“Answer,” Byrne said. “Tell them you’re safe.”
Was she? One scream from her, and the Hussars would break through and escort her back to her brothers, and take Byrne away.
“I’m fine,” she called out shakily. “Please, I just need a little fresh air.”
Louise heard muffled conversation then retreating footsteps but was pretty sure they’d have left a man close to the door in case she should need him. The orchestra began to play another dance. She squeezed her eyes shut and fought a fresh surge of panic. He couldn’t force her to tell him. She could run . . . just dash for the door and call out to the guard—
Byrne seized her arm as if he knew escape was on her mind. “Not this time. You’re staying here until I hear the whole story. No more lies, Louise.”
She tried to shake him off, but he held all the tighter, pulling her closer still, lowering his face to capture her frantically wandering eyes with his. The muscles along his jaw tightened, as rigid as carriage springs. His gaze turned brittle with determination.
“Louise, please, tell me. What really happened between you and the queen and your mother’s physician Charles Locock? Did you give birth to a baby out of wedlock?”
She gave her head a violent shake. Lost. Everything is lost now, she thought miserably.
Stephen Byrne had discovered her shame. And now he would force her to return to that fateful night.
Had anyone else found out, she might have borne it. But this was a man she’d come to respect, if only for his dedication to her family and stubborn insistence on the truth.
She closed her eyes on a wave of vertigo that nearly sent her plummeting to the stone terrace at his feet. “It’s the past,” she whispered, clutching his lapels to keep from falling. “For god’s sake, leave it be. Please, don’t make me revisit—”
“Listen to me,” he said between gritted teeth. “If you are ever to find happiness, woman, you must confront the truth. Don’t let it defeat you.”
Why had she let this man into her world? What insanity had gripped her to make her believe she could trust him?
She rallied the little pride still left to her and looked him in the eyes. “Sir, I order you to release me. I absolve you of all commitments to me.” She struggled to pull out of his grip, but he held firm. “I insist you allow me to return to—”
“You killed it, didn’t you?” Any warmth his voice had held a moment earlier dispersed like vapors into the night.
Her eyes widened. She thought she might swoon, except he was holding her up by both arms now, fixing those mesmerizing black eyes on hers, demanding she confess all. Torturing her by ordering her to relive the worst days of her life.
“Louise.” He gave her a shake.
Her throat burned with the salt of unshed tears. “I—didn’t—kill—anyone,” she whimpered. Her tongue felt so heavy in her mouth she could barely form the words.
He released a strained breath. “If you can’t say it, I will.”
Her eyes widened with dread. “Please. No! Don’t.”
He ignored her and continued in a low voice. “This is how I believe it happened, Princess. A few months after you started a love affair with the young artist Donovan Heath, your mother suspected you were sleeping with him. She decided she must find out for certain if she’d guessed right and put an end to the affair. She ordered her gynecologist, Doctor Charles Locock, to examine you. He not only found you were no longer a virgin, a blow to Victoria, who had hoped for a royal match such as she’d already arranged for your older sisters, but you were pregnant. This news may have been as much a shock to you as it was to your mother.”
Byrne watched her face, waiting for a response. Louise could only stare at him, feeling the world slipping away beneath her feet. Her body went mercifully numb.
He continued. “The queen must have been desperate. She had to work fast to avoid scandal. She commanded Locock to get rid of the illegitimate fetus. Is that much right?”
Before she could stop herself, she’d given him a tiny nod.
“Right,” Byrne growled. “The rest is conjecture on my part, but let’s see how close I can come.” She shrank from his condemning glare. “You begged your mother to spare your baby. Whether you wished to give it up for adoption or keep it, I don’t know. But neither option would have satisfied Victoria. So long as you refused the procedure to end the pregnancy, the scandal threatened to tear holes in the royal family. To the queen’s way of seeing things, permanently disposing of the problem was still the only solution.”
