Her slippery slope thinking stopped. She’d tell him to get clean or they were over. She’d find a nanny for the baby. She loved Spence, but she loved her baby more.
****
After Sunday’s baseball game, Luke kept busy in the backyard. They’d gone back a step. But it wasn’t. Not really. They’d shared a day, not a date. And Luke had work to do. The boys were busy with school. Her mother made frequent trips to Blue Lake, slowly emptying her home in Sterling Pines of a lifetime’s worth of treasures. Everyone around her being all active and engaged while Chloe dangled, her time loose. When had she last been so free of responsibility? Maybe when Josh was born.
Chloe jogged. She practiced yoga. She went online to search for houses in Seattle. Nothing appealed to her. Kristy had set Chloe and the boys up in a corporate condo for as long as she needed it. She had no pressing engagements and nothing to do with her time but paint her toenails bright red.
As she sat on a kitchen chair, hunched around her toes with a tiny brush full of red polish ready to go, Luke came into the house, startling her into painting her entire baby toe. She let out a little yelp of frustration.
“You okay?” he asked.
She tightened the brush into the bottle of polish and got her feet under the table where he couldn’t see them.
“Yeah, you just startled me.”
“Sorry.” He stood on the landing, so she wasn’t sure if he meant to head downstairs or up, but his eyes were trained under the table, assessing her botched pedicure. “Red, huh?”
Yep. He’d noticed.
“I need a little color in my life.”
He came into the kitchen, poured a tall glass of water, and sat down across the table from her.
“Are you a, what do they call it, stay-at-home mom?”
She smiled. Yes, for the moment. And she really enjoyed it. Most of the time.
“I start my new job after Mom moves to Blue Lake.” Should she say it was in Seattle? No. Why would it matter to him? “The boys and I are taking our usual vacation up there after school lets out.”
“Will you stay with your mom?”
“Usually we do. But it’s crowded, and I want to try that new place with the cottages.”
“Blue Heaven. I went to high school with the owner. You should book it soon. Those cottages fill up quick.”
“I’ve been meaning to do that,” she said.
“I can check for you.” He hit the keys on his cell.
He seemed more interested in her vacation than asking where or what her job involved. Fine with her. But why? Was she afraid if she told him about Seattle, he’d lose all interest in her? It wasn’t like he’d really shown all that much anyway. Until now. Now he wanted to make sure she had a place to stay when she came to his town.
“All full,” he said, showing her the picture on his phone of the cottage schedule for Blue Heaven.
“Darn. I guess we’ll be cooped up with Mom again. I really wanted to be on the water.”
“I can call my buddy. His wife used to live in the main house until they got married. Now she rents it out to select guests.”
“Maybe I’m not so select.”
“Yeah, you are. I know Daniel and Eva, and my mom works there. Want me to give them a call? They don’t advertise the house, so the only way to get in is to call and ask.”
“Okay,” she said. “Thanks.” She checked her phone calendar and gave him the dates.
He called right then and got it all set up. Didn’t even ask for a credit card.
“Are you hungry?” she asked when he replaced the phone into his pocket. She could make him a thank-you lunch.
“I could eat,” he said. Their eyes locked, and the air charged with energy that felt like something else. Something that didn’t appear in any of the food groups.
She got up and opened the fridge. She found turkey and cheese and then bent over to check the veggie bin. She turned to ask if he liked lettuce and tomato on his sandwich and caught him staring at her butt. She forgot what she meant to ask him and shut the fridge without pulling anything out.
“What do you like?” she asked, leaning against the fridge.
He got up to refill his glass of water. He didn’t answer for a minute, just stood at the sink, his back to her, drinking his water. Then he turned around and let her see the hunger in his eyes. He walked the four paces it took to reach her and pulled her into his arms for a long, delicious kiss.
