by Hart, Alana
“What the fuck are those?”
“The roses you got me silly!” I giggled. Hollis was too cute. He must have forgotten he’d purchased them for me. “You must have been too busy to remember. Thank you so much!”
I wrapped my arms around him and leaned up. I tried to kiss his lips, but only met his cheek when he turned his head and pushed me away. I looked at him in confusion, wondering what his problem was.
“I didn’t buy those flowers.”
What?!
“You didn’t?” I couldn’t escape the shock of his admission. It was so effortless, deadly quiet. “Hollis, this isn’t funny. You did buy these flowers for me. You left them on my car today when I was at Kelli’s house.”
He looked at me as if I were an idiot. “I’ve been at work all day. I didn’t even go to lunch. We haven’t even talked in days.”
I looked at the flowers, and then back at him, speechless.
“I work too fucking hard for you to cheat on me!” He roared.
“I’m not cheating on you!” I gasped, shocked he could think such a thing. “I’ve never cheated on you!”
“Bullshit, Natalia! Nobody sends flowers like that just because,” he spat. The look in his eyes was cold and spiteful. “And I’m too far in my career to kill someone because of your bullshit and boredom. Get rid of those flowers and tell Romeo to knock it off before I find out who he is and have someone make an example out of him.”
“B-But, Hollis! I don’t know who sent them!” My vision blurred as tears started to fall. My heart was crushed by his accusations. “I thought you sent them. That’s why I bought that vase, and made dinner for you” – I gestured towards the meal, and then towards my negligee – “and-and I-I put this on for you and everything!”
“I’m warning you Natalia. I don’t have time for these games. It’s been a long day. I’m eating, and I’m going to sleep.” He shoved past me to the bedroom, leaving me shattered and in tears.
As the bathroom door slammed and the shower started, I cried even harder. He didn’t acknowledge anything I’d done. The steak, the ice cold beers, my negligee, nothing. I waited in the kitchen, even after getting out the shower, hoping he’d calm down so we could talk. I had faith that he’d at least eat.
He never came to the kitchen. He parked himself in the living room, in his designated chair in front of the TV, and refused to speak to me. Resigned, I went to bed, fighting sleep for over an hour before I got the hint not to wait up for him.
I cried myself to sleep as I tried to figure out why he was being such an ass. Why he’d immediately accused me of cheating. And of course…
Who left those flowers on my car?
Chapter 6: Rose
Work had been crazy. Alejandro’s insight was correct. Rebecca’s article wasn’t proofed or corrected. I had no idea how it slipped through the cracks, but then I remembered that she’d gone rogue and pretended the work was already approved. I spent some time going through her work, editing it, and then having a come to Jesus meeting with her about sidestepping the editorial process.
I didn’t dislike the girl. She was fiery and had heart, but there were ways to fight for your content without skipping procedures. She was a wonderful writer whose personality oozed through the pores of her words. But that meant nothing, because she wasn’t going to last long if she took matters into her own hands and thought she’d get away with it.
Imagine my surprise when she turned the tables on me, and let me know that she had emailed me, and heard nothing. Going through my emails, I still hadn’t seen it. She insisted she had, and when we got to the bottom of things, the editorial ended up going to the wrong Rose.
Alejandro and I bumped into each other once or twice since the day we’d talked. Each time he was friendly, but his nerves were something else. You could feel the change in the air as they’d snap, crackle, and pop all over the place. There was no denying the boy had a crush on me. I thought it was cute, even though nothing would ever happen. I didn’t poop where I ate, and he was too young. Besides, I was a newly married woman, happily in love. I wouldn’t even be here for another six months.
Ellis landed overseas safely. Our communication wasn’t perfect. I couldn’t always video chat with him like I’d wanted, but we definitely kept in touch. He’d at least email daily, and call when he couldn’t get the internet to work.
I stopped hearing from Ellis in the middle of the week. I checked the news; there was a lot of information about ISIS, but nothing of military base attacks. I emailed him again throughout the weekend, at least two or three times, and Skyped him also.
My entire Sunday plans were ruined as I spent the day in bed, covers over my head as I feared the worst. It’s a despicable misery, wondering whether or not the man you’ve married is dying in a ditch, or severely injured and you can’t be there for him.
Dragging myself out of bed Monday morning was dreadful. I had no interest in speaking to anyone, or putting on a happy face. My dark, puffy eyes were barely covered by concealer; there was almost no hiding my somber tone.
Even wearing statement glasses in the office, with a messy bun didn’t help. Several people asked me if I was okay, and I just told them I wasn’t feeling well. I really wish I was able to get away with wearing Gucci shades without looking crazy. I was out of my mind, sadness rippling through me with no signs of stopping.
I checked my phone every hour on the hour. Eventually, I gave up, realizing I wouldn’t hear from him until he contacted me, and that no will in my spirit could force him to call me. I spent lunch working at my desk due to lack of appetite and falling behind on my workload. It wasn’t helpful.
