by Jordan Marie
His words, just twenty minutes before, would have got his ass knocked out. Hell, I would have done it even ten minutes before. Now? Now, I remember she’s not here. I remember that she asked to use my cock, and my cock only. I remember she chose that bastard in Skull’s crew over me, and finally, I remember I’m speaking out of my ass, that she won’t suck my damned cock. So, what I say next is pure bullshit, and I don’t mean a bit of it. I shouldn’t even say it—but I do.
“Yeah, she’s good. Sucks me like I’m a Popsicle on an Arizona summer day. Best head I’ve ever had.”
“Hell, I knew it. She likes threesomes, you need to let me join you guys sometimes. Freak is out of commission now. You need a new partner.”
I want to laugh. He knows shit about Nikki and Freak. I shrug. “Sure, I’m about finished with her. You know me, got to have variety. I’ll ask her about it before I move on though.”
The lie hurts me to say. It lays flat in my stomach and feels like led.
“Fuckin’ A! I’m about to go party with Lips, want to join in?”
“Nah man, I’m about partied out. Think I’m gonna crash in my old room tonight.”
“Want me to send you a Twinkie?”
“Nah, Dani wore my ass out before the party. I’m good.”
He slaps me on the back and leaves. I stare at the empty glass, sliding it back and forth between my hands, listening to the sound of it scraping on the table, and the ice rattling inside. I can hear it even over the noise in the room. Perhaps it was that, or the fact I am drunk, or hell maybe even a mixture of both that make it so I don’t hear Dani. I can’t really say.
“Hey lover,” she purrs from behind me, her breath hitting my neck, her voice sweet in my ear.
At first I think I’m dreaming, like I’ve conjured her up in my imagination, and I’m so damn drunk, I just think she’s here. Then I feel her hand slide down my chest. I lean back against her letting my hand go up around her neck, and pull her down to me. I bury my face in the side of her neck and breathe her in. Fuck. She’s here. I want to yell at the top of my lungs. Fuck yeah, this means I’m getting to her.
“I missed you, Hellcat,” I tell her, and goddamn it’s true. I’ve never missed a woman before in my life, well, this one and Melly.
“I heard. You want to party with Guns, Cowboy?”
Oh fuck! Hell no! I don’t want to party with Gunner! Shit, did she hear that and want it? Is that what this is about? I’m not down. Fuck, no. Not Dani. She. Is. Mine.
“Not tonight, sweetheart,” I growl. Not ever, I add silently.
“No?” she asks me, biting on my neck while her hands go down to my pants working on the zipper and button. Holy shit, does she mean to fuck me here in the club, with the party going on? I mean, okay it happens with Twinkies, but I never thought Dani would be into that. I’m not sure how I feel about it, but I’m getting hard at the thought. Still, I don’t want my brothers seeing me fuck my woman. She’s not some Twinkie or a hanger-on, and she sure isn’t a whore to be used and forgotten.
“Hellcat, let’s move this into my room, or better yet, we can go home…”
She bites my neck again and it’s harder than normal, but the sting of pain feels good.
“But Zander, I want to suck you. I want to suck you hard. Don’t you want that?”
“Yeah, sweetheart, you know I do but…” I stop as she moves around to the side of me. She’s undone my pants now, and my cock is hard. The head stands at attention, begging her for more. Oh fuck, I guess we’re going to do this. I’m not about to pass this up. Still, I try one more time before she has a chance to get down on her knees. “We should save this for a few minutes,” I whisper, though it can be heard because the room is dead silent now. “We can take it to my room Hellcat, so I can thank you properly.”
“But Zander, I’m on fire for you. I need to suck you…hard,” she says, one hand squeezing my cock and the other strokes it.
“You are? Even with everyone watching, sweetheart? If you’re okay with it then suck me, I’m dying for those full red lips.”
“I’m more than okay with this, Cowboy. I’m too hot to wait. Don’t you ever get so horny you have to have it? So hot, you feel like you’re on fire, Zander?”
