by Jordan Marie
These four rapists—because that was what they were, I can admit that now… they are just four more bodies to add. Four men in dire need of killing. Four men who had crossed one of the Savage Brothers and had to be dealt with.
I thought this would make me feel different. Hell, maybe even cleaner. Erase some of the pain and the torment of my past. A change that would allow me to finally look toward my future without the shadows of my past holding me back. I know my brothers are here, because for them, it is a way of trying to be there for me in ways they couldn’t have been before. They couldn’t save me then. Now…they want to avenge me.
As I put the last shovel of dirt over the pulverized bones, I can’t understand why I don’t feel a sense of victory. Instead, I feel as if nothing has really changed…unless you count the fact that my hands are bloodier.
My eyes go to my hands. Hands that over the past few years have been lucky enough to hold my baby daughter and love my woman, Carrie. I’m not worthy to have those two in my life, but I will never let them go. The simple truth is, without them, I’d give up. I wouldn’t want to live. Hell, I was dying when Carrie came back into my life. She saved me. She is my reason for breathing, my life…my entire world.
Carrie, my daughter, Jazz, and these men are my family. They keep me going. I may not feel better having put an end to the men who violated me. But as I stand here looking at my brothers, suddenly one thing is clear.
I am a survivor. Hell, there are days I’m even happy. The past is just that…the past. My future is all that matters. It’s time to start living and time to stop my memories from dragging me back.
It’s beyond time.
1
Carrie
“Jacob! Where have you been? We’re going to be late!”
“Stop your yelling, Care Bear and give me a kiss,” he tells me. He looks tired, and that bothers me. Jacob rarely sleeps at night. He’s usually up at one in the morning and moves down to the living room, so he doesn’t bother me. He doesn’t realize that without him next to me, I can’t sleep all that well either. I miss having his body next to mine. I miss the heat of his arms around me. I ache when he’s not right beside me. Maybe that’s not healthy. I don’t know, but it’s the God’s honest truth.
“We don’t have time. We were supposed to leave for your mother’s thirty minutes ago! And look at you! You’re filthy!”
“We always have time for a kiss, Care. Besides, you like it when I’m dirty,” he grins. My heart flips in my chest as I see his smile. Will I ever get enough of this man? Somehow, I doubt it. His hand comes around the side of my neck and he holds me for our kiss. His lips touch mine first, and just like always, that familiar heat feels my body. I love this man with every breath I take. I have since I was five, and my love for him keeps growing stronger.
I open for his kiss, but this one is different than normal. Jacob’s tongue takes its time, slowly entering my mouth, conquering what is already his, and then seeking my tongue out and dueling with it. I lose myself in the feel and sensation of his kiss. His thumb brushes against my pulse point along the side of my neck. Jacob’s other hand moves under my shirt, and I moan into his mouth as he captures my breast. He squeezes my boob hard, before pushing the cup of my bra up, allowing his hand free access.
I break away from his kiss to catch my breath, slowly opening my eyes. My body is alive with desire. Jacob kisses along the side of my face, before going back to my neck. His beard grazes against the tender skin, sending chills of need through my system. I feel his tongue and then his teeth teasing, nibbling, and tasting where my shoulder and neck meet.
“Jacob, sweetheart,” I whisper, my fingers tangling in his hair. He keeps it cut short, and I love the way it feels soft against my fingers.
“God, Care Bear, you always taste so good,” he groans, and I swear his words vibrate through my body.
“We’re going to be late,” I whisper, trying to hold onto my sanity.
“Ask me if I give a fuck. I need inside of you. Where’s Jazz?”
“She’s still down for her nap. I didn’t want to wake her until we were ready to leave.”
His eyes are bright with desire. “This mean I have time to fuck you like I want?” His voice is thick and husky.
If you could have an instant orgasm, his voice would have sent me over. It’s a near thing. When Jacob gets this needy, I can rarely hold myself back.
