by Jordan Marie
Guns are drawn, knives…Instantly I am transported back into the past. Dragon is no longer Dragon. He is Michael wielding a knife. Michael holding it towards me. Michael grabbing me, threatening to end me. It is Michael stabbing me in the stomach repeatedly. I scream out in terror. I can’t stop the sound or the tears that gather, though I do my best to fight them back. My entire body starts shaking and that’s when Beast covers me. He stands in front of me. Protecting me. He pulls me tight against his back, not letting my hand go. It stops my screams, though the tears refuse to end. I can’t stop the shaking, but he doesn’t seem to mind. Over his shoulder, I see Crusher and he’s holding a gun and pointing it in Beast’s direction. In my direction.
I have to get away from Dragon, Crusher, and that whole crew. I need to get Nic away. Dragon will turn his anger on her someday. I can’t let what happened to me, happen to Nic. I can’t. I feel like I can’t breathe, and the memories try to swallow me. I don’t even notice that the confrontation has ended. I’m lost in the past. That’s when Beast grabs my face and forces my eyes to him.
“You’re okay, little hummingbird. You’re okay.”
I don’t know where the ridiculous nickname comes from, but something about this gruff man who could snap men like twigs being soft, pulls me out of the darkness. I still can’t quit shaking, and I feel so cold.
“I…I…can’t stay here,” I gasp, my voice winded, broken, and weak. God, it’s so weak. Beast nods and begins to pull me away from the crowd. Crusher puts his hand on my shoulder and stops us. I look up into his dark eyes. I see concern there, and I want to believe it’s real. Then I remember how he held a gun on us…on me. I can’t trust him. I can’t trust Dragon. I know their types.
“Don’t do this, darlin’.”
His hand warms me. There’s so much heat coming off him, through our connection. I want to embrace the warmth, because I feel so cold, but I pull away. Instead, I look at Beast. A man who has been nothing but kind, and even now he’s holding onto me. If he wasn’t, I would fall to the ground. Beast protected me. No one ever has before.
“Can…can you get me out of here?” I look up at Beast, begging him silently.
“Let’s go, hummingbird.”
“You’re making the wrong choice, sweetheart,” Crusher says.
“My life is full of them. At least this one isn’t holding a gun on me,” I tell him before I can stop myself, then let Beast lead me away.
They decide not to go to the club after all the excitement. I’m glad. The world is buzzing around me, and I can’t seem to grasp it. My stomach is in knots. I keep thinking back to Crusher and our last exchange. What is it about that man that makes me…want? That’s it really. He makes me want and for someone who has never even looked at a man in that way? It’s terrifying.
I go with Beast to Skull’s compound without talking. Right now, I need three things. Nicole, safe. Michael, dead. Me, somewhere warm with my toes in the sand, far away from anything and anyone. I doubt Beast can make that happen, but he’s big, he’s warm, and he’s looking out for me. That’s more than I’ve ever had.
When we get inside, he leads me back into a small room with a bed and a dresser in it. I look at the room a little lost. I wrap my arms around myself, trying to stop my body from shaking. Tiny comes to the door, but Beast stops him.
“Hey man! I thought we were going to party! The bitch has been begging for it all night. Surely you’re going to share.”
“Go find one of the club girls, I’m flying solo with this one tonight,” he says, and I pull myself up to a sitting position on the bed and hug my knees. I thought I wanted sex, and I know Beast has been nice to me and all, but I don’t think I can do it. Shit. I don’t have a contingency plan either. I always do, I always have some way to extract myself out of any situation. I didn’t tonight and I have no idea what I’m going to do.
“She’s mine tonight. Now get the fuck out of here, so I can get my cock sucked on for the first time in a year.”
“Hey okay man, I get you dog, you want some privacy for your first time since your old lady. I get it, but tomorrow you’re going to have to share, because that’s some sweet ass in there, and I want to tap it.”
Beast closes the door—more like slams it on Tiny, and while I’m glad about that, I have no idea what to do here.