“Fuck. You got me there now, Hellcat,” I answer, because she’s stroking me so firmly and its fucking hot having others watch her pleasure me. Hell, my balls are heated up and ready to blow. This is going to be over almost as soon as she sucks me into that damned mouth.
“Really, Zander? Are you hot?”
“On fire,” I growl. “Get down here and let me feel that damned mouth.”
“Will that cool you down, Cowboy?” she asks, leaning down into my ear. My eyes go to her breasts, her cleavage on display, and I know I’m going to titty-fuck her tonight too.
“Yeah…” I’m already lost, imagining my cock thrusting between those breasts and spraying cum all over her face.
“Are you hot as a summer day in Arizona, Zander?” she asks, and I pull my eyes away from her breasts to look at her. Her voice sounds different this time. My head is foggy and there’s something…not quite right.
“You got me on fire for you Hellcat, you know that.”
“Good, then I think I should cool you down,” she says.
I smile. Finally.
Then I feel cold all over my cock and look down to see she’s poured the ice from my glass in my lap—all over my exposed dick.
“Well, damn! Look there! I cooled you down too much, because it seems you have a case of whiskey dick, Cowboy,” she says, and then pours the rest of the bottle of whiskey on me.
I jump up as she empties the last of the bottle on my dick. I’m busy trying to get the ice out from around my balls and abused rod, all while cussing. I really should have been paying more attention, because then I would have noticed she’s holding a rather large, black, overnight bag in one hand. She swings it hard at me. It slams me in the face, and I fall to the floor. My head smashes against the wood flooring and it’s a damn good hit, because that, combined with the alcohol I’ve consumed, almost blacks me out. The world goes gray, but I manage to hold on when I hear her yell to Nicole.
“Nic? I’m going to go spend some time with Ray and Paul. Call me if you need me.”
Then she takes the empty bottle of Jack and throws it hard against my alcohol-drenched cock.
“Since you’re getting bored, Crusher,” she says sneering my club name, “Move your fucking shit out of my house while I’m gone.”
With that she stomps out, and even in my drunken misery, I have to say she looks fucking phenomenal. In the same thought, I realize I’ve lost any chance I ever had with her. Fuck.
17
Dani
“I’m fine Nicole, I promise. It’s been good. Paul and Ray have been taking great care of me,” I say into the phone, looking out the small window of Ray’s condo that I’ve been staying in.
“You need to come home Dani, I miss you.”
“I miss you too, more than you know. I’ve needed this though, it’s been good for me, and I’m finally going to therapy regularly. You’d be proud of me. I’m almost like a real girl now,” I joke.
Still it’s true. My month here with Ray and Paul has been good. It’s a month in which I’ve pulled myself together more. I’ve been going through therapy for survivors and that’s what I am. I’m not a victim. I am a survivor. I survived violence. Period. It’s developed into my daily mantra. I’m a survivor. I’ve let my past rule me for too long. I thought I deserved what Michael dished out. It doesn’t make sense, but that’s how I felt inside. I still have my moments, but I’m a lot better. I can’t spend my life like I have. I could have gotten Nicole killed. No matter what she or anyone says, that’s on me, and I need to make changes. I have to make changes.
“Are you coming home?” Nicole asks, and I want to say that my home isn’t there. Then again, my home isn’t here either. I have a lot to figure out. I may be hiding from my past,
but Ray, Paul, and my sponsor are all right. I can’t let my past choke out whatever future I can make for myself.
“Maybe. What’s been going on there?”
“Not a lot. We have a new girl staying with us, Caroline. She’s sweet.”
“Sweet like a Twinkie?” I ask before I can stop myself.
“Nah, Carrie isn’t a Twinkie. She’s someone from Dancer’s past. Dragon said she has something to do with why he’s in jail. I think Dancer was defending her or something. I don’t know, Dragon’s not said a lot. You know, club business and all that.”
“Sometimes it’s better not to know,” I answer. Dancer is a Savage member that has been in jail for the last couple of years. Whatever his past is, it’s probably not good, and I think Dragon is smart for trying to protect Nicole.
