by Jordan Marie
There’s that word again…everything.
For some reason when I think about my life, specifically my life with Carrie, that’s the one word that keeps coming up again and again. Everything.
12
Carrie
Jacob’s gone.
It’s nothing new. He rarely ever sleeps through the night, but for some reason this morning, I just really wanted him here. I roll over and grab his pillow, inhaling his scent, and hugging it to me.
My head is splitting. I don’t know what all I drank last night, but since I rarely ever drink, I know it was too much. I need to get up and find some water and some Ibuprophen—stat. But just for this moment, the scent of Jacob is more comforting. I love that man more with every day. There’s not a moment that I regret coming back to him. The life that we’ve built together these last few years has gone beyond anything I ever imagined. That thought brings his face to my mind, and I need to see him. I roll over in bed and see two things. A bottle of water with some pills beside it makes me smile. Then I see the tray containing a card with my name on it, clearly in Jacob’s handwriting. A small plate of fruit, bacon, and toast. That makes my stomach turn a little, but the toast might help. I really shouldn’t have drunk so much.
I grab the card and for a moment, I worry that it’s bad news. It’s stupid. I know, but with Jacob, even now, I’m afraid something will set him back. I don’t know everything that goes on with the club, but I know that the ones who violated Jacob are dead now. I didn’t ask for details, but I made Dragon swear to me that he would tell me when they were taken care of, and he did. So, I know that’s finished. What I don’t know is if Jacob had a part in that, and if in doing that it brought alive old wounds. Maybe I should have begged Dragon and made him promise to not involve Jacob? My heartbeat is thumping rapidly in my chest, and then I see the daisies on the dresser. There are so many of them the vase almost can’t hold them all. They are pink and white; so beautiful that they make me cry. Jacob did that. He’s not leaving. He told me he would never leave me. He keeps telling me he loves me. It’s time I believe that and quit living in fear. Whatever comes our way, Jacob and I can handle…together.
With that thought, I grab the water and pills first. Obviously, hangovers make me act stupidly and get over emotional. I take them and manage to dry my eyes before I open the card. My hands are still slightly shaking, and I don’t know why. Something just feels…different.
Care Bear,
Good morning, beautiful. As I write this, you’re sleeping. Not to go all creepy on you, but most of the time I lay in bed, watch you sleep, and wonder over and over how I ever got lucky enough that you chose me.
I’ve given you a lot of grief over the years, I know I have, and I regret it every day I draw breath. I’m so thankful that you gave me another shot, and I hope you know that I never take that for granted.
Today is Valentine’s Day. The day set aside for love. It seems kind of silly for me, because I love you every day. But it’s this day that the world celebrates, so it only seems fitting that today is the day we choose to celebrate being together.
Soon your morning will be taken over by Nicole, Dani, and Skye. Three women who love you. Three women, who despite me giving them shit, care about both of us, and our beautiful daughter. They will be bringing you some things that I had fixed for you. Things that I know will be special to you. I hope to see you wearing them, and holding them when you meet me out in Mom’s backyard and become my wife.
I guess what I’m really saying here is…I love you Carrie. I couldn’t imagine not being beside you every day and night for the rest of my life.
Will you marry me…today?
Jacob
I read the words over and over. Each time they hit me. Each time they make me cry. Each time they fill me with so much joy I think my heart my burst. Jacob wants to marry me. Jacob has planned our wedding.
I’m getting married…
Today.
13
Carrie
“How you holding up there, carrot top?” Dani asks. I look at her through the mirror, grinning. I’ve been grinning nonstop since the moment I read Jacob’s card. I have a headache, but it’s almost faded into nothingness. My happiness seems to be drowning it out. I can’t say the same for Nicole, Dani, or Skye however. All of them are either wearing sunglasses inside, demanding we all talk in whispers, or using extra makeup to hide their circles. Poor Nicole seems to be having a little trouble sitting too. She’s also cursing Dragon—who looks awful pleased with himself the few times I’ve seen him.
