by Jordan Marie
I laugh, while tossing the note into the back of my locker. Her words make me picture doing exactly that to Bull. If I’m honest, my hormones are going crazy for this man, and I’m weakening with each hot look he gives me. I’m just…scared. That’s what it all boils down to. I pull my phone from the locker to listen to my messages. If anything urgent happens, with Matty, the school always calls the hospital and has me paged, but I still worry. So, I don’t like to leave them unchecked.
I smile when I see the text from, Bull.
Can’t do lunch today, Doc. Club business. I’ll call you later. Miss you, beautiful.
P.S. Three more days.
I can’t stop the goofy smile, and I’m so engrossed in thinking about him, that I don’t notice Judy reading over my shoulder.
“Damn, Skye! Remind me again why you haven’t tied him to your bed?”
“I’m starting to wonder that myself,” I whisper.
“If you girls are done gossiping in here, there are patients out there who could use our attention.”
I look up at Dr. Eldridge standing in the doorway. The man is such a douche bag. I can barely stomach him. Had I known he’d be the chief attending physician, I would have never ended up here in London. When I think of Bull, I know that would have been a mistake. I don’t know what our friendship is, but I know that I wouldn’t want to miss it.
Judy and I don’t respond, instead we slam our lockers shut and go around Dr. Eldridge without comment. We are walking down the hall towards the nurse’s station when Judy whispers, “Fuck girl, I think he’s gotten more hateful since he stopped screwing that ho-bag Melissa. I wish someone would step up and take one for the team.”
“Ew. I don’t know anyone that desperate.”
“Especially after Melissa told everyone about his pencil dick.”
“Eh, she’ll find a way to weasel back up to him soon, and then maybe we can get a breather.”
“One could hope. By the way, what’s so special about three more days?”
“You’re nosy.”
“It’s a gift.”
I laugh, and then take a deep breath. “We haven’t had sex.”
“What?” she yells out, and I wince and feel my face flush. All the nurses and other staff are looking at us. I hiss at her—feeling my face blush as Alex and some of my other friends look at me. I’m afraid they know exactly what we’re talking about. I want to kill Judy.
“Will you keep it down? I told you how we met and who he had been doing the mattress mambo with!”
“Damn girl, everyone has a past. No one says you have to marry the guy, but don’t go passing up a little fun.”
“Yeah well, the clap is a big price to pay for a little fun.”
“You’re a doctor. You know safety is our friend. Shit, girl. Go get an itch scratched. Fuck. Scratch one or two for me.”
“Like you have any. You have Tony.”
“Yeah, and I love him, but marriage kills sex. I swear, I’ve been thinking about calling a code blue on his dick and seeing if the paddles will bring it back to life.”
I laugh so hard, I literally snort. “Like I believe that. You have four kids, Judy. That doesn’t just happen by divine intervention.”
“Yeah, but the youngest will be one next week, and since then it’s been as dry as the Sahara Desert. Hell, I think knocking me up this last time, broke him.”
“Maybe it’s time you climbed him like a tree and offered him some southern comfort.”
“Maybe, but I got a feeling your man would be a lot wilder ride.”
I know he would be, and maybe that’s what scares me.
What if I don’t survive the ride?
AW
I don’t think she even noticed me today. She was too engrossed in talking about that Neanderthal biker. I knew if she kept hanging out with him, there would be trouble. That other doctor, with the brown hair, she’s filling Skye’s mind with impure thoughts. I may have to do something to keep her away until I’m ready to start Skye’s training.
Accidents happen so easily. Especially to women who have no morality.
It’s definitely time for Judy Greene to learn that.
Past time.
8
Bull
I made Skye a promise to give her time so she would know I was serious. To go slow—to go day-by-day. That seems to be how I live my life these days. It’s something this support group that Dani hooked me up with has taught me. I look at the round medallion I got tonight. Six months clean. It doesn’t sound like much. In the grand scheme of things, it’s probably not. Still, it means a hell of a lot to me. It’s a milestone. I’m slowly getting my life back together. It didn’t take long to fall into the gutter and maybe I wasn’t there long, but it felt like a lifetime.
