by Jordan Marie
“Some scars don’t heal,” she grumbles and pushes past me.
I sigh. There’s not much more I can say. Dani has every right to feel like she does. In her shoes, I can’t say I wouldn’t feel the same.
“Dani, Dragon protects me. He’d never hurt me.”
“Save it, Nic. I saw the look in his eyes. I’m all too familiar with that look and with the excuses women make.”
I let it go. It doesn’t matter what I tell her about Dragon. She’s not going to listen. Besides, I have bigger worries.
“Hold up, I know we’ve passed this damn rock before,” I observe, turning around to stare at a huge boulder that looks like one we would have used as a big slide growing up.
“Fuck!” Dani growls. “I told you going into the hills was a bad idea! Son of a bitch!”
Now I clearly realize that Dani doesn’t deal well with panic. Good to know. I wish I had known that earlier!
“Calm down. We’ll just turn right and start going that way to head towards the road. Surely we can get our bearings then,” I rationalize.
“I thought you said the road was too dangerous!”
“For God’s sake, you’re not listening to me about anything else, why listen to that!?!?” I huff, pushing in front of her. I start walking to the right. She could follow or not at this point.
19
Dancer
“I told you I don’t want you here.”
It’s hateful of me to say that and I know it. I look over at my brothers Dragon and Crusher. These are the two men who have been my brothers. We grew up together. We know more about each other than any one person should ever know about the other. I’d die for each of the men sitting in front of me. I would eat a motherfucking bullet for them and not blink an eye. Still, I don’t want them here. I look around the cold 12x12 room that is barren and devoid of color. That’s how it’s meant to be though, because from the day that door slammed behind me, there has been no color. Five hundred and sixty-four days in this place and every day just grows darker. Thirteen thousand, five hundred and thirty-six hours... I glance at the clock high up on the wall... and twenty odd minutes, since my life became this hell.
The silver of the table matches the cold silver clasped around my wrists. The fucking guards keep these on me all the time lately. It’s just another way of poking the bear, another way
to mock and belittle—to get to me. I don’t let that shit show, but I know it’s working. Deep down inside, I feel another layer of respect torn away and I fought hard to get that shit. It took years to make a life I was fucking proud of and I did it. It took one act to destroy it and hell, the fucked up truth of it all was… I’d do it all again. Maybe I really was the moron the guards liked to call me.
“You knew we’d be here just like always,” Crusher says, looking his normal cocky self.
I was like that once, wasn’t I?
I thought nothing could touch me too. I was wrong, so fucking wrong.
“How ya’ doing brother?” Dragon asks.
My eyes move over to him. He’s not a pretty motherfucker that’s for sure. Big, dark, scarred and hard as nails, that’s Dragon. He looks a little different today, though. Dragon is a self-contained time bomb, wrapped so fucking tight that the brothers and I took bets on what would happen when he finally blew. The Dragon before me now looks relaxed and at ease.
“Fucking laugh a minute here Drag. Since you fuckers made the trek here, maybe you can tell me why?”
“Been hearing shit and I can’t help but wonder why you haven’t told us about. Want to tell me why you haven’t reached out to us, Dancer?”
“Not a fucking thing you can do Drag, some things are out of your hands.”
“Not fucking likely Dancer and don’t pull this shit again,” Dragon responds.
I know he thinks he can help, but he has no idea the fucked up shit that goes on behind these doors. I can’t allow myself to get my hopes up that anything my boy does will change things.
Chances are, if he does anything it will just make things worse. A fuck of a lot worse.
“Let it go Drag. I know you want to help, but some things even you can’t do.”
“Dancer man...” Dragon growls, raking his hand over his hair in frustration. I know this is killing him. If he really knew what was going on with me… Fuck! I can’t think about that anyway, because no one will ever know what happened here. If I ever see the light of day, I plan on drinking it out of my memory… or swallowing a fucking bullet.
