* * * *
Once the food Tom had set out was eaten, there was nothing else to do. It was time. He sat looking into the fire while Cal cleared the table, knowing what he did the next few hours could shape the rest of their lives.
Merlin remembered his first time. He'd been scared, eager, fumbling, and hot off the mark. Before he'd done more than get a look at the naked breasts of the woman he'd bought, he'd gone off like a rocket.
She'd laughed.
Mortified, he'd turned to go, but she quickly stifled her laughter. "How old are you?"
"Seventeen." At her raised eyebrow, he amended, "Next week."
"Never done it before, have you?"
"Uh-uh." His ears were burning and his throat tight like he was wearing a stiff collar.
"Everybody's got a first time. Relax." She pulled her wrapper around her and went to the dresser. "You want wine or whiskey?"
"Uh, wine, please."
She served him a sour, cheap wine and got him talking. After a while his embarrassment faded. When she finally said, "Want to try again?" he let her take the lead. She coaxed him along, and when he finally reached his satisfaction, she'd patted him on the back. "You need practice, but we all do, at first. Just remember there are two people in the bed, and you'll be fine."
Tonight there would be two people in the bed, and one of them would be as inexperienced as he had been that night in Chicago. He silently vowed to make sure Cal's first experience was less harrowing than his was.
She'd stopped fussing about and was sitting in her chair. It was time.
He pulled the canvas curtain back, opening the bed to the rest of the cabin. "Maybe you could move over here."
Her face went stiff and she started chewing her lip.
"Cal, I'm your husband, but until we..." Oh hell, what's the right words? He thought back to all his reading and finally found them.
"Until we consummate our marriage, it won't be legal."
Her eyes went big and round. "Really?"
"Really." With a forced chuckle, he said, "And I'll not sleep a wink."
"Oh, Merlin, of course I'll--"
"Sweetheart, I didn't mean that as blackmail. I want you. I want to make love to you, and never mind it will make our marriage official. I've wanted you ever since I saw you outside the back door of the hotel."
Holding out his hand, he beckoned. "Won't you come to me? Won't you let me show you what goes on between a man and a woman?"
For the longest time he wondered if she would just sit there all night long. At last, though, she stood and came slowly toward him. When she stopped in front of him, he pulled her closer, to stand between his knees.
"I'm no expert at this sort of thing," he said after a moment's silence. "Oh, I'm no virgin, but I haven't lived high and wide either. This thing, when a man and a woman share their bodies with each other, it seems to me it's more than scratching an itch." He felt his ears go red when he said that, so he went on quickly. "I won't deny I tried it that way, but after a time or two, I knew it wasn't right for me. I've shared a few beds, but mostly they've belonged to women I cared for."
Her mouth opened, then closed.
"You're wondering why I'm not still there, aren't you?"
A nod was his only answer.
"There were reasons, most of them good ones. A couple were mistakes, but mostly we went our separate ways by choice. And once she died."
As if she'd heard his sorrow, she touched his cheek. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah, me too." Felice had been twenty years older, but she'd not mothered him. Soon after she first took him to her bed, she'd told him she was carrying another man's child, that she was quitting the business.
Never again did she take his coin, but she'd invited him to stay with her through winter. "I've a mind to teach you how to pleasure a woman, mon petite chou. After the babe is born, I'll be retiring, for I've always wanted a child of my own, but until then, I have no wish to sleep alone."
The babe had been stillborn, and two days later Felice had died.
"What is it?"
"Nothing."
"You looked so sad. Did I say something wrong?"
"No, I was just thinking of an old friend. Never mind." He pulled her to him and framed her face with his two hands. "Cal, I haven't whispered sweet words to you, nor pledged you everlasting love. The thing is, I'm not sure what love might be, but I have strong feelings for you. Will you settle for that?"
Her eyes large, her lips parted, she took a deep breath and let it out. "Oh, yes, Merlin, I'll settle. It's more than I ever expected."