Losing Red to Dancer was a fool’s game. I knew as I was falling for her that she was in love with him. I just couldn’t help myself. I was drawn to her. Like a moth to a motherfucking flame, the heat and the color catches your eye, and even though you know it’s bad for you, you keep going towards it—unable to stop. Hell, I’m not sure I was in love with her. She represented something I wanted, something I’d never had. An innocence that shone even in the darkness that surrounded me. I grieved her loss, even though I didn’t have a right.
I came close to dying, and even that didn’t bother me. The fact that I let Red down, the fact that Dancer had to save her, and that he and Drag also saved my sorry ass, that hit me. It hit me down into my gut and set up a poison there that ate at me. I’m the club enforcer. The strong arm that is supposed to make sure shit like that doesn’t happen, and I got my ass handed to me while I was lying in bed drunk, dreaming about another man’s woman.
It’s stupid, but I know that was the beginning. The beginning of my fall into hell.
In my mind, I deserve the migraines I’m plagued with and the tremors I get in my hands. They are my punishment for being the weak asshole that let down his family, just when they needed him most. The pain is bad. There are nights I can barely function from the headaches, but they don’t outweigh the bitterness in my gut.
Then Jay, a buddy from service had his sister contact me. Cancer. He was dying and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. He needed me, and I let him down. All the fucking shit with Nicole and Dani went down. Hell, Nicole got kidnapped while I was on the phone with my buddy begging me to come to him. I felt guilt tearing at me through both ends, but in the end I chose my club over Jay. Dragon pulled his fucking stunt, and Jay died before I could even get there to see him. He became yet another person I let down. Just like I let Red and the club down, just like I let Nicole down. My failures kept piling up, one right after the other.
I fell a little deeper.
The thing about falling into hell is, that the fall is quick. The fall happens before you even fucking realize it. You wake up one morning, popping pills to avoid the pain, to numb the guilt. You’ve given your dick to a bitch you should have never touched, in exchange for a fix, and you can hear the devil laugh. He’s laughing, because he knows …and you know, that you’re in so deep you’ll never find your way out.
Except, I did.
I pinch the medallion between my thumb and forefinger. Six months. The brothers have no idea. That was on purpose. They already knew I had been fucking up. Hell, Dragon bypassed me completely when he should have depended on me the most. I understand why he did it, it doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt like a motherfucker, and help push me a little further down. In his shoes, I’d have done the same fucking thing. Still. In my shoes, it was just another sign that I had failed so many times even my brothers, my family, didn’t trust me.
All that leads to now. Standing outside the local community center, holding a medallion that to me is a big accomplishment, with not one person to share it with—well Dani, but all I could do was text her and have her congratulate me. She’s been a rock, though. Letting me pour my heart out over the phone and not judging me, even when I’m craving a fix. S
he gets it. Hell, she even lets me go on and on about Skye.
Skye. We’ve been taking it slow. A few kisses and holding hands, Jesus, I’m like a regular boyfriend, and my dick hates me for it.
I text or call her every day, and most days we at least have lunch together. I haven’t seen her at all this week though. She knows some of what I’m doing, and I think she’s scared. No, I know she’s scared, but she is also cheering me on. At least from a distance—that was on purpose. I need to give her time to prepare, because I had Poncho from the club run some more tests today. The minute those come back tomorrow, all bets are off. She’ll be out of excuses, and I’m not allowing her to think of more.
I pick up my phone, punch in the numbers and wait.
“Hello?”
Her voice soothes every nerve ending I have and brings me more peace than I probably have a right to feel.
“Hey, Doc,” my voice sounds hoarse, raw, and I clear it. Too many memories are surrounding me tonight. Too many wounds are uncovered, but I couldn’t not call her.
