With all the confidence I could muster, I opened the door and approached the desk. A heavy set, middle aged man sat behind it, talking to a customer on the phone. He addressed me when he hung up.
“Can I help you, miss?”
“Can I speak to Blade, please?”
“Is there something I can help you with?”
“No. Blade will know what I am talking about.”
“Can I tell him who’s asking for him?”
“Just a customer.”
A few minutes later, Blade appeared. His hair was tied back, and he hadn’t shaved in a couple days. I’d always thought he looked sexy that way. His hands and shirt were a little dirty, and there was a little smudge of oil in his blonde beard. He looked surprised but not exactly pleased to see me. He leaned up against the door and crossed his arms.
“What are you doing here, Callie?”
“My engine is broken. I need you to fix it.”
He rolled his eyes and my heart sank. I thought I was being cute.
“You don’t have a car, Callie. You don’t even drive.”
“How do you know? You won’t return my phone calls.”
“Well if your car is broken, why don’t you just ask your boyfriend to buy you a new one?”
“Maybe I’d rather have a boyfriend who can fix my car instead.”
Blade looked down at the floor, hopefully contemplating what I just said, but he didn’t move away from the door or uncross his arms. From the neck down, his body language was so closed off I didn’t have a chance in hell of winning him over. But his eyes and face had softened a little bit.
“You know, you can’t just have what you want when you want it like no one else is involved,” he finally said softly.
Not exactly the response I was hoping for. “I understand that. That’s what I am trying to tell you, but I can’t get you to talk to me.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready yet.”
I had a sinking feeling I was losing this battle, so I had to lay all my cards on the table. Now. “Didn’t you mean what you said to me that last morning I was at your house?”
That snapped him to attention. He stared at me for a moment, eyes wide. “I did.”
“So you can just say things like that and then walk away so easily?”
“It hasn’t been easy, Callie. I meant all of what I said to you. I won’t share.”
“I know.”
“I’m at work. I can’t talk about this right now.”
“Can we go somewhere and talk when you’re done with work?”
“I won’t be done for three more hours. What are you going to do until then?”
I flopped down in one of the chairs in the waiting room, feeling semi-victorious. “I am going to sit here and read a magazine while I wait for my car to be fixed.”
“Suit yourself.” He shook his head as he headed out of the office. I watched him go over my open copy of Popular Mechanics. I’m pretty sure he was smiling as he headed through the door.
The afternoon passed in a mind numbingly slow fashion. I’d read Popular Mechanics, Car and Driver, Guns and Ammo, and every other outdated magazine on the table with testosterone dripping from its pages. I attempted to make small talk with the guy at the desk, but he didn’t seem interested in chatting with random young girls who loitered in his lobby.
“I don’t have a change of clothes,” Blade explained as we left the garage. “I wasn’t expecting company.”
“Do you want to go home and change?”
“No.” He said it too quickly, too decisively. This was not going to be easy. He opened the passenger’s side door for me and I watched him cross over to the driver’s side. He looked more serious, sadder than he had before. He hadn’t been kidding when he said he wasn’t sure he was ready for this.
We rode in silence for a few minutes, with Blade mindlessly punching at the radio buttons. I wasn’t familiar with this part of town, so I had no idea where we were going.
“Are you hungry?” Blade finally broke the silence.
I was starving. But the thought of food turned my stomach. “No,” I lied. It wasn’t going to help my cause if I upchucked all over the inside of Molly; since Blade undoubtedly preferred his car to me right now. Back to silence. It didn’t do anything to calm my stomach.
We headed away from the city, west towards Red Rock. From the amount of turns he made, Blade didn’t seem to have a particular destination in mind. It felt like we were driving in circles.
Once we were inside the park, Blade pulled into a lot and cut the engine. The first strips of pink had appeared in the sky, so he removed his sunglasses and carefully tucked them in his visor. I unbuckled myself, I realized a maybe a little too optimistically, and I turned my body so my back was against the window and tucked my knees up against my chest. I watched him for a minute, to see what he did, but he just looked at me blankly. Any style points I had earned earlier this afternoon were long gone.
“You wanted to talk, so talk.”
I practically jumped off the seat. It wasn’t a statement, it was an order. “Blade, I’m so sorry.”
“Are you sorry you did it, or are you sorry you got caught?”
“What?” This almost seemed like a trick question. “I’m sorry about all of it.”
“Did you sleep with him?”
Someone wasn’t pulling any punches today. “No! If I had slept with him, it would have changed everything, forever. And I just want things to go back to the way they were between us.”
“So you think if you show up, bat your eyelashes, and act cute things are just going to go back to the way they were? I have news for you, Callie, things have already changed. We can’t go back.”
I sucked a deep breath in. His words felt like a punch in the stomach. I stared at him wide eyed.
“How can I trust you?” His mouth was a thin, unhappy line.
“You can,” I whispered. “I promise.”
He shook his head defiantly. “You’ve already shown me that your promises don’t mean anything. You’ve shown me that you’re willing to lie right to my face. You’ve also shown me how spectacularly bad at it you are. At least if you’re going to try to juggle two guys, you should make sure one of them doesn’t have his face plastered all over every billboard in the city and every gossip site on the web.”