She’d been kissed a lot in her life, but never ever like this. His mouth on hers took her to another place, fully in her body but unaware of the kitchen and the fact that her mother could walk in, back from the grocery store, at any moment. Nothing else but Luke existed for the length of his kiss. Every time he started to move away, she pulled him back, and they kissed some more. She kissed him for every day before that when she hadn’t been able to. She kissed him and asked him with her kiss to care about her the way she cared about him.
The slam of her mother’s car door in the driveway stopped the kiss. They pulled slowly away from each other, but he kept his eyes glued to hers. “I want you,” he said.
“I want you, too.” And then she went out and helped her mother bring the groceries into the house.
She counted down the days until Luke would finish his projects and leave. Three. Two. One. And in those three days, there had been no vibe of desire. Zero kissing.
****
The day before Luke left, Josh and Tommy went for a weekend with their dad. Bettina, one hand on her small of her back, watered flowers in the front yard. Chloe didn’t see Spence, so she got out and walked over to Bettina, the boys already racing into the house.
They were excited, as usual, to spend time with Spence, who they adored despite his shortcomings as a father. They’d said distracted good-byes to Luke, who kept his own good-bye equally short, although he stopped rolling sod long enough to watch them pull out of the driveway.
“You know he’s going home after tomorrow,” Chloe said to the boys as she turned the corner to Spence’s house.
“Yeah, but Grandma’s moving to Luke’s town, so we’ll see him all the time.”
Her Seattle secret burned in her throat, even as she asked Bettina, the boys out of earshot, “How’s Spence?”
Bettina turned the water faucet off and put both arms behind her back, rubbing and stretching.
“He’s upset about the boys.”
“I’m sure he is, but what else is going on?”
Bettina bent her head. Groaned as she reached to pull out a dandelion.
“He’s promised to shape up. We had a huge fight, well, a discussion. He saw his doctor and is on a new medication. The others just weren’t cutting it for him.”
Bettina’s eyes welled. “He admitted he’d been pill shopping. His meds just stopped working, and he was over-medicating. So now there’s a fresh cocktail.”
“Does the doctor know that Spence drinks along with all the other drugs?” Chloe hated the confrontational tone of her words, so she put her hand on Bettina’s arm. “I’m worried about you.”
A few tears dropped down Bettina’s cheeks. She dashed them away. “Everything will be fine when the baby gets here. His new meds will kick in, and we’ll be good.”
Chloe nodded. For Bettina’s sake, she hoped it was true.
“I mean—” Bettina blushed. “He’ll miss the boys, of course.”
“I know. And they’ll still see each other. I promise.”
“Thank you.” Bettina rested her head on Chloe’s shoulder.
“You’re welcome.” Chloe pulled her into a hug. “I love you, I love how you take care of my boys. Our boys.”
They both left unsaid the raw fact that Spence was just another one of the boys for Bettina to worry about.
Chapter Eight
By the time Chloe got home, Luke had finished the sod and had started on the shrubs. They said quick hellos as he ambled back down the driveway toward his work and she returned to the house.
Her mother chopped veggies at the counter in the kitchen, preparing a big salad. Their tradition. The boys were not fans of salad, so when they went away for the weekend, that’s what Ursula and Chloe ate for dinner. Except after the ball game, Josh had eaten salad. Because Luke did. Chloe didn’t think she should tell her mom that.
“I’ve been meaning to tell you…” Ursula said. Chloe pulled out a couple of plates and forks and sat down at the table to wait for her mom to join her. “The couple who were interested in the house before? The ones who said they’d reconsider if I got the place up to code? They made an offer.”
“Oh, Mom, that’s great.”
“They drove by and saw all the work being done and called the Realtor. They were afraid someone else would snap this place up.”
“I’m really happy for you, Mom.”
“It doesn’t bother you that I’ve sold your childhood home?”
“No. It’s time. We all need to move on with our lives.” Chloe risked choking up but said what was on her mind anyway. “I am so grateful you took us in when I left Spence. I would not be where I am today without your help.”