“Hey, Bull,” her soft, warm voice comes back at me, and I picture her sitting on the sofa curled up in that ugly ass afghan she keeps on the back of her couch, drinking hot chocolate and reading. I know that’s most likely what she was doing before I called. “How did it go?” she asks, because she knows what tonight was, and where I’ve been.
“Six months down, got the medallion to prove it.”
“That’s good. I’m proud of you. I would have been there if you let me, you know.”
She would have. I do know that. Not like I want her to be though. She’s offered her friendship over and over. That’s not what I want. Well, it’s not all I want. I want all of her. Every last damn bit, and I haven’t pushed her this last month (well not too hard), because she was right in some ways. However, now that I am seeing daylight, now that I’m climbing out, and know I can leave it all behind, I’m tired of waiting.
“I know.”
“Bull…”
“I don’t want to fight, Doc. Not tonight. I told you where this is going. I wasn’t lying.”
She sighs, but she doesn’t argue. It wouldn’t do her any good if she did. “You’re a stubborn man,” she says finally.
“Why do you think they call me, Bull?” I joke. “What are you doing?”
“Just got Matty down, getting ready to crash.”
“I’ll let you get back to it. I’ll see you soon.”
“Bull, we really should talk about…”
“I’ll see you soon, Doc, and then you’ll be out of excuses,” I warn her as I hang up the phone. I’m not joking. Once I have my test results back…
All bets are off.
9
Skye
“Hey Alex? Do you know where Judy is today?” I ask, as I return the charts from my rounds. I missed Judy, and I need her to calm me down about what’s going on with Bull. Plus, she always keeps me laughing and manages to make the day go faster.
“You didn’t hear?”
“Hear what?”
“Her house caught on fire last night.”
“What? Oh no! Is everyone okay?”
“Yeah, but the back door was jammed, and Judy almost died. Luckily, Tony came home in time to get her out. Her children were with him.”
“Well, that’s good.”
“Yeah. She turned in some leave. They’re going to move in with her parents in Somerset while they regroup.”
“God, I hate that. If you find out her contact information there, or if everyone takes up a donation for her, will you let me know?”
“Sure thing.”
“Thanks, Alex. I guess I better get back to it. I’m working a double and they tell me that tonight is a full moon.”
“Damn.”
“Exactly,” I laugh and head back to work, wishing I could talk to Judy now. I’ll try her cell at break.
I spend the rest of the day on auto pilot. I had to deal with Dr. Eldridge and Nurse Allen a few times, and I literally had to bite the inside of my jaw to keep from going off on them. I need to talk to Walter. I hate to try and pull the old, my-connections-are-bigger-and-better-than-yours card, but I’m getting desperate. I grab another chart and head into the exam room.
“Hey Doc.”
“Bull…” I say, my body laced with shock. He looks so good. Jesus, I’ve missed seeing him this week. It feels like it’s been forever. We’ve been exchanging short phone calls and texts, but that’s it.
“Wasn’t expecting to see me?” he asks, all cocky, already knowing the answer.
“Do I dare ask what you’re doing here?” I try not to show him my smile. I shouldn’t feel like smiling—but I do. Inside, there’s a little girl in me shouting; He’s here! He’s here!
I’ve had a bad night. I hate working the graveyard shift, and not only because it leaves Matty with my neighbors. Tonight, is extra bad. People laugh, but there is something about a full moon that always calls the crazies in. From the patients, the staff being extra stressed, to finding two new notes from my stalker. I’ve been here twenty-four hours straight, and I’m dragging ass. It’s all I can do to pick one foot up in front of the other. Then, I walk in and find Bull here and bam, I feel energized.
