The Terror of Living

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The Terror of Living Page 12

by Urban Waite


  NORA LAY ON THE MOTEL BED. THE DRIVE UP FROM the city, over the mountains into eastern Washington, had taken them a little more than three hours. Arriving in the early morning, they'd woken the owner from her sleep in the little one- room office. Eddie had gone to his adjoining room an hour ago and she was glad he'd left. She put her hands to her face, blocking out the dim lamplight from the bedside table. Hunt wasn't dead - she had to keep telling herself this. She didn't know how many times she'd tried his phone. No answer.

  Outside, the horses stood penned in the trailer. There was nothing to do with them for now, just let them rest and keep to themselves. She'd parked the trailer around the back in the gravel lot, where the grass was beginning to grow. The river was close. From her bathroom window, she could see the trailer in the gravel lot and the depression of the river beyond. Blackberries grew at the edge of the lot near the water. Someone had built a path there, and if the river bottom was sand, she guessed she would be able to water the horses, lead them out, and walk them along until she found a place to stretch their legs. She thought of how taking a person's horse had once been a hangable offense. She wondered if it still was. None of these horses was hers. Hers had been lost in the mountains. Hunt hadn't explained, but she could guess where they'd gone. It made her sad to think of those animals she'd cared for for so long and how they were gone now.

  She picked up her cell phone from the side table and tried Hunt again. They had talked only for that brief moment, when Hunt had sounded hurt and beyond himself, telling her to leave, to get away, and leaving it at that. But she knew adrenaline could do that to you; it could place you outside yourself, and she hoped for that. Hoped that Hunt could get beyond all this. He had told her to take the horses. He hadn't told her why, but she knew he was preparing to run. She just hoped he was alive. Now, with Hunt not answering, doubt was beginning to sink in, and she felt this thought resting there in her stomach, hardening into a sick little ball of pain.

  She had gone to bed the night before, thinking that when she woke in the morning he would be there. She didn't know what to think now. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. She'd made him promise he'd come home, and he hadn't. He wasn't answering his phone. Hadn't she always known about the dangers of the business? Somehow she had been blinded, perhaps by some aspect of her subconscious. Though she'd known about him, known his history, how he made his money, it had never occurred to her, not truly, that he could simply disappear.

  GRADY PULLED THE NEEDLE THROUGH. HE WAS LOOKING at himself in the mirror of a highway rest stop. It was still early and he'd pried the lock off the bathroom door with a tire iron. In his knife case he'd found a six-foot section of coarse butcher's twine, cream colored and thick as spaghetti. With one hand he held the cut on his forehead, pinched together with his fingers, working the string through with the trussing needle. A dull pressure, the thick string grabbing at his skin as it went through. Drops of blood formed and fell. He dabbed at them with the sleeve of his shirt, blotting away the blood. There was nothing to it, and after three minutes he had finished. The scalp turned purple where his head hit. It was so swollen that the pain didn't hit full, but glanced off in little fits as the needle went through and then the string. After he was done he double- knotted the ends and cinched them down, cut the excess away with the small boning knife, and stood looking at himself in the mirror. Besides the small bruised glow from his hairline, he looked just as he had before. His hair covered most of the damage, and in three days' time, he thought, it would be as if nothing had happened.

  WHEN HUNT WOKE HE COULD SEE THE MORNING sunlight beneath the shades. He smelled smoke, and when he hobbled to the window, he could see Roy out in the backyard burning a bundle of bloodied sheets. Hunt's leg was newly dressed. Though the swelling seemed greater than before, he felt more comfortable with the wound bandaged.

  "For a brief moment last night, we thought we'd be burning you out there."

  Hunt turned to look and found Nancy waiting for him, a copy of the Seattle paper in her hands. "Thank you," he said. "I'm sorry about last night. Is Thu still here?"

  "I sent her to lie down in the bedroom. She showed us the boat last night."

  "I should go," Hunt said. "Thank you. But I should go."

