by L. E. Bross
Belle is happy.
The couple look like they stepped off the pages of Middle Class America. They are both blonde, the man’s hair medium length and curly while the woman has hers in a side braid, and tan like they just got back from an exotic vacation.
Belle has on a periwinkle colored dress, matching sandals and her hair is done like the woman’s in a shorter side braid. She too is tan. The man has on a navy blue dress shirt, flat front khakis and a tie. The woman is wearing a floral wrap dress and stylish heels.
Belle looks like she belongs to them.
They all walk toward a silver minivan in the driveway, and without a thought, I climb out of my car. I don’t notice the person behind me, but I smell his cologne.
As the van door slides open, a familiar wash of panic crashes over my head. The last time they took Belle away from me she was screaming at me to help her. I can hear her cries echoing in my head. They’re taking her away again. I need to stop them, I need to save her.
Belle throws back her head and laughs at something the woman says, but in my mind all I hear are her cries for help. I throw myself toward the street, but come up short when Riot grabs me from behind.
I struggle against his hold but he’s too strong. All I can do is watch helplessly as Belle gets into a minivan with the man and woman.
My pulse rockets. They’re driving away with my sister. They’re taking her away from me.
“Let me go. I need to get her.” I twist and drive my elbow back, but aside from a loud grunt, Riot keeps hold of me.
“Ever, enough.”
“She’s my fucking sister, Riot.”
“This isn’t what she’d want. To have you half out of your mind, storming back into her life like a crazy person.”
“How the fuck do you know what she wants?” I grind out. The minivan backs out of the driveway then pulls forward, driving away as I watch helplessly. When it turns out of sight, Riot lets go and I spin on him, shoving my hands against his chest. “What the fuck was that?”
Tears burn my eyes. I start to push past him to get into the car, to follow Belle, but he winds his arm around my waist and holds me against him, my back to his front.
“Look around, and I mean really look around. At the house. The neighborhood. There’s a fucking playset in the backyard. A dog. Jesus Ever, take one second to see what’s in front of you. This is what we all wanted. Every fucking minute of every fucking day stuck in some group home, or with a foster family that gives zero shits about you, what did you dream of? What did your sister dream of?”
A home. A family.
“Those people, the ones that have her, they’re the good kind. Do you remember what it’s like to feel loved, Ever? Have you ever felt it before?”
I start to shake and Riot wraps his other arm around me. He surrounds me. Gives me his warmth and his strength.
“Before Wendi, not a single person in my life wanted me.” His lips are at my ear, his chin resting on my shoulder. From the corner of my eye I can see him staring across the street. “I don’t know who the fuck my parents are. X got lucky. His grandma loved him and he adored her. Even Baz, in all the fuckedupness he lived, knew his mom loved him, that she did everything to protect him. Me? No one’s ever given a shit since the day I was born. Who’s cared about you? What about your sister?”
“Me,” I whisper brokenly. “I love her more than anything.”
“So don’t you want her to have love? The kind you get from a mom and dad?”
“She belongs with me,” I grit out.
“Maybe, but are you going to give up the next eleven years to raise her? What about you, Peep? What do you want? College? The chance to build a life that she can be a part of without losing yourself in the process? What would you have done for this chance when you were her age? I can tell you, because I fucking had it. The day Wendi and Peter found me, adopted me, was the day my life started. I had no idea that I could be a part of something like that. A family. She deserves to have that.”
“She’s my sister, Riot,” I grind out. Anger dances under my skin. He wants me to just walk away. To leave her here with strangers when she could be with me? Fuck that. I made her a promise and I intend to keep it.
“All I’m saying is talk to her first. You want to swoop in and grab her and whisk her away, but ask her what she wants, Ever. Because the girl that just walked out of that house was happy and healthy. Can you say the same about yourself right now?”
He loosens his hold and takes a step back.
I hate the way my hands shake. The way he’s making me doubt myself. He has no right telling me what I feel, what my sister feels. A fresh wave of anger rises inside me. Who the hell does he think he is? He wants me to walk away, leave Belle here to live this perfect life? What if it’s not so perfect? What if it’s an illusion like everything else?
Belle belongs to me. I’m her family.
I step up to him, toe to toe, and look into his eyes.
“You want to talk about happy, Ry? You, who is so self-destructive that you risk your own safety running from your demons. You, who can’t open up to anyone because you’re afraid of being hurt. You, who thinks that your pain is the only kind. We are so much alike, you and me, and maybe that’s why it’s so easy and so hard with us.”
His eyes grow darker, stormier, and I see his jaw flex as he grinds his teeth.
“You want to belong somewhere, but you don’t.”
I lash out because I want him to fucking bleed like he’s making me do. This was supposed to be a happy day. I found Belle. We can be together. Instead, I watched her drive away because some asshole guy wants me to be as miserable as he is.
“People like us don’t get a happy ever after with mansions and fancy cars, Ry.”
He steps up until we are nose to nose.
“Say whatever you want, Ever, but this isn’t about me. This is about you and your desire to ruin your sister’s life. To be too fucking selfish to let her live a good life. Go ahead and rip her away because it’s all just a fucking illusion anyway. Family. Love. It’s bullshit because everybody leaves and that is reality. Everyone fucking leaves. You’re right, there’s no happy ever after for people like us.”