“So you think I’m a whore?”
“No. I just think you’re acting like a selfish little girl.”
“I was a virgin when I met you, Blade. You didn’t seem to have any problem putting a stop to that. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
“It does,” he said quietly, and looked away from me for a moment, out at the sunset, where orange and purple and met up with the pink in a stunning display. “But you’re acting like it doesn’t mean very much to you.”
The tears that had been welling up and the sob that was lodged in my throat ever since we arrived in this parking lot came bursting to the surface. I didn’t want to look at him as he watched me lose control so I put my head down on my knees and cried like the little girl he’d just accused me of being. When I had exhausted myself out of every last drop of emotion, I picked up my head and rested my chin on my knees. My brain throbbed and it felt too heavy for my wounded neck to hold up on its own.
“It means everything to me,” I said, my voice barely above a raspy whisper. “You are the only one. I can have Tristan. I want you.”
He didn’t say anything, he just looked at me. His face had softened to the point where he looked like my Blade again. Maybe I had a chance.
“I just don’t know,” his voice was barely above a whisper.
The shock of the rejection rolled through my body like a violent clap of thunder and if there was anything left in my tank, I probably would have broken down again. Instead I just stared at him, my head off of my knees, wide eyed, lips quivering, whole body quivering.
He wouldn’t look into my eyes, but he seemed a bit apologetic, and unsure, maybe?
>
“But it’s not a no?”
“No,” he ran his fingers along the steering wheel, still not looking me in the eye. “It’s not a no.”
I could breathe again. There was no reason for celebration; this was far from a victory. All I could do was breathe.
“I should bring you back,” he said quietly and turned over the engine. Molly roared in comparison to the silence of the park. Full dark had fallen and we were probably the last ones here. The soft, cool air coming through the vents felt heavenly. The car had grown warm and stale, with the windows fogged. A passerby would think a very different heated exchange had happened. As we rolled back towards the city and its obscene bright lights, I pressed my head against the cool of the window and watched it all pass by.
I jolted back into consciousness when Blade came back to a stop in front of my building. Here everything stood just as I’d left it. It seemed impossible. My insides were rubble. Was this it? It couldn’t be. Blade shut off the car, and got out to open my door. My heart pounded.
He opened my door, but I didn’t get out right away. He stood patiently, not encouraging me to do anything. Finally, I put one shaky foot on the ground to test it. The other followed. My legs felt like jelly.
“When is your show?” I needed to keep him here as long as possible.
“It’s next Saturday, the thirteenth.”
“I’d like to come see you play.” I glanced up at him and held my breath.
“I’d like that.”
We just stood there, looking at each other, neither one of us sure what to do next. Finally, I broke through that invisible barrier that had formed between us over the last three weeks and slid my hands underneath his jacket, around his waist, and leaned my head against his chest. I prayed he wouldn’t push me away. I wouldn’t be able to take it. He might as well just run me over with his car and leave me for dead. Instead he pulled me in closer, wrapping one arm around my shoulders and his other hand stroking my hair.
I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent. He smelled faintly of mint and a little bit like he’d been working all day. It was all Blade, and it was wonderful. I had missed him so much. I pulled my right hand away from his back and placed it over his heart, still under his jacket. It beat just as hard as mine.
It was no victory, but it wasn’t a no.
Chapter Twenty Two
“A package came for you,” Janelle announced without looking up from her computer, oblivious to anything else going on in the room besides that I had entered it. I was so emotionally hung over that I welcomed her cluelessness.
The package was simply stunning and it accentuated every cheap thread on my bedspread. I ran my finger along the embossed gold floral pattern on the wrap, more fabric than paper, while I considered how to best remove the burgundy velvet ribbon and bow without disturbing its intricate beauty. I found a shiny gold envelope tucked under the bow. I carefully opened the flap, also too fancy to ruin with haste, and pulled out the card. It was handwritten in masculine print.
Please forgive me. xx
Tristan knew there was no need to sign his name. A warm flush spread from my cheeks all over my body, thinking about the cool touch of his lips to mine, and then feeling of his teeth sinking through my flesh. I squeezed my eyes shut, not sure if I wanted the image to go away. I sat on my bed with my eyes closed, holding the card, wrestling with my conscience. How did he do this to me? How could he do this to me, on today of all days? My heart felt like it was on one of those rickety old wooden roller coasters without a safety strap. And it was at the very top, headed down into God only knew what.
Pandora’s Box still sat on my bed in all its splendor imploring me to dive inside. Carefully I removed the fabric from the package. I spread it out on the bed, smoothing the crease lines from it. It was too pretty to just be thrown away; I would have to do something with it. The box inside was also shiny and gold. Whatever was inside smelled sweet and wonderful. I lifted the lid carefully, not to rip it. Inside revealed six of the most beautiful strawberries, dipped in dark chocolate, drizzled in white chocolate, and flecked with gold. They were presented on a dark brown plate, just slightly lighter than the chocolate, with slight indents to hold the fruit in place. It was edged with white and gold painted swirls, and a small gold ribbon adorned its corners.