“Maybe, but it is annoying to be the only one out of the loop. I feel like I’m the only one with my head buried in the sand around here.”
“Well knowing that crew, there’s some that have their heads in their ass, so at least you’re not them,” I answer, thinking of Zander.
Nicole snorts, “I’m not arguing. I’m glad you caught Crusher lying. You don’t need to go there, you were smart to shoot him down. He does ask about you though.”
“Do you tell him I’ve died and he can see me when he gets to hell?”
“I told him the truth.”
“Well that’s boring,” I respond.
“I told him you moved to Texas to live with two men who love you and treat you like a queen.”
I smile, but just like always, when I think of Zander, my heart hurts. Nicole has no idea just how much I did give him. I can’t bring myself to tell her. My time with Zander is just that, mine. It’s something I can’t share with anyone, not even Ray. I’m not sure how you can grow to need someone in the short span that Zander and I spent together, but somehow, it happened. It doesn’t matter though. I’ve been gone a month, and there hasn’t been a word from him. I know it’s not like we were a real couple, but if I had meant anything to him, I’m sure I would have heard from him. Then again, if I were important to him, he wouldn’t have been talking to Gunner and saying those things anyway. Nothing about that night showed any depth of feeling, and nothing since. Dragon would never let Nicole leave him without trying to win her back. That’s something else I’ve realized in the last month. There is real love out there. Paul and Ray have it. I’ve seen it. They care about each other. I’ve never seen that. Dad married my Mom to get access to her fortune. He used me to get out of debt with Michael and …. Michael is just pure evil. Nicole is right. I should have never thought of Dragon like that. He’s not. Dragon is another thing I should address in my life, which is why I’m calling.
“Hey, Nic? Do you think I could talk to Dragon?”
“Dani…I…”
“Please? It’s kind of important.
“I don’t have a good feeling about this,” she grumbles.
“Thanks.”
“Hang on,” she sighs.
I wait another few minutes. I’m about to hang up, figuring Dragon took the phone and is just ignoring it. I couldn’t really blame him.
“Shoot,” his gravelly voice, comes over the receiver.
“I…” Shit, what did I want to say again? My hands have a cold clammy sweat covering them. “Hey, Dragon.”
“D.”
That’s it, just my initial, and no how are you, or how have you been…it’s another sign that this call, though needed, is not welcomed. Nothing about me will probably be welcomed by Dragon.
“I uh…”
“Spit it out D, I’ve got shit to do,” he grumbles, and I can hear Nicole in the background censoring him.
“I wanted to apologize,” I say weakly, because it is weak. There’s nothing I can say that can make up for what happened, and what I almost did.
“You almost got my woman killed. Not exactly something you can fix. If you were a man, I would have killed you for what you did to Nicole,” Dragon says coldly, and his words go through me.
“Dragon! Hand me that damn phone. We’ve had this out, and I can’t believe you right now!” I hear Nicole in the background, yelling. I swallow and forge ahead.
“I get that. You don’t know me, but I had good reason to worry about you, and I’m not sorry I tried to keep Nicole from making a mistake. I’m just sorry that I went about it like I did. You weren’t who you appeared to be…” Lame, but it’s the best I can do without telling him who he was in my brain at the time, and he doesn’t get that. He can’t.
His silence greets me.
“So, I’ll just let you go. I just wanted to let you know I was sorry, and I won’t question Nicole again. You love her and you’ll protect her. That’s enough. Some men…a lot of men aren’t like that. Nicole deserves that. She hasn’t had it and…”
“D?” Dragon interrupts my rambling, thank God.
“Yeah?”
“You should come home. Nicole misses you.”
“I kind of messed up,” I say, and I think only part of me is talking about what happened with Nicole. Zander. I should have never gone there.
“You plan on doing it again?” Dragon asks.
“No,” I answer and silently add on both counts.
“Then get your ass home, you make Nicole happy. I want her happy.”
“I get that,” I reply, not really giving him an answer.
“And, D?”
“Yeah?” I ask, feeling a little lighter and more surprised at the invitation to come home. Is Kentucky my home?
“We don’t hurt women, ever. You feel me?”
