CHAPTER 6
“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord”
Romans 6:23
Blake was on his way to church, driving down the highway, suddenly his car is out of control, flipping, flying through the air. Then, it was crunching, crushing down on him. Then it all faded away. His last thought was that he would be late for services at the church.
The next thing he knew, he was being escorted by an angel. All around this angel was a powerful feeling of love. The feeling was simultaneously familiar and unfamiliar. Before long, they arrived in the presence of Jesus. Blake didn't have to be told who this was. He had thought the feeling around the angel was strong, but this was 1000 times more powerful. This feeling of love was so incredible that he could never imagine leaving it. In only one moment, he was totally addicted, there was nothing more important than Jesus. Without even being conscious of kneeling, he was on his knees before the throne of Jesus and he never wanted to be anywhere else.
Jesus spoke, “My dear Blake, while I know that this isn't what you want to hear, you cannot enter my peace. You have to go.”
Blake was astounded. “Excuse me, Lord, there must be some sort of a mistake! I have been serving you since I was 15.”
Jesus said, “You poor soul. While I would love to be able to tell you that this is just a mistake, I do not make mistakes. While you did perform service, your faith did not allow Me to give you My forgiveness. Without real faith there can't be any forgiveness. You have to go.”
With that word, Blake was whisked away from the precious presence of Jesus. In Blake's final glimpse of Jesus, he saw a tear leak out of the corner of Jesus' eye. For all eternity, Blake wanted nothing more than to return to the presence of Jesus.
He woke up sweaty and confused. The dream had seemed so real. He was on his couch in his apartment. The clock on the shelf said it was 2:58. It was dark outside, so it must be the middle of the night. He tried hard to focus on reality, but the images and feelings from the dream kept coming into his consciousness.
Blake turned on a light. He went to the refrigerator and got a drink. His mind kept coming back to one thought, what if he couldn't get into heaven and never saw his precious Elaine again?
Eventually, Blake turned off the lights and wandered to bed. As he settled into his bed, he prayed, “Jesus, please help me to see my Elaine again.”
Although Blake was sure he could go right back to sleep, he just tossed and turned until dawn, when he got up and started his day. The images of his dream would not leave him.
He made himself a cup of coffee. On his kitchen table was his Bible. It was still open to Matthew 7. Once again, he read the section that he knew had sparked his disturbing dream.
Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord!' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of My Father in heaven. On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, didn't we prophesy in Your name, drive out demons in Your name, and do many miracles in Your name?' Then I will announce to them, 'I never knew you! Depart from Me, you lawbreakers!'12
Why were these people barred from heaven? Blake wanted to understand. He kept looking at the part that said, “didn't we prophesy in Your name, drive out demons in Your name, and do many miracles in Your name?” and thought about how he had never prophesied, driven out demons or done miracles. If these guys weren't qualified to enter heaven, then it seemed that he didn't have a chance.
He continued to read and re-read the scripture trying to unravel the mystery contained inside it. He saw Jesus was saying that the only ones that would be allowed into heaven were those that do “the will of My Father in heaven.” What does that mean? Up until yesterday, he might have said that it was referring to avoiding sin and doing good deeds instead. After Mark explained about God's grace, that explanation doesn't sound nearly as likely.
Jesus told these people, “I never knew you!” How could it be that He never knew them, they obviously knew Him? Blake was sure that Jesus knew every person, inside and out. Was this some different kind of knowing He is talking about?
Then, Jesus called the people He didn't let into heaven, “Lawbreakers”. What law had they broken? Is there some law that people can break and not know it?
There were so many questions. Blake wanted to talk to Mark, but it was Monday morning and Mark would be at work. Who else could he talk to? Who really seemed to understand the Bible? He thought about calling Pastor David, but Blake didn't really feel that close to him. Then suddenly, he knew who to call.
Blake grabbed his phone and found the number. Moments later, the person on the other end saw Blake's name on the caller ID and said, “Hello, Blake.” It was the voice of Bob Ryan, Elaine's father.