“Listen…I know I offered and everything, but I’ve been thinking…”
“Relax Hummingbird, I ain’t about to give you my dick.”
I freeze. I mean that’s good, but still, shit, could he at least act like he’s tempted?
“Hummingbird?” I ask putting my head down against my knees wishing the room would stop spinning.
“If there was ever a woman with a broken wing, it’d be you.”
Well, he has me pegged.
“I’m sorry about your family.”
“Life’s fucked up,” he says, staring off into space.
“Amen.”
He turns back around and looks at me.
“Do yourself a favor hummingbird, drink yourself to sleep tonight and then get the hell out of here in the morning. This life ain’t for you.”
“I’ve never really had a life,” I say, taking a bottle of Jack he hands me from his dresser. I take a drink, wincing at the burn and pass it back to him. He sits down and we pass the bottle back and forth for what seems like hours, not talking.
When it’s empty, I lay back on a pillow and Beast lays beside me. He makes no move to touch me, and as odd as it sounds, this is the best night of my life. Lying in bed with a complete stranger drunk as a skunk is calm, relaxing, and wonderful. Of course, maybe I only feel relaxed because I am drunk. Who knows?
“How long were you and your woman together?”
“Not long. Should have never knocked her up, but it happened, and I wanted our child more than anything. Annabelle was all that was good in the world. Without her, the place is just cold and dark.”
My heart turns over for Beast and the loss he must have suffered. My hand goes to my stomach and I rub it absently.
“I can never have a child,” I whisper, my words slurring.
“Sorry, hummingbird.”
“The world is fucked up,” I say staring off in the darkness, ignoring the tears sliding silently down my face.
“Amen,” Beast says.
“Can I hide out here for a couple days?” I ask, before I can talk myself out of it. I don’t think I’ve ever felt safe like I do around Beast.
“You can’t run away forever hummingbird,” he says, and he doesn’t know he has whispered the words I fear the most.
“I just need to catch my breath,” I whisper.
“Then breathe, I’ll make sure the demons stay away until you can fight them,” he vows, and I suddenly wish with everything I have that he was Crusher. It physically hurts that he isn’t.
In a little while, I hear Beast snore, and I know he’s sleeping. I’m close to going there myself, I’m just fighting it. The nightmares are always waiting for me. Michael is always there, I hate sleep. Just as my eyes close, Beast curls into me and hugs me close. I let him. and his warmth soothes me. I hope it’s enough to keep the nightmares at bay. I surrender to sleep and it’s not Michael’s face I see first in my dreams. It’s Crusher’s.
4
Crusher
It’s her damned doe-like, deep brown, eyes. They haunt me. Something about Dani calls to me. Even when I know she’s going to shoot me down, I can’t stay away. I don’t understand it. Women usually eat out of the palm of my hand and this one…Motherfucker! This one runs from me.
I’m pissed off about how the situation unraveled outside the theater. There was only one way to handle things, because at that point no one could control Dragon. You’d have to be a damned fool not to see how hung up he is on Nicole. She has his balls tied in a fucking bow. All us brothers could do when he went off was make sure we protected his ass. So, I did. What did it get me?
At least this one isn’t
pointing a gun at me.
Her words wound me. I have never hurt a woman, and this one well, you’d have to be a fool not to see the pain in her eyes, or to miss the fear that came off her in waves tonight. She’s broken. Some fucker shattered her and left her bleeding. When I see her, I’m reminded of another girl, Melly. A girl I loved with all my heart. A girl I wasn’t able to save…a girl, I failed. Losing her has always hurt me. It changed me, but Melly is not why I am drawn to Dani.
No, if it was just Melly and their similarities, I wouldn’t be lying here in bed with my dick semi-hard thinking about Dani. I wouldn’t be jealous that she went off with some overgrown, over-haired, half-wit… Beast? I mean c’mon, I’ve heard some fucked up road names in my life, but Beast? The fact that his dick is probably where I want mine to be right now—fucking pisses me off.