“What’s up with you anyway? You seem different?” I ask, mostly to change the subject but also because part of me wants to know what’s going on.
Crush laughs his cocky little snort of a laugh and I watch as Dragon smiles.
He fucking smiles.
What the hell? I’ve known Dragon more years than I can count and I can’t ever remember the son of a bitch smiling.
“Boss-man has a woman,” Crush answers, stretching out and grinning like a damn Cheshire cat towards Dragon.
“Fuck off,” Dragon responds, shaking his head.
“Dragon always has women,” I reply and it’s the truth. Women flocked to the bastard.
“Not like this one Dancer, man. This one is special. She has all his shit tied up.”
Dragon doesn’t even argue. Fuck a duck…
“You’ll meet her soon Dancer. Eagle is working on getting your appeal decision handled this week.”
Eagle is the club lawyer and sharp as a fucking tack. If anyone could get it done, it would be him. You would think after all this time hope would have died a bloody, fucking violent death. Apparently it hasn’t, because I can feel the quickening of my heartbeat. I want to tell him not to worry about it but I can’t make the lie come. I want out of here. Fuck, if I don’t get out of here soon, I may do like that poor schmuck in cellblock C last night and twist my neck to escape. I don’t know what is waiting for me in the next world, but the way I figure it, even hell can’t get worse than this place.
“Visit is over girls, time to leave. Jacob here has a date with the john. I got a sparkling new tooth brush for him.”
Fucking prick! I get out of here and he’s the first one I’m killing. The very fucking first and I’m going to make it hurt. They think I was a killer before I came in here? They have no idea what the fuck they have turned me into.
“Later boys,” I snarl, as Dixon pulls me up and pushes me back towards my hell.
“Head up brother, it’s coming, you got my word.”
I turn to look at Dragon. Can he see the bleakness in my eyes? Can he read the crap that has happened to me since I’ve been here? I just nod and turn away. As I walk back into hell, I do my best to beat down the hope that tries its damnedest to take root in my chest.
20
Dragon
“Fuck man there’s more going on than even our informant is telling us,” Crusher says as we walk out the door. I try not to wince at the clanging of the doors, but I do just the same.
“I know.” We walk towards the visitor’s area where the lockers we were given to hold our personal items are located.
“So what the fuck are we going to do? We need to get him out of here.”
“Call Eagle, tell him to speed this shit up. I don’t care what money is involved or who we need to pay.”
Crusher doesn’t respond, but there’s not much to say.
We wait while the guard behind the counter takes our claim ticket. He pushes are cellphones and billfolds across to us. We grab them and leave. I hate that I’m so relieved to get out of there. Guilt eats at me, because I’m leaving my brother in there to rot. Hell yeah, Eagle needs to get on the ball.
Once we make it outside, I put my shades back on and stop when I get on my bike. Shit, maybe I am pussy whipped, but I want to check in with my woman. That’s when I notice that I have twenty missed calls from Irish and Nailer. Crusher gets on his bike beside me, but he doesn’t talk. Maybe he can tell from my face that shit is fucked up.
“Yo! What the fuck is going on?” I say as soon as Irish picks up the phone.
“Dragon, man Nicole is missing.”
Holy fuck, my heart hurts.
With three words I know more fear than I have ever felt in my life.
“Motherfucker, I left her in your care! You better be fucking joking and let me say right now… that fucking shit ain’t funny. I’m going to personally pull your head out of your ass
backwards…”
“Dragon, her girl called and asked her to meet at their house. I made her take Nailer. Hell, Dragon, Nailer said it was an ambush. He opened the door and some fucker knocked him out cold. When he woke up your woman, her girl and whoever hit him were gone, but.... Shit man.”
“What damn it?” I feel a knot in my chest and I know it’s fear. Total fear.
What the hell was wrong with me?
“Fuck man... there was blood everywhere.”
I think my heart stops. Whatever I’m feeling in this moment goes beyond fear.
