Heart of the Matter
By Jaime Lynn Russell
Dedication
“Healing doesn’t mean
The damage never existed
It means the damage no
Longer controls our lives.”
~ Unknown ~
Table of Contents
Dedication
Abby
Jack
Cash
Abby
Sarah
Max
Reagan
Sarah
Jack
Cash
Abigail
Jack
Sarah
Cash
Sarah
Abby
Epilogue
Abby
Jack
Acknowledgments
Abby
“Congrats Mommy. You have a beautiful baby boy.” Dr. Michaels exclaims as he lays my son into my arms. I’m staring into the face of the beautiful little boy who is the cross between Cash and me.
“Hello little man. Your daddy and I have been waiting for you.” I whisper as the tears flow down my face. I never saw myself as a wife, let alone a mother. As I feel this precious little baby on my chest, breathing in sync with me, I play with his perfect small fingers. I kiss the top of his head as I close my eyes to let the sounds of my breathing baby and the feeling of finally being a mother. I open my eyes in frantic panic because the air in the room changed.
There was only a dark figure in the corner. I could tell it was a man by his tall physique, broad shoulders, and him clearing his throat. The hair stands on the back of my neck and panic was settling in my bones. I squeeze my newborn son a little tighter to protect him from the man in the corner. I frantically search for the call button on the bed but it’s not there. “Where is it?” I say as I begin to move my head around to find it.
I notice movement out of the corner of my eye that the dark figure is starting to move closer to me. Step by step, my heart beats faster.
“Abigail.” The husky voice speaks.
“Dad?” I reply with apprehensive. Jack Stephens walks toward me and I start to relax.
“Abigail, can I hold my grandson?” My dad stretches his arms out to me.
“Not until Cash holds him. Where is he?”
“I sent him outside so we could talk, is that alright?”
“I guess.” The hair is standing up again and that feeling of nervousness and the heart monitor reflects that as my rate increases.
“Abigail, do you not trust me?” Jack’s smile is more of a sneer.
“Of course, I do.” I stammer as I squeeze my newborn tighter to me.
“Good, now let me hold my grandson please. I thought you wanted us to build on our relationship.” I remember these guilt trips from him. I look down at my sleeping baby and agree to it.
“Be gentle. You are holding the most precious gem in the entire world.” I stretch out my arms to hand him the baby. He starts to fuss so I start to rethink it but my dad has him. He is shushing him and talking baby talk to him. I couldn’t help but smile at the scene before me.
“Abigail, you made a wise choice.”
“What choice?”
“To give him up. I will take very good care of him. I will raise him like my own and he will be just like me.” Jack Stephens says as he heads to the door. “Remember my ugly duckling, you don’t deserve love.” With those parting words, he is out the door with my baby. I start to scream but no one comes. I’m struggling to get out of the bed but I’m strapped down, the more I move, the tighter they become. No this can’t be happening to me; Jack Stephens has taken everything from me.
“CASH!” I scream at the top of my lungs but it’s useless. I lost everything.
My eyes fly open as my hand goes straight to my ever-growing belly. My heart is beating so fast and I can barely breathe. “You are safe little one. I promise you that no one will ever take you from me or ever hurt you.” I feel the tears start to form and I can’t stop them from spilling out onto my cheeks. I look over to see that Cash isn't in bed and I’m relieved. He has been so stressed out from work and I haven’t wanted to bother him with these silly nightmares. I wipe the tears and start my morning stretching to get out of bed.
“Alright monkey, let’s get this day started.” I rub my belly and he starts his kicking up a storm. “Well good morning to you too. Should we start the day?” I groan as I try to sit up. I laugh because I haven’t been able to sit up in my bed without help for about three months now. I have less than a month to go before I finally get to meet this little boy. I wiggle, shake and roll my whale of a body out of the bed. I wiggle my toes and wonder if I should consider getting a pedicure. I’ll ask Sarah what color they are since I haven’t seen them in three months and make plans for a pampering day.
I head to the bathroom as my monkey boy is kicking the heck out of my bladder.
“Hey partner, I have breakfast.” Reagan yells from downstairs. Reagan, who is now my business partner in Books A Latte, that she started with her sister and brother in law who were killed, and who happens to have stolen Max’s heart. I hated Reagan at first not because of Max but this beautiful, sexy brown hair beauty also happens to be Cash’s best friend and my insecurities got the best of me.
“And we have gossip.” Sarah exclaims.
I smile as I walk into the master suite bathroom of the house that Cash and I bought a couple of months ago so we weren’t moving in plus caring for a newborn. It’s bigger than what we need but he wanted a big house due to our growing family and friendship circle. It was only Max, Sarah and I for the longest time now we have Shawn, Reagan, and Nicarra plus her kids and Jonathan, Reagan’s nephew. The house sits on the beach which I love because I get to hear the waves and smell the ocean air. It’s a five-bedroom house with six bathrooms which is good for a pregnant woman. The rooms are filled with boxes except for our bedroom and the nursery. Once the baby is born, we will work on getting everything unpacked and feeling like a home.