I forced my way through the day until I called it quits and left 20 minutes early. I had no idea what to do, but I couldn’t focus on anything. My mind was running rampant, wondering where Ellis was and why he wasn’t contacting me. I spent the evening on the internet, looking up stories about dealing with deployment, and husbands missing for days. Reading stories about having to face your feelings, holding pity parties, and staying busy resonated, but they didn’t calm the stress of actually breathing through this storm brewing inside.
After two hours of exhaustive research, I dragged myself to bed. Plugging the phone on the charger and setting it on the nightstand, I accepted that this would be another evening of tossing and turning, sleeping on and off, and randomly awaking with a start when I’d least expect it, hoping I’d have at least a missed call to know he was okay.
As I laid in darkness fingering the corner of my pillow, I prayed quietly to the Lord. I just wanted my husband to be okay. I needed a sign he was alright. Anything would do.
I looked out the window, staring into the lights of the city, wondering when I’d be able to rest peacefully again.
Chapter 6: Rose
My soul continued to rot between the jagged abyss between sleep and delusion when a familiar sound went off. It took a couple seconds to orient myself before realizing that my phone was going off.
I didn’t check to see who it was, just grabbed to answer, hoping for the best.
“Hello?” I sounded as hopeful as I was.
“Hey baby.” Ellis sounded weary, as if he hadn’t slept in days himself.
“Baby! I miss you!” I screamed into the phone. “Where the fuck have you been?!” I started crying hysterically. Instead of letting him answer, I started going in on him fitfully, cursing him out, telling him the gory details of the emotional flux I’ve been in thanks to his disappearance. I ended my rant with, “Don’t ever scare me like that again!” I knew he couldn’t control the fate of his base’s communication, but I had to say it anyway. It made me feel better.
“I’m sorry baby,” he soothed. “You know I wouldn’t have deliberately gone this long without contacting you. We had a series of attacks. They shut the base communications off when this happens. We can’t call, email, or contact anyone. It secures us, and allows them to protect service members’ privacy.”
“A
re you injured? Are you okay?” My heart sped up. I looked at the time and realized 2 AM was the wrong time for me to have an adrenaline rush.
As always, Ellis calmed my worst fears. “I’m completely fine baby. I wasn’t anywhere near the blast. A couple of guys I met over here weren’t so lucky. One guy lost part of his leg. Another’s dead.”
My heart already grieved for the loss of life, but it hurt even more when he shared that the deceased deployed only 3 months after his wife had given birth to their second child. The devastation of losing your husband only three months after giving birth had to be unmatched with any other agony on Earth, and here I was emotional over the fact my husband, who was alive and well, wasn’t able to return an email in a couple of days. I had to check myself.
Ellis and I spent the rest of our conversation catching up. I told him about what happened at work, about Alejandro, and Alejandro’s awkward behavior at work, including how I’d catch him staring at me when he thought I wasn’t looking.
“He’d better watch it,” Ellis joked. “He doesn’t want me to show up at the office.”
“Hush.” I gasped in mock shock. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Don’t play with me,” he said. “You’re mine. Nobody else’s. Don’t make me give him a shiner.”
I could feel myself blush. My cheeks burned hard enough to nearly glow in the dark. Ellis wasn’t the insanely jealous and possessive type, he had a hint of territorial behavior that reared its head every now and then. I had no problem with it; I thought it was sexy, because he had no problem letting the world know I was completely his. I knew he was joking, but as they say, every joke is funny because there’s a bit of truth within it.
“You know what I miss?” He said, lowering his voice. “I miss being inside you. I miss hearing you moan my name when I’ve got your legs over my shoulders and I’m pounding your tight pussy. And I miss the way your soft skin feels in my hands, when I’m gripping you and you’re riding on top of me, screaming and making that wet pussy cum all over my cock.”
“Oooh,” I moaned. It was already 3 in the morning, and I needed to be up by 6 AM. As impossible as it had been to sleep, it was inconceivable to get off. I had been without an orgasm – or a good night’s sleep – in over a week.
Reaching over to the drawer in my nightstand, I opened it and pulled out my little pink vibrator. It wasn’t as powerful as my Hitachi Magic Wand, but it would do the trick. I leaned against my headboard, letting my legs spread a little as I slid the cool device against my panties.
Making the most of what we had left of our time, I took no time getting to the point.
“Tell me how bad you want to fuck me.”
***
The weather was stormy and dreary, a far contrast from my mood. I was on an emotional high after speaking to my baby last night. Every torrential emotion I felt over the last week seemed to have dissolved from my soul and into the atmosphere, because the rain was coming down unapologetically.
Calling in sick, I decided, was best to remedy today. I needed an entire day to myself, to sleep. I was both exhausted and elated after learning my husband was okay, and the crazy wild phone sex that followed. Even though he wasn’t here to touch me, hearing his deep baritone groan for me was enough. I couldn’t get enough of all the dirty promises he whispered in my ear when he encouraged me to cum for him.
The only thing that sucked was that he wasn’t here to hold me after I climaxed, pulling my hair behind my ear and telling me how beautiful I looked with that post-O glow all over me. Nothing would ever top that.
When we got off the phone, Ellis promised he would contact me as soon as possible, and not to worry because he’d be home before I knew it.
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you too baby.” I waited for him to hang up, because I couldn’t bear to do it myself.