His voice gentled at seeing the agony reflected in her eyes. “Louise, I’m not saying you wanted your baby to die. Victoria is a powerful, determined woman. She probably talked you into going off to the family home on the Isle of Wight for your confinement, letting you think it would be only to deliver the baby away from prying eyes.”
Louise wept openly now, no more able to stop her tears than she could have willed away a monsoon. Her breast heaved, wracking her entire body. “How can you be so cruel? I hate you, you monster!” She sobbed. “To speak of such things—”
Inconceivably, Stephen Byrne pulled her into his arms. He cradled her head against his deep chest, the coolness of his military medals soothing her flaming cheek. “I’m sorry. Truly I am, Louise. But you need to face what happened and leave the guilt behind.”
“Oh Lord!” she cried.
He was ruthless. Why wouldn’t he just shut up? But she let him hold her, feeling so much safer in his arms than standing apart from him on the balcony, in the chill wind.
He kept on talking, more to himself than to her now. Fitting pieces of the puzzle together in his mind, a man obsessed with the desire to understand. “You gave birth to your baby. Sir Charles Locock, father to Amanda’s husband, attended. You probably weren’t even allowed to see the child. Maybe Locock told you it was stillborn. Maybe you didn’t believe him. Therefore your resentment of your mother and the closeness you’ve developed with your best friend’s child. Ironically, Edward Locock, the doctor’s grandson, has become a surrogate son to you.”
Louise tearfully shook her head, rejecting his words. What she had done had been wrong. Loving Donovan. Deceiving her family. Keeping her pregnancy from the world. But she couldn’t let Stephen Byrne think her sins were as black as he painted them.
She sucked down a deep, shuddering breath and seized fragile control of her thoughts. The truth. There was nowhere to go now but to the truth.
“It—wasn’t—like—that.” She gulped down air between convulsing sobs.
“No? Then tell me how it was,” he murmured into her hair.
Louise closed her eyes, pressing her feverish cheek against Byrne’s chest. She listened to his heart, strong and steady and reassuring against her ear. She breathed in the scent of him, and he wrapped his arms even tighter around her. Only in his embrace did she find the strength to remember how it had been, and say the words out loud.
“You’re right,” she whispered, drifting back in time, “but only about some of it.”
And then she was in that horrid room again. The old doctor and his wife standing over her bed. The crashing sounds of the ocean pounding the rocks outside her window, and the unbearable pain tearing apart her body as she struggled to bring her baby into the world.
She remembered every detail as if it were yesterday . . .
Thirty-two
Osborne House, Isle of Wight, 1866
Louise threw her head back against the sweat-soaked pillows and screamed as the contraction climaxed. The pain pressed up through her belly, hardening the muscle in a wave that rounded into her lower back. When she opened her eyes as the discomfort lessened, she saw the doctor, holding a cloth in one hand and an amber bottle of ether in the other.
“No!” she gasped. “Take it away.” She pushed herself halfway up from where she lay on the mattress, bracing herself on her elbows.
“But, Princess,” his wife coaxed, “it will ease the pain.”
“Your mother ordered it for you,” Dr. Charles Locock said. “She asked for ether when her last two children were born. She swears by it.”
“No. You’ll make me lose consciousness.”
“Would that be so bad?” cooed the woman. “When you wake up, it will all be over. Just like a bad dream.” The doctor took a step forward; the ether cloth came at her again.
Louise kicked with both feet, sending the couple stumbling back out of range. “Stay away from me!” she cried. “Stay away from my baby.”
The doctor and his wife exchanged looks. She knew what they were thinking, knew what they intended to do.
“We just want to help you,” Locock said. “You can’t give birth on your own like a squaw.”
“After the baby is born, if it is healthy . . . if it survives the birth, it’s better if you don’t see it,” his wife said, her voice softly coaxing. “You know you can’t possibly keep it. I will carry it to a couple in the village who are waiting for it. It will have a loving family to care for it.”