So simple despite its stunning display, it was quite possibly the most beautiful gift anyone had ever given me.
My stomach churned in anticipation from the aroma rising from the plate. I hadn’t had a proper meal since I didn’t even remember when. Yikes. Still, it was almost too pretty to ruin by eating. I felt like Eve being tempted by the serpent.
I picked up a strawberry, finding it heavier than I expected. Delicately, I bit into it not to send any of the ingredients cascading down on my scarf. The sweet citrus juice exploded in my dry mouth, enveloped in the velvety smooth dark chocolate like none I’d ever tasted before. I closed my eyes so I could completely savor each bite.
It was the most delicious thing I’d ever tasted.
When I was left with just the leaves, it seemed obscene to place it back on the plate like garbage. Having any more of the sweet goodness laid on the plate would be overly indulgent. I carefully closed the box and brought it out to the fridge, careful for the box not to touch any of Janelle’s revolting energy drink cans.
I grabbed my phone and made my way out of the apartment and found a bench under a tree. The gentle breeze kissed my skin. After a day like today, I needed as much oxygen as I could possibly get. I was barely sure I was up to making this call.
“Did you like your gift?” Tristan answered on the third ring.
“Very much so.”
“Good. I’m glad I got your attention. I’m not used to this. Usually people are bringing me things wrapped in pretty bows.”
“Well, I’m calling to say thank you.” Keeping my voice flat was easy. I had no more emotion left in me.
“I can think of some ways you can thank me,” I could hear his smile growing in his voice. “How about Thursday?”
“Are you kidding me, Tristan? Do you remember you did to me last time I saw you?”
“It’s all I can think about.” When I couldn’t respond, he continued. “It wasn’t what you thought. Think about what I told you about the blood, Callie. Imagine what that was like for me. It can be the same for you.”
He considered his attack erotic.
A shiver went down my spine and my mouth went dry. “You attacked me.”
“If you hadn’t fought me, you would have enjoyed it as much as I did. Think about it. And think of me as you enjoy the rest of your strawberries.”
Chapter Twenty Three
A vase full of wildflowers greeted me the morning of my plans with Tristan. The vase was almost too heavy to pick up. I inhaled the sunflower blooms as I maneuvered it in the room. It overwhelmed my dresser, but it did make the room smell heavenly.
I checked the card, less fancy this time, although I still knew exactly who it was from.
To the one who doesn’t have to be like the others—Have you ever played hide and go seek with someone like me? Tony will pick you up tonight at 8. XX
I sighed as I flopped down on my bed. Tristan would never take any of this seriously. It was maddening. He wasn’t going to erase what he did with gifts, no matter how beautiful. I fought the urge to drop the vase out the window, but the flowers were just too pretty to destroy.
Why couldn’t they have been from Blade? I realized I hadn’t heard from him since Monday. Checking the clock to see if he’d be done with work, I pressed the green call button and held my breath.
“Hey.” He actually answered. If I knew how to do a cartwheel, I probably would have done one.
“I just wanted to see how you were doing.”
“I’m good.” He seemed guarded.
“It was good to see you the other day.” I wasn’t sure if I should apologize again, or what, “Despite everything that’s happened.”
“Yeah.” Had I let too much time pass? Had he changed his mind?
“Listen, I’d love to see you before your show.”
“Yeah, sounds good.” He didn’t sound convincing.
“When is good for you?” I was hoping he’d say right now, but from his last response, that seemed highly unlikely.
“I don’t know. I’m rehearsing with the band all weekend.”
“All weekend? You don’t have time for anything else?”
“Not really.”
I sighed. I didn’t know if he did this on purpose or he just genuinely didn’t want to see me. Either way it ripped me apart. “You’re not even going to stop to eat?”
“Fine. How about lunch on Sunday?”
I mustered up all the perkiness I had, ignoring his exasperation. “Perfect. Looking forward to it.”
I hung up feeling worse about my situation with Blade than before the conversation. My heart fractured further hearing how hurt he sounded. How could I ever fix the damage I’d caused him?
Two and a half hours before Tony arrived. Ready or not, he was coming. I stood up and went over to the beautiful bouquet that overwhelmed the room. I ran my finger along a soft petal, enjoyed the sweet perfume of the bloom, and frowned. I needed to put a stop to this.
“Hi, beautiful,” Tristan answered almost immediately. It caught me off guard.
“Hey, um, thanks for the flowers.”
“You like them?”
“Listen, you need to stop sending me gifts.”
“Why? You like them.”
“It’s not the point, Tristan. I can’t come over tonight.”
“Then when can you come?” He just didn’t get it.
“It’s not a good idea.”
“Why?”
“I never know what’s going to happen when I see you.”
“I know exactly what will happen if you come see me, Callie. I’ve played it out in my mind so many times. Would you like me to tell you all about it?”
I sucked in my breath. “That won’t be necessary.”
“One of these days, you’ll find out.”
Because the Night (The Night Songs Collection) Page 11