Chapter 7: Natalia
Work was pretty slow today, so after the head librarian left, I spent time on Pinterest pinning baby clothes. I had a secret board called Baby Girl, where I indulged my fantasies of the daughter I’d one day hoped to have.
Pinning images of pink and crème colored clothes from Little Trendsetter, Addy’s Closet, and The Couture Baby were the highlights of my day. These pins were my escape; imagining the joy it’d be to have another child was an exceptional fantasy in contrast to current reality.
Hollis completely shut me out after the rose argument. He didn’t acknowledge me in the morning, when it was time to get Jordan ready for daycare. He certainly wasn’t bothered to speak to me during the day, and at night, after work, if he did come home on time, he’d take dinner, if I made it, and toss his dishes in the sink. The few times he noticed I were alive had to do with Jordan forcing it upon us.
I didn’t see Kelli until later that evening. I invited her over for dinner since I realized Hollis would no longer join me. After I filled her in on what happened, the shock on her face was as apparent as mine.
“Wait. He didn’t send them?” she repeated. She looked around, digging curiously into this mystery. “Are you sure that you haven’t been having an affair?”
“Not at all,” I said. “I haven’t bothered to look at another man since I married Hollis.” Kelli rolled her eyes, and I corrected myself. “Okay, I’ve looked at other men. I’m married, not dead. But no, I haven’t really gotten close to anyone at all.”
She rolled her eyes. “Maybe it would help if you did. Do you have any admirers you don’t know about?”
My bottom turned toward the side as I contemplated. “That would have to be a negative as well. Nobody talks to me out here.”
Kelli’s expression shifted from curiosity to amusement. She laughed out loud, keeping the joke to herself, and then took a sip of her wine. “You are so oblivious, Nat.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You have an admirer. Someone is clearly interested in you. If I were to be honest, there actually are several men on here who are into you.”
This was news to my ears. “Oh, my god. Kelli, where do you get this information?”
“This is a small ass base.” She rolled her eyes dramatically. “This base is huge, but it’s the military. Everyone talks. Everyone sees. Everyone gossips.”
“Spill it.”
“No names, but I know for a fact some of the eligible bachelors on base in their late twenties and early thirties consider you to be the MILF librarian.”
“MILF librarian?”
“Yes. Don’t give me the dumb act. You know what a MILF is. Mom I’d like to –”
“I know. I just don’t see where they would get that from.” My head shook in incredulity. “I’m not the ugliest woman on the planet, but I am far from a MILF. And if Hollis’ behavior were any indication –”
“Are you kidding me?!” Kelli screeched. She slapped her palm against her forehead, eyes disappearing towards her skull, leaving me the whites of her eyes to look at. “We’re not doing this today, Nat. It’s too hot.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
She looked at me. “You really want to use Hollis as your barometer for sexual attractiveness? He’s clearly doing what he wants to do right now – without any regard or respect for you – and you’re over here trying to argue that because he can’t see your beauty, that other men are lying? Really?”
I crossed my arms. In defense of Hollis, I affirmed my position. “Hollis and I have been together 20 years. I haven’t needed to look at, interact with, or seduce any other man in order to feel beautiful. It’s nice to hear that other men think I’m attractive, but I haven’t met any of these men, and honestly, they’re not my husband, so what’s the point of knowing?”
“It’s not about you, woman. Nor is it about Hollis. It’s about how men who aren’t married to you see you. You don’t know how many times I’ve been approached by different men out and about on base who ask me about you when you’re not around. They don’t know your name, they just know you work at the
library and have a kid. Most of them think you’re a single mother, because they never see you out with Hollis. They come up to me because they know we’re friends.”
“What do you tell them?” I shouldn’t have asked. As a married woman, it’s not my business. But this small part of me really wanted to know.
“I tell them you’re happily married to one of the Master Sergeants, have a child, and won’t even look at another man because you’re scared to turn into a pillar of salt.” She smirked at her own quip.
My arms unraveled from laughter. I slapped against my thighs and shrugged at her tort. Kelli had the most sarcastic personality I’d ever come across sometimes, and it’s left me in stitches on several occasions.
“Seriously, though,” I breathed, trying to get my bearings. “You think those guys really think I’m beautiful?”
“Of course.” Kelli reached over and grabbed my hand. “Please, please, please believe me when I say you are a stunning woman, with an even more stunning personality. I’m not a lesbian, but if I were into women, you’d be the first woman I’d pull into bed.”
I blushed at the thought. I’d never considered being with women, but Kelli’s words were honest compliments. She didn’t open up to many people, and I knew the certainty of her words meant she was being truly sincere.
“Stop blushing, woman. Seriously, you’re a wonderful person. You cook, you clean, you’re much focused and family oriented.” She looked over my figure, clad in a heather gray sundress with pink flowers. “And I know you don’t like the weight you claim you’ve gained since having Jordan, but get over it. You have a very sexy shape, more of a feminine figure. Women would kill for your breasts and hips.”
“Mom, can I play outside until Dad gets home?” Jordan interrupted. It was after seven in the evening. If the past week was any indication, Hollis wouldn’t be home until close to midnight.