“Liars!” Louise screamed on the rise of another contraction. She panted to catch her breath, portioning out words between inhalations. “I saw . . . the letter . . . she sent. My mother wants . . . to kill my baby.”
The doctor’s wife reached out as if to brush a hand over Louise’s sweat-damp hair, but stopped short of touching her. “Oh, no, dear. What a terrible thing to say. The queen is so worried about you. She wants what’s best for you, and the babe will be—”
While the pain eased, Louise spilled out her proof. “She said in the letter, ‘Do what you must.’ That’s what she said. She didn’t say to find my baby a home. She didn’t say to— Oh, God!” She felt herself tearing then the hardness of the baby’s head pushing between her thighs, and she fell back against the tangled linens, unable to gather enough strength to hold herself up any longer.
They were right. She needed help. She couldn’t do this on her own.
She felt the doctor’s hands guiding the baby out of her as his wife encouraged her to push. The woman stood beside her, holding her hand, smoothing a cool hand over her forehead, whispering, “It will be all right, Your Highness. It’s all going to be just fine. You’ll see. Now the worst is over. The babe’s out. Rest now. We’ll take care of everything.”
Despite refusing the ether, Louise suddenly felt so very tired, so sleepy, she could hardly keep her eyes open. “My baby,” she whispered. “Please, give him to me.” They hadn’t told her it was a boy, but somehow she knew.
“Now dear—”
Tears pooled in Louise’s eyes, blurring the room around her. “Please, please don’t take him from me.”
She could hear them talking in hushed voices on the far side of the room. Water was being poured, she imagined to clean away the birth blood. A lusty cry broke the silence as the babe took his first breath. Her heart sang. Her son was alive.
But before she could reach for him, there came a sudden splashing sound, and the cry stopped.
“No!” Louise shrieked.
“What are you doing?” The doctor’s voice. “Not here, woman. Get it out of the room!”
And then she knew for certain, there was no village couple.
“Stop!” Louise pushed herself up on one arm despite the searing pain the slightest movement caused. To her relief, the woman had stepped back from the tub of water with the writhing, wet infant in her hands. “If you harm that baby . . . if you take one step out of this room with him,” Louise vowed, “I shall tell the world you have murdered the grandchild of Queen Victoria.”
The doctor and his wife exchanged worried glances.
Locock took a step toward her. “Princess. Please, let us take care of this complication for you. The scandal would kill your poor mother.”
Nothing on God’s green earth has the power to kill that woman, she thought. Nothing. She’ll die when she’s good and ready.
“Give me the baby,” Louise commanded.
Neither of them moved. But the wrinkled pink newborn, lying like a pagan offering, still unswaddled in the woman’s open hands, suddenly began flailing and wailing furiously. He was probably just cold. Louise knew that. But to her ears, there had never been a more beautiful sound. Her son was calling to her.
“Go! For godsakes get out of here!” the doctor shouted. “She’s bluffing.”
The doctor’s wife looked down at the baby in her hands then at Louise. There was a flash of pity in the older woman’s eyes.
“If you kill my child,” Louise warned, her voice crackling with white-hot rage, “I swear to you, I will go to the police, but first I will tell every newspaper in London what you have done. You will both be charged with murder and found guilty, because my mother will deny knowledge of your wicked deed. She will protect the Crown, while all of England calls you monsters and applauds your execution.”
As if launched by a spring, the doctor’s wife rushed toward the bed and nearly tossed the squalling infant at its mother. Louise tenderly rested the babe across her belly and pulled the bloodstained linens up over them both for a bit of warmth.
“In the morning, you will see things differently,” Locock said, his eyes grim, lips tucked in tight. “You will realize you have no choice but to—”
“There are always choices,” Louise said, giving in to her exhaustion and closing her eyes as she cradled the baby to her body. “Go. Leave us.”