Riot turns on his heel and storms away. His truck is parked just down the road and he doesn’t even look back at me. Tires squeal and the back end fishtails, cutting through the idyllic silence of this neighborhood. I stare long after he’s gone, my heart pounding a dull tempo in my chest.
I had no right saying those things to him.
God, I told a boy who’s grown up alone that he doesn’t deserve to be loved. I yank my phone from my pocket and send him a text.
I’m sorry. I was mad. I didn’t mean it.
I glance at the perfect house and the white fence. My heart feels like it’s being ripped from my chest. I try to imagine what it would be like to grow up in a place like this. Safe. With other kids to play with. Food and parents.
A dull throbbing hits between my eyes and I rub the spot.
I didn’t expect to find all this. I thought I’d be driving up to another crappy foster home, one I could pull Belle out of and save her from. I sink back against my car.
What if she doesn’t need saving this time?
If I’m not doing all this to get my sister back, then what the hell is it all for now?
Chapter Eight
Where are you?
Need you at the track NOW
I stare at the missed texts from Baz and X as soon as I pull into the garage.
Ever WTF are you?
Ry has lost his fucking mind
The last one is from X and is only from a few minutes ago. I back out of the garage and take off down the driveway. Thank god the track is close. My headlights cut through the pitch blackness and it’s not until I pull up beside the guys’ truck that I realize the track lights aren't on.
Baz and X are illuminated by my high beams and both are standing on the edge of the track, their backs to me
. As soon as I get out I hear the whine of a bike. Squinting into the darkness, I see a tiny orb of light moving around the track.
“What the hell is he doing?”
Baz spins around, his face pale, eyes wide with worry.
“The fucker won’t stop. He’s going to kill himself,” he growls.
As if on cue, Riot flies by and hits the top of the mound. He goes airborne and I hold my breath. Past him is total darkness. How the hell can he see to land?
X steps out onto the dirt and yells but Ry doesn’t even acknowledge his brother. My heart slams into my ribs imagining the worst case scenario. Riot needs to stop.
“What the fuck happened, Ever?” Baz shouts. “He came back and then took off again.”
“We had a fight. I said some things I shouldn’t have.”
Baz scrubs his hand over his face.
“But he did, too.”
The next time he comes around I step out to the middle and wave my arms. He doesn’t even let up on the throttle. If anything he just goes faster, flying by me so closely that I feel the wake of air.
“Riot!” I scream at his back, but he’s gone again. The darkness swallows him up and all I can see is the erratic bob of the headlight as he takes the corners too fast and the jumps too high.
It’s only a matter of time before he wrecks and that’s not going to happen.
Fuck this.
I run over to X and hold out my hand.
“Keys.”
“What?”
“Give me the keys to the truck.”
He side-eyes me but digs them out of his pocket and hands them over. I haul myself up into the cab and jam the key into the ignition. The truck jumps to life with a rumble and I shove it into Drive.
Dirt kicks up from under the tires when I push my foot down hard on the gas. This thing is a beast. Ignoring the shouts from the guys, I drive right onto the track and park the truck across it, blocking the way. With my heart in my throat I jump out, leaving it running, and stand next to it, watching the headlight com around the corner and get closer.
X runs over.
“Are you fucking crazy? What if he doesn't stop? It’s a black truck at night.”
“The headlights are on.” I cross my arms over my chest and lean back against metal. The bike’s whine grows louder over the truck’s idle.
X takes a step forward as Riot gets closer. He’s not letting up. Fuck, maybe he doesn’t see the truck after all. I push off and start to wave my arms in the air, shouting for him to stop.
Ry crests the smaller hill and dips down, coming right at us.
I brace for him to hit me or the truck but at the last minute, he slams on the brakes and swings the bike sideways, almost laying it down on its side. It's a testament to just how good he is at controlling it that he doesn’t wipe out.
He comes up, sitting upright, facing me.
“Get out of the fucking way.” His voice is muffled by the visor but I hear the rage in his voice.
“No. I’m not moving until you stop trying to kill yourself.”
I try to keep the wobble out of my voice. For a second I actually thought he was going to run me over. Now that he’s still, a little more confidence comes back.
“I’m not letting you self-destruct like this.”
He yanks the visor up and glares at me. His eyes immediately find mine and I shift under his stare. The demons he’s been trying to outrun dance in his eyes tonight. “It’s none of your fucking business.”
“Maybe not, but what about Baz and X?” I look over my shoulder to where the guys are watching us. Worry is evident all over their faces, but I’m not sure who it’s aimed at. “You might not give a shit about yourself, but are you so selfish you’ll make them watch it?”
“I didn’t ask them to be here!” he yells.
“Where the hell else would they be, Ry?”
That seems to shut him up for a minute and I take the opportunity to walk closer. His hands are bare, fingers wrapped around the handles so tight his knuckles are white. He doesn’t have on any of his gear, the stuff that would protect him if he crashed.
I know that’s the point, he’s taking chances on purpose, but it makes me sick to think of what might happen to him.