“What about the cameras at the house?” I ask, trying to think. Anything the club owned had cameras on them but fuck, the cameras on that old house were ancient. Why the hell hadn’t I thought to change them sooner?”
“It looks like the girls got away into the hills. Some fucker came out behind them, got in a car and left.”
“So, he didn’t follow them?” I ask, trying to catch my breath.
“No, but we haven’t heard from Nic. The boys have been combing the hills and the main road.”
“Crush and I are about an hour out. Call the Ohio Chapter and tell them we won’t be there today. Then you put every fucking man we have out searching. I want her found, Irish. If she’s hurt, I’m taking it out on your motherfucking ass for letting her leave during lockdown!”
I look at Crusher while I start up my bike.
“Home, now!” I order, not explaining the rest. I figure he heard enough of the conversation that I don’t need to clue him in.
My fucking palms are sweaty and my heart is beating out of my chest. I’m not a praying man. I figure God turned his back on me before I was born. It’s the only explanation for the way my life started, but right now, I find myself praying and praying hard. I need this woman. Last night cemented that for me, when she held me and told me she just needed me. Fuck. No one has ever ripped me open like that before. They sure hadn’t claimed me and been proud of that shit. In my experience women wanted to fuck the president because I was the president, but that was about it.
Nicole could care less about the club or my position in it. I still don’t understand what it is between us, but after last night I know this girl is it for me. I have to have her. I have to keep her and fuck, she has to be safe. She just has to be.
Hold on Mama, I’m coming. I repeat that mantra over and over, in my head… all while praying she can somehow hear me.
21
Nicole
Okay, it sucks but I’m ready to admit it. I have no fucking idea where we are. I thought we were heading towards the road, I really did, but we’ve been walking forever now and there’s no sign of a fucking road. In fact, the hill seems to be going up instead of down. Shouldn’t it go down if I’m getting close to the road? I fall back against a tree and Dani does something similar across from me. We don’t talk. Neither one of us are happy with each other at this point. We’re cold, we’re tired, and we’re scared. I refuse to list scared first, though truly the fear I feel inside is like this giant knot threatening to choke me at this point.
Worse I’m horribly numb. The guy on the radio said the high today would be forty but it feels like fifteen. I’m so frozen I don’t think I’ll ever get warm again. I close my eyes and picture Dragon. He probably doesn’t even know I’m missing. He was going to be gone all day. Dani and I both have been trying to use our cellphones, but there’s no signal. That’s the thing about living in the Appalachian Mountains, cell service sucks donkey balls. I would almost suck donkey balls to get out of this mess. Shit, no! I’d make Dani do it. Bitch owes me, even if she doesn’t want to admit it, and surely that couldn’t be as bad as sleeping with that creep I had stabbed.
I stabbed someone.
I should feel remorse I guess. The last hour or two we’ve been out here, I was mostly wishing I’d channeled Lorena Bobbit on his ass, or his dick as it were.
“We need to keep moving,” Dani mumbles, sounding as exhausted as I feel.
I want to ignore her because I figure she deserves it.
“Feel free, I need to take a minute to breathe,” I grumble instead.
I sound like a spoiled two-year-old, but I don’t care. I blame Dani, even if I understand her reasons behind it. I love my girl, but she got us into this mess and I want to slap the shit out of her at the moment.
“I’m sorry, Nic,” she whispers. She sounds so miserable that I feel a little guilty.
“Forget it. I understand, but you’ve got to trust me when I tell you that Dragon is nothing like Michael.”
Dani doesn’t say anything. I can tell from her face that she doesn’t really believe me, but she was wise enough to let it go, so I do too. She will see in time, because despite what Dani says, despite the photos, despite everything, if I manage to survive this, I am totally going back to Dragon. I plan on holding him tight and never letting go.
I don’t care what that says about me.
