Chapter Fifteen
Eroica had finished her last final, and the semester was over. She knew that she had passed her theory final, and right now that was all-important. What a lot of work, and what a relief to have it done. No more weekend recitals, no more studying, and no more tests for two glorious weeks. She was ready to relax and enjoy the Christmas vacation.
Except for one more thing. She was going out to dinner with Dr. Wellesford, and she was waiting for him to pick her up. She never had managed to feel at ease with him. But he was a fine musician, and he was very patient with her. And her musical abilities had grown from working with him. She wanted to tell him this and thank him, but she didn’t quite know how. So when he asked her out to dinner she said yes, even though she would have rather said no.
Eroica heard Dr. Wellesford’s car pull into the driveway, and she began to panic. He always looked so stylish and complete, and it made her nervous. She was wearing the dress that her mother had bought in Switzerland. She had ironed it, even though she had ironed it when it came in the mail. She had also recurled her hair, even though it didn’t need to be recurled. And now she was wishing she looked different somehow. She always felt this way around Dr. Wellesford. But the doorbell rang, so he was going to have to take her as she was.
“Eroica, you look marvelous,” Dr. Wellesford said, almost before he’d had a chance to look at her. “Merry Christmas.” He handed her a beautiful bouquet of red roses and white carnations tied up in a holiday plaid ribbon.
Eroica took them and invited him in. She hadn’t planned on his coming in, so she was glad that she had been too busy on campus to make a mess of her house. While she hunted around for a vase, Dr. Wellesford went over to her piano and began to sift through her music. She always had music scattered everywhere. Even when her house was clean, her piano wasn’t. Dr. Wellesford picked up her Heinrich Schelling music and looked closely at it.
“This looks like exciting music. Difficult, too. Are you working on this?”
Eroica wished that Dr. Wellesford had never come into her house. She felt as if he were reading her journal. She was not going to discuss her concerto with him. He never needed answers to his questions anyway.
“I wonder if anyone has transcribed this for the violin. Maybe I’ll do it myself. Then it will be done right.”
That was enough for Eroica. He was not going to take this away from her. Not yet, anyway.
“I had to put the flowers in a water pitcher, because I don’t have a vase big enough. But they look beautiful. Thank you, Dr. Wellesford.” She took the music out of his hands with a smile, put it back on the piano, put on her coat, and walked out the door. Dr. Wellesford had no choice but to follow her.
“I think that it’s time for you to start calling me Preston,” he condescended as he handed her into the car. “We know each other well enough now.”
“I don’t know that I feel comfortable with that,” she replied, knowing that he wasn’t paying any attention to her.
Eroica had no idea where they were going, so she was surprised when they pulled up to The Sky Garden. This was the town’s fanciest and most expensive restaurant. It was fifteen floors up, on top of the town’s nicest hotel. Wedding receptions, golden anniversaries, reunions were held here. It was a place where important things happened.
Eroica thought of all the stories she had heard about this restaurant. People were always getting engaged here. She had never been here, but some of her former roommates had. One roommate had been here seven times in the one year that Eroica had lived with her. Another roommate had a boyfriend who had taken her here before his mission, and had asked her to wait for him. The girls who had been here bragged about it. The girls who hadn’t, made excuses and insisted that they had never wanted to.
It was one of Eroica’s dreams to come here with her cellist. It would be a beautiful spring evening. Twilight. Her favorite time of the night. A gentle wind would be blowing. They would go up to the top floor, his hand holding possessively onto hers. They would sit across from each other, not saying much of anything. Somewhere in between the main course and the dessert, the waiter would bring her a huge bouquet of yellow roses, her favorite. And the ribbon that tied the flowers together would also have tied to it a diamond engagement ring.
“Have you ever been to The Sky Garden?” Dr. Wellesford interrupted her thoughts.
Eroica sighed herself back to reality and said no. This, she thought quietly, was not at all what she had planned. They went into the restaurant, Eroica trying her hardest to smile away the awkwardness. It truly was an elegant establishment. There were plants and flowers everywhere, with poinsettias, holly berries, and pine boughs creating a festive atmosphere.
Eroica watched as Dr. Wellesford slipped a folded-up bill into the waiter’s hand. They were accordingly taken to a corner booth that was slightly apart from the other people. She picked up the menu and stared in amazement. The more she looked at the prices, the more awkward she felt. What was she doing at The Sky Garden with Dr. Wellesford? This should never have happened.
“You know, Eroica,” Dr. Wellesford began after they had given their orders to the waiter, “We have had quite a semester together. We have performed almost every weekend. That’s a lot of preparation in just a few months’ time. I think that we worked extremely well together.”
This was Eroica’s chance to thank Dr. Wellesford. “It was such a good experience for me to work with you. You have taught me so much, and I am grateful for that. You are a dedicated teacher. I just hope that next semester I will more quickly understand how you want the music interpreted.”