This close I can see the desperation flooding his eyes.
“Move.”
If I step back, if I move the truck, he’s going to go right back to it and I’m afraid he won't stop until the choice is taken out of his hands. I can’t let that happen.
“You need to talk about it, Ry.”
He snorts. “Talking solves nothing. It’s just a bunch of words. Move the truck, Ever, and then you all can all go home and talk all night long if you want to.”
I shake my head. “Not gonna happen.”
He looks past me to his brothers. “Get her the fuck out of the way,” he grits out.
X looks torn but he doesn't move. “Can’t do that, Ry. Not this time.”
His gaze flies to Baz who just shakes his head.
“Fuck all of you.”
“Ry, man, you gotta stop doing this before you get seriously hurt,” X says.
“Choosing sides? Brother.”
A low growl comes from X. “Fuck no, but this shit has to stop. Fucking man up and admit that you’re hurting, Ry. Don’t you think we all are? But it’s not your fucking fault that Wendi left because she didn’t leave. Stop blaming yourself.”
Baz steps to my side and Riot’s eyes narrow even more.
“You said yourself that there was more to all this. That it didn’t feel right from the start. Now we know it wasn’t. Stay, just talk to us.”
He slams the visor down and twists the throttle but before he can move, I leap forward and throw myself onto the back of the bike. It’s not graceful and I almost send both of us to the ground before he catches his balance, but I manage to wrap both my arms around his waist. The seats aren’t made for two riders so I have to scoot tight against him and hold tight.
“Get off the bike.”
I can feel the rumble of his words but I just press against him harder. There’s no way I’m leaving him alone now.
“No, you want to self-destruct, then you can take me with you.”
He twists the throttle once, twice, and the bike revs in warning but I refuse to get off. My heart is pounding so hard in my ears I can barely hear, and the back of my mouth tastes sour.
I don’t think he’d ride like the devil was chasing him with me on the bike, but I’m not one hundred percent sure. This wildly unpredictable side of Ry scares me a little, not for myself but for him. He must be hurting so much to do this.
I lay my cheek on his back and listen to the frantic sound of his heart beating under my ear.
“Get her off the bike,” he barks, but Baz and X both shake their heads.
The bike jumps forward before he stops it again. I squeak in surprise and dig my fingers in harder. Without his gear, I’m only a thin cotton layer away from his abs. They contract under my hands every time I hold tighter. I can feel the hard ridges of his stomach under my fingers.
“Last warning,” he says over his shoulder.
“Not gonna happen.”
We sit for a few more seconds and a growl rips from his throat, even as he yanks his helmet off his head. He holds it over his shoulder.
“Put it on.”
I bite my lip in victory and grab it, fastening the chin strap before he can change his mind. It’s so dark with the visor down I can hardly see and chills dance over my arms. He was riding practically blind. I slam the visor up.
“You’re a fucking idiot, you know that?”
He grunts, then the bike jumps forward again. I squeak and throw my arms around him, holding on tight. He turns us in a wide circle, then heads in the opposite direction. At least he isn’t driving as fast now.
Over his shoulder I can see about ten feet in front of us and hold my breath every time a dark shape looms. When he turns off the track, onto the uneve
n terrain, I pull myself tighter against his back to keep from bouncing off.
Bushes and rocks litter the path in front of us, but he seems to know where he’s going. I just hope we don’t hit anything. I’m not dressed to take a fall.
Honestly neither is he.
I feel the bike tilt as Riot drives us up and finally, when we even out, he slows to a stop. I wait a minute to see if we start going again, but he shuts the bike off. He gives me an elbow nudge and I slide off, convinced he’s going to start up and take off without me, but he swings his legs over and eases the bike down.
I pull the helmet off and set it on a handlebar. There’s a half moon tonight, giving enough light so I don’t trip over my own feet, but it throws everything into shadows.
He stands with his back to me looking out into the darkness, breathing in and out with heavy breaths. When I move to his side he barely acknowledges me.
“I’m sorry for what I said.”
I whisper the words because it’s so quiet, it feels wrong to talk loudly. Besides, obscured by the night, it’s easier to say what I need to.
“You weren’t wrong, Ry. Wanting Belle is completely selfish, but she’s all I have. She’s my family and without her, I’m just…alone.”
Ry shifts, then starts to walk away. Cold settles into my bones until I hear a soft come here. He moves around a large clump of scrub grass and to my surprise, there’s a rustic looking bench.
I sink down and he sits next to me. The bench isn’t quite wide enough, forcing us to touch along our one side. Heat radiates from him and helps take a little bit of the night time chill off my skin.
“I had no right saying those things.” The low rumble of his voice washes over me and I lean a little closer. He shifts again, then his arm comes out and wraps around my shoulder, pulling me close to his side. He presses his lips to my temple. “I’m sorry. For everything.”
My heart thuds against my ribs. I’ve never heard this tone before.
“I would have done the same thing in your shoes. I’d do anything for Baz and X. Hell, I’d help ‘em both hide a body if I had to.”
I rest my hand on his thigh, sweeping my thumb back and forth.
“Wendi was having an affair with Luc’s dad.”
