“That she was.”
“So what about you and David?” Fannie probed. “Matthew had nothing but goot things to say yesterday after David helped him all day. They even finished harvesting the sweet corn field.”
“He didn’t tell me that.” Phoebe smiled. “David’s a goot man. We haven’t spoken much since yesterday morning. Aunt Millie didn’t drop me off at the house until after supper last night when David was gone.”
Fannie tried to smile. “Yah, it’s a tough time for everyone, but I think the Lapp family is handling things well.”
“They’re following your husband’s advice, and Bishop Rufus’s too, of course.”
“Who can go wrong with the deacon’s advice?” Fannie quipped, and they laughed together.
“In all seriousness, though, how are you and David getting along?”
“I can’t complain. He helps with the farm, and he’s been there through every crisis we’ve had so far.”
“I mean, how are you and he doing?” Fannie leaned closer and gave Phoebe a meaningful look.
Phoebe’s face flamed. Confessing things to family was one thing, but this was the deacon’s frau.
“Serious, then,” Fannie guessed. “I’m not surprised.”
“Do you have objections?” Phoebe managed.
Fannie shrugged. “It’s a little early to tell, don’t you think? Are you officially dating?”
Phoebe shook her head. Kissing wasn’t dating, which usually happened before the kissing. She guessed her face was turning the color of red beets.
Fannie fixed her gaze again. “I see. You’ve grown quite fond of the man. Does he share your feelings?”
“I think so,” Phoebe whispered. The memory of David’s lips on hers left her weak.
“You haven’t forgotten about his family’s problems, of course.”
“Can’t people change?” The words came out much too loudly. “Grandma seemed to think so,” she said much more softly.
Fannie took a long sip of her hot chocolate before she responded. “Far be it for me to argue with Grandma Lapp. And Ruth seems to have settled into her schoolteaching job, so maybe…” The sentence hung in the air, full of peril and promise all at the same time.
Phoebe looked away. Her red face would give her away soon, if that hadn’t happened already.
“You like the man,” Fannie continued. “He is a member of the church, as you are, and you are both in goot standing. Who could object?”
“My family.” The words slipped out.
Fannie shrugged. “You can’t blame them, can you?”
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have responded like that.”
“Neither should you keep such things to yourself, Phoebe. I take it you don’t know about your family’s history with Leroy Fisher.”
“What history?”
“I should not be the one telling you, but perhaps it’s time. You seem sweet on his son.”
“I have no idea what you are talking about,” Phoebe said.
“Leroy Fisher was at fault in your grandfather Tobias’s death, Phoebe. He carelessly drove a wagon to a community threshing day with a cracked single tree, thinking things would be okay. Your grandfather ended up paired with Leroy on his wagon and was driving when the single tree broke. Their wagon was empty, and Leroy’s wild horses, which were never properly cared for, bolted over the creek bank. Leroy was able to leap off, but your grandfather stayed with the wagon. There was a terrible tangle at the bottom, and the rest you know.”
Phoebe stood halfway to her feet and sat down again.
“Perhaps you understand better now why Leroy has the reputation that he does.” Fannie came closer to give Phoebe a quick hug. “I’m sorry that I’m the one to tell you.”
“This changes nothing between David and me,” Phoebe said through clenched teeth. “I’m sure Grandma forgave Leroy a long time ago.”
“I’m sure she did,” Fannie agreed.
“Maybe I should help you with the housework.” Phoebe stood quickly. Her hot chocolate splashed across the tablecloth.
A concerned look crossed Fannie’s face. “Perhaps I should not have told you.”
Phoebe reached for a washcloth that was hung on the sink, and she wiped up the mess before answering. “You did the right thing. I thought I was the one who couldn’t deal with the past, but I see other people have the same problem.”
“We have to be honest,” Fannie told her. “That’s very hard sometimes.”
