Carrying the implement to her waiting daddy also reminded Carrie of all those lonely years without him in her life. Years where she thought there was something fundamentally wrong with her for desiring a man who would fully take her in hand. Wanting a lover who was also a protective daddy that would spank his little girl when she was bad, then take her to bed and own her. She had spent many long nights wondering what kind of woman desires to be a man’s little girl.
Then she had met Wes. He had threatened to spank her less than twenty-four hours after meeting her, to which she had instantly responded, “Like a daddy?” Those three little words had forever changed their lives and brought her to where she was now—in the sunny barn, smelling the sweet scent of fresh hay and bringing the little brown leather strap to her patient, adoring, cowboy daddy.
Wes’ confident, crooked smile crossed his face and his eyes smoldered at her as she looked directly at him and handed him the strap. He stood up and kissed her forehead sweetly. “I’m only going to give you a few licks, baby. We both were at fault.” He winked saucily at her. “I just want to be sure to remind you who’s in charge.” He bent Carrie over the work bench and surprised her by leaving on her jeans. Wes ran his hand down her back, stopping just at her waist line, and left his hand there. He brought the strap up in the air, and it came down where her bottom met her thigh. The feeling was nothing like she had had before when Wes was strapping her. The smack of the leather left a warm, slightly stinging glow, nothing like the breath-taking stripes he normally applied to her backside. Carrie gasped curiously as another swish came down and left the same warm feeling behind as the first one. Wes continued to cover her bottom with the soft stingy strokes. The warmth spread and Carrie started to squirm.
Wes threw the strap onto the bench where it landed with a thud. Wes ran both hands over her back and over her bottom, then brought her to a standing position, wrapping his arms around her, his chest pressed up against her. Nibbling a trail along her neck, when his mouth reached the lobe of her ear, he gave it a little bite. “Never, ever run from me again, Carrie girl. And I promise you, I will do everything I can to make sure you don’t want to run.” He leaned further down, and whispered into her ear, “Who’s your daddy?”
“You are,” she panted.
“Now, I have one more way I’m going to show you who’s boss.” Wes grabbed a hold of Carrie’s waist and lifted her onto the workbench. Carrie’s legs wrapped around Wes' waist and she hungrily kissed her man.
Rosy cheeked on both ends, Carrie hummed, Amarillo by Morning, softly to herself as she made her way to the ranch house, picking hay casually from her hair as she did. Jessica met her on the porch with both of their purses in her hand.
“You look disheveled,” Jessica quipped, smiling at Carrie.
“And you look like a girl that needs some new clothes,” Carrie retorted back, snapping out of her love cloud and taking in the outfit Jessica was wearing as she moved her great mass down the stairs. Her black stretch pants were stretched to the max and her belly peeked out from under her too short shirt. “No offense but spandex doesn’t know no limits.”
“Stop it.” Jessica playfully slapped Carrie on the shoulder as they headed for Wes’ red truck. “I’ll drive. You are in no condition to. “You look distracted.”
Carrie laughed. “Not distracted, just in love. I feel like I actually know what people are talking about when they say they are on cloud nine.”
“What’s that like?” Jess snorted jadedly.
Stopping in her tracks just before they reached the truck, Carrie turned to Jessica and asked, “Haven’t you ever been in love?”
“I thought I was, with Gare. I think we were just lusting after one another for so long. When we finally got together, after the initial buzz wore off, we were just two badly matched people, and one of them pregnant. And not to get too personal, but Wes and I love each other but we were never, ever, in love.”
The reality of the situation suddenly hit Carrie like a two-ton dump truck. “Oh my gosh, I never fully realized that we have both been with the same two men.” She hit her forehead with the palm of her hand. “That sounds so stupid, I sound like an idiot. I mean, of course, I knew that we’d both been with the same men, I just never really dwelled on it. And brothers, no less. It’s kind of, well, actually not kind of but really…”
“Gross?” Jess asked, wrinkling her nose.
Carrie laughed. “Yes. Totally gross. And very melodramatic soap opera stuff at the same time. I mean honestly, they could write a cheesy romance novel about us.”
“Yes, they could, but I’m sure some people would find the plot unbelievable.”