That night, as tired as Louise was, she forced herself to stay awake. A few hours later, the doctor’s wife slipped into the room. Before Louise could warn her off, the woman pressed a finger over her lips. “Hush, Your Highness, I won’t hurt you or the child. I’ve brought clean sheets and blankets for you. Let me wash you and check to make sure you’re not hemorrhaging.”
The woman was efficient and gentle, but so silent in her ministrations that Louise knew she had come without her husband’s knowledge.
“Thank you,” Louise whispered.
“I have a son too,” the woman said, her eyes kind. “A fine grown son. You fought for your babe’s life tonight. I would have done the same.”
Thirty-three
Stafford House, London, 1871
Louise shifted away from Byrne’s chest just enough to look up into his face, needing him to see her eyes and know that every word she’d confessed to him was the absolute truth.
“When Locock came into my room the next morning, he tried once more to convince me I was being foolish. I assured him if he killed my baby, he’d have to kill me to keep me quiet.”
Byrne was staring at her with an expression of such wonder that she knew he hadn’t guessed this part. She thought she saw a subtle brightening in his gaze, and relief.
“Aren’t you going to ask where the child is now?”
“I’m pretty sure I know.”
She smiled. Yes, she supposed he did. “By morning I’d come up with a plan.”
“And that plan involved a young woman who scrubbed floors at the art school where you’d met Donovan?”
“Yes. I sent a carriage for Amanda. Then I told Locock to summon his son. Henry was a medical student, soon to complete his studies. I’d met him at parties with my artist friends and liked him. He seemed generous of spirit, gentle, wise beyond his years. When they both arrived I introduced them to each other and made them a proposition. I offered a generous portion of my dowry to set them up in a nice house in a respectable part of the city—if they would marry and take my baby as their own. Amanda would never have to scrub another stoop, and Henry could open his practice years earlier than if he were struggling on his own or dependent upon his penny-pincher of a father. All they needed to do was provide a safe and loving home for my little Edward. And allow me to spend time with him whenever I could.”
Byrne closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, as though to cleanse away the wickedness of his accusations. “I’m sorry I thought for even a moment that you might have—” He shook his head. “This is a much happier tale than I’d imagined. You were ter
ribly brave.” He touched her cheek with rough fingertips. “You stood up to your mother and—”
“And acted just as she would have done.” Louise didn’t try to hide her bitterness. “I ordered people around, forcing them to alter their lives to suit me.”
“No. You saved an innocent life and brought two people together who seem very happy with the marriage you arranged for them.”
Louise had to agree with that at least. Although she’d often felt guilty for bullying Amanda and Henry into a marriage every bit as contrived as her own to Lorne, she had watched them fall in love during the years they were raising her son as their own. “I’ve just learned that Amanda is expecting a child of her own. Henry is as proud as a man can be.”
“So there,” Byrne whispered. “Fate put you in an impossible situation, but you did the very best anyone could. Your son is a healthy, happy boy, due to your courage.”
“But he’ll never know I’m his real mother.” That alone broke her heart.
“There may come a time when you can reveal the truth to him.”
She looked up at Byrne, seeing something new and unexpected in the man. Beneath the facade of a rogue was an intelligent and sincere man. A man of moral strength.
“Why did you put me through this ordeal?” she said, pressing her palms to his chest to move a little away but not quite out of his embrace.
“Because you needed to heal. I told you that.”
“No, I mean, why do you care? You, personally. About me.”
He tipped his head to one side and smiled. “Because I just do.” She watched as he lowered his head, knowing what he was about to do. He kissed her on the lips, long and thoroughly.
Already weak from her emotional outpouring, Louise dissolved at the soft pressure of his mouth over hers. She lingered, enjoying the moment, then sighed. “No one in my family cared enough to face the truth. No one,” she said. “It’s a forbidden topic. My fall from grace.”
The tenderness in his gaze shifted almost imperceptibly to something with more sizzle.
The Wild Princess Page 26
