She didn’t know what he was thinking. She could only pray he wouldn’t turn her away. It would break her heart, even though she knew it’s what she deserved. She had broken his long ago. Now that she knew she could lose him permanently, all she wanted to do was spend this night in his arms – to let the past rest, and focus on what she had been denying herself all this time. A slow smile worked its way across his face until he was looking at her with the most radiant expression she had ever seen him wear.
“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you to do that,” he said, his smile widening.
“I can guess,” she replied, feeling her face flush. Jameson bent down, crushing their mouths together, literally taking her breath away. She wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him close. There was an intensity about him she had never felt before, like he was afraid she would just suddenly disappear. They clung to each other in a desperate way. Finally he pulled back, allowing them to catch their breath.
“You know, if I win tomorrow, you’re going to be in a heap of trouble,” he said, leaning down to trail kisses down her nose, and then across her jaw. He ended just below her ear, where he knew she liked.
“Why?” she asked, surprised at how breathless she sounded.
He straightened so he could look at her again. He wore the same cocky grin she remembered from the first time he had stolen a kiss from her. “Because this time, I’m not letting you go, no matter what anyone says.” She barely had time to inhale before he was on her again. His arms lifted her easily off the floor, laying her down gently on the bed. She loved the feeling of his weight on her. His smell was everywhere, something she hadn’t realized how much she’d missed until now. His mouth left hers again, kissing, licking and nipping down her neck and shoulder. He made quick work of her dress, tossing it onto the floor beside them.
He sat back, looking down at her admiringly. She instinctively went to cover her nakedness, but he shook his head and stopped her arms from moving. “Don’t,” he said, softly. He looked at her with so much emotion that she was afraid she’d begin to cry again. “I almost forgot how beautiful you are,” he said, bending to kiss her softly on her stomach. She reached her hands into his hair, letting the strands run through her fingers. “I’ve missed you,” he said.
She could feel tears starting to fill her eyes. How could she have wasted all this time? Her heart still felt dangerously close to breaking. “Promise me you won’t leave me again,” he pleaded. There was so much hurt in his eyes that she had to close hers against it.
“I promise,” she whispered.
“Look me in the eyes and say it.”
She opened hers, staring up at him. The electricity between them was alive, pulling at her insides. She wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be able to hold himself off. She pulled at the hem of his shirt, and lifted it over his head. He shifted from arm to arm so that it came off, and then went back to holding himself above her. She reached up, placing her hands gently on either side of his face. “I promise,” she said, looking him right in the eye. He let out a soft moan before crushing their mouths together again, eliminating the outside world.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Callum was watching her carefully, but Rose wouldn’t meet his eyes. He had returned shortly after she watched his brother and the young man who she’d met before ride back to their camp. She was braiding her hair down one shoulder when he walked in. His eyes found hers immediately, and she knew – just knew that something was wrong. Then he had told her what had been agreed upon, and it felt like the ground beneath her had literally been yanked away and she was falling into a dark abyss.
“Rose,” he whispered, reaching out to her. His strong hands cupped her face gently. She loved the feeling of his rough palms against her skin. There was no place she felt safer than with this man. Closing her eyes against the pain in her chest, she felt rather than saw him shift closer to her. His knees rested up against hers. They sat cross-legged on the bed, surrounded by fur blankets. Callum still held her face, gently lifting it up. Reluctantly, she opened her eyes to stare into the deep pools of chocolate before her. She instantly closed them again, cutting off the concern and sadness etched in them. He was worried for her, she knew, but she couldn’t bring herself to reassure him. She could lose him tomorrow. The thought was like a knife in her heart.
“Rose,” he said, again. “Please love, I need you to speak to me.” She hadn’t said a word since he entered. The weight on her chest wouldn’t allow her to. If she opened her mouth now, it would just turn to sobbing, and then she would never stop. She’d cry all night. “Listen to me, everything will be fine. This is it, Rose, don’t you see that? You’ve always said you wanted this to end, and now it will.”
Her eyes shot open, and she looked at him again, anger sparking in her veins. “Not like this,” she hissed. “Never like this! I didn’t tell you to risk your life to end things.” Fury so overpowering consumed her. She welcomed it, finding it more bearable than the sadness that waited just below the surface.
“You’d rather me risk my men’s lives?”
“I’d rather we just go HOME!” It was the first time she had ever really yelled at him, and she found herself breathing hard. Callum looked pale, but he stayed near to her, touching her in small ways. She knew this was his way of soothing her. When they were first together, he had said many times that all he had wanted to do was touch her and hold her close. All those days and nights of controlling himself had left him desperate. Now that she was his, he said he would never stop touching her. Rose could remember laughing at him when he said that, pointing out that there was no way he could sustain the claim. He had only replied with a sly look before pouncing on her. Her heart warmed at the memory, remembering that day well. They had stayed in bed together the entire day, and she felt completely at peace with her life. True to his word, he continued to find ways to stay in physical contact with her. It calmed both of them.