  "We sank it."

  "The boat?"

  "Roy towed it out around three a.m. and pulled the bilge plug. It went down easy with all the holes you left in it."

  "It's gone?"

  "Water out there deepens quick."

  "Thank you," he said again.

  Nancy considered this for a moment, then threw him the paper. "Yesterday's paper," she said. She asked him to open it to the local section. "I know you and Roy go back, but we don't need this kind of trouble. You understand?" She was standing there, across the room, with her arms crossed, waiting for him to look down at the paper in his hands.

  Hunt scanned the article, just a little something, a column of text. He didn't see his name, and after he finished searching through it, he looked up at Nancy and said, "How do you know this was me?"

  "Roy said it was the type of thing you'd be into."

  Hunt looked down at the article again. There was a black-and- white picture of the deputy who had stopped them in the mountains.

  Grainy, a picture Hunt thought had probably come from his academy yearbook. The last name was familiar to him, Drake. Hunt had known a sheriff by that name a few years back.

  "Says there that the deputy used to have a father who did the same thing you do."

  "He was the sheriff up there," Hunt said.

  "The article said that, too," Nancy said. "You should read it. You wouldn't want to miss something important."

  Hunt studied the picture of the deputy. Drake had been just a boy when Hunt had known his father, some sort of basketball player. That was all Hunt knew. He'd only spoken with the sheriff a time or two, always concerning business, the man simply competition. "I'm realizing lately that there has been a whole list of things I've missed in my lifetime," Hunt said.

  He'd been thinking about the boy, how he'd lost his father. Hunt had felt the same, his father gone, but for different reasons. He'd always thought that if he'd had a son, it would have changed him; it would have meant he had someone who belonged to him, family, someone to keep safe, to keep watch over. He thought of Nora; he thought of Eddie, the horses. He wasn't doing the best job of this lately. He was trying, but it hadn't come out the way he'd wanted it to. Not at all. "Seems like everyone I've had any contact with in the last few days has been hurt," Hunt said.

  "I don't want to be rude, but we don't need that type of trouble," Nancy said again.

  "Sorry," he said. "I should go." Hunt looked out the window at Roy, who was using the end of a shovel to push the blanket into the fire.

  "Roy is the one you should be apologizing to. He's the one taking the chances here. Just you being here is enough to put him back in jail," Nancy said. "If I had my way, you would have been gone last night. Back out there on the street and out of this house."

  "We would have been fine," Hunt said, "but I'm thankful for the help."

  "No, you wouldn't have been. You fell asleep with your gun in your hand. You could barely walk. You can't now."

  "I'll get around."

  "Roy can be as stubborn as you sometimes, and even he wants you to give it a little time."

  "I don't think that'll do me any good."

  She was silent for a while, just looking at him, his calf all bandaged up, the pants cut away in that ridiculous fashion. He was standing there with the pale morning light coming through the window, studying the newsprint in his hand. When he looked up from the article and met her eyes, she said, "You're wearing a wedding ring. You got a wife, someone you're trying to get back to?"

  "I've got a wife."

  "Do you love her?"

  "Of course I do."

  "Where is she now?"

  "How do you know that isn't her in your bedroom?"

  It isn't.
/>   "How do you know?"

  "A man wouldn't do that to his wife."

  "Do what?"

  "Fill her up like that, like a suitcase."

  "You saw it?"

  "Figured it out. Wasn't that hard to figure after last night. It's trouble when a man comes to the door half-dead and all he wants is a bottle of laxative. It should have told us something right then, but your mind goes somewhere else when a gun is pointed at you."

  "It's best to get that stuff out of the body as soon as possible."

  "You were protecting her?"

  "Trying to save her life."

  "That true?"

  "Course it's true."

  "I'd like to think that, though I don't know if it's the truth."

  "What else could it be?"

  "How much is she worth?"

  "I'm not going to put a price on her."

  "Put a price on her or the drugs?"

