. It’s called Shit.’ Everyone in the room looked at Avni with interest.
‘Switch off the music please.’ I exchanged a worried glance with Neel. ‘There’s no need to…’ he started but by then Avni was reading my song out aloud.
She read all the three verses I had written with perverse animation. There was pin drop silence as she read the song lyrics. I wanted to vanish into thin air.
The silence persisted even after Avni finished reading. She looked at everyone with an amused face. I knew the room was about to burst into a roar of laughter. I was ready to rush out but I heard claps instead. And words like ‘cool’, ‘sexy’, ‘beautiful’, ‘killer’. Words which I had never heard for myself before, but my creation for Neel did. I smiled at Neel. He was looking at Avni who dashed towards another room throwing the piece of chart-paper on the floor. Her attempt to belittle me had obviously failed. Neel picked up the paper cutting. I took few steps towards him and requested, ‘Could you please give the song a tune?’
‘If you’ve written the song, the tune shall appear too,’ he said. The warmth with which he said it had so much romance infused in it that I fell in love with him again.
Neel’s mother came out from the room where Avni had disappeared and asked him, ‘Neel, why is Avni crying?’
‘Ask her,’ Neel shot back.
‘I did. She said you were rude to her,’ she said accusingly.
‘I was?’ Neel had the right to be irked. I was only looking alternately once at Neel and then at his mother.
‘Where’s the girl who made fun of her?’
‘Nobody made fun of her mom.’
‘Where is the girl, Neel?’
I had to step in.
‘I had written a song for Neel. And…’
Before I could finish she assigned me a job.
‘Go inside and apologize to Avni.’
I gave a what-the-fuck-is-that look to Neel. He returned the same look to me and then to his mother.
‘What should Titiksha apologize about?’
‘I won’t listen to anything Neel. Please ask your friend to do what I asked.’
‘But mom this is completely bullshit.’
‘How dare you use that word with your mom?’ She darted a filthy glance at me and said, ‘I think you should choose your friends carefully, Neel.’
‘I’m sorry mom but Avni is at fault here.’
‘Her parents will be here any moment now. Your dad is downstairs waiting for them. I don’t want them to see her crying.’
I don’t know what happened to me at that instant. I simply went inside the room where Avni was sitting, apologized, and moved out. Did I choose to bow down because I saw Neel’s helpless situation and did not want him to suffer because of a song written by me? Love makes you do stupid things at times.
Neel’s mother was busy briefing the servant. ‘I have done what you wanted aunty,’ I said. She looked at the room’s entrance, and saw Avni there, smiling.
‘Good. You aren’t as disobedient as you look.’
‘You are wrong aunty. I’m disobedient. But my obedience to you is because I love your son.’
I was sure Neel’s mother was surprised at my sudden audacity for I was the girl who had, a minute before, done exactly what she wanted. I didn’t wait for anyone anymore. I didn’t even look at Neel. I simply reached the stairs, and as I was about to climb down, I heard my name being called out.
‘Titiksha.’ It was Neel.
I paused and looked at him with tears in my eyes. What had I done to deserve such humiliation? Just loved someone with all my heart?
‘I love you too,’ Neel said. It was loud enough to qualify as an announcement.
Chapter 8
WILL NEEL AND TITIKSHA SORT OUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP?
This is the least Neel has written since he began writing the story as narrated to him by Nivrita.
&nb
sp; As he shuts down his laptop, he feels the story is taking a toll on him. In fact, from the time he started writing the story, nothing has gone right in his life. He wants to finish the story as quickly as possible. But even after asking Nivrita to tell him the entire story in one sitting, she keeps slicing it up, God knows why.
The laptop’s display goes blank. If Nivrita had not told him about the scope of ‘reality fiction’ in India, and how a fictional story promoted as a true story helps one sell more because of the presence of a huge number of gullible readers, Neel would have requested her to change the names of the protagonists. It’s weird to write about something with your own name. Neel gets up from his chair and stretches himself. While drawing the curtains of the room, he is amazed to see its dark outside. He doesn’t seem to keep a track of time these days.
Nivrita had come in the morning and narrated the story further. And then she had left. After her departure, Neel slept for some more time and had then started writing from early evening. It’s 10.30 pm now. What the fuck! Titiksha is still not home.
When Nivrita laughed at him in the morning, standing by the door stating her name is written on his forehead, Neel thought she was joking. When she couldn’t stop her laughter, Neel ran inside and looked at the mirror. Nivrita’s name was indeed written on his forehead. Neel was devastated. He thought he would humiliate Titiksha but she had got up earlier than him, probably saw Nivrita’s name on her forehead, and had written Nivrita’s name on his forehead instead to mock him and get even. As Neel washed the name off his forehead, he swore he would not let Titiksha go away with it. He intentionally didn’t call her up throughout the day.
Let her think I’m okay with what she did and when she’s back, I shall show her what real mocking is all about.
Neel had drowned himself in the story after that. And now it is way beyond Titiksha’s normal time of returning home.
He calls Titiksha. A voice tells him that the number is unreachable. He tries a few more times. Unreachable. Neel is now anxious. Could she be in the metro? But she never takes the metro to come home from office, assuming she was in office all day.
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