“Hi Bob,” Blake said, “how are you and Pat doing?”
“Well we're doing pretty OK. Pat has just been fighting depression, but she prays and gardens. Between those two therapies, she does pretty well. I am so glad we are having a pretty spring, so we can get outside and walk. It is hard to be out in the sunshine, looking at the evidence of God everywhere around us, and be sad at the same time. We sure do miss our Elaine though. How about you, how are you doing?”
“I'm OK,” said Blake.
“Blake, Pat and I love you like you are our own son. We have been praying for you every day. Although we have been trying hard to give you space, there hasn't been a day since the funeral that I haven't wanted to call you. We, too, have struggled with the death of Elaine, she was our only daughter long before she was your wife. Now, let me ask you again, how are you doing?”
Blake was startled, but said, “It has been harder than I could have ever imagined. It is like I don't live in the same world as the one I lived in a few months ago. Everything that is associated with living seems so pointless without Elaine.” As her name came out of his mouth, he felt tears well up in his eyes. “I just don't feel whole. It is like I died, but just haven't had the sense to lie down.”
Bob asked, “I'm sorry if I sounded cross. It really is tough. Are you making any plans to go back to work?”
“I can't say I have plans, but I was considering calling my boss and scheduling my return.”
“That would probably be good for you.” Bob asked, “Have you done anything about her stuff in the apartment?”
Blake answered, “No, everything is still just the way she left it.”
“Would you like for us to come down and help you move her clothes and things?”
“Maybe later. Right now, I don't think I could do it.” Blake paused, the said, “The other day I noticed that there is a $10 bill on the counter. The morning of Elaine's doctor appointment, while we were getting ready for work, she had asked me if I had any cash. I found I had this $10 bill and I left it for her on the counter. She apparently forgot to pick it up. It is still sitting there. It feels like, if I move any of her stuff, then she won't come back, but if I leave it waiting for her, then she could walk in the door any minute. I guess it's a bit crazy.”
“Blake, what you are going through may feel crazy, but it is perfectly normal,” said Bob. “There are those people that will say, 'Get over it and move on with life', but those are people that haven't known real love. Grief over somebody you have deeply loved just isn't easy. There will come a time when you will need to do some moving on. That won't mean that you have forgotten Elaine or that you are completely healed of the hurt, it is just a recognition that the world doesn't stop because of your loss.”
Blake said, “Thanks, Bob. You and Pat are wonders. Elaine was so lucky to have you guys for parents.”
“Well, I know that you are the best thing that ever happened to Elaine” said Bob. “We would be happy to do anything for you. If you ever need us, we are just 5 hours away and would happily drop everything and run down there. Also, if you decide you need a change of scenery, you are always welcome to come up here.”
Bl
ake said, “I really, really appreciate it. It really is a comfort just knowing that you are available.”
“So, Blake, is there anything particular that prompted this call today?”
“Yeah, there is. As I have wrestled to come to terms with this situation,” said Blake, “I find myself focusing on seeing Elaine in heaven, but the more I think about that, the more I...well...the more I have doubts that I'll get there.”
Bob answered, “Let me say up-front that it is perfectly normal for every Christian to have occasional doubts. So, tell me, what are your concerns?”
Blake paused for a moment as he chose his words carefully, “With Elaine, I have zero doubt that she is in heaven. She had such incredible faith, she lived her faith every day. With me...I don't know...I'm not in the same league. Comparing my faith with hers is like comparing the writing of a kindergartener with the writing of Shakespeare. Compared with Elaine, it’s like I don't know Jesus at all.”
Bob was slightly startled by the turn of the conversation, so he fell back into his pastoral counseling training. He said, “OK, so tell me more about what you are thinking on this.”
“Well,” Blake said, “there is this scripture I've been looking at in Matthew 7.”
Bob said, “OK, hold on a second while I grab my Bible...OK, I've got it. Where's this verse?”
“Matthew 7:21 to...23”
Bob said, “Ah, that one.” He read:
"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?' And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; DE
Burst Into Flames: A Parable Page 6