“We’ll be even later,” I warn him, knowing his mom will worry, but not caring.
In answer, he picks me up in his arms, one hand on my back and one under my legs. I push his t-shirt up, pressing my lips against his warm body. I use my tongue to taste his salty skin. I barely get time to play, before he’s kicking the door closed to our room and putting me down by our bed.
“Clothes off now,” he orders, while already taking off his own. I pull my sweater over my head and unlatch my bra. My eyes are frozen on the way his zipper slowly moves and his pants fall to the ground.
“Carrie,” he growls, reminding me of a sound a bear makes when it’s hungry. I jerk my eyes up to his, and he’s looking straight at me. “Lose the pants. Now.”
2
Dancer
I’m an asshole. I should at least shower and wash the dirt and filth away before I touch her. It wouldn’t matter. I always feel like I’m covered in filth; no amount of soap brings that off. It’s just one of the many reasons I never feel good enough to breathe the same air as Carrie.
When she submits to me, when she gives herself to me, that’s the only time I feel human. She takes away the shadows. She always has. Once she takes her clothes off and she’s standing in front of me naked, it’s not about that. It’s not about anything other than loving this woman with everything I am. She’s still as beautiful today as she was the first time we made love. She’s changed very little. There are a few stretch marks on her stomach and breasts that she’s self-conscious about. I don’t understand why. They’re from our child. That alone makes them beautiful. Carrie laughs when I tell her that I love the marks on her body. Those marks are proof of my ownership, as sure as the tattoo she wears of my name on her hip.
I hold her neck, so her eyes are on me and me alone. “You’re so beautiful Carrie,” I tell her, the words sounding hollow and in no way summing up what I’m feeling—what she means to me.
“Jacob…” she whispers, breaking off when I press a small kiss to her lips, making a path down her neck. I place gentle kisses along each one of the stretch marks on her breasts, the skin paler here than everywhere else, seeming more delicate. There are freckles dusted over her like glitter. I love her freckles. I’ve spent night after night tracing and connecting them all over her body. It’s my favorite pastime.
Sucking her nipple into my mouth, I wrap my tongue around it, while teasing her sensitive peak in a way I know she loves. I pinch the other one, pulling on it, and then rolling it between my fingers. I’m rewarded by her whimper, which is filled with hunger.
“You like that, baby?” I ask her, enjoying the way her body is trembling beneath my hands.
“Always with you Jacob,” she whispers, and I feel her hands tangle in my hair. Carrie makes me feel like the damn king of the world. I doubt she realizes she gives that to me, but she does. Kissing down her stomach, I let my hands glide along her body. I’m always surprised by how soft she feels—how delicate she is in my arms.
I lock my arm strong against her back, pulling her into me, and give her a quick squeeze. When she looks into my eyes, I step away.
“Lose your pants,” I order her again, my voice hoarse with desire.
Carrie smiles. If anything, that’s what has changed. Sex between us has always been phenomenal, better than anything I’ve ever had before and something I know I will never have with another woman. Fuck, I don’t want another woman. She’s ruined me for anyone else. But, in the beginning, Carrie was unsure—almost afraid of the passion and the desire we share. Now? She’s embraced it. That smile on her beautif
ul lips is just another sign of that. My woman knows that she brings me to my knees. I don’t even mind it. Carrie is my safe place. I know that down in my bones.
She undoes her pants, looking me straight in the eye. I’m torn on whether to look at her eyes or those creamy thighs she’s exposing. Both have the power to hold me prisoner. As she steps out of her pants, kicking them out of the way, I’m struck again by what a fucking lucky man I am. There was a time in my life I almost lost this—almost pushed it away. Thank God she gave me another chance.
Capturing some of that auburn hair in my hand, my fingers sift through the waves. Gently, I hold the side of her neck. The heat of her skin, the softness of it, all swamp me at once. I lose myself every single time I touch Carrie. I can feel her pulse jump against the inside of my palm. Her beautiful green eyes sparkle up at me, holding secrets to the oldest mysteries in the world, and making me their willing prisoner.