I think back to Melly. It was such a long time ago. Another lifetime really, before I grew up, before I met my brothers, before the army…all of it. We were kids, just trying to figure out life. Melly was innocent—pure, and I had never been exposed to that in life. Her laugh could fill in any dark space in the world. She was full of life—until her mom remarried. I grew up hard, mostly on the streets, in and out of different foster homes, so I saw the signs quickly. The bruises Melly would come to school sporting, the circles gathering under her eyes, the broken bones. I knew it was happening, but fuck, I was little more than a kid myself. Melly didn’t trust me to be able to take care of her. How many times did I beg and plead for her to let me take her away? How many times did I lay down at night worried, wondering what was happening to her? Maybe Melly was right not to believe I could save her? I tried once and ended up in the hospital. A kid is no match for a grown ass man. Still, if she had gone away with me, I could have kept her safe, I know I could have.
This shit is going to get me in trouble. When my memories are this close to the surface, I don’t rest. The pictures haunt me. You don’t see the things I saw that night and remain unscathed. I need to shut them down and lock the door, but seeing how bad Jess had been beat, together with Dani and that mess. I can’t.
I thought about searching Bambi out, but the truth was she was a disappointment, a pale substitute for what I really want. What I really want is a county over getting fucked in another club, by another man. That shit burns my gut more than the bottle of whiskey I’m drinking. I want to go get her and drag her ass back here, but I can’t. She made her decision. I need to forget her.
At least this one isn’t pointing a gun at me.
Fuck, am I the reason she chose another club? Should I have grabbed her and then covered my boy? Did I choose wrong? Did I fuck up, when the decision mattered the most?
“Hey man, you busy?” Freak asks, knocking on my door.
“Nah man, c’mon in. What’s up?”
Freak opens the door and pulls in his latest bitch, Nikki something-another. She’s damn pretty, her hair a mixture of colors ranging from a chestnut pony to warm sunlight. Her eyes are green and sparkle, but I instantly miss the dark color of Dani’s and the secrets swimming in them. I take another drink.
“My woman here wants to play a little. I ain’t about to let those other motherfuckers around her. You game?”
Freak and I have shared women a lot through the years. We both enjoy it and we work well together. When you do this, you need trust or shit can go wrong, really quick. I’m not really in the mood, not for Nikki anyways. This bitch means something to my brother. He just met her a couple days ago, but he’s already pushed Bambi away and been keeping his shit under wraps, except for Nikki. Still Freak likes to share, so I expected this. Me? I ever find a bitch I want to claim; she’s only getting my dick. That’s just the truth, I may like to play, but I’m a possessive motherfucker.
I take another drink as a vision of Dani flashes in my mind. Then I remember she’s probably knee deep in cock at Skull’s place. Fuck it.
“Hello there darlin’ you want to play?”
Nikki looks back at Freak and then to me, she smiles a dirty little smile and I have to say, I like her spirit.
“Oh, yeah,” she says and you can hear the excitement in her voice.
“What do I get, Freak-man?” I ask, looking down my eyes traveling over her sexy ass body and tats that are mostly hidden by her clothes. I wonder if Dani has any tats?
“My girl loves being fucked in the ass. I’m feeling generous, you can take her ass while I drill her hungry little pussy.”
I think on it. It’s fucked up a thousand ways to Sunday, but I don’t want my dick in her. The next woman who gets my cock will be Dani. I don’t know why I feel that way, I just do. Half of me wants to put an end to this now. If Dani wasn’t off being fucked, I would tell them to leave. My head is messed up. Jesus.
“Strip for me, sweetheart,” I order Nikki.
Her eyes go back to Freak, she might be his girl, but I can’t allow that.
“Eyes right here, sweet Nikki. You want me to give you a good time, you need to mind me. Now fucking strip.”
She turns her attention back on me and smiles while sliding out of her skin tight jeans and tank top. The woman is built, no doubt about that. Her ass bubbles out and I almost regret not sinking my dick into it. I maneuver so I’m lying sideways on the bed, and slide my sweat pants down easily, kicking them to the ground. My dick springs out, more than ready for attention.