“I have an idea that I think will help the process along.” He took a small, green velvet box out of his pocket and put in on the table directly in front of her. Eroica stared at it, unsure of what was happening. “Go ahead and open it,” he urged.
Eroica felt as if she were picking up a tarantula. She tried to say something, but the words wouldn’t come. Dr. Wellesford’s quiet chuckling made her so nervous. She picked up the box, eyes half shut, and opened it. Inside was not a tarantula, although it may as well have been. It was a huge, square cut diamond, planted in a chunk of gold. It was a sophisticated, bold style, not at all what Eroica would have chosen for herself.
“Eroica,” Dr. Wellesford held both of her hands, “You are just what I have been looking for. This semester went so smoothly. I have had so much trouble in the past with accompanists. You and I are perfect for each other. We can build a wonderful career together, traveling around the world, performing and teaching. What do you say, will you marry me?”
Eroica tried to remain calm. Her thoughts all ran together so she didn’t know where to begin. “You have taken me by surprise,” she faltered. “I wasn’t expecting this, and I don’t know what to say.”
“I was counting on surprising you. Don’t say anything yet. Just think about it.”
While Eroica thought about how much she disliked surprises, and how little Dr. Wellesford knew her, the waiter came and placed their dinner salads in front of them.
“Okay, time’s up,” Dr. Wellesford said as soon as the waiter had gone.
“Excuse me?” Eroica was completely bewildered.
“Will you marry me?”
“You want an answer this quickly? Dr. Wellesford, we hardly know each other. If you want an answer right now, then it will have to be no.”
“Hardly know each other!” he interrupted. “We have seen each other almost every day through this entire semester. We have never argued or disagreed on anything. We have the same musical understanding and ambitions. We are so obviously meant for each other that I thought you saw it, too.”
“I don’t think that we do have the same ambitions,” Eroica began again. She had become aware that Dr. Wellesford had built her up in his mind to be something that she was not. “When I marry, I don’t want to travel around the wo
rld playing the piano. I would like a house with yellow rose bushes planted in front, and a garden, and children, and a husband that comes home at the end of the day to spend time with us.”
Dr. Wellesford was so confident in his proposal that what she said was hard for him to grasp. “But you play the piano so well. You have worked so hard to develop this talent. It doesn’t make sense that you would throw it all away.”
“How can you say that?” Eroica was becoming animated. “How could you feel that if you had a family, your wife would be throwing her time away on them? I have looked forward, for a long time now, to teaching my own children how to play the piano. I want them to love music and enjoy it as much as I do.”
“If we have a child or two, you can teach them how to play the piano. We can make time for that, certainly. But it doesn’t have to be immediately. It would be good if we were firmly established in our musical career before we started a family.”
This was not Eroica’s idea of marriage, and the sooner she could make him aware of it, the sooner they could end this frightful conversation.
“If I marry anyone, it will be with the understanding that once we marry, we are a family. There is no other way for me. I want to hear the pitter-patter of lots of little feet all over my home. And the pitter-patter of piano keys will echo through it, and not through the concert hall. And if you don’t feel this way, then I am certain that you and I are not meant for each other.”
Eroica was on fire with emotion. Never before had she shared so much of her dreams with anyone. And what a way to do it. It was not the romantic experience that she had always thought it would be.
Dr. Wellesford could see that her jaw and her opinions were set as she stared back at him. This was a side to Eroica that he didn’t even know existed. He was noticeably insulted with her answer and unprepared for a refusal.
“So that’s your whole answer to me? You won’t marry me because I suggested that you pursue a career as a concert pianist? That’s incredible. Any woman would jump at such an opportunity. I have a doctorate, and I have wonderful connections. I can only assume that you need more time to think this over before you give me a more acceptable answer than you have done just now.”
“Before you wait for a different answer, let me ask you this. You haven’t said anything about love, or being in love with me. I’m wondering if you even do.”
“Do what?”
“Love me,” she cried, trying to keep her voice quiet.
His whole countenance changed. His face turned red as he struggled to keep his temper under control. Eroica could see this change, and it worried her.
“Haven’t I proposed to you? Haven’t I bought this expensive ring for you? Haven’t I brought you to The Sky Garden?” He shook visibly as he answered her.
“If you can’t tell me that you love me,” she said slowly and quietly, “Then there is nothing left for us to talk about.”
“Well, we certainly can’t talk about it here.” Dr. Wellesford snapped the velvet box shut, shoved it into his pocket, threw some money on the table, and started to walk out.