The girls climbed into the truck. Jessica turned the key and the engine came to life. “And the kicker is, now we are friends.”
“Actually,” Carrie said, “You are my only girlfriend out here, so I’m glad we decided to put our sordid, icky, past behind us.”
“The truth is that I’ve lived here my whole life and I have friends who are females but I’ve just always been closer to the guys. I never could figure out why that is.” Jessica’s brow furrowed as she followed the line of oak trees down the dusty ranch road.
Carrie rolled her eyes. “Because you’re tall, leggy, and gorgeous. That’s why. Women find you intimidating and their men find you drool worthy.”
“Intimidating? I’ve always thought of myself as friendly.” Jessica shrugged. “Oh well, it doesn’t matter to me now, because soon I’m going to have one little friend that will take up all of my time, I’m sure.”
“What are you going to do after the baby is born?” Carrie instantly felt bad about her question. She didn’t want Jessica to think she was pushing her off the ranch. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you don’t really have a plan yet.”
“No, it’s okay. I do actually.” Jessica smiled at Carrie, then focused her eyes back on the road. “Mama and I have talked about it. She’s too good to me, you know. I will find a short-term rental for a few months, then my tenant's lease will be up. I’ll move back into my old cottage, and reopen the salon. I’ve missed that place. All my old clients have been calling and texting me non-stop. I could probably go back to work right now but I want to give myself some time. When I do go back, Mama offered to watch her grandbaby while I’m cutting hair.” Jessica’s eyes filled with unshed tears and Carrie glanced to the side as she blinked them away. “I don’t know what I would do without Mama’s kind words and support. This has all been such a…”
“Mess?” Carrie interrupted.
“Yes. A total mess.” Jessica wiped her nose with her sleeve, sniffling.
“Garrett has a way of leaving a mess behind, doesn’t he?”
“Yeah. I guess you know just as well as me,” Jessica said quietly.
“Well, enough talk about that scoundrel.” Carrie turned the radio on. “Mrs. Fitz just opened a bakery in downtown Poke. Let’s stop for cupcakes on our way.”
“Sounds good.” Jessica hesitantly patted her hand on Carrie’s knee. “And thanks again, Carrie. It means the world to me to have your forgiveness and your friendship.”
Carrie smiled. Just a few days ago she couldn’t have even pictured being happy to be here with Jessica. The mess that was their lives seemed like it was working itself out for the best.
Chapter 3
It was late when the women returned home from their trip, fumbling up the stairs to the ranch house, balancing their many packages and bags in their hands and laughing at their clumsiness. Finally making it into the house, they sat their purchases down in the foyer and stopped laughing when they entered the living room. On the couch sat Mama and Wes. Mama was sobbing uncontrollably, and Wes’ eyes were red from crying.
“What’s going on,” Jess asked, her hand flying protectively to her belly. “Is it Garrett?”
Slowly, Wes rose from his seat. Shaking his head, he approached Jessica. “It’s not Garrett,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. “I wish it was.” One look at Wes’ fac
e and Jessica knew.
“Kevin?” she gasped. “Kevin? No, Wes, what happened?” Wes grabbed Jessica by her arms and steadied her. Never breaking eye contact, his voice heavy with grief, he said, “Kevin was in a car accident. Jessica, Kevin is dead.”
The words seemed to form a thin wispy cloud that spun around her head. Jessica felt a queer smile raise the corners of her mouth. “Kevin’s not dead. He’s fine.” Wes’ gray eyes darkened and he wrapped his arms around her as Jessica’s knees buckled beneath her. Wes held her tightly as Jessica spoke, her voice sounding strange in her own ears as if she was hearing someone else speak. “Wes, stop messing around. Kevin’s fine, Kevin is fine.” She tried to push Wes away but he was too strong and she could not break the hold. He continued to hold her.
Mama came over, speaking softly through her crying, “Jessica, the sheriff left just before you came. We didn’t even have time to call you. The other car didn’t stop at the intersection and ran into Kevin’s door going fifty miles an hour.” Dabbing at the continuous flow of her tears, Mama continued, “The officers will be back shortly. Wes asked them for a few minutes of privacy for us to tell you.”