“Should we try getting off the trail and sliding down the mountain to see if it might end up near the road?” Dani asks, and I could hear the fear in her voice. This was because when she said slide, she means it. We’d looked over the edge a time or two and it is more a cliff than anything else. It’s also steep enough that falling off would most likely kill us. The mountains are gorgeous to look at, but clearly I should have listened closer to all those news reports about lost or injured hikers.
“Hell if I know at this point, Dani. You know my parents,” I tell her with a shrug. “Trips to Lexington and Louisville are their idea of recreation. I know shit about climbing hills and apparently even less about direction.
“Did you hear that?” she asks.
My body stiffens because I did. It sounds like branches snapping. Someone’s coming. We stare at each other in panic and then Dani nudges with her head and points to a big rock behind her. It’s not much, but we make our way to it as quiet as we can to hide. Once we crouch down behind it, we sit and wait.
When she grabs my hand, I hold on as tight as my numb fingers will let me.
“Alright bitch it’s time for you two to come out. I know you’re here, but Irish tells me I don’t have time to watch you squirm anymore. It’s time we finish this game.”
I would have thought he was bluffing if I hadn’t heard a gun cocked on my right side. It sounds so chillingly loud—even over the man’s yelling. I look over to see one of the last faces I expected. I almost feel relief but the other guy’s words register in my numb brain.
“Irish?” I ask confused.
“Sorry, Nic. It’s just business. You got caught up in it. It’s time Dragon’s brought down and sadly girl, you are a sure way to keep him so wrapped up in his head. He has no idea what’s going on,” he says, grabbing my arm and pulling me up. He lets me go, then grabs Dani by the hair of the head. He holds a gun to her as he urges us around the rock.
Another man is on the other side holding a gun. I don’t know him. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen him before.
“How could you betray Dragon like this? He thinks of you like his brother?” I ask Irish. I’m not really trying to stall at this point. My mind is racing on how to get out of this, but really I’m pretty sure I’m going to die. I try to keep the tears from falling though, because I don’t want to give Irish that victory.
“Just business, Nic. Dragon and Dancer pissed off the wrong people. The same people offered me a sweet deal to help them get revenge. Club makes a fuck of a lot of money, but Dragon’s gone soft trying to keep everything legal. Once I�
�m in control and part of Phoenix’s pipeline, I can live in the Bahamas and rake in the cash.”
“So you’re betraying your brother for money?”
“Fucking shut it. What are you doing telling this whore our business?” the other man hollers out.
Because he’s a moron!
Bad Nicole whispers and though that is a hundred percent certainty, I fear I know the real reason.
“What does it matter anyway? She’ll be dead and we’ll be long gone by the time Dragon finds her, or her friend.”
Oh yeah see, I totally knew the real reason.
“It matters. You don’t follow instructions well! I know I told you to make sure Dragon didn’t find out about this until the deed was done, yet here we are.”
“I had to report in after Nailer came through, if I hadn’t it would have been too suspicious. This way I can still play my role and spy on Dragon until you make your big move,” Irish defends.
The other man looks totally unconvinced, but instead of responding asks, “Which one of you killed my friend Tiny?”
I should feel guilt that he died, but I can’t seem to drum it
“That’d be me, but I thought he survived. You’ll excuse me if I don’t shed any tears over him,” I say trying to sound badass. In truth, I’m shaking inside and terrified. If I somehow survived this, I don’t think I’ll ever forget the way it feels to have a gun pointed at you.
“Oh he lived, but I had to kill him for being such a fucking moron,” the man explains, as if he’s talking about his grocery list.
“Well since you’re doing the world a favor and ridding it of morons, maybe you could turn the gun on yourself,” Dani pipes up.
If I wasn’t so terrified, I would smile.
The man looks at Dani and curls his lips and then just shoots her. I scream and go to her, falling down as I try to catch her. He shot her in the leg, and while that’s a good place to get shot, if you had to get shot, there’s instantly a lot of blood. I tear her shirt and try and stuff it on the wound, pushing it tight while the two men above us are laughing.
