“Why are you so sad if you’re ending it with him? You should be happy that it’s in your power and control to be able to walk away. I didn’t have a choice, I was shoved away. Left with nothing.” Mama’s voice was kind and understanding, much like Janet Connell’s voice. She was making sense, but I couldn’t explain to her or me why I was this sad.
“I’m just embarrassed and upset that I have to quit my job,” I managed to say and heard mama take a deep breath.
“Baby, you barely ever cry. Something more is going on. Something to do with your heart.”
I bit down on my lip. I didn’t want to tell her that I was in love with Oscar Connell. That I had ended up doing the only thing I promised myself I wouldn’t let happen, falling for him. I couldn’t tell her all those things because then she would know that her daughter was going through exactly the same thing she had gone through herself. But something told me that I didn’t have to spell it out for her because she already knew.
Chapter Ten
Oscar
My knuckles hurt from the punch. It caught Jonathan right on the nose and I watched him grab his face, his eyes widened and a loud shriek escaping his lips. He buckled to the floor and when I saw the blood dripping down his nose, I was glad Kayla was gone. I couldn’t imagine that she would have been impressed to see me punch my own brother. Even though he deserved it, even though I did it for her.
I jerked my hand up and down to try and numb the pain in my knuckles, then stepped over Jonathan and started walking down the office floor.
“Call my brother an ambulance,” I said to a man at his desk who had caught my eye. Everyone else was trying to avoid my gaze. Not that I cared. I didn’t care what anyone else thought, whether they liked Jonathan more than me, or any of that. All I cared about was finding Kayla.
But she was gone. She had vanished into thin air by the time I reached the ground floor. I had no idea where she lived. I could very easily find out from HR, that is if they were willing to give me that information. But I didn’t want to add to any office gossip that might hurt her. Plus, she probably needed some time away from me. Me, who had just destroyed her career.
Instead, I got into my car and drove to my parents’ home.
When the housekeeper led me to the parlor I found mother sitting on a couch, her hands clutching the pearls at her neck when she saw me enter.
“Oscar! What did you do?” she asked, her eyes wide and voice shrill. I walked towards the bar instead of her.
“It’s barely twelve, Oscar. You can’t start drinking now.” She turned in her seat to look at me.
“I need a drink mother, let me be,” I said, pouring myself a stiff bourbon.
“Oscar, you hit your brother. What is going on?” she asked. I looked at her and shook my head.
“Jonathan is an asshole and you know it,” I said and knocked back the bourbon in one go, the liquid burning my throat as it coursed through.
“I don’t believe that. He’s my son. You can’t talk about your own brother like that.” Mother had stood up now and was walking towards me. I clenched my jaw and looked away from her. She had always only seen the best in both of us.
“He has been jeopardizing me constantly. And he insulted me, and my PA, this morning.” I said, without looking at her.
“You mean Kayla Edwards?” she asked coming closer to me.
“Yes, mother.”
“You shouldn’t be fighting with your brother over a girl, son,” she said, placing a hand on my arm. I looked at her and ran my fingers through my hair. She was right. What was happening to me? This had never happened before, even with Sandra…I had never punched Jonathan.
“I’m not fighting over a girl, mother. She’s my PA and he insulted her.”
“But there must be a civil way to talk about it.” Mother pressed her hand on my arm and I looked into her eyes. Could she see how I felt about Kayla?
“I’ve tried. He treats me like a child and I’ve had enough. I came here to talk to father. I can’t work with Jonathan and I’ve decided to quit.” I tugged my arm away from her and walked back to the bar.
“That’s enough Oscar, no more alcohol at this hour,” I heard father’s voice boom and whipped around to find him standing at the door of the parlor.
“Richard, your son needs to talk to you,” mother said to her husband, despair in her voice. She couldn’t bear the thought of her sons not getting along.
“I heard what he said. Janet, it’s his life, he is free to do as he chooses.” Father walked towards me, and I straightened my back. I desperately needed another drink but I held back, I wouldn’t dare disobey father.
“Thank you, father. I’m sure Jonathan will be able to handle the company,” I said. There was a small faint smile on my father’s face.
“No, he won’t. But he wants to be here, and you don’t,” he replied, locking his hands behind his back.
“It’s not that I don’t want to be here, father. I just can’t work with Jonathan.” I heard my mother starting to cry.
“But why not? I’m sure whatever the trouble is, you’ll be able to sort it out. You shouldn’t quit over such a small matter,” my mother said, coming up to me and holding my arm.
“Janet, this is obviously important to him. If he says he can’t work with Jonathan, he can’t. We can’t force it on them,” father said and mother turned away from me, upset with us both.
“Besides, he has to find himself first. If he can’t do that, he can’t run a company like ours,” father said and walked over to mother. I had never seen a couple so in love, even after thirty-five years of marriage. Mother’s eyes softened as he walked towards her.
“I don’t know what you mean by that father,” I said, genuinely curious to know what he meant by finding myself. What other self-discovery did I have remaining?