“I…well…”
“I’m saying you’re safe here, D, and I’ll be cool as long as you don’t pull that shit again.
“I’ll think about it,” I answer, wondering if I will ever really be safe again.
“Fair enough,” he says and the phone goes dead. Guess Dragon ain’t one for goodbyes.
I hang up and take a deep breath. I’m feeling at loose ends. Paul had work tonight. He’s a bartender at a local club. Ray is working there too, as he does every night. He’s the bouncer. He’s also convinced I should go there tonight. I’m not. He’ll probably win though, because I have no desire to sit home alone.
“You about ready, Kitten?”
I look up to find Ray standing in the door way. He’s literally gorgeous. He’s got eyes so blue you’d swear the sun was behind them making them shine. This perfect angular face that shows off his five o’clock shadow perfectly. His body shows that there is a reason he’s a fitness trainer. His arms are muscles galore, abs that make women and men drool, and finally, there’s his laid back, don’t fuck with me, but I’m the guy next door attitude. Ray has it all, including a heart that is so giving, I think he must be from another planet, because they just don’t make people like that here on Earth.
“I really don’t think this is a good idea.”
“That’s your problem, you think too much,” Ray says, looking like a giant kid.
I shake my head and pull myself off the bed. I’m ready as I’ll ever be. When I make it to my bedroom door, Paul pulls me into his arms and holds me close, kissing the top of my head. I’m not exactly short, but Paul towers over me. It doesn’t intimidate me though, I feel…safe. The only other time I’ve felt that way in my life has been with Zander, and doesn’t that just suck.
An hour later, I’m standing by an old cement column in the corner of a busy bar, listening to music and watching the dancers. It’s not my cup of tea. Some man is whaling on a juke box about a woman’s sundress and how he’s going through withdrawals over her. I refuse to think of Zander. This is probably why I never listen to country music. It’s damn depressing. I’m still nursing the same rum and coke that Paul sent over when we got here an hour ago. I don’t really drink a lot these days. I’ve learned that drinking might numb me, but in the long run it makes the nightmares worse.
“Seems like I’m always chasing you, Hell Cat. One of the
se days, I may just get tired of that.”
My body freezes. My heart races. It’s been a month, why now? More importantly, how? I don’t ask. I still my reaction, as best I can. I don’t need to show him any weakness.
“No one asked you to, Crusher. I think you just can’t take a hint.”
“I can baby, I absolutely can.”
“Then why are you here?”
“I missed you,” he says, and it’s said in a quiet voice, but there’s…feeling in it.
“I doubt that. I’m sure you and Gun found a new play toy before I even crossed the state line,” I say bitterly, because I am bitter.
“I was a fucking ass.”
I still haven’t turned around to talk to him. I’m afraid. I kind of hate him for that too.
“You won’t hear an argument from me,” I respond, taking a drink. Zander’s arm comes around and takes the glass away from me. I still can’t turn around to see what he’s doing.
I think I’m frozen, afraid to move. If I do, will he really be there? If I do, will I see the truth in his eyes, that I was just a lay and I was right…I meant nothing to him?
“Hellcat, we need to fix this, I’ve missed you, and I think you’ve missed me too.”
“We barely had any time together, and we were just fuck-buddies.”
“I think it was more than that.”
“No, it really wasn’t, Cowboy. I’m not even sure why you made the trip.” Or how you found out where I am.
“Because your lips might be saying no, but your body is saying something completely different.”
“I think you’re delusional, Zander.”
My heart is beating hard against my chest. It should freak me out that Zander is here—that he found me. I know Nic would have never told him. We agreed a long time ago to never tell anyone where Ray lived. So, I should be worried about being tracked here, instead I feel this small ball of hope inside, because Zander came to find me. He moves closer to me, and I feel like I don’t have any control of my body when he gets this close. I do my best to calm my heart. I don’t want to betray what his closeness really does to me. It’s not easy. Especially, when his body pushes against my ass, and I can feel his hard erection brush against me. A minute later, the heat of his breath fans my bare shoulders.