I hear laughter coming from the state of art, black and white kitchen that Sarah and Max redid for us. I love to bake so I got to tell them what I want with the help of Joan. I waddle into the kitchen throwing my brown hair into a ponytail. I threw on some yoga pants and a t-shirt since I gained so much weight this pregnancy, sleeping naked doesn’t feel like I’m suffocating the baby. I couldn’t help but laugh at the scene before me. Sarah with her long blonde hair is up on the island sitting Indian style while Nicarra is standing in front of her swatting her hands away from the food on her plate. Reagan is trying to take the food in the basket away from them.
“I hope you saved the pregnant woman some food.” I say with a smile on my face.
“I would hurry if I were you, these two are pigs.” Reagan says as she lays a plate in front of me on the island in the middle of the kitchen.
“I wouldn’t be a pig if you would feed me.” Sarah whines at Reagan. Sarah moved in with Reagan and Max while they finish the loft two floors above the store. Sarah didn’t want to move here so we could get used to being a family but I think there is more to the story. I will get it out of her.
“We do feed you but it’s not my fault that you are not faster than Max and Jonathan. They are the pigs.” Reagan turns to me and hands me a plate. “Here I was able to save something from everything that Joan baked so we could get your yes or no on things.”
I can’t believe that I’m going into business with Reagan; when I first met her, she didn’t want to sell. Love has a way of changing people and I couldn’t be happier that Max and she are together. Max is smiling more and not that fake crap that he usually does around us.
; “You could have made this decision without me.”
“No I couldn’t. We are partners so we both have a say in things. I know you will be mainly dealing with the food as the book part was Kennedy’s baby and I want to continue that legacy. You will have a say in the books too.”
“I trust you with the books if we have some of my favorite authors, we are good. I am so happy that we are doing more indie authors than traditional authors.”
“What do you like and don’t like?” Reagan clicks the pen waiting to right down my answers.
With a mouthful of the greatest apple cinnamon muffin, “I am pregnant, I love all food right now.” We all laugh. “This muffin is heavenly, I want more.” I search the basket for more but it’s gone. “Damn. What else do we need to go over?”
“Our architect and designer are driving me crazy.” Reagan laughs as Sarah feigns shock with her hand over her chest and mouth hanging open, “Sarah needs approval for stuff and Max doesn’t want to move forward until you see the space.”
“Can I shower and then we can go?” I get up from the stool to head upstairs to the master suite to get ready for the day. I take my time showering because it is one of those rare occasions that my thoughts of my nightmares stay away. As I walk into my room with just a towel wrapped around me to get dressed I notice a gift box with a blue ribbon on it. I slowly untie the ribbon to reveal tissue paper. I pull out this beautiful knee length blue flowy dress. I hold it up to me and I love it. It’s a maxi maternity dress. I see a card laying in the bottom of the box. I lay the dress down on the bed and read the card out loud.
Abby
Meet me for dinner at the hotel dining room.
6 p.m. Don’t be late.
Wear the dress!
I love you
Cash
This man spoils me like I never knew possible. Should I wear this dress now or wait?
Jack
Standing looking out the bay windows of the airport watching the planes take off and come in is nerve-wracking. I hate flying. I prefer to drive and take my time. Max, my son, called me yesterday to let me know that there are two plane tickets for his mom and me which completely surprised me.
“Dad if you want any hopes of fixing things with Abby, be on that plane.”
“Why can’t I drive?”
“Abby is due in less than a month. There is no time for one of your driving vacations. Cash and I will pick you and mom up. You will be staying at the hotel. Abby doesn’t know you are coming in.” Max seems distracted as he talks with me. I know he has been busy with getting his business up and running, helping his girlfriend’s business and playing dad to her kid.
“Oh no, no, no. I am not surprising her.” I get up from my recliner and start pacing my living room. After my heart attack, Maggie and I decided it was time to downsize. I sold the house that held some many bad memories and it reminded me that I don’t want to be that man anymore. We moved into one of those senior housing places. With this fresh start, I started making amends to my children. I needed to apologize and fix things before it got to bad and there is no hope left. Abby and Max were the last two that I needed to see in person. Thomas, Max’s mentor and true father, sent me a letter after his death. It broke me down in tears. It wasn’t too late to change and I can repair the damage.
“Dad it will be fine.” I don’t know who Max is trying to convince, him or me. “Abby wants there to be peace, moving forward before the baby is born.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
We talk a few more minutes before hanging up.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Maggie, my wife since we were eighteen years old, entwines her fingers with mine. I look down at her and smile.
“I’m nervous. I don’t think I can do this. What happens if she hates me more? Abigail doesn’t do surprises.” I kiss my wife on the top of her head as she leans into me. Looking back through the years, she always supported me, no matter what. I need to fix things with her too. The damage that I have done to my kids is nothing compared to what I did to her. I smile weakly at her
“I’m nervous too. Jack, it’s just not you that needs to do some healing. I always took your side in the abuse, made her feel that she wasn’t important. We screwed up and need to fix it. The question is, are you going to be in it to fix it? It is going to be rough.”