He kissed her then, tasting the flavor of champagne on her tongue, feeling her short, quick breaths warm his face. And wondered if they were fear or the beginnings of passion.
"My pa always told me anything worth doing was worth taking time over," he said as he reached for the bow fastening her blouse at the neck. One tug and it came undone. "Take off my necktie."
She fumbled, but managed to get it undone.
For a long time, at least an hour, they worked at undressing each other. Gradually he felt her relax, until, when he released the ties on her third petticoat and let it puddle at her feet, she didn't even flinch. She'd had on more clothes than he did, so they'd given up taking turns a long time ago. He still wore his Union suit, but only because he knew as soon as he took it off she'd stiffen up again. It didn't conceal his erection, though, and she was doing her best not to look at the tented cloth in his lap.
All she had on now was a shift, light, translucent and hiding none of her beauty. "Do you want me to blow out the candles?"
She nodded, and took her lip between her teeth.
With a gentle finger, he reminded her not to gnaw.
She was in bed when he returned. As he climbed in, his hand landed on cloth that could be nothing but her shift. He froze, there on the edge, while he fought his body's need. Giving up, he went to the pantry corner and quickly took care of his immediate problem, and hoped she wouldn't realize what he'd done. Maybe he wouldn't be able to bring her to a woman's pleasure this first time, but if he failed, it wouldn't be because he couldn't control his own urges. He tossed the soiled Union suit on the pile to go to the Chinese laundry.
Naked, he strode back to the bed and climbed under the covers. One roll and he was facing her, touching her.
"Hello, wife," he said.
Merlin loved her with voice and touch, with hands and mouth. She was hesitant at first, but pretty soon she became aroused. After a while she whispered "Oh," as if in surprise. A little later her, "Oh!" told him she knew she was caught in something unstoppable. And finally she breathed "Oohhh" on a long exhalation, as the irresistible force took her over the edge and on a long spiral of completion.
He let loose his own needs then, until now held close in check, and let the powerful surges carry him over that same cliff, until he emptied himself of seed, of thought, of a piece of his soul itself.
Chapter Twenty-Six
The way she was curled around Merlin when she woke reminded Callie of how the mama cat and her kittens used to sleep, back home. Back in Iowa, she amended, for this was her home now, with her husband.
Other than a small tenderness, she felt no different than she had yesterday morning.
No, that was wrong. She felt enormously more comfortable. Safer. Loved.
Except he didn't love her.
That's all right. He cares for me, and he promised to protect me all the days of my life. And maybe he'll come to love me. Someday.
His skin was warm under her hand. Idly she stroked his chest, smooth and all but hairless, unlike so many of the miners' chests she'd seen during the terrible hot spell in Virginia City two summers ago. Some of them had looked like the apes in her childhood picture books without their shirts.
His hand caught hers. "I'll give you a week or two to stop doing that," he said, his voice husky.
She snatched her hand away. Or tried to, because he caught it before she'd moved it more th
an a smidgen. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I liked it." With a tug, he pulled her fingertips to his mouth and nibbled.
Shivers went down her spine and goosebumps erupted on both arms. "Merlin?"
"Doggone it, Callie, look how late it is. I've got to get up."
Sure enough, the shutters showed narrow lines of light, so it had to be past eight o'clock. She wanted to cling, to plead for more of the delicious sensations he'd introduced her to last night. Instead she said, "I'll have your breakfast ready in a trice."
"Don't bother," he said as he rolled out of bed. "I'll grab one of yesterday's biscuits, smear some bacon grease on it."
Mouth dry, she watched him cover his naked body with clothes. What a shame! Not until he'd completely covered himself and had bent to pull on his boots did she find words. "You go on out and get started. I'll bring you a decent breakfast when I get it ready. I'll not have it said I sent my husband off hungry." How good that sounded. My husband.
"Can you make coffee instead of tea? I have a feeling I'll need it before the morning's over. I can keep it warm on the forge."
"I'll make both. Now turn your back so I can get out of bed."