“I mean, that you need to come to terms with your feelings for Kayla Edwards. You’re too distracted now to concentrate on your work,” he said and I hung my head, embarrassed.
“She’s my PA, nothing more.”
“Stop lying to your family, and yourself,” he snapped and I looked up at him.
“What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to say it to yourself, the truth. If she is nothing more than your PA, a play thing, then admit it to yourself. If she is more than that, admit that to yourself. Whichever one she is, choose. I will not have my son flitting around like a bird who can’t make up his mind.” Father had worked himself up to a frenzy as he spoke to me, and only mother’s gentle patting on his arm seemed to calm him.
“How does this have anything to do with my work here?” I asked, annoyed that he would bring my personal life into this.
“I won’t accept your resignation till you’ve thought things over with a cool head. You are free to leave, it’s your life. But I want your decision to be based on the right reasons. So sort out your personal problems, and then get back to me,” he said.
I sighed. Maybe he was right. All I wanted right now is to get to my car and drive away. I started crossing the floor of the room.
“Oscar, take care of that hand darling,” mother called out to me and I nodded.
“And son,” father stopped me in my tracks again. “Nobody can bring us out of this financial crisis, except you. No matter what Jonathan tells you. I know you’re not experienced, but you’re smart and you have an unparalleled instinct for doing business. You’ve got what it takes, more than any of us. I brought you back for a reason.” We looked at each other. He needed me, he believed in me, but he loved both his sons. I could see it in both my parents’ eyes. I said nothing, turned on my heels and walked out of the house.
Father was right, I needed to come to terms with my personal decisions.
I got back into the car and started driving, in no particular direction. Thoughts of Kayla filled my head.
She was just a girl I had a contract with and yet I was protective of her. I punched my brother because he insulted her whe
n I could have calmly told him how to behave with my employees. So she wasn’t just a regular employee. That was evident from the start. She was more than that, more than even just a sexual favor.
I could have any woman I wanted, and yet for the past two weeks, all I wanted was her. I could have called it off anytime, but my lust for her was insatiable. The more I got her, the more I wanted her.
I wasn’t thinking about where I was driving, I just wanted to keep thinking about Kayla. I was getting there, I was arriving at the root of this, I just needed to push my brain harder.
Why had I proposed this contract to her? Because I wanted her body, from when I walked into the gym that first day. I wanted her in my hands, I wanted to touch that skin and kiss those lips and part those legs. But why did I still want her? Now that I had her already, why did the urgency with which I wanted her grow more and more every day?
Sandra. She was still a problem. I was so afraid of being hurt again by a girl, that I always made sure that I was the first to pull the plug. That way, no girl would ever have the chance to break my heart. It was always a race to the finish line. How quickly could I get a girl into bed and how quickly could I get her out?
That was what I thought Kayla was as well, a game. But I was unwilling to let go. I wanted to touch her, but I also wanted to hear her voice, look into her eyes, tell her everything.
I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted every little secret to come out, come tumbling out so that she knew me inside out. A part of me felt like she knew me better than anybody else already.
I needed to see her again. But I didn’t know where she was. I wasn’t sure if I should call the office, so soon after I had just punched the CEO of the company. What orders had Jonathan left them? To not let me into the building?
But how else was I supposed to find her? Would she be back in the office the next morning? Should I stake out the building and lie in wait for her?
I had no idea where I was, nothing around me looked familiar. I slipped out my phone and dialed her number. She didn’t answer. I tried again but by the third time I realized that she had switched her phone off.
I was going to lose Kayla forever. I had to do something now, or I might never see her again. I stopped the car at the side of the road and turned off the engine.
What could I possibly do to see her again? I had to think this through, where would Kayla Edwards go? What would make her see me again? I couldn’t claim that I knew her. In fact, I knew nothing about her. So how on Earth could I possibly know what would make her come to me?
I was tapping the steering wheel with my fingers. My head was swimming…till an idea struck me. I had to give it a shot.
I reversed my car, turned on the GPS and suppressed a smile as I drove the long way home. I wasn’t sure if it would work, but I was just glad that there was still a chance. Something told me that I knew Kayla Edwards better than I gave myself credit for.
I had to hurry home, though. I had to figure out the right way to do this. Father was right, nothing had ever felt as good as finally finding myself.
Chapter Eleven
Kayla
By the time I picked myself off the floor of my apartment, it was five in the afternoon. I had been lying on the floor, facing the ceiling and thinking for six straight hours. Oscar had called, twice, before I switched my phone off.
I needed to be away from him, stay away from him. I had made my decision; I would send an email to HR and to him and Jonathan and offer my resignation the next morning. I would go back home to mama, just for a few weeks to recover. The little money I had left should be sufficient. Then I’d have to come back and look for a new job.
I switched on my phone again as I walked over to the kitchen to make myself some tea. Oscar had sent me a text, which I hesitated to open.
What did he even want from me anymore? How many other ways could he possibly find to embarrass me? He had won. He was the one who left me heartbroken, but unlike mama, I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life pining away for him.