Eroica grabbed her coat and hurried after him, not even sure if he was going to take her home. They got into his car and began to drive away. Eroica expected him to drive fast, screech around corners, slam on breaks, and generally make a show of his anger. But he didn’t. He acted calm and methodical, and the only way that Eroica knew he was angry was from his face. Every muscle looked tense. His mouth was a closed, straight line that twitched at one corner every so often. And his eyes looked straight ahead and never shifted.
Afraid of talking and saying the wrong thing, Eroica waited for Dr. Wellesford. But he wasn’t going to say anything, either. As they neared her house, she felt that surely he would break the silence. But he didn’t. He pulled into her driveway, opened the door for her, got back into his car, and drove away without a word.
Eroica stood in front of her house and watched him go. When he was out of sight it was hard to believe that the events of the evening had actually happened. She hadn’t noticed before that it was snowing. The snowflakes were large and were quickly covering the ground. She sat down on her front steps and watched them fall. They softened all the corners and rough edges, and bathed the darkness in a sparkling white.
Eroica let the flakes fall on her bare head, melt, and run down her face. She too felt its softening effect. No longer was she upset with Dr. Wellesford for making such grand assumptions. She was just sorry. What was it she did to attract men whose affections she couldn’t return? She didn’t mean to. All that she had wanted to do ever since she was fifteen years old was grow up and find her cellist. She must not be grown up yet, a thought which weighed heavily on her mind.
As she reviewed all of her faults, and the snow covered her like a statue, a car pulled into her driveway. It was dark, and the car’s headlights shone right into her eyes so that she couldn’t distinguish who it was. Her heart beat fast, knowing that it must be Dr. Wellesford. Certainly he wouldn’t want to leave things the way that they were.
“Eroica, why are you sitting out here in this freezing weather getting snowed on?”
“Mark?” she stammered. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
“You look as if you were expecting Santa Clause,” he laughed as he walked over to her. “Are you locked out of your house?”
“No. I’ve just been on a date, and now I’m back.”
“That was a short date. It’s only a little after seven. Are all of your dates this way?” he teased.
Eroica shot one of her glances at him, and he could see the sadness in her eyes.
“I was just having fun with you, you know that. But your hair is all wet, and your fingers look numb. And that’s not a good thing for a pianist. So go inside and get dried off, and I’ll wait in my car for you. But I’m hungry so I’m only going to give you five minutes. Have you eaten yet?” he asked as an afterthought.
“No,” she said, remembering her untouched salad, and main course that she hadn’t even seen.
“Tell me about your date that most likely lasted less than an hour,” Mark began after they
were seated in the usual restaurant with the usual burgers, shakes, and fries. “This must be a new record for you.”
Eroica wondered why Mark was with her, and not Allisun, on a Friday night. He probably felt some sort of responsibility for her because she was the faculty pianist, and it was his job to schedule all the performances. And she had been kept extremely busy with performances all semester.
“If you must know, it is a new record.” She could talk about her date with Dr. Wellesford now; the whole event was so ridiculous. “Dr. Wellesford asked me out, and he took me to The Sky Garden.”
“Wow. I’ve never taken anyone there. That’s a serious place, and it’s so expensive.”
“I don’t know that I can say I’ve been there, either. Dr. Wellesford proposed marriage to me over our dinner salads, and it didn’t go very well, so we left.”
Mark stared back at her, completely unable to hide his surprise. “Preston proposed to you?” he gasped. “I knew the two of you rehearsed together a lot, but I thought that’s all it was. I had no idea you two knew each other so well. Engaged to Preston. I must admit, I am surprised.”
“I had no idea that we knew each other so well, either, as you put it. And I am not engaged to him. When we rehearsed, that’s all that it was.” Eroica couldn’t believe that she was having this conversation.
“Okay, okay,” Mark hurriedly said. Her temper was beginning to rise, and he was on dangerous ground. “I just wondered if you should be out with me.”
Eroica didn’t notice his quiet sigh of relief.
“I hardly call this a date, Mark. I am worried about my job, though,” she continued. “Dr. Wellesford was more angry than hurt at my refusal. I’m afraid that I may go back to school in January and find that I no lon
ger have a job.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Mark reassured her. “I’ll make sure nothing happens. Preston can’t get you fired just because you won’t marry him.”
Eroica had no idea how many times Mark and Dr. Wellesford had discussed her. Dr. Wellesford would have performed every weekend if Mark hadn’t stopped him. He would have turned Eroica’s job into an all day, every day chore, with no time for her own classes, practicing, or studies. Mark tried to keep a close eye on Dr. Wellesford’s rehearsal time with Eroica, to make sure that he wasn’t overworking her. So when Eroica told him that Dr. Wellesford had proposed to her, he was amazed and worried. Until she said that she had turned him down.
“Well, Eroica,” Mark tried to lighten the conversation, “If you don’t want Preston, then what do you want?”
“That,” she stated, “Is none of your business.” And she picked up a french fry and laughingly threw it at him.
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