“Climb up here and ride my face darlin’ and if you suck my cock good enough, Freak will fuck that ass of yours at the same time.”
“You sure man?” Freak asks, because though it’s not new to us, it’s not my usual preference.
“Yeah man, just make sure you keep your balls out of my face,” I joke.
Freak flips me off and I laugh.
Nikki lays a hot as fuck kiss on her man and my dick jerks as I watch him slide his fingers inside the valley of her ass. When the kiss ends, she climbs up on the bed, takes one long, slow lick of my cock and lets her tongue swirl in the pre-cum, her eyes are locked on mine the entire time. I have to admit, she has my dick throbbing. She crawls up to my face and gives me her mouth. I can taste myself on her and decide to pull on her pierced nipples as a reward. She groans into my mouth and then turns to straddle my face.
I lose myself in her snatch, while Freak gets ready above me to take her ass. I hope I stay busy enough to stop thinking, but since I have the taste of Nikki on my tongue, and Dani is still on my mind, I’m not hopeful.
5
Dani
I need to give up drinking.
The thought registers as my body catches up with my brain and protests waking up. Everything is sore, but nothing hurts more than my head. I squint against the sunshine that’s in this damn room. I look around and realize there are no curtains on the windows. Jesus. You would have thought I would have noticed that before.
I’ve been with Beast for a few days now…three, I guess. It all runs together. I haven’t spoken with Nic besides being a bitch to her in some text messages. I need to fix that, but thinking of her makes me think of Crusher, and I can’t go there. So, I’m hiding out with Beast. It’s not healthy for either of us, but it is what it is. Escaping. There is no sex, not even a hint of attraction. We’re…friends…or maybe just lost souls searching. Every day is the same we fall asleep drinking, trying to fill the holes that life has gutted us with. Each day we fail.
“About time your sweet ass woke up.”
My body feels like dead weight as a man’s voice grinds over my exposed nerves. Never drinking again.
I look around and spot Tiny, who is leaning against the door. I don’t know how I feel about him. He’s Beast’s friend, and I feel safe with Beast. I kind of understand him. Tiny is a different thing entirely. I don’t like him, but I couldn’t begin to tell you why. Maybe, I’m just jaded against men in general? Lord knows I have my reasons. Regardless, I’ve spent my time here avoiding him. Seeing him here, doesn’t make me happy.
“Where’s Beast?” I ask.
“He had some club errands to do, he sent me to look after you. He said you were too innocent to go wandering around here by yourself.”
I remember Beast telling me that same thing my first night here. This makes me relax some. The fact that Beast sent Tiny and is worried about me warms me. Has anyone besides Nic or Ray ever worried about me?
“I should get going,” I say, my voice hoarse and quiet. I need to go talk with Nic and face the world today. I’ve been overdoing it on the pills and booze. I don’t want to live what time I have left like this.
“You know Dragon’s old lady pretty good?” Tiny asks out of the blue. The question startles me and something about it instantly puts me on alert.
“Pretty good. Why do you care?”
“Dragon is a dangerous man.”
“I’ve never known one who wasn’t,” I answer honestly.
“Listen, I’m not supposed to tell you this shit, but Beast he took a liking to you, so he told me to warn you. Our club has some dealings with Dragon, but there’s been rumors of bad shit going down and Skull asked me to check into it.”
“I don’t think I want to hear this. Honestly, I don’t know you any more than I know Dragon.” Yeah, I’m ready to get the heck out of here. I don’t want to be in a pissing match between men and clubs trying to proclaim who has the bigger dick. I’m here because I want Beast and Skull to help me and Nic get to Mexico. Of course, if Nic knows how dangerous Dragon and his buddies are, Mexico would look better to her, right? The thought makes me pause and listen further.
“I get that, but I have proof that I’m telling the truth,” he says calmly, and I freeze.