I read the text anyway.
The deal was that you keep seeing me till I say it has to stop. I assumed you stuck to your deals. I’m going to be waiting at my place for you.
My heart was racing again. I didn’t think I could bear the overwhelming sensation of falling down an open dark pit. Oscar was playing me again. He knew if he said that to me, I would have no other choice but to show up. He knew me well, even though he didn’t know me at all. I wasn’t one to backtrack on a contract. Besides, I did want to see him. That was the truth. Even if it was just to end it once and for all.
This time was going to be different. I wasn’t going to sleep with him. I could still feel his arms around me holding me tightly, pinned to his desk. The way he had looked at me, the way he had worked me up to the edge and then held me back, teasing me, watching me struggle against my own orgasm. He had whispered my name and I was sure he had seen in my eyes how I felt about him. He had to have known that this was more to me now than just a contract.
I couldn’t give in again, I wouldn’t. If I did go over to his house, it would have to be just to talk. Just to end it.
I was pacing the floor, milling the thoughts over and over in my mind. The other option was to simply not go. To end it at this. That would be the more sensible thing to do. That was what he deserved.
If he had been discussing me with his brother, if I was just a part of his jokes, one of his many conquests, he didn’t deserve my respect for keeping my word. No matter what I felt for him, I wasn’t going to be mama and allow a man to do with me as he pleased.
No, the right thing to do would be to ignore the text, to not turn up at his house, at his every beck and call. The contract ended when his brother insulted me in front of an office full of my colleagues, when he didn’t stand up for me. The contract should never even have begun.
My sadness and misery had now turned to boiling rage. I suddenly felt like I hated him. That I should have never crossed the boundary, that he had seduced me with his charm.
I was stupid to think that I could use Oscar Connell, that I could hold him up as some kind of example to all men who mistreat women. I was stupid to think that I could prove some kind of point.
The truth was that I wasn’t a hero. I was like every other girl who fell for a man she could never have.
I had made my decision now, I wasn’t going to fall for another of his cheap tricks. That text message meant nothing to me. He could send as many of them as he wanted, but there was no honor left in upholding that contract.
I boiled a kettle of water and poured it into a mug with a tea bag. I needed to cut back on costs, it would have to be tea and crackers for dinner for me. If I could just save enough money to pay this month’s hospital bills for mama, then it would see us through for a few more weeks.
I thought about Oscar in his penthouse, enjoying caviar and champagne for dinner and I couldn’t imagine hating anybody more. He was a spoilt rich boy, that’s all he was. Just like my father had been. How dare he assume that he could entice me into visiting him again, after all that happened today, by reminding me that this was a contract?
I sipped my tea gingerly and felt another tear roll down my cheeks. Mama was right, I couldn’t remember the last time I had cried so much. Yes, I was in love with Oscar Connell, but that didn’t mean he deserved my love. I was angry with myself for falling in love with a man I didn’t even like. Someone who tried to bait me into sleeping with him again, only hours after his brother made a joke out of me.
Chapter Twelve
Oscar
Just like the first time she came over, this time too I didn’t expect her to turn up. But she did. It was eight in the evening by the time I heard the door bell ring. I opened the door, swung it wide but she remained standing before me. I could see that she had been crying. I wanted to hold her, to stroke her hair, to make her feel safe and to trust me. But she was holding her head high and glaring into my eyes.
; This wasn’t the Kayla Edwards whose body I wanted to ravish when I first met her. This Kayla was different. She was in a pair of jeans and an old oversized t-shirt that nearly reached her knees. Her hair was left loose, but un-styled. She had no makeup on.
This was the Kayla I wanted to hold in my arms. This was the woman who I wanted to go to sleep with.
“I didn’t expect you to come,” I said, breaking the silence.
“I shouldn’t have,” she said, pushing her hands into the pockets of her jeans.
“I’m glad you did. You should come in,” I said and I saw her eyes fall on my bruised knuckles. A look of concern washed over her face but she was quick to hide it.
“What happened to your hand?” she asked, making her voice sound as casual as possible. I could see she didn’t want to cross the line. How could I tell her that I wanted to cross it? How could I tell her how happy I was to see her?
“Jonathan’s nose,” I said, holding it up for her to see. She didn’t come closer to me or look particularly interested.
“You punched your brother?” she asked and I nodded.
“It felt good. He deserved it, after what he said to you,” I said and she looked at me in silence. Then she brushed past me and walked into the house. I closed the door and followed her to the living room.
“Drink?” I asked as she walked over to the window. It made me happy to realize that she really did like the view.
“I’m not here for refreshments, Oscar. I’m here to put a stop to this,” she said, turning to me, and looking at me from under her heavy long lashes. I licked my lips and nodded. I’d prepared a speech for her, I had it in my head, what I wanted to say, but it was all lost on me. I couldn’t remember what those words were, I was drawing a blank.
“I understand and I agree,” I said quietly and noticed the look of slight surprise on her face. She wasn’t expecting me to agree to this so easily. Did she think she would have to put up a fight?
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