“What, unemployed and single?”
“I’ve accepted a great offer for a dream job. It’s a huge step up from what I did at Rob’s firm.” Chloe forked a jumbo bite of salad and stuffed it in her mouth so she wouldn’t be able to say anything else.
“And do the boys know about this job?” Her mom put her fork down even though she’d just speared it with greens.
Chloe, chewing away, didn’t answer. Instead, she shook her head.
“Does Luke?”
Chloe swallowed, and a piece of carrot went down the wrong pipe. She coughed and drank water. “What does he have to do with anything?” But she knew more than her mother did about how much he had to do with everything.
“Because I can’t help but think it’s my fault. I move two hours north, and you go clear across the country.”
Chloe kept sipping her water, her eyes tearing. She coughed a few times to pretend the food choked, but she knew darn well where her pain came from now.
She wanted Luke. She didn’t just want to have sex with him. She wanted a life with him. And she was afraid he wouldn’t want her enough to commit to a long-distance relationship. Crazy to think something like that could work for the long term, but maybe if they got to know each other slowly, if they kept in touch via Skype, phone calls, texts, frequent visits…it didn’t seem impossible. It couldn’t be impossible.
Her mother got up from the table and rinsed her plate. Chloe did the same, even though it remained half full of healthy green stuff.
“Mom. Stop a minute.” Her mother was already busy going through cabinets. She threw a set of measuring cups into a cardboard box. Cardboard boxes were in every room.
“I can pack and talk at the same time.” Her mother’s voice had an edge to it.
God, she hated this. Did every single parent have to make such tough choices? She should have known she’d have to pay eventually. It had been way too easy, moving in with Mom, working for Rob, seeing the boys every night, and telling herself that she had to earn a living for all of them. And that was still true.
“Mom, I am not doing this to hurt you. I am doing it so that my children can go to college. So that they will have a good life. I thank you for all you did for us. I love you, you know that.”
Her mother nodded, contemplating pot-holders.
“You were right to sell this place. We were all stuck here. We’ve been stuck since Dad died. It’s time to move on.”
Her mom began to cry; Chloe did, too.
“I’ll be taking my furniture, but you’re welcome to keep your old bedroom set.”
If anything proved to Chloe that she needed to grab this Seattle opportunity, that did. She still slept on the twin bed she’d had since she graduated from a crib. She should probably get a new bed. And her own furniture. Way past time. Why did it feel so scary? Was she imagining her feelings for Luke as a way out of moving so far away?
“I’m sorry, honey. I feel like I started something here, and it turned into another thing when I had my head turned.”
“It’s just life. There wouldn’t ever be a perfect time for me to get out on my own.”
Her mom nodded and got up from the table again. She covered the serving bowl of salad with plastic wrap and put it in the fridge for Luke.
“No sense calling him in to eat. He won’t stop until he waters those plants.”
“He can’t wait to get home.” Chloe got up from the table, too. “He did a great job,” she said. And then, “Please don’t tell him about Seattle.”
Her mother looked up from a pile of stained tea towels, alert at Chloe’s unexpected request. She thought for a minute and then put the tea towels in the box.
“He has a good business there, you know,” her mother said. “People depend on him. I was lucky to get him when I did. But he’s got jobs stacked up, just waiting. That’s why he’s working so hard. Wanda says this time of year he’s always really busy.”
Chloe knew she’d fanned her mom’s hopes by mentioning Luke. “Please, Mom.”
“I won’t tell him a thing,” her mother said.
“You won’t tell Wanda?”
“No. Not until you’re gone. Then it won’t matter anyway.”
“That’s fine. Say whatever you want after I leave. I just want to relax with the boys for a week without having all the people in your new town judging me.”
Her mom didn’t reply to that. Instead she went downstairs for another packing box.