“Kevin was killed on impact. I’m so sorry, Jessica,” Wes’ voice broke.
There was a painful kick to her ribs. Jessica grabbed her side, her muscles tightening as she bent down. “Shush, baby. It’s okay, everything is okay. Uncle Kevin is going to be fine.” Jessica felt Wes’ arms tighten around her as the world went black.
Jessica came to in a white room. Her mind was fuzzy and there was a loud humming in her ears. The harsh fluorescent lights glared off the stark walls. She sat up, suddenly nauseous, and began feeling around her. Her hand touched the cold metal frame of a hospital bed. Her mind felt foggy as if she were drugged. She couldn’t put the pieces together of where she was and something felt off, something life altering but she couldn’t figure out what. Reaching down quickly, Jessica felt that her stomach was empty. A long bandage ran across her midsection. There was no baby in her belly. Just as she threw her head back to scream, a strong hand grabbed her shoulder.
“Jessica.”
The familiar timbre of the voice made her come to. She considered Wes’ smoky eyes. “My baby,” she whispered, tears burning her eyes. “Where is my baby?”
“It’s okay, Jess, he’s right here,” Carrie’s melodious voice cooed to her.
“A little boy?” Looking over Wes’ shoulder, Carrie came towards her, holding a tiny bundle of white blankets. Jessica’s achingly empty arms reached out towards Carrie.
Carrie came up to Jessica’s bedside, her face glowing. She placed the precious bundle into Jessica’s arms. The warmth and weight of the baby pressed against her. Jessica gently peeled back the blankets to reveal the most perfect little face she had ever seen.
“Oh. Oh.” Jessica’s breath left her body and her words left her mouth as she felt the breathing and movement of her baby. With a tentative finger, she stroked the face of the tiny newborn. Seeming to know who she was, the sleeping baby snuggled deeper into her arms and sighed a little, contented sigh.
“Awe, how sweet. Jess he’s been waiting for you.” Carrie stroked Jessica’s hair back from her face, then ran her hands over the soft downy hair of the baby.
“A little boy,” Jessica whispered. “Look at all that hair.” Jessica investigated every inch of her son, running her fingertip over his delicate brow, the curve of his tiny ear, the cupid’s bow of his small red mouth. She was unmistakably, unequivocally head over heels in love for the first time in her life. “He looks like an angel.” As soon as she uttered the words, she remembered the last thing she heard before the blackness had taken over. Kevin was killed on impact.
Tears did not fill her eyes. Jessica was momentarily suspended in two worlds. One of the utmost grief and pain, sadness that she did not know was possible, and joy. Pure unimaginable joy. Again, the blackness claimed her.
From her view seated on the couch, surrounded by pillows, Jessica’s heart swelled with gratitude. Her two best friends, her mom, and Mama were all busy as bees buzzing around her unpacking. There were stacks of packing paper and empty boxes littering the room. A little mewing noise got her attention and she looked down at the little face snacking from her chest. “Hey there, baby boy.”
It had been three months since Carrie had first laid baby Evan in her arms and Jessica was still overjoyed each time she looked at him. Stroking the soft hair on his head as he nursed, she couldn’t help but smile.
Jessica still couldn’t believe how much her life had changed in just a quarter of one year. Kevin was gone and she was still grieving for him every day. She wasn’t alone. Jessica and Kevin’s mother had aged tremendously in the past ninety days, what was left of her dark hair was now a solid gray. Mama had known Kevin practically since he was born, the whole town had. Mama sat next to Jessica’s mom at the funeral, arm around her as they cried together. There was standing room only in the church and people poured out onto the steps. The entire town of Poke had come to the service, as well as half of Clinton. The day of the funeral was a blur to Jessica, but the clear memory of the crying mothers remained with her.
Then there was Wes. Ever since he had brought Kevin on as a ranch hand, Wes had taken Kevin under his wing. In Kevin’s eyes, Wes had hung the moon and was the big brother that he had never had. Already knowing a lot about raising cattle, most teen boys had worked on ranches in the town of Poke, Kevin’s skills had grown two-fold under the care and guidance of Wes. And Wes had grown to love Kevin like one of his own.