“I hope I can. Do you think she will forgive me?” I search her eyes for reassurance.
“I think she will, but it will be hard at first.”
The speakers announce our flight and we walk hand in hand to the gate so we can catch our flight. In a few hours, I will start the process of healing the damage of the past.
Cash
“Do you think he will show up?” I tentatively ask Max as we sit at one of the tables in the hotel dining room. We are throwing a party for Abby and Reagan. The store is opening shortly after Abby’s due date so it’s going to be too hectic to celebrate.
“I don’t know man. Jack Stephens fucked up and he knows this is the last chance to try to fix things. Once the little man is born, that door will be closed for good.” Max is looking through some designs for a new remodel that he is slated to start in a month.
“I don’t understand why it would close.” I know my family life isn't perfect but I couldn’t imagine Sally not being in my life. Reagan and I have talked a lot about Jack Stephens reaching out to Max trying to repair it but with Abby, he calls then hangs up.
“He won’t make the first move. Abby needs him to do it even though her therapist wants her to make it.”
“Abby won’t. She is stubborn. I talked to her one night about it and she said that her first move was getting me to check in on him. Abby is having everyone else do it in her place.” Max lets out a frustrated sigh.
“It’s a step in the right direction but she needs to do it too. She thinks having others talk to him is the way to go. It really isn’t and I hope that one day she will figure that out.” I sip on my coffee as I see a frazzled Jenny stomping towards me with a stack of paper in her arms. “Jenny, I am on lunch.” I grab the burger in front of me and take a bite of it to demonstrate that I will not be discussing work.
“I don’t really care. Hey handsome man.” Jenny winks at Max while rubbing her hand on his arm. Max laughs at her then coughs when I clear my throat. “Oh right. Your new secretary figured that I needed this instead of you. Seriously Cash, she is dumber than a box of rocks. You need to fire her and find someone else. I can’t keep doing my job and hers.” Jenny was promoted to Vice President of Operations. She takes a lot of work away from me so I can focus on Abby, the baby, and building this hotel to be better.
“Jenny, she is the tenth receptionist we have hired. You are starting to be like Sally when she first wanted to quit.”
“I’m not Sally and these mistakes she’s making are costing us money. She would rather tweet snapchat or Instagram from her desk. Calls are not getting answered. Something needs to be done with her.”
“Can you give her time to get used to things? I will have another talk with her and let her know that she is close to being fired. She has big shoes to fill.” I finish off my burger but not before watching her open her mouth then shut it again.
“Is Sally done with all of the preparations for the party?” Max senses the tension rising in the room and goes for the change of subject.
“I believe so. She is going over a few things with the kitchen staff then heading home to get ready. She will be here before we leave for the airport. Are your parents going to be here for the party?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t really tell them about it but since they are staying here, we can talk about it.”
“Nicarra and Sarah are keeping the girls busy today. I think they said something about the store and then pampering. They know to meet us here for dinner.” I let Max know that so far so good; Abby and Reagan are completely clueless.
“Are you nervous about your dad being here?” Jenny asks Max as
she slides the papers towards me. These are the reports that I went digging for two days ago, for a board meeting that I have tomorrow. I think Jenny is right. I start to go over the papers so I can refresh my mind but the conversation between Max and Jenny peak my interest.
“Not trying to talk about my feelings but if I am being honest with myself, I’m petrified, more for Abby and the kids.”
“The kids?” Jenny looks confused and I need to figure out how to explain things.
“Jonathan and the new baby. They are going to want to get their hands on them to be the doting grandparents; that makes me nervous. If Jonathan does something that they don’t think is appropriate will they hit him to discipline or does he just save it for Abby’s baby. I hate that these thoughts go through my head when it comes to having my parents here.” Max runs his hands through his hair in frustration.
“I know it’s none of my business but as an outsider’s view, I hope one day that you can get past that fear. You all need to heal from the past. You are still very angry and it’s not healthy to keep a hold on it.”
“I’m angrier at myself for not seeing it or protecting Abby from him and the abuse.” Max slams his hand on the table making Jenny jump. He talks a good game about being okay with his parents being here but I can tell this is going to be a big mistake.
We finish up our lunch letting Jenny vent out her frustration. Max lets me know that he is going to sit at the table and go over the designs that he should show his customers while I am dealing with work until it’s time to leave for the airport. Jenny and I talk about the baby, her duties while I am taking time off to be with Abby and my son, and how Sally will be stepping in as “Cash” while I am gone. I want a Hawthorne here to tell the new employees not to try to get away with things. Jenny is a softie and the workers know this so I need a bulldog in my place.
I turn the corner to my office to see my receptionist taking a selfie while the phone is ringing.
Heart of the Matter (Love Me Book 2.5) Page 1
