by Jordan Marie
“Bull,” she says and tries to turn around, but I don’t let her.
“Listen, Doc. I want to tell you this shit, I do. I can promise you the man you have in your head the drugged out thug who doesn’t take care of his dick, that’s not the man I am. The man I can show you, if you just give me a chance. I got my HIV/AIDS test back and I’m clean. I have the report, and I’m even willing to keep getting tested until you feel comfortable. I don’t have a problem with that, but it’s time we move forward here.”
“We don’t really know each other, and we sure don’t fit into each other’s worlds. I don’t think I’m the kind of woman you want. I’ve had two lovers in my lifetime. Heck, that’s a slow day for you.”
I pull her around, holding her face to bring her eyes to mine.
“I never want to hear about the men who came before me, Skye. They don’t exist.”
“What? Are you…”
“I may not be your first, but I will be your fucking last. Do you think I would jump through these hoops for anyone?”
“I…You don’t know me!”
“No, not as good as I want. But I will, and I can promise you something else, Doc.”
“You can?” she asks, and fuck it’s all I can do not to kiss her.
“I’m with you. My dick will not be anywhere else, Doc. You don’t have to worry about that.”
“You’re so romantic,” she grumbles, but I can see a little of the woman who goes head-to-head with me returning. I like her better than the sad woman that was here when I first came to the roof.
“Give this a chance, Skye. Trust me.”
“I want to…” She wraps her arms around her body, shivering. I take off my cut and put it on her shoulders, without thinking. Just like so much, it’s a gut instinct with this woman.
“What are you doing?” she asks, but she doesn’t fight me when I settle the heavy leather on her arms. In fact, she takes the two ends in one hand and holds it together at her chest.
“You’re cold,” I answer, and my tone is gruff. She looks fucking good in Savage MC leather. She looks like she was made for it. Made for me.
“You’re a little crazy.”
“I bet I can make you like crazy,” I tell her, before I move my hand to caress her neck, loving the way her skin feels against my fingers. Then, I bring her lips to mine and claim them.
13
Skye
“Mom! You’re home!” Matty says, when I climb into his bed. His arms go around me, and I breathe in his scent. He’s getting so big. He’s nine now. It’s been a struggle having him in my life, but without him I wouldn’t have survived. He keeps me going. Matty is my reason for getting up in the morning.
“You should be asleep, pumpkin. You got school tomorrow,” I tell him, when I settle him back against the pillows.
His warm little body curls into mine. My fingers trace over the sleeve of his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pajamas. I wish I could freeze this moment and so many others like it. With my residency in full swing now, I get such little quality time with Matty. I hate it. I hate every minute of it. I look down at his sweet face, and his head full of dark hair. He looks almost nothing like me, he even somehow managed to escape my red hair. He has one mark on him that warms me though when I see it. He and I have the same exact birthmark. It looks like a small star on the back of our right ear. It’s ours and ours alone.
I feel guilty that he’s been having trouble at school. It’s hard being the new kid at any age, but by the age of nine friendships have been formed, and it’s hard to break into the different cliques. I still think this move was the best thing for him—for us. It doesn’t stop the guilt, though. He doesn’t have a father, so he’s already different from other kids. There hasn’t been a male figure to teach him sports, to bond with. All of that’s my fault, and it makes me worry about letting Bull into our lives. Is he going to be another bad mistake, and one that hurts my son? He’s already dealing with bullies. I’ve held him and dried his tears, but each tear makes me feel like I’ve done more to hurt the child I care about more than anything in the world.
“I don’t go to school tomorrow,” Matty thankfully, interrupts my thoughts.
“You don’t?”
“No, remember? Tomorrow is the intermural soccer games at school. You said I could miss it and you’d take me to the zoo! Did you forget, Mom? Do you have to work?” he questions, too young to keep the accusation out of his voice—hurting me with it. How many times have I let him down? The frequency has definitely increased with med school, and now residency.
I hug him close and look up at the ceiling in his room, feeling ashamed. I had forgotten. Even worse, in the back of my mind I’m dreading it, because I’m just so exhausted. I had plans for lying around in my pajamas and doing nothing.
“I didn’t forget,” I lie. “I was just testing you to see if you remembered. I’ve been thinking about seeing the monkeys all day.”
“Monkeys? Mom that’s so lame. Charles said they have turtles that are bigger than elephants!”
“Charles might be stretching things a little.”
“No. He’s been to the zoo like a million times.”
“Well then, I can’t wait.” I smile. “As long as just the turtles are big, and not the snakes.”
“I want a pet snake.”
“I know and remember what I told you about that?”
“Yeah, but I keep hoping you’ll change your mind.”
“I don’t think that will ever happen, buddy.”
He laughs and wraps his arm around my stomach. I lay here listening to him breathe. It’s the best sound in the entire world.
“You want a story?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
“Yeah, the one about King Matthew.”