Jessica watched as Wes finished hanging the new shelves she had bought for her living room. There was a sadness held in the creases around his eyes that hadn’t yet lifted, and may not ever. Sensing her gaze, Wes turned to her and gave a nod, then a small smile. They both knew who they were thinking about.
The only one holding them all together, and keeping life going, was Carrie. She had a calming presence that was slowly helping to heal them. Always a solid rock in an emergency, Carrie had kept the daily life at the ranch going. Carrie insisted that Jessica and Evan stay on the ranch, and she and Mama cared for the baby anytime Jessica needed to rest, due to fatigue, or just overwhelming sadness. Carrie stayed up with Jessica late into the night to talk, or keep her company when she was feeding Evan. On Carrie’s request, the wedding date had been moved so they could all have time to heal and focus on Jessica. Jessica now felt as close to Carrie as she did to Wes. Life circumstances had pushed them together, and they were now, truly, the best of friends.
“That should do it.” Wes laid the final shelf on the frame and stepped back to examine his handiwork.
“Looks great, Wes. Thank you,” Jessica said. “Thank you, to all of you. I literally couldn’t have done this myself.” The emergency cesarean had taken a toll on Jessica and the recovery restrictions did not fall in line with her personality. Having Evan to feed and cuddle was the only thing that kept her from breaking doctor’s orders. Well, that and the strong force of nature that came in the package of a tiny, curly headed Carrie.
Mama came and sat down on the couch beside Jessica. “Are you sure you’re ready to stay here, Jessica? We are going to miss you so much on the ranch.”
Jessica nodded. It was time. Carrie and Wes needed to get on with planning their wedding, Wes needed to refocus on the running of the ranch, and Mama needed some downtime, Jessica was sure of it. And Jessica was ready to start her life as a single mom. Her reality was that it was her and Evan now, a family of two, and it was time to transition.
“We’ll be fine. Evan is great company.” Leaning down, Jessica gently kissed the top of his head.
“Yeah, he likes to party all night. Don’t you, Evie?” Carrie took the baby from Jessica and held him over her shoulder. “Rag me,” she said. Mama handed her the spit up cloth and Carrie gently placed it under the baby’s chin. Slowly rubbing his back in circles, they all laughed when Evan gave a huge burp worthy of a much bigger baby than him.<
br />
“Thanks, Mom,” Jessica said as her mother handed her a glass of ice water.
“Nursing you two always made me so thirsty,” her mother said tearfully. She quickly began to gather her things to leave before the tears started to flow. “Don’t get up, honey,” she waved to Jessica to sit back down. Jessica gladly obeyed, tired from the day’s events. Leaning down to kiss Jessica, her mom said, “I’ll be back tomorrow,” and was out the door.
“Nursing made me hungry enough to eat a horse,” said Mama.
“I ordered pizza,” Carrie said. “It should be here any…”
Interrupted by the ring of the doorbell, Carrie laughed, “Speak of the devil and he shall appear.” Carrie flung the door open to reveal, Ray.
Ray Stevenson, the old barkeep, as Wes referred to him, owned the local bar, adequately named, Ray’s. He and Jessica had often joked about their lack of creativity in naming their businesses, as Jessica’s salon was named Jessica’s. Reminiscent of a wild mountain man lumberjack, Ray stood six feet five inches with large, tattooed muscles, a healthy beard, and a clean-shaven head. He was a huge, tough looking man, but soft spoken. Ray had cried like a baby at Kevin’s funeral, and Carrie had since named him ‘the gentle giant,’ behind closed doors.
“Nice to see you, Ray.” Wes shook hands with Ray, letting him in the door. Since Kevin’s death, Ray had taken to showing up on the ranch every Friday night with the same paper bag in his hand. Assuming that Ray was stopping by as a favor to Mama and because he lived only miles from the ranch, Jessica had never suspected the ritual would continue once she’d moved.
“You’re just in time for pizza, Ray.”
“No, thank you, I’m just stopping by. I’ve got to get back to the bar.” It was the same thing, every time. They offered Ray food, he would decline, hand his paper bag to Jessica, then sit beside her and hold Evan for ten minutes. Ray would then gruffly make excuses for his departure and head out the door.
Forever Daddy Page 6