“I’m a lucky son of a bitch,” I tell her, my voice hoarse from the emotion churning inside of me. It makes my voice vibrate, the sound thick and different from normal.
“I think I’m the lucky one, Jacob.”
“Mommy!” Jazz calls from her room. Carrie lets out a defeated sigh that I feel in my damn balls. I love my daughter, but I swear she knows the exact moment I’m trying to get in her mom’s pants and has to stop it.
“Damn,” Carrie grumbles, letting her head fall against my chest, wrapping her arms around my body, and holding me close.
“Our little girl does have some bad timing,” I agree, trying to find the humor even though my dick is so hard it’s physically painful.
“She takes after her daddy.”
“Hey now!”
“It’s true,” she sighs pulling away and finding her clothes. “Getting me all hot and bothered when we should have left an hour ago.”
“Keep it up, Princess, and I’ll show you hot and bothered later,” I grin, shaking my head.
“We are not having sex at your Mom’s, Jacob. No way, no how,” she hisses.
“You say that now…”
“And I mean it. I swear your mom has bionic ears. Go get in the shower while I see to our daughter.”
“You’re such a bossy little thing. I’ll make sure to show you who wears the pants in the family later too,” I tell her, walking towards the bathroom.
“Long as you keep your pants on, mister,” she mutters, and I can’t help laughing out loud. Carrie gives me that. She gives me…joy.
3
Carrie
“You two are late! We were about to start dinner without you,” Jacob’s mom says, as she opens the door. I give Jacob a look as if to say, told you so. All he does is grin. He doesn’t care and to be honest, I don’t either. If given a choice, I wish we were home in bed together right now.
“Sorry Mom, you know how women are over what outfit to wear,” he jokes, leaning down to hug her.
“Jacob!”
“Hey there, Red. How’s my second favorite woman?” Bull asks, coming up beside me and picking Jazz up who is standing next to me. He leans in and gives me a quick peck on the cheek. My eyes go large. I wasn’t expecting him here.
“It’s like you want me to kill you,” Jacob says, shaking his head, while he helps me take my coat off.
“Like you could take me.”
“Keep flirting with my woman and you’ll see. How the hell do you put up with him, Skye?” Jacob asks, when she joins us.
Bull instantly puts his arm around her, pulling her into him. They’re so happy together. I’m so glad he finally got his happily ever after. There was a time when Jacob was pushing me away, I thought of trying to move on…with Bull. But the heart wants what it wants, and I never would have been happy without Jacob in my life. Even if he was a horse’s ass for a while. I think it hurt Bull at the time, but it would take an idiot not to see that he and Skye are perfect for each other in every way.
“I ask myself that question every day,” Skye laughs, but she softens the words with a quick kiss on Bull’s cheek. “How are you Carrie?”
“Besides late? Which by the way is all Jacob’s fault,” I grin when Jacob slaps me on the ass. “I’m good, how about you? Are you surviving being a new mommy again?”
“Ugh, this child. I swear. She sleeps all day but never closes her eyes at night.”
“She’s a night owl like her Momma,” Bull teases.
“I’m used to working nights,” Skye grumbles.
“I like having you home in bed at night,” Bull whispers and Skye blushes. It’s not something I’ve seen. She’s normally too direct and professional. I’ve never seen this softer side of her.
“How’s Matty feel about having a kid sister?”
“Matty it too busy trying to kiss girls, to care about his sister,” she sighs.
“You girls come in the kitchen and leave the men to their game. You can help me finish getting dinner together. Nicole and Dani are already in there,” Mary, says.
“I’m just going to make sure Thea is sleeping and I’ll be in, Mary,” Skye says, leaving the room after kissing Bull. Bull’s eyes follow her ass all the way out of the room. I swear these Savage men all have a thing for asses.