  Hunt didn't say anything. He looked out the window, the fire dying and Roy standing there watching it. "Does it seem right to you?" Nancy asked. "Nothing has seemed right to me for a while now."

  GRADY WOKE AND LOOKED TO THE EAST, WHERE HE could see the auburn sun rising. He passed a hand over his face. He had slept with the seat folded all the way back. With his fingers he wiped the sleep from the corners of his eyes, hard between his thumb and trigger finger. He rose and looked out on the farm road. On the seat beside him was the knife bag, zipper open, with the edge of the rifle stock exposed. He breathed in and looked over his shoulder, then back, nothing there. He closed the bag. A stupid, messy mistake. He looked around again, then started the car. From his pocket he took the half pack of gum he'd taken from the attendant. He was hungry and he chewed a piece of gum to keep his mind off it. He had slept for an hour, nervous and with the memory of the night that had come before.

  He had a reputation to uphold: that was the only certainty he had in mind. He was already a day behind schedule, and he didn't like being the one chased, nor did he like doing the chasing. He preferred instead to meet and call it a day right there. But the boat ramp had not been the place. Too early and too public. And the drugs: he didn't have them but could guess where they were.

  He started down the road. When he passed a combine, he waved. No reason to be unfriendly. No reason at all. He drove on, thinking about what he would do next.

  NORA PUT HER FINGERS TO THE EDGE OF THE SHADES. No one could have known where they were, but still she was nervous. She opened the blinds enough that she could see onto the parking lot. Farther down the road was the red glow of a Dairy Queen and gas station. One of those combined things where travelers could fill up and buy a Blizzard at the same time.

  Eddie's car sat in front of his motel room, their bedrooms separated by adjoining doors that Nora had long since closed. She could hear the sound of the television, but not enough to tell what he was watching. Her cell phone lay tangled in the sheets. When had she called Hunt last? She was trying to remember. She couldn't think straight. She had barely slept and had watched too much television. She turned the thing off around 5 a.m. And for a while, she had watched the black street, the glow from the gas station. Things seemed to be moving in the night, but she knew they weren't. It was just the wind in the trees. Close to the water there were lines of birch that seemed strange and ghostly at night.

  When had she called Hunt last? Nora walked over to the bed and found the phone. When Hunt answered, Nora said, "What the hell."

  "What the hell?" Hunt said.

  "Why didn't you answer your phone when I called?"

  "Just didn't hear it, I guess."

  "Where are you?"

  "Up north. I barely made it."

  "What do you mean, 'barely made it'?"

  "The boat's gone. Sunk."

  "Are you okay?"

  "Hurt my leg a little bit."

  "A little bit?"

  "It'll heal. Did you do as I said?"

  "Yes, Eddie and I are in a motel."

  "And the horses?"

  "Three of them are here."

  "Good." i

  "Do you need me to come get you?"

  "Not yet."

  "I can come."

  "No, I think it's best if you don't. I'm not sure exactly what happened yet."

  "Are you in danger? Why don't you want me to come up there and get you?"

  "No, it's someone I'm with."

  "What kind of someone?"

  "A girl."

  "You're not messing with me, are you?"

  "Not about this, I wouldn't."

  "Well, why don't you ask her if I can come up there?" Nora went to the window and looked out. There was a nervous fear growing inside her. She could feel it down at the base of her throat. She swallowed and tried to rid herself of the feeling, but it was still there. Hunt was taking a long time with his answer.

  "It's not that," Hunt said. "I would. But she's stopped talking. I'm not sure what to do. She's being watched, but I can't say she'll make it."

  "What are we talking about here, Phil?"

  "The girl has the drugs. They're inside her."

  "A mule?"

  "Yes, she has the drugs. I don't think I can leave until this gets figured out."

  "How old is she?"

  "Twenty? Forty? It's hard to say."

  There was a long pause.

  "Nora?"

  "What kind of trouble are we in here?"

  "The worst kind."

  "Is someone looking for this girl?"

  "I think they were looking for me."