After reading Jacob’s note, I sent him a quick one back. It wasn’t as great as his. In fact, it had very few words to it. I just wrote it because Mary came in and refused to let me go see him. So, I jotted the note quickly and opened my second surprise for the day that Mary brought in. The tag on the box said, “Something new.” I opened it and found a string of pearls. My fingers move to the pearls I now have fastened at my neck. I can barely believe today.
“I look better than you.” I grin at her through the mirror and earn her scowl.
“Whatever,” Dani grumbles.
“I swear you women need to talk lower. My head feels like there’s a million hammers pounding away inside of it.”
“Better that than your ass and head, Skye.”
“Dragon made good on his threat?” Dani smirks.
“Yeah. At the time, I enjoyed it. This morning, it’s just one more thing to make me miserable,” Nicole sighs.
“Kinky bitch,” Dani laughs.
“Seriously? You’re going to say that to me?” Nicole moans.
“I’m tame compared to you,” Dani lies, and we all know it because everyone of us laughs—even her. “Watch what you laugh about, carrot. Everyone knows about your and Dancer’s fascination with food,” she tells me and crap! I know I’m blushing! Still, Dancer and his sweet tooth are freaking amazing. No woman in her right mind wouldn’t embrace that whole-heartedly.
“Whatever,” I grin. I’ve been grinning all day and that’s not going to stop when there’s a knock at the door.
“Who is it?” I call out.
“Dragon. Got something for you Red, if you’re all decent.”
“Come in,” I tell him, laughing as Nicole scowls at the door.
Dragon opens the door and just stands there for a minute. His eyes immediately go to Nicole. “What are you scowling at, Mama?”
“I’m not talking to you right now,” she mumbles, her fair skin deepening into a bright pink.
“I told you we needed to stop,” he tells her, and the heat coming from his eyes even makes me squirm uncomfortably. Dang. What is it about these Savage men?
“You’re annoying me, Dragon,” Nicole tells him, avoiding his eyes.
“Then quit pouting.”
“I’m not pouting, I’m having trouble sitting,” she huffs.
Dragon sighs, he walks into the room, stopping by my seat long enough to leave a box in front of me. “Here you go, Red. Dance wanted you to have that,” he says, kissing the top of my head. Then he goes to Nicole and picks her up gently, holding her to him like he would if he was carrying her across the threshold on their own wedding day. Will Jacob do that this evening? Are we even having a honeymoon?
I have so many questions, and because Mary keeps telling me it’s bad luck to see Jacob before the wedding, I can’t ask any of them! I hold the box in my hands staring at it, as I listen to Dragon and Nicole.
“Dragon, put me down,” she mutters, but at the same time she snuggles into him.
“I’ll bring you back, after,” he tells her.
“After what?” Skye asks the question each of us are wondering.
“After I put some lotion on Nicole’s ass.”
“Oh no you don’t, Dragon! Put me down!”
“What are you griping about now, Mama?”
“I know too well what your special lotion is! I have a wedding to get ready for, and there’s no time for you to
be coming all over my ass,” she grumbles hatefully and the whole room erupts in laughter. Personally, I think she’s crazy. If that was Jacob, I’d be urging him out the door even quicker.
Dragon doesn’t answer where we can hear him. Instead, he leans down and whispers something in Nicole’s ear. I wish I knew what it was because she reaches up to kiss him, and they leave the room right after that, without another word.
“Damn,” Skye mutters.
“What?” Dani asks.
“I need to go find my man,” she mutters.
“What? No! You get back here!” Dani orders, but Skye ignores her.
“I’ll be back in twenty minutes…thirty if I’m lucky,” she laughs leaving. Dani watches her for a minute, then turns to look at me.
“Okay, carrot top here’s the deal. We have two hours before you need to be out there walking down the aisle. I’ll be back in thirty minutes…forty if I’m lucky.”