I smile and tell him our shortened rendition of the sword in the stone. I’ve told it so many times, I don’t even have to think while doing it. The words roll from my tongue like I’m on autopilot and, as always, about half way through Matty goes out for the night. I lay here a little longer, enjoying the moment. I’m almost asleep when I hear a knock on the door. It’s almost ten thirty, and I never get much company. I figure Blair might have forgot something, when she left earlier. I ease off the bed, place a small kiss on my baby’s forehead, and arrange the covers over him, before going to the door.
When I look out the peephole, my body goes tight. I leave the chain locked and open the door slightly. I find myself staring at the very last person I wanted to see tonight.
14
Skye
“Walter, what are you doing here?” I ask, even though I know in my gut why he’s here, and I’m not happy.
“We needed to talk, Skye.”
I look at him, I mean really look at him. He’s not bad looking. He’s actually pretty good looking. He’s forty-two and with just a hint of gray in his hair. He’s clean-shaven and looks impeccably put together in his suit and tie. He’s everything I should probably want and look for in a man, but he leaves me cold. That’s the real reason I’ve never returned any of his offers to date. That’s the reason I’ve tried to keep my distance personally from him. I will admit I had weakened in that stance a few months back. I toyed with the idea of making a stable home for Matty. Walter was the lead candidate, because of his profession, and his understanding of the hours of dedication it takes to be a good doctor. There would be less adjustment with Walter. On paper, it all made sense. I was so close to accepting a date with him.
Then a man walked into my exam room and reminded me of the feelings a woman has when she is attracted to a man. He was all wrong for me, and I should never go there with him—logically. But Bull’s right. There’s a fire between us, a raging inferno of attraction that I’ve never felt before with anyone else. Realistically, I miss sex. I miss it bad, and even with the long drought I’ve had, the thought of sex with Walter leaves me feeling…cold and maybe a little nauseated. Looking at him now, that feeling only intensifies. He might be right for me on
paper, but he’s nowhere close to it in person.
“It’s late Walter, and I’ve not had a break in over two days, I really…”
“It’ll only take a minute.”
I sigh. It’s apparent he’s not going to leave quietly. I close the door, unlatch the chain, before opening it back up to let him in. I close the door, leaning against it to shore up what little energy I have left. I’m so tired. I want nothing more than to crawl into my bed, and sleep. Finally, I move away, leading Walter to the sofa. I sit first and he follows.
“What’s between you and that man? Mr. Kane?” he asks, getting straight to the point.
“I don’t think that’s something you really have a right asking, Walter.”
“You know I have feelings for you Skye. We’ve been getting closer these last few months, working so near each other. There are feelings between us.”
His hand trails down the side of my face and it sends chills through me—but not the good kind. These are cold. I resist the urge to turn away from him, but I do pull back.
“I wasn’t aware you felt like that Walter,” I lie. “You never said so directly. I assumed your invitations were merely offers between professional colleagues, with likeminded interests.”
I’m a little amazed at how easy the lies roll from my tongue. It’s easier to pretend though that the times he has asked me out, I have misunderstood. I’m hoping he might let it go with that and let me out of this horrible conversation.
“You were mistaken then, Skye. You’re a beautiful woman. We have much in common, I admire your heart, and how much you have achieved in your life. I want to get to know you better, on a more personal level.”
So much for getting out of the conversation.
“Walter, I wish I had known, but now…”
“You can’t be seeing that hoodlum, Skye. Surely, you can see you are far above his reach,” Walter says, interrupting me.
I think that was supposed to be a compliment from him, but it doesn’t feel like one. It sits wrong. It upsets me. It pisses me off. I might not think Bull is a good risk, but hearing Walter talk as if we are better than Bull, makes me want to lash out. The insinuation is there in Walter’s words, and it’s extremely clear he feels he is far and above Bull.
“That’s not true, Walter. In fact, Bull has been very good to me.”
“Please, Skye. I understand hormones, but for you to lower yourself to that man’s level, is preposterous.” His statement leaves me speechless. I’d love to say what I really think, but I’m trying really hard to remember that this is my boss.
“Walter, I’m upset that you would insinuate such a thing. Further…”
“Surely, you see that it is what it seems like, Skye. To allow that filthy…”
“I think you should stop there. I happen to like Mr. Kane.”
“You can’t feel anything for him, you’re too different. And what about your son? How can you find this thug a respectable role model for him?” He hits on the one thing that worries me the most, but right now, all I can think is what an asshole Walter is. I want him out of my house.
“I think you’ve said enough tonight. I need some rest,” I tell him—intent on nothing more than getting him to leave.
He stands, but he doesn’t go to the door like I expected. Instead, he pulls me into him, with a strong hand on my neck. Then, before I can stop him, he kisses me. The first thought I have is that his kiss is nothing like Bull’s. No, Walter’s kiss leaves me cold. His taste is slightly acidic. I can even taste the hint of onions. My insides recoil. This is proof-positive that there is no way I should ever encourage his attentions. On paper, he might be the better choice for stability with Matty, but in reality, he is all kinds of wrong for me. Something tells me the same would be true for my son.
His tongue pushes into my mouth, and I want to gag. I push against his shoulders, trying to break free. His hand is at my chest, and I feel it dive inside my shirt to cup my breast. I push harder, finally getting my mouth away from him. He starts biting on my shoulder, and I suck in air to keep from vomiting.