Instead he hopped, one boot on and one in his hand, toward the table. When he turned around, he wore a wide grin. "I'd rather watch. Well? What are you waiting for? Get up."
"Merlin-n-n. I'm bare naked."
"I know. C'mon woman. Time's a wastin'."
Scowling, she peered from under her brows. He wasn't going to move. She just knew it. With a great sigh, she rolled to the edge and climbed out of bed, feeling clumsy and cold and as if she was going to die of mortification.
Once she was on her feet and facing him, he came to stand close. "Kiss me, and then I've got to go."
She did, and lost herself in the heat of his mouth, the pressure of his hands as he pulled her close enough she could feel his thing grow hard against her belly.
"Whoo-ee! I'd better get out of here, or I won't be goin' anywhere for a long time." He sat, put on his other boot, and was gone in the time it took her to get her breath.
Murphy and half a dozen teamsters were working about the barn when Merlin got there. He took their ribbing in good humor. Some of it was envy, pure and simple, and some just the usual badinage owed a new-wed man. No one said a thing about his being late.
Two shipments were going out the next day, Murphy having received word the road to Fort Laramie was clear enough. Five wagons would go to Chugwater, as the short train was now three days late. "Somehow I've got to find enough drivers to send a couple of wagons to Horse Creek, too. Those supplies they're expecting came in on yesterday's train."
"It'll just have to wait until the men get back from Chugwater," Jeb said. "We ain't got nobody to spare."
"I don't like it," Murphy said. "Those folks never order 'til they're close to out. If it were just Father Jacob and his followers, I'd not care. But there's kids in the camp."
"Can't they wait 'til next week?"
"Maybe. And maybe not." Murphy forked a last stack of hay out into the corral and slammed the door. "That blizzard sure as hell messed up the schedule. It'll take time to get caught up." He came down the ladder.
"Stretch and Frymire gave notice this mornin'," Jeb said, almost as an afterthought, as he kicked a broom out of his way.
"Shit. When are they quitting?"
Merlin only half-listened as he pumped the bellows, because thinking about going back to bed with Cal was a lot more interesting than Murphy's problems.
"When they get back from the Fort Laramie run, and don't think I didn't have to bargain to get them to stay that long."
Murphy slammed the pitchfork into a pile of hay with so much force it went skittering across the floor. "I'll go wire Omaha."
"Don't forget to tell them you need a new smith," Merlin said.
"Already did." He scuffed loose hay out aside. "You know what the worse thing about this job is, Merlin? The dad-gummed paperwork. I'll be in my office the rest of the day."
* * * *
Callie almost felt guilty because Merlin was spending so little time at his work. Mornings he was late to leave the cabin. Each nooning he spent far longer with her than merely eating dinner took. And every evening he came home earlier.
She fretted that he wasn't doing the work he'd hired on to do, but even Murphy had laughed when she'd said so the second day they'd been man and wife. "He owes you a honeymoon, Callie, and he's champing at the bit to have it. But he knows I can't spare him right now." A sly expression came across Murphy's face. "I'll not complain at having to feed and muck, as long as he stays around to shoe and mend."
And so she welcomed him to the cabin and to bed whenever he chose, morning, noon, and night. She'd never had such feelings before, nor had she ever slept better than she did, wrapped safe in his arms.
They'd been wed four days when Murphy knocked on the door on Sunday afternoon. She let him in, and immediately noticed his sheepish expression. "What is it? Is something amiss?"
"I've had a message from those folks up on Horse Creek, the churchy settlement. They desperately need the flour and beans that came in last week from St. Louis. It's been a hard winter and they've run out of food sooner than they expected." His mouth twisted into a grimace. "Merlin--"
"I'm no teamster."
"I am. But I need someone to ride shotgun. With all the gold-hungry tenderfeet coming in, I'd be a fool to head out with two wagons full of food and no one to guard."
"Who else will drive?"
"Tom Ainsworth. It's his week off, but he's agreed, if I can find a guard who knows what he's doing."