“Forty?” I laugh.
“Yeah, if I tell Zander that Bull and Skye are sneaking out and for thirty minutes, he’d die before he won’t try to outdo him.
“This doesn’t seem fair. Mary won’t even let me see Jacob,” I protest. Everyone and their grandmothers are getting lucky on my wedding day, but me!
“Yeah, but just think, Dragon and Nic are taking Jazz for the rest of the week. Which means you and Dancer get the next three nights and four days to be completely alone, you hooker,” she complains, leaving me in the room by myself. Three nights completely alone with my man? Guess that answers the honeymoon question.
I look at the box in my hand and with a smile decide to look and see exactly what Jacob sent. The tag says, “Something borrowed.”
I open it up, it’s a small box. There’s no way it’s a wedding dress. I’ve been worrying about what to wear. The girls are all being very mysterious, they just keep telling me that it’s taken care of. I’m trying to trust in them, but I figured if anything that would be my, something new. That was the pearls. There’s a white sundress in the closet here that Mary has kept since my years of staying here. I could probably still fit in it, but I was hoping for a real wedding dress. Still, as long as I get to marry Jacob, I don’t really care. As I place the lid on the table and look in the box my heart stops. It’s a bracelet with a locket on the top. I know exactly what it is, because I’ve seen Mary wear it over the years. Still, I need to see the picture inside. With trembling fingers, I open up the locket. There I see a miniature picture of me, Jazz, Jacob’s sister, and Jacob posing for a picture around a Christmas tree. It was the last Christmas we had together before Jazz died. This is further proof that Jacob knows me like no one else. He knew I would want Jazz with me today.
God, I love that man.
14
Dancer
“Daddy!” Jazz cries as I walk into her room at Mary’s. She’s supposed to be sleeping, but I knew she wouldn’t be. For Jazz, there’s too much going on to ever take a break and sleep until you don’t have a choice.
“Hey, Princess. Are you ready for today?”
“Uh huh! Mamaw gave me dress!” she says excitedly, leaving out one of her words. She makes me smile. A real smile. The kind I wear more and more these days.
“Good. She’ll be in here in a minute to help make you even more beautiful. Daddy just wanted a minute to love on his best girl,” I tell her, pulling her up into my lap, as I sit on her bedside.
“Love you, Daddy,” she whispers, wrapping her arms around my neck and planting the sloppiest kiss imaginable on the side of my face. I’ve experienced about all the dark in life a man could stomach. But, I know that there is nothing so dark that the feel of your daughter telling you she loves you couldn’t push it away. Her love is much like her mother’s. Sunshine. Warm heat. Happiness.
“I love you too. I better get going. Daddy needs to make sure Mommy gets all her surprises.”
“Tell me a story!” she demands, and her eyes, so much like her mom’s shine up at me, pleading. I instantly melt. There’s nothing in this world she could ask for that I wouldn’t give her. I think she’s already discovered that, but I hope she hasn’t—or else I might be in real trouble later on. “Please, Daddy,” she asks again, that little chin wobbling. Who am I kidding? I’m already in real trouble with this one.
“Okay, a quick one. What story do you want?” I ask, already knowing. There’s only one story I’ve told her over and over, since the first moment I held her in my arms. Mine and Carrie’s story—at least in fairytale version.
“Princess and Toll!” she cries excitedly.
“Troll,” I correct her—like I always do. She ignores me, like she always does.
“Once in a land far, far away lived a Princess with beautiful long red hair…”
“Just like me, Daddy!”
“Just like you, baby. She had laughing green eyes and everyone that met her, loved her…”
I tell the story from memory, because I made it up myself so many years ago, about a beautiful Princess and the ugly Troll that she insisted on loving. It’s a story I never get tired of, and a story Jazz always demands. A story that has a happy ending because of Carrie.
Always, Carrie.