“I don’t think Uncle Homer should object to my liking David, even considering this news. Look what wrong Uncle Homer’s own child has committed. Isn’t that a whole lot worse than anything David has ever done? He is not to blame for his daett’s careless ways.”
Fannie tried to smile. “That’s a natural reaction to have, Phoebe, but you shouldn’t blame your uncle for his concern.”
“That is true. Thanks for telling me, because it explains a lot. I wonder if David knows.”
Fannie shrugged. “I doubt if he does. Few people talk about what happened on the day of your grandfather’s death. Accidents like that occur. In the meantime, I am glad Leroy’s children are growing out of his shadow. Ruth, I think, is also turning out well.”
“She struggles,” Phoebe said. She had to say something.
“I expect she does.” Fannie’s concern sounded genuine. “The road back from where Ruth has been will not be easy.”
“Then you understand why one should have patience—” Phoebe bit off the words. She had already said too much.
“As long as Ruth isn’t going back to what she used to do,” Fannie agreed.
“I don’t think she will.” Phoebe’s heart pounded. That was the truth, even if Ruth gave in to temptation and went out with Ethan tonight. She had to believe this, but if Fannie knew…
Fannie was looking at her strangely.
“We’ll have to pray for Ruth,” Phoebe finished. She rose to her feet. “I really have to either get back or help you so I don’t feel useless.”
“Talking about these things is not time wasted,” Fannie assured her. “The heart needs tending from time to time.”
“I’m sure it does.” Phoebe gulped down the last of her hot chocolate. “Thank you so much for your council and your listening ear, Fannie. Also for what you told me.”
“Anytime.” Fannie followed her into the living room. “I’ll be praying for your family’s healing and restoration.”
“We sure need it,” Phoebe agreed. She stopped to give Mary a quick hug. “You get better, now.”
“I am better,” Mary declared, sitting up on the couch.
Phoebe left her and whispered to Fannie at the front door. “You are the perfect deacon’s frau.”
“I don’t know about that,” Fannie demurred. She waved from the front porch as Phoebe made her way down the walk.
The barn was empty when Phoebe stepped inside, but Misty whinnied from the closest stall. Phoebe led her out and hitched the horse to the buggy, and then they left the lane and turned east.
David came to the barn door when she arrived back in Grandma’s driveway. He took Misty’s bridle as she climbed down.
“Did you have a nice vis—”
“David, you have to speak with Ruth this afternoon!” The words burst out. “She can’t go out with Ethan tonight.”
“I agree, but I can’t stop her, Phoebe. Do Fannie and Deacon Matthew know?”
“No, but I came close to both spilling the beans and lying.” Phoebe rubbed her forehead. “I’m dizzy from lack of sleep, and heart-to-heart conversations don’t help.”
“You need to talk to someone,” he said. “About us.”
“David!” She came closer. “I know how I feel about you.”
He tilted his head sideways. “We’ve been dodging bullets all week, Phoebe. You know the questions are there.” He paused to sweep his gaze over the place. “Grandma Lapp only asked me to help you, not to—”
She laid her hand on his arm. “Davi
d, what can I say? Not much, but we…” The words fizzled out under his intense gaze.
“Do you know how much I love you, Phoebe?”
“Yah,” she whispered. “And there’s nothing wrong with that.”
He didn’t answer but came closer to touch her face. She lifted her head until her lips touched his, and he let go of Misty’s bridle to pull Phoebe close. His strength filled her whole body, and they clung to each other.
“David!” She tried to breathe. “See! There is nothing wrong with your love for me, or with my love for you.”
His fingers traced her cheek. “I will speak with Ruth after she gets home from school. You are right. She can’t go out with Ethan. That would—”
“It would,” she agreed. “And this has been a goot week, even with all the trouble. The Lord is with us.”
“To many more then.” He grasped Misty’s bridle again. “I’ll be leaving in an hour. I have to help Daett on the farm, and there isn’t much that needs doing around here.”