He was currently stroking his thumbs over her knuckles, keeping a tight hold on her hands. “Rose,” he started, but his voice caught. She looked up to see his eyes were watery. He cleared his throat before continuing. “I don’t know what to say to you to ease your mind, but I just need you to keep faith in me. This is not something I can simply walk away from. You know that. You’ve known what you were getting yourself into from the beginning.”
“Yes, well, clearly I didn’t think it through well enough,” she spat back. He jerked back like she had physically hit him. His mouth set in a firm line like it did whenever he was mad, but she could still see the hurt in his eyes.
“Obviously you didn’t,” he said, his voice low. She knew that tone well from when they first met, and it brought goose bumps to her arms. He was scary when he was angry. “I’ve never pretended to be anything other than what I am. This is me, Rose. Take it or leave it.”
“No, this is who Aziz has made you! He saw your hurt and confusion from your father’s decision and fed it. He built the ugliness that you’ve lived your life by, but it’s not who you are! You are kind, compassionate and generous. You are your father’s son! And those people,” she said, pointing in the direction of the King’s army, “those people are your people.” She couldn’t fight the anger and resentment boiling inside her. She had already lost her brother, the one person she thought she had left, and now she was going to lose him too.
“The men we came here with our my people too,” he growled.
“Then lead them both,” she threw back, feeling emotionally exhausted. “Help your brother make Eden peaceful again, and join your people.”
Callum looked at her, staggered. “Is that what you had hoped for this entire time? That I would work all these years just to become one happy family again at the end?”
“I don’t have a family anymore, Callum. Maybe you should stop and realize what it is you still have – and embrace it. You have a family. If I had one, I’d embrace them every minute of every day.” He looked at her, speechless. Why
couldn’t he see how wrong this war was? “Leave,” she said, her voice cold.
“This could be our last night together, and you want me to leave?” he asked, baffled.
The tears she had been holding back were starting to rise and she could feel the ache in the back of her throat. “Yes,” she said, her voice wavering. “Just go, Callum. I want to be alone.” Keeping her eyes cast down, she watched him leave out of her peripheral vision. As soon as the tent flap fell she let out the sobs that now racked her body. She instinctively curled into a ball as she lay down on her side, hugging her belly tightly. She cried for Callum and his brother, for their father who would have never wanted this for his sons, for their child who might never meet its father, for her brother who she had lost, for her parents, and for herself.
It felt like she had been crying for hours by the time her tears dried. As the fog lifted from her mind, her actions that night finally hit her. What’s wrong with me? The night before Callum is literally going to fight for his life, I go and tell him to leave? Gods she was so selfish sometimes. On the other hand, Rose knew she had rarely been selfish throughout this entire journey. She had been captured, her home and family destroyed, and brought on a crazy adventure with men who initially terrified her. Yes, she had fallen in love in spite of it all, but it was still so much to handle. Then she had been locked away in a castle while they planned their war, with only the hope of one day reuniting with her brother, only to find out now that he had died months ago. Anyone would have crumbled under that kind of stress.
Her hands went to her stomach as they did a million times a day. She also had the baby now. Rose was still quite young, and even though she knew lots of women who had babies at her age, she was still worried that she wouldn’t be a good mother. Callum would be an excellent father, she was sure of it. Of course, that would depend on if he was even around. Guilt and pain washed over her again, and she could feel her eyes start to refill with tears. No, she told herself. No more crying. It was time to stop pitying herself.
Standing up, she went over to look into a small mirror. She cringed at her reflection. Her hair was a mess, numerous strands having come out of the braid. Her green eyes were now bloodshot and puffy from crying, and her face was pale and haunted looking. She quickly fixed her hair and pinched her cheeks to get some colour back into them. There wasn’t much she could do about her eyes. There was no way of knowing where Callum would be, but she’d search all night until she found him. He probably feels betrayed, her inner voice scolded.
Grabbing her cloak, she quickly went to the tent opening and threw back the flaps. She had only taken one step before she crashed into a large, familiar chest. Surprised, she looked up into Callum’s amused, yet weary, face. He looked so unsure and sad it made her heart hurt.
“I was beginning to wonder how long you were going to take,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. Without hesitating, Rose flung her arms around her neck, crushing her body against his. Callum buried his face in her neck, breathing her in.
“I’m so sorry, Callum,” she said, pulling back just enough to look into his eyes. “I didn’t mean what I said. I could never regret us. I love you so much.” She kissed him quickly on the lips, peppering more over his entire face. The roughness of his beard scratched at her lips, but she didn’t care. Holding his face in her hands, she continued to kiss him everywhere, his eyes, his nose, his cheeks, his forehead. Callum’s hands came to rest over hers, and he was chuckling softly. “Please forgive me,” she whispered. He pulled back so her assault would stop.
“Rose, there is nothing to forgive. I am the one who should ask for your forgiveness. Sometimes I forget how we started and how much you have been going through. I’m so ashamed and mad at myself,” he said, his eyes growing dark. He dropped to his knees, circling his long arms around her waist, and rested his forehead gently against her belly. “I was so afraid you had finally figured out what a monster I am, and that you would leave me.”