I look at him over my chart, trying to hide behind it. He looks as mouthwatering as usual. Dark skin, long sleeved thermal red shirt worn under his cut, and the earring in his right ear shines in the florescent office lighting above us. His strong, hard face has a hint of playfulness in it, and his black velvety eyes glow. He’s so broad and muscular, he makes me feel small. It’s not that I’m huge by any stretch of the imagination, but a woman who is a size fourteen and stands five foot ten hardly ever gets the chance to feel small.
“I’m having chest pains,” he says, and that catches my attention. I look through his chart, but I can’t find a record of anything in his past history. It worries me, because sometimes stopping medication, no matter how long you’ve been abusing it, can be rough on your heart.
“How long has this been going on?” I ask him, opening up the correct page in his chart to take notes.
“For about six months now,” he answers, his voice serious.
“You haven’t mentioned it before. Bull, you should have told me. We should have been monitoring you. Have you had any other symptoms that you might not have noticed?”
“Like what?” he asks.
I warm my stethoscope in my hand by cupping it, and then push the collar of his shirt down, so that I can place it against his chest, and listen to his heart. I try to still my pulse rate, and my reaction to being this close to him. It’s not easy. The sound of his heartbeat fills my ears. It’s strong and steady—if not a little quick. The beat of it causes me to react, and I feel myself getting wet. At my place of work. Where I should be my most professional. I look up and find my eyes trapped by his.
“What do you hear, Doc?” he says, and I can’t help but watch the soft movement of his lips as they form words. The fullness of them, the moisture over the dark skin, the glimpse at his white teeth and, being able to see just the tip of his tongue. How have I not noticed how sexy a man’s lips could be before? Dang it!
I clear my throat and ignore his question. I’m pretty sure I hear my ovaries crying out, please. I go through the motions with the rest of the physical exam. I listen to his lungs, then check his ears and eyes. It’s all repetitive stuff, but right now, nothing about it feels routine.
I sit down to make my notes. “Has there been any other symptoms that you can think of?”
“Like what?” he asks, reclining back against the hospital exam bed. Again, I make it my job to ignore the way his thermal shirt stretches over his muscles.
“Nervousness? Lethargy? Trouble sleeping? Depression? You’d be surprised of all the strange symptoms of heart problems.”
“I’ve been really horny lately,” he answers, and I accidentally drop the chart on the ground. It’s then that I know, yet again, he’s playing games. I sho
uld have expected it of course. It’s just when he mentioned chest pains, I immediately went into doctor mode. He scared me and made me go through all of this. For nothing.
“Bull, I should have expected this. You had me worried, you donkey butt! You need to leave, there are legitimate patients outside in the waiting room that require real medical attention,” I huff, standing up.
“I’ve missed your made-up words. Did you really want to call me Jackass, Doc?”
“You need to leave. I don’t have time for this. You don’t get to come in here, taking up my time to make fun of me.”
“You’ve got me all wrong, Doc. I do require real medical attention. My chest literally hurts when I think of how long I’ve gone without a woman.”
“Christ’s toenails! Are you for real? Do you even appreciate the fact that while you’re in here trying to get laid, outside there are sick children and older adults, who need medical care? You’re preventing that from happening!”
“Did you just say, Christ’s toenails? Is that even a make-believe curse word?”
I ignore him, turning to leave the room. Bull grabs my arm, and keeps me from escaping. I look over my shoulder at him, and luckily, his mouth is nowhere near as tempting this time. That is, until he maneuvers my hand to his cock. Even through his pants I can tell he’s rock hard. The heat is coming off him in waves and seeps into my body. I fight the urge to wrap my hand around the solid outline of his dick. His pants are loose and worn enough, it’d be so easy to grasp him, and hold him…just once.
Instead, I yank my arm, trying to pull away. His strong hand, encircles my wrist, refusing to let me.
“Bull.”
“Doc, you’re killing me. I’ve been hard as a steel spike since the night we met, and it’s not getting any better. My boys are turning fucking blue. Be honest, you’ve missed me this week. Let me hear you say it.”