She looked across the table at Merlin, wanting to plead with him not to go.
"I can't leave Cal alone."
"Willis can't drive any more, but he's still a dead shot. He can come out."
"Willis?" the question came out before she could stop it.
"Used to ride shotgun, until he tangled with road agents. He helps out at the Great Western, but they'll let him off if I ask."
"I'll want to meet him," Merlin said, frowning. "Make sure he can do the job."
"I'll take you to town. Cal, why don't you come along? You'll want to stock up so you won't run out of anything while we're gone."
She bit back the protest she wanted to make. They were doing all they could to make sure she would be safe. So why did she have such bad feelings about Merlin leaving her?
Newlywed nerves, she told herself. That's all.
* * * *
They retired early the night before he was to leave, and loved long and lustily. Although he hoped to be gone no more than six days, Merlin felt compelled to make this time memorable. Almost as if he would never make love to her again.
Crazy notion. You'll be back soon enough, and it's not like you've never done without before.
No, it wasn't about being horny, or missing Cal. He kept thinking there was something he'd missed. Something he hadn't planned for.
Willis was set up in the barn, and they'd run a wire from his nest in the loft to a bell just under the cabin roof, so Cal could call for help if she needed it. He'd taken a look at the wire from all 'round, and unless the sun hit it just right, it was nearly invisible. The bell was inconspicuous too, tucked right up under the peak. Not that he expected her to need help, but more than one event in his early childhood had taught him a wise man was always prepared for disaster.
They ate breakfast in silence, but the looks they kept giving each other spoke all the words they left unsaid. Finally, when he'd stretched out his second cup of tea as long as he could, he said. "Keep the door barred. Willis will bring you milk every evening, and he'll empty the chamber pot. Don't let anyone in otherwise.
"And for God's sake, don't you go outdoors. Willis can't be watching you every minute, and he'd never get out of the loft in time to help you, should you need it."
"Merlin, stop fretting. I won't let anybody in and I won't poke my nose outdoors until you get back,"
she promised for perhaps the fifth time. "I've got the shotgun Murphy gave me, and I'll have it to hand whenever I open the door." The men had taken her out behind the corral yesterday evening and made her load and fire it, over and over, until they were both satisfied she'd know what to do if she had to.
"I don't want to leave you."
She went around the table and laid her hands on his shoulders. "And I don't want you to go, but there's no help for it."
He leaned back, so his head was nestled between her breasts. "Cal, I've come to realize something. Love is just a word, and there's no magic about it. What I feel for you, well, I've decided it can be called love as well as anything else. I can't imagine life without you. I want to live with you for the rest of my life, not out of duty, but out of need. I had to tell you before I leave, just in case..."
"You'll be back. I believe that," she said, as she tightened her fingers. "Now, stand up here and kiss me goodbye, or Murphy will wonder what's keeping you."
The kiss they shared spoke of more than desire, more than affection. "I love you, Merlin," she whispered, when their lips finally separated. "I've never said it, but I couldn't let you go without knowing." With both hands laid together over his heart, she said, "Be careful. Be safe."
He cupped her face. "You, too. I'll be back."
She stood in the open doorway and watched as the two loaded wagons rolled out of the yard in front of the barn. Merlin was mounted on his rangy gelding, Gawain, and carried a rifle. He wore six-guns tied low on each hip and there was a short-barreled shotgun in his saddle holster.
"Loaded for bear," he'd joked, when Murphy had insisted on the handguns. "I'm as like to shoot myself in the foot as hit the broad side of a barn with these."
"If you can't shoot them, why do you have them?" Murphy had said, no humor in his expression.
"What's a cowboy without his guns?" was all Merlin would say.
The wagon was a distant speck on the horizon when she finally went inside and barred the door behind her. Only six days to live through.
He'll be fine. Remember the road agents on the way to Virginia City. He and Murphy dealt with them and they'll deal with whatever they run into this time, too. He'll be fine.
Squire's Quest Page 24