Rose gasped in shock. “I would never leave you,” she said, gently running her hands through his hair. “I love you with all my heart, Callum. That’s all that matters.” He lifted his face to look at her, his eyes still weary.
“I’ve taken everything from you,” he said. She could sense his nervousness. He truly believed she would leave him now.
She shook her head. “You have given me so much more, Callum. Please don’t question my happiness. It’s just – the thought of losing you is unbearable. I don’t know how I’ll get through tomorrow.” Her voice had dropped to a whisper and fresh tears streamed down her face. Callum got to his feet, gently wiping her cheeks.
“I’ll be fine, Rose. Tomorrow this will all be over, and I can take you home, to the Capital, and the two of us and our baby will live happily there.”
She raised herself up onto her toes, kissing him gently across his cheek bone, over his nose, and across the other. His eyes closed, and held perfectly still under her ministrations. “I’d be happy anywhere, as long as it’s with you,” she whispered. His eyes opened to regard her. They were filled with so much love, she wondered how she had never noticed before that fateful afternoon when they had finally come together. Had he always looked at her this way?
Callum leaned his head down towards her, lightly skimming her lips and moving to stop beside her ear. “The night is almost over, and tomorrow will be a big day. Let’s go to bed,” he whispered. His tone of voice sent shivers down her spine. Before she could agree, she was swept up into his arms and back inside the tent. His mouth found hers the instant she hit the bed. His long body was stretched out beside her. He pulled back, looking down at her with a sweet smile.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he said, gently stroking her face. She leaned into his touch, breathing in his scent.
“You’d be a miserable old man,” she replied, looking back up at him mischievously. His eyebrows rose, a small smirk lifting one side of his mouth.
“Old man?” He was using his fake mad voice that made her squirm in anticipation. He liked to tease her like this. She nodded her head, bracing for his attack. A low growl came from deep in his throat, as he pulled his eyebrows down low, and narrowed his eyes at her. Before she would have been terrified of such a look, but she could still see the trace of a smile on his lips, and the laughter in his eyes. “I’ll show you old man,” he rumbled. His next move had her squealing in delight, their joint laughter filling the small tent.
Her head lay on his chest as the morning light peeked through the small slit of the tent’s opening. Callum’s breathing was steady. Rose lay still, not wanting to disturb him, enjoying the warmth of his body. She was lying on top of the arm that was reached around her body, and draped comfortably over her hip. Even in his sleep, he kept her safe. Lifting her head slightly, she let her eyes wander slowly over the planes of his face. He looked peaceful and at ease, completely opposite to what he would feel when he woke up. She hadn’t been able to sleep well. After they were both worn out, she expected to fall into a deep slumber, but instead her mind raced with the possibilities of this morning. She must have only been out for a short time when she sensed the ominous morning sun break over the horizon.
One of her hands moved on its own, gently circling patterns on his bare stomach. It followed all the highs and lows of the muscles that came with all the training he did. She placed a gentle kiss on the side of his ribs, and then quietly wiggled free of his hold. He’d probably forbid her from leaving the tent, like he had the previous day, but she wouldn’t listen. Of course, there was no reason for him to know that. Rose knew it would be impossible for her to sit in complete ignorance as he battled for his life. She’d need to find something to wear that wouldn’t attract too much attention. The problem was, all the men in his army treated her just as Callum did. They wouldn’t let her watch either, so she’d have to be clever about it.
As she walked towards the trunk that held her clothes, she caught her naked reflection in the mirror. It was
amazing how much her body had changed. Her belly was round and hard. Her breasts had become fuller, which Callum was constantly voicing his appreciation for. The thought made her blush. She could see pink warm her cheeks as she looked at herself.
Two large hands suddenly reached around, covering her pale skin with his rough, darker one. She smiled shyly as Callum’s chin came to rest on her shoulder, his eyes dancing in the mirror.
“What are you doing?” he asked, clearly amused.
“I was just going to get dressed,” she replied, feeling her blush deepen.
He turned to bury his face in her hair, breathing in deeply. Then he started to press small kisses up her neck, forcing her to tilt her head to the side so he would have better access. He stopped just below her ear, pausing for a moment, before gently nipping at her earlobe. “I think you should come back to bed first,” he said, whispering into her ear.
“Don’t you think you should be getting ready?” she asked.
He chuckled, pulling her against his body. She loved how warm his skin was always. “I think I should be back in that bed with my woman, and no man is going to tell me differently,” he replied, turning her to face him. “I’m in no rush to leave you.”
A lump instantly formed in her throat. The Goddess knew how much she didn’t want him to leave. She hooked her arms around his neck, pressing herself closer. “You would leave your brother waiting?” she asked, tilting her head playfully.
“For you? Most definitely,” he said with a wide grin, lifting her easily and bringing her back where they had started.
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