“Walter stop! I don’t want this!” I growl. Apparently, the full moon tonight has caused him to lose his ever-loving-mind.
“Give us a chance, Skye. We could be good together. This could be so good,” he says, but even his voice sounds cold to me. His head goes down, and before he can lay his lips anywhere else, I push him hard.
“I said…No!” I growl. He goes back a couple of steps when I shove him. My shirt tears—just slightly, but I feel cold air hit my body. I pay no mind to it though, just relieved because Walter’s hand is no longer on my breast.
“What the fuck is going on here?”
My head jerks up, and I look at the front door. Suddenly, I get the name behind the man, because in this moment, he is a bull seeing red and ready to charge. Crap.
15
Bull
I hear Skye’s cry from outside.
I was debating whether to come in or not. I pushed Skye pretty hard today. Fuck, my head is kind of screwed up lately. It has been, since the mess with Carrie. Something about Skye throws me off kilter, and I just got tired of waiting. Now, I’m starting to have second thoughts about pushing her.
Why should Skye give me a shot? She sure as hell deserves better than me. I’ve been a fucked up mess for so long now, I’m not sure I remember who I was before. Dragon feels guilty over the attack at Dancer’s. He shouldn’t. That’s on me, it’s all mine. I was drunk. If I hadn’t been, the fucker never would have gotten the drop on me. I never told my brothers that, and I got Melissa to help bury the toxicology results the hospital ran. That’s my dirty little secret. Fuck, it seems like I’ve been searching for something to get lost in forever now. The bottom of a bottle, pills…women. I disgust myself.
And what if I’m wrong? What if I backslide? I’ve been clean for six months, sure—but it’s been a fucking hard ride. That’s the main reason I haven’t pressed Doc, but today I snapped. I couldn’t stand the waiting anymore, and I went caveman on her. She probably thinks I’m a desperate fucker who has to chase women down. God, is that who I am now? I should just tell her goodbye, find my motherfucking balls, and walk away. I shouldn’t have to force her to spend time with me. That’s really why I’m here, and I had every intention of telling her that—until I heard her scream.
I open her door to find Walter-boy and Skye standing way too close together. Skye looks extremely pissed and more than a little scared.
“What the fuck is going on here?” I’m trying to stay calm, but I notice the top of Skye’s shirt is torn. I go off.
I grab Walter by his scrawny throat, and wrap my hand around it. I’m going to end this motherfucker. What would have happened if I hadn’t been here? I’m going to choke the life out of this miserable fucker. Nah, that’s too easy. I’ll cut off his dick, force-feed it to him and then choke the life out of him.
I slam him up against the wall and hear something fall. Then there is the sound of glass breaking. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a picture lying on the floor beside me.
“Who the fuck said you could put your hands on my woman?” I yell at the asshole, ready to tear him apart. Skye hits my bad arm with a…Fuck! She hit me with a bible! And not just any bible, it’s a hardback and looks like it belongs on an altar at church or something.
“Fucking hell, Doc!”
“Let go of him! What are you doing?”
“Teaching Walter-boy some manners, so he’ll know to never put his hands on you? You’re welcome by the way.”
“I had it under control! What in the hell are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see you.”
Her head snaps back like I slapped her. Then she looks back at Walter-boy.
She touches my arm and quietly says, “Let him go, Bull.”
Now normally, I would have ignored her, but she did something good here. She touched me. That makes me feel charitable, so I drop him.
“What are you doin
g?” she cries, bending down to help the asshole to his feet. He pushes her away and stands up.
“You said to let him go. Maybe you should ask him what he was doing?”
“I was kissing her, you moron,” he says, adjusting his suit.
Yeah, there went my generosity. I introduce his lying mouth to my fist. He falls back down with a thud.
“Kissing doesn’t involve a woman screaming no, asshole,” I tell him, and I’m congratulating myself on being so calm.
“Bull! I’m so sorry, Walter. Perhaps it would be best if you leave. We can talk about this tomorrow when…”
“What the fuck are you apologizing to him for? You weren’t trying to force yourself on his sorry ass. There will be no talking about it tomorrow. You’re going to stay away from Skye, and treat her with the utmost respect from now on, right, Walter?”
“Real classy guy you’ve aligned yourself with Dr. Walker,” Walter says.
“You remember that before you try anything else, or even try to talk to her, asshole. I can bury your body in places no one will think to look. You get me, right?”
“Bull! Walter, he’s not serious. We’ll discuss this…”
“I’m deadly serious. Try me, Walter. Try me, one time,” I tell him, crossing my arms.
He looks at Skye, then back at me, then leaves, slamming the door hard.
“I can’t believe you!” she huffs at me, and goddamn she looks beautiful, even if she wants to kill me right now.
“I can’t either,” I tell her.
“You just can’t come in here…wait… what?”
“I can’t believe I let that asshole walk out of here. You got me going soft, Doc.” I let my hand go down and adjust my dick. I grin as she watches the movement, and when her eyes come back to mine, I wink. “Well not all of me.”
16