My head jerks up, and I look at Jacob’s mom and then out in the living room. Dragon is sitting in a recliner with his boys climbing all over him. Crusher is sitting in a chair drinking a beer. His adopted son, Dakota is sitting on the floor playing with Matty. Almost everyone is here except for Freak, Sixx, and Nailer. I know they are at the Savage clubhouse today. Vida is cooking for everyone, and her family is coming in to finally meet her man. What I didn’t realize is who all would be here at Mary’s. I thought it would just be Me, Jacob, and Jazz. It shocks me, but it also makes me happy. The Savage clan is my second family, and in the years since Jacob and I have been together, those bonds have only strengthened. This is more than just a dinner with family…It’s a family reunion. My family.
The thought only makes me happier.
4
Dancer
“Red has no idea what she’s really here for, does she?” Crusher asks, taking his eyes off the football game that’s blaring on the television.
“Not a one.”
“You think that’s smart?” Dragon asks, helping his oldest son, Dom to the floor to go play with Matty and Dakota. “Women like to prepare for shit. Especially something like this.”
“Hell if I know, Drag, man. I just know there’s no way I’m going to risk what happened when you and Nicole planned out your wedding.”
“Amen,” Dragon says, and for a minute he gets a look on his face that’s full of regret. The day Dragon and Nicole were originally supposed to get married was a fucked up mess and almost made the two of them break up. The thought of surviving one day without Carrie terrifies me. I’m keeping her glued to my hip.
“She’s not curious as to why your mom decided to have a family dinner the day before Valentines?”
“Not really, though she had no idea that you assholes would be here.”
“Looks like you’re going to have some explaining to do,” Crusher says, and I shrug. As long as I pull this off and give Carrie the wedding she deserves tomorrow, it’s all good.
“Daddy said a bad word!” Jazz cries. She’s sitting in Bull’s lap, playing with the chain he’s wearing.
“He did, didn’t he kitten?” Bull laughs, shooting me a look that has me itching to flip him off, but since my daughter is watching, I refrain—barely.
“Mommy spanks me when I’m bad.”
“We’ll have to make sure she spanks Daddy then,” Dragon laughs. Fuck. They’re all laughing.
“Jesus,” I mutter, rubbing my hand over my mouth and jaw. “You haven’t been spanked a day in your life, Jazzy.” She hasn’t. Carrie insists on time outs and since I know next to nothing about having a mother and father to guide me, I leave that up to her. Truth is, Carrie is all that is good in the world. If Jazzy turns out just like her, then that’s a fuckin
g good thing.
“Does too!”
“Does what?” Carrie asks, walking through from the kitchen with Nicole and the other women. Each of them are carrying food that they place on the table. Then Carrie makes her way over to us.
“Nothin,” Jazzy answers, curling deeper into Bull’s arms. She leans into his ear to whisper, but doesn’t really whisper at all. “Don’t tell!” The little wildcat. I swear, she may be the death of me. I reach up and grab Carrie before she has a chance to get away, pulling her down into my lap. She’s wearing jeans paired with a green sweater today, and she looks gorgeous; the sweater matches her eyes. Still, I find myself wishing we were alone, with all our clothes rumpled in a mess on the floor, and my dick deep inside of her….
“Right, Jacob?”
“What’s that? Sorry Care, I was distracted,” I answer honestly, visions of me plunging inside her body, still haunting me.
“Nicole and the girls want to take me out tonight, but I was telling them we had plans to turn in early,” she says. Instantly, the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I look at Nicole first. She’s smiling and doing her best to appear innocent, but she won’t look me in the eye. Skye is just smirking. She doesn’t even attempt to hide it. Then, there’s Dani. She’s over there in Crusher’s lap and she’s laughing. Oh hell. I know that look.
My eyes narrow on her. “Where are you going?”
“We’re taking carrot top out to celebrate,” Dani smirks.
“And just what are you celebrating?” I ask, never taking my eyes off of her.