She nodded but stopped him with a touch on the arm. “I have to tell you something else, David.”
“Yah?” Concern rippled across his face.
“Fannie just told me that your daett’s carelessness was at fault in my Grandfather Tobias’s death.” From there, the story spilled out quickly.
“So that is what’s been going on,” David muttered when she finished. “Now I am doomed.”
She reached for him with both hands. “Don’t say that. This changes nothing between us.”
He was clearly unconvinced.
“Remember a moment ago, what we shared? I’m telling you about Grandfather Tobias only because we must have no secrets between us. Our love will survive everything but lies.”
Hope filled his face. “You are like your grandma.”
“I am Phoebe, and I love you.”
His hand trembled in hers.
“I’ll see you on Monday when the van comes.” She gave him a warm smile and raced back to the house.
Once she was inside, Phoebe found the prayer journal and paged through it until she found the correct date. The words were there written plainly.
O God of heaven, the agony of my soul tears me apart. The death of my Tobias, the ripping of our love to pieces while it lay young in our hearts through the foolishness of an exceedingly foolish and careless man. How can I forgive the reckless squandering of such glory? How can I look the man in his face and tell him that I have let go and require no vengeance? How can I go on with empty arms while his are full?
How can I, oh God? How can I, and yet I must.
TWENTY-NINE
The late evening dusk hung on the horizon as David made his way north on foot. At the junction he turned right onto Peckville Road. Ruth must still be at the schoolhouse. His sister would likely remain there until dark on the pretense of some schoolwork. After that, she would have Ethan pick her up on the walk home for a few hours spent in town—unless David could persuade her otherwise. He had promised Phoebe he would try, and even after the shocking news of Daett’s past mistakes, he must make it work with her. Daett’s failures must not be his. If Ruth jumped the fence from her exalted position as the community’s schoolteacher, it could jeopardize his relationship with Phoebe. The memory of Phoebe’s sweet face so close to his only moments ago quickened his steps.
David paused to look back at Grandma Lapp’s farm. Many were the happy hours he had spent there in his childhood. What sacrifices the woman had made, while her own heart was bruised and broken. Ruth had been with him for most of those times, but the effect had been different on his sister. Grandma Lapp’s kindness had healed the deep hurt in his heart, but Ruth had seemed to react in the opposite way. Perhaps the contrast between the community’s rejection and Grandma Lapp’s acceptance had only made things worse.
Ruth had always wanted to leave. When the school board had offered her the teaching position, she had changed her mind for a moment. But her heart had already left. He knew this, and therein lay the problem. Did he dare ask his sister to forsake her love so he could find the same? Was that not too much of a sacrifice to ask of any human being?
David sighed and turned his footsteps toward the schoolhouse again. Never had he dreamed that a woman like Phoebe would give him a second glance. Not even Grandma Lapp’s kindness had persuaded him. But maybe her confidence in him had given him the courage to believe Phoebe when she opened her heart to him. He had held her in his arms now, and kissed her. This was much more than he deserved—a thousand times more. David took another look over his shoulder at Grandma Lapp’s farm. The Lord had truly made a wunderbah thing when He created a woman’s love.
He wished to wed Phoebe, and she seemed to have no objections. She knew where their feelings would lead. An Amish woman didn’t play with a man’s heart only to withdraw her hand at the last moment. But he and Phoebe needed the approval of her family. They couldn’t elope. He didn’t wish to. He wanted the simple life of the community. He wanted to fall into routines along with others of like faith, to grow old in the traditions that had served so many generations before them.
David glanced toward the darkened sky in the west. Could he ask Ruth the question that must be asked? Did she really love Ethan the way he loved Phoebe? Somehow he would have to find the courage to say the words, and if the answer went against him, he would have to live with the consequences.