****
The next morning, Chloe opened the fridge to find cream for her coffee. She noticed the salad her mom had set aside for Luke still sealed in plastic wrap. When she saw Luke’s packed duffel bag at the back door, she headed for the sugar bowl and gave herself an extra teaspoon.
The deserted yard glowed with loving care.
With coffee in hand, Chloe walked into the living room. From the picture window, she saw that Luke had already loaded his truck and stood talking to her mother. She wondered, if she hadn’t come out of the bedroom, would he have even said good-bye? How could he stick by his stupid rule after that kiss? How dare he make her fall in love with him and then turn off?
Luke gazed toward the house and saw her standing at the window. He walked around the back. The kitchen door opened, and she went back in to meet him. He already had his duffel bag in hand.
“I guess this is good-bye for now,” he said.
“I’ll see you soon.”
“Chloe, I—”
“What?”
“I do want you. I want to date you. I want to hang out with the boys and watch baseball and go fishing. But you’ll be here and I’ll be there—” He dropped his duffel. “Hell, even when we’re in the same house, we can’t get any time together.”
“If by that you mean sex, well, I can’t disrespect my mother or confuse my kids by carrying on a secret affair.”
“Of course not. I didn’t mean to imply that.”
A crushing sadness made it hard for her to answer. Even with the little time he had left after working all day and half into the night, he could have more openly displayed his feelings toward her in front of her family. Touched her hand when she poured him coffee. Kissed her on the cheek even. Said little things to the boys to start to get them adjusted to Luke being in their lives. But he hadn’t. And that could only mean one thing. He didn’t have a serious interest in her. Okay, that’s why her chest hurt. He’d reached inside her and ripped her heart in two.
But he was the smart one, smarter than he knew, and she was numb. Numb and dumb.
They were both quiet for a minute, and then he picked up his duffel again, said good-bye again, and walked out the door.
****
Spence rallied. He had his routine down and would not let his selfish hurt feelings interfere with this last weekend with his boys. So it hurt to see his kids leave? Nobody’s fault bu
t his own. He deserved it.
Josh and Tommy kept talking about some dude who lived with them. “Luke went to the ball game with us, Dad. He’s never even been to Detroit before.”
“Sounds like a hick.”
They were eating on the sofa, something Bettina didn’t allow, but she was napping and Spence didn’t like her rules anyway. This was his house. He had made them big sandwiches with pickles and chips and peanut butter and jelly. He layered the chips and pickles on each side. The boys loved them.
“What’s a hick?”
“Oh, just someone who’s never been to the big city.”
“Mom likes him. Maybe they’ll get married like you and Bettina.”
“Doubtful,” Spence said, thinking about opening a beer for about the tenth time in the last five minutes. He hoisted himself up. “Cookies?”
“Yes!” Two replies in one. He would miss these little pissers. They were so damn cute. Tommy had lost his front tooth, and his smile made Spence’s heart pang.
He grabbed an unopened bag of cookies from the pantry and took a quick shot of whiskey before snagging a beer. He remembered the days back when he had been the tooth fairy.
He re-entered the living room, his body tilting as he threw the cookie bag in the air. The boys scrambled to catch it, but it landed behind the sofa. Spence laughed and sipped his beer while Tommy leaned over the sofa for the cookies. His arm didn’t reach. Spence downed the beer and crushed the can. He went over to the sofa and picked Tommy up by the legs, dangling him over the cookies.
Tommy giggled and grabbed the cookies. Spence scooped him into his arms and set him down carefully. He messed with Josh’s hair because he knew Josh wouldn’t let anybody but his dad do that. Not even a hick named Luke.
Bettina came downstairs at dinner time, but none of them were hungry. They’d just watched a Sponge Bob marathon. That show was deep, Spence thought, if you really read between the lines. He saw the floor where his crushed beer can lay. Oh boy. Trouble if she sees that. He’d never started drinking with the kids still around.
He jumped up and ran over to Bettina. He hugged her and kissed her. “Good morning, sleeping beauty.”
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