  "But now they're looking for both of you?"

  "Yes, I'm certain they are."

  "And you think Eddie and I are in danger?"

  "I don't know that, but I'd rather be sure."

  "Is this the kind where we shouldn't even be talking on the phone - that kind?"

  "No. It's not that. The other kind, like the kid, that kind of trouble."

  "How do you know it's like the kid?"

  "Because the Coast Guard showed up and it was probably the only thing to save us."

  "Never thought you'd be saying that."

  "No, never."

  "I can come up there."

  "No, I don't want you up here. You and Eddie should just sit this out. I'm not joking when I say this. I'm already in it. I just can't say how far it'll go."

  She gave him the number and address of the motel.

  "I'll call you later," Hunt said. "I'm going to keep my promise. Don't worry. I'll call you when I know what to do."

  Nora heard the line quit on her. She held the phone and listened to the dead space.

  THERE WAS SOMETHING STUCK IN THE BACK OF HIS THROAT. The lawyer coughed, bringing up a hot mouthful of smoke. He wore a bathrobe over the clothes he'd slept in. There was no reason to change. No reason to go out. The people he worked for would not be happy. He didn't know what they'd already heard, but he could guess when it did come out-and it would - there would be consequences. He was just trying to do the right thing now, take the right steps; killing the kid had been first, and now, if Grady could just find Hunt, they would be in the clear.

  He'd put all of it in motion, and there was no reason now to watch it all slip away. He put his cigarette out on a small porcelain bread plate. He'd heard nothing and he looked at his watch again.

  Ten past eleven. The Vietnamese would call soon. They'd want to know why the girls hadn't been delivered. No girls could be explained, but no drugs couldn't.

  Grady hadn't checked in. The lawyer looked again at his watch and crossed to the kitchen, where he opened the faucet and watched the water run. He passed a hand through the stream and brought it to his face, running his fingers down along the groove of his mouth and off his chin.

  When Grady called ten minutes later, the lawyer wanted to know what had gone wrong, what Grady had been thinking. Not delivering the girl as he was supposed to, Hunt still alive, all of it spinning out of control. The lawyer was standing in his kitchen, looking down into the sink, a w
hirlpool opening up before him.

  It wasn't just Hunt who was in danger now, it was all of them; the lawyer knew this, knew that if the situation couldn't be fixed soon, there would be a lot for him to answer for. He gave Grady the address of Hunt's place in Auburn. He gave him the name of the wife. He gave him a description of Eddie and left it at that.

  TWO MEN SAT IN A TINTED LEXUS, WATCHING THE tourists mill around the downtown ferry docks. One of the men, in an Armani sweater, leaned forward in his seat and checked the dash clock. He blew smoke from a cigarette. Music played softly from the car stereo.

  "What time is it?" the second man asked. He wore a similar sweater, rolled neck, with a small horseman embroidered on his left breast. The sleeves were too long for him and he continually pushed them up. The two men were speaking in Vietnamese, both of them in their early thirties.

  "Fuck this," the man in the Armani sweater said. "We should have just gone up there ourselves."

  "She acted stupid. Acted real dumb, getting off the plane like that."

  "Should have gotten her ourselves."

  "We don't need that trouble. That's what we pay the lawyer for. They would have pulled us over at the border. No doubt about it."

  "At least we'd know something then. At least we'd have some clue what was going on."

  "And what about the other girl? The one who was supposed to come in yesterday?"

  "The lawyer is fucking us, that's what."

  "What do you want to do?"

  "I don't like working this way. But we do it because we can't do it any other way. You find a better system, you tell me. She was supposed to be delivered straight from the airport."

  "Dumb-ass girl."

  "Fuck the girl. As long as we get what she's carrying."

  "What do you want to do?" the man in the Armani sweater said. He brought a hand to his mouth and removed the cigarette. He sat in the car, relaxed, unbothered by the lateness of the girl. The only thing about him that moved quickly was his mouth.

 

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