“Shouldn’t you be getting ready?” Mary asks, coming in the room, as I finish telling Jazz her story.
“Just heading that way,” I answer, kissing Jazz before I help her off the bed. I take the box out of Mary’s hand, kissing her cheek. “You look beautiful, Mom,” I tell her, and it’s the truth. She’s wearing a soft pink dress and her gray hair is brushed until it shines. It frames her small, pixie face, appearing much younger than she actually is.
“This old thing? My son bought it for me on the day he gave me one of the best presents he’s ever given me.”
“I didn’t get a pwesent!” Jazz complains, and Mary laughs while I grin at the way she mispronounces her r’s. I’m going to miss these small things when Jazz gets older. Maybe Carrie and I should think about having another child? We want more, and really it would be better if the kids were closer in age so they would play together when they got older.
“You did too, it’s in this box,” Mary says, patting the box I laid on the bed a second earlier. “Speaking of which, you better take Carrie her box. Just leave it outside of the door, Jacob Blake. I don’t want her seeing you before the wedding.”
“Mom—”
“I mean it! We will not tempt fate.”
I shake my head, but there’s a big part of me that agrees with her. I don’t want to do anything that might mess up today. I need today to be as close to perfect as possible for Carrie.
“Got it,” I tell her, kissing her forehead. “You would have made a good drill sergeant,” I tease her, walking towards the door.
“Daddy!” Jazz squeals, and I stop, turning around just before she slams her little body into my legs. “You didn’t hug me,” she says, so I kneel and give the Princess what she demands. A hug.
15
Carrie
My tears have finally stopped, and I’m moving my finger over and over the locket.
“Care Bear,” I hear Jacob through the door.
“Jacob! Come in, honey. It’s not locked.”
“Mary has ordered me away, baby. At least till after the wedding. Something about bad luck.”
“That’s silly! You’ve already seen me today.”
“You explain that to Mom,” he laughs. “I got your note.”
“Mary didn’t give me time to write more.”
“You said yes. That’s all that matters.”
“I love my presents,” I tell him, wondering if he’d really be mad if I opened the door.
“I have another one for you. Something old. I uh…hope it’s okay. I’m going to leave it outside the door for you.”
“Jacob!” I cry like a wild woman, not really wanting him to leave.
“Yeah?” he asks, his voice hoarse.
“This is silly. I need to kiss you.”
“It probably is
Care Bear, but…”
“But?”
“It sounds stupid, but I don’t want to even take the chance that something will mess this up. I want…I need this day to be perfect for you,” he says and the emotion in his voice vibrates so thickly I can feel it hit me, settling in my stomach.
“Close your eyes, Jacob.”
“What? Carrie—”
“I’m coming out, Jacob, so if you don’t want to see the bride before we say I do, you better close your eyes and keep them closed.”
“Damn it, Carrie.”
“Close them. I’m opening the door!”
“They’re closed,” he growls, as I open the door.
When I open the door, my breath catches. There stands Jacob in a suit. I love my man naked, I love him in torn jeans and a t-shirt, and I love him when he has on his Savage MC cut, and riding clothes. There’s nothing I’ve seen him wear, or not wear, that I haven’t loved. But like this…my heart literally stops and flips in my chest. How did I ever get so lucky?
“You look so beautiful,” I whisper. And he does…I honestly think it couldn’t get any better, until that smile. Jacob has these masculine lips that are thick and soft, but somehow rugged at the same time. I can run my tongue over them and never get tired. They taste like musky male and heated sex. Seeing them in a smile always makes me catch my breath, but right now, this smile affects me more than any he’s ever given me to date. This smile is full of happiness and joy, but I see something else. I see…peace. I can literally see it. My heart beats hundreds of times within a minute in my chest as excitement funnels through me. This is the first time that I can’t see a trace of the past in Jacob’s face. There’s no wrinkles around his eyes or forehead, nothing that would make me think he’s trying a little too hard to smile.