A light was on at the Yoders’ house, but David didn’t pause. If they noticed him visiting his sister at the schoolhouse this late, they would likely think it was a perfectly normal thing to do. He turned in the lane and crossed the playground. So much had happened here this week—the drama with little Mary’s injury and Phoebe’s deep concern for Ruth. The woman had her grandma’s tender heart. He had known that for a long time, almost since the day Phoebe arrived from Lancaster. She hadn’t noticed him back then, but he didn’t blame her. Phoebe had unfolded like the petals of a rose blossom since she had taken on the responsibilities of the farm. Grandma Lapp must have known she would. Thankfully, he had waited with patience in his heart for the beauty that he now could hold in his arms.
David entered the schoolhouse with only a brief knock. Ruth must have seen him approach because there was no surprised look on her face.
“Hi,” he greeted her. “How are you doing?”
“You might as well come right out and say it,” she retorted. “Don’t go out with Ethan tonight!”
He attempted a smile and slid onto the seat of a student’s desk. “Actually, I have a question. Do you love him the way I love Phoebe?”
She looked surprised. “Now, that I didn’t expect.”
“That is the question.”
She studied her papers and didn’t respond.
“Perhaps you love this job, then?” His hand covered the schoolhouse in a quick sweep. “That would be a goot thing.”
“Or out there,” she added. “Why does it always come down to us and them, David?”
“Don’t count me in, Ruth. I’m on their side for this round.”
“So you’ve forsaken me?”
“This is what I want. This world…” He raised his hand again. “And Phoebe, of course.”
“Have you kissed her yet?” she teased.
His red face was enough of an answer.
“Just think,” she mused. “A Fisher boy kissing a Lapp girl. My, my, how things have changed.”
“And you are teaching school,” he added.
“We can’t forget that!” Her voice was bitter.
He sighed. “Can’t you let them go, Ruth—all those years of our youth? You know things have changed, and other people also have their problems. Look at Homer Lapp’s boy this week. I don’t think a sibling of ours has spent time in jail in recent memory. Daett has his own problems, and we should leave those to him.”
“That’s just it,” she spat. “That’s been true for years. Back when we did nothing worse than being born to Leroy Fisher. Yet they made us…” She sputter
ed to a halt.
“It wasn’t that bad,” he objected. “And Daett did something pretty awful.”
“Says you, who suffered the worst.” Her glare could have melted the vinyl floor were it not directed out of the window.
“Is that why you can’t let go, Ruth? Because of me? Because you saw me suffer?”
A tear trickled down her cheek. “Maybe. You were the oldest, and it wasn’t fair, David. You were as handsome and charming and dashing as the rest…”
“But we were Leroy Fisher’s children,” he finished. “That’s behind us, Ruth. Grandma Lapp has seen to that. Why throw it away?”
Her gaze pierced him. “You have a Lapp girl to console you. Do you see anyone taking a chance on me?”
“You are beautiful. You always have been.”
“Says my brother. You didn’t see Albert Mast saying so when he got ready to settle down.”
David searched his memory. He hadn’t been paying attention to Ruth’s affections when it came to men. “You cared about Albert?”
“He’s a married man now. But yah, I would have considered him…” Her voice trailed off, and her gaze scorched the window glass again.
“I’m sorry, Ruth. I really am.”
She tried to smile. “It’s not your fault. The Lord knows you deserve everything that’s fallen your way. Is she sweet to you?”
David looked away as his face flamed.
Ruth’s smile was tender. “I wish you nothing but the best. You’ll survive even if I don’t.”
“But I won’t,” he insisted.
“So you want me to let go of what I have so you can have what you have?”
“It does sound awful,” he agreed. “But no. If you love Ethan like I love Phoebe, I wouldn’t want you to walk away from that.”
“I think that’s a high standard to meet.” She gave him another smile. “We’ll have to see, I guess.”
“So you don’t know?”
She sobered. “I think you’ll make it with or without me, David. Your heart is in the community, unlike mine. It’s always been so, and you are being rewarded with the woman of your dreams.”
He swallowed, unable to speak.
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