by Sharlay
“Cole, what is it? Is the baby ok?” Ned asks barely able to breathe.
“Everything is fine, just stay calm,” I lie because I have no idea if everything is ok.
My eyes meet every other pair in the room and not one gives me any hope.
“One more push and we’ve done it, you can do this, Neddie.” The doctor’s voice is calm, but behind it, I hear something else. She sounds unsure of her own words. She doesn’t know if what she is saying is true, she is hoping it is, but she has no damn idea. My eyes fall to Ned and she looks so weak.
“Come on, baby. You can do this.”
“I’m tired,” she whispers.
“I know but one more push and we can meet our princess.” I smile.
“You admit that it’s a girl.” She breathes with a small smile.
“I’ve never doubted you.”
With that, she gives one final push. The room is silent. I can hear nothing. Why isn’t she crying? Why can’t I hear my baby? I look up at anyone for an answer but they are all moving so fast. They are talking to each other with terms that almost make me believe they are speaking another language.
“Cole, what’s happening?” Ned asks with a look of panic on her face. I want to reassure her that everything is ok and explain exactly what is happening but I don’t have the words.
I grew up with a mother who prayed constantly yet I rarely talk to God. I close my eyes and say words I have never said to him before. I beg and I plead and I make promises. I never knew I wanted to be a dad but I beg him to let me be one.
Moments pass and I watch Ned begin to crumble and then I hear it. It’s the most ear-piercing scream but it is the best sound in the world. How can the loudest sound give me the most peace I have ever had in my life?
“She’s ok. Your baby is ok.” One of the doctors turns to us with a bright smile on her face. I glance my eyes down at the tiny life as they wheel her out of the room. She is beautiful. “She is premature so we need to take her to the neonatal intensive care unit. Dad, you can come down while we get Mom settled if you would like,” she says with a smile.
Dad. I’m a dad. The sound of that sentence almost knocks the air out of me.
“No, I need to stay here. She’ll be safe, won’t she?”
“She will.” She smiles warmly.
I turn to Ned and smile. She looks at me expressionless for a minute as though she has no idea how to react.
“She’s ok?” She keeps nodding her head. “Our baby … she’s ok?” Tears start to stream down her face and my heart breaks in the best kind of way.
“Yes, she’s ok,” I whisper as I wrap my arms around her neck and kiss her cheek. “It’s a little girl, you were right.”
“She’s really ok,” she whispers one last time.
I nod against her. “She’s fine, baby.” I pull away to look at her and she looks exhausted. It’s like she used everything she had to bring our baby into the world. The last bit of energy is used as she lets out a deep breath.
She looks up at the ceiling with a content smile on her face before she whispers, “She’s ok … my baby is ok.” Then her eyes roll back into her head and the monitor starts screaming.
“What’s happening? What’s wrong with her?” I ask the same doctor — or whatever she is — who was smiling at me warmly just a second ago. She looks horrified before she tries to calm me down.
“It’s ok, if we can just ask you to step outside of the room.”
“Why do I need to step out, what is the matter?”
“Please, sir just let us do our job and we will explain everything later.”
“No! I’m not leaving her!” I scream as I watch them attaching things to Ned’s chest and shocking her over and over again. “Why isn’t she waking up?”
“Mr. Cole, if you love this woman like I think you do then you need to step out of this room so my whole team can do everything they can to save her life.” The voice is direct and commands my attention. He is an older man with gray hair. He is not being harsh, he is being honest. I nod in defeat, take one last glance at Ned’s lifeless body as electricity is pumped through her and let the lady lead me out.
“We’ll let you know what’s happening as soon as we can.”
I walk aimlessly into the corridor until I hear voices. Familiar voices.
“Bren?” It’s Layla’s voice. I can’t see her through my tears and I can’t even make out her words. I feel myself fall to my knees and I feel Layla’s arms wrap around me. I can smell her. It’s the same smell she’s had since we were kids. It reminds me of my mother. I tuck my face into her neck and I cry like a baby. I don’t care who is watching or who is judging me, my heart just got ripped out of my chest because deep down I know the truth. I just lost her … I lost Ned.
2 Years Later
Two years ago two significant things happened in my life:
My daughter — Cacey Neddie Cole — was born.
The love of my life — Neddie Cara Waters — died.
If anybody had told me this would have happened, a couple of years back, I would have called them crazy. For one, I was the Brennan Cole, I didn’t even do love and neither did I want children. It’s funny how someone can walk into your life and change everything about it. Ned changed me in so many ways. She made me a man and she made me a father. That is something I will be eternally grateful for. And she made me fall in love. Being with Ned taught me about forgiveness, patience, and everything it takes to be the man that I try to be every day. She taught me that sometimes life is hard. Sometimes life sucks so hard you feel like giving up but just when you feel it — at that exact moment — that’s when you should keep fighting. Fight like your life depends on it because things get better. I didn’t believe that at first but things really do get better. If you just wait out all of the crap and the pain, things get better.
Today is an example of that. Today … things got better. I never thought this could be the kind of thing that could happen to me but it turns out it can. It turns out that even someone who has been told they are unlovable and worthless can find love. The most amazing thing Ned ever did for me was to love me even after she had seen my flaws. She loved me when I was broken and she loved me as I slowly became whole again.
My head lifts as the sound of the music fills my ears. Bobby nudges me in the side. I turn to see a stupid grin on his face.
“You ready for this?” he whispers as he straightens his tie.
“No,” I answer honestly. “It’s still pretty surreal to see you in a suit.” I laugh.
“Very funny. You picked the worst tux in history. These pants are hugging my balls to death. The poor guys can barely breathe down there.”
“Thank God they’re small then,” I say.
I see a glimpse of green and smile. Bobby’s words are lost in the atmosphere.
Cacey and Sophie are the first to walk in. Sophie has a huge smile on her face as she holds onto her baby cousin’s hand protectively. They are both wearing cute little green dresses. Cacey has a basket of petals in her hand. She sprinkles them on the aisle just like we all showed her in rehearsal. When she looks up at me she has the biggest smile on her face and I know there is no one in this world that will ever love me as much as her.
Layla is the next to walk in and I take a deep breath because she looks so much like my mother today. I hold back the tears and smile at her proudly. She winks at me and it gives me the strength to hold it together. I can do this. Next is Misty. The way she is looking at Bobby is even making me uncomfortable.
“Dude, break the eye contact. You two are making all of my guests uncomfortable.”
“Sorry,” he says in a tight voice. I dread to imagine what is actually going through his mind.
Suddenly everyone stands and my eyes are glued to the back of the room. I have been anticipating this moment for longer than I can even remember.
“Your turn to make everyone uncomfortable,” Bobby says through gritted teeth.
“It
’s my wedding; I’m supposed to make everyone uncomfortable,” I say.
I hear him laugh but it disappears along with everyone else when my bride enters the church. Oh. My. Gosh. She looks beautiful. She smiles at me and I know that everyone else has disappeared for her too. She mouths the words I love you and I mouth back I love you more. She smiles and I think my heart just skipped an actual beat, like really. I can’t believe this is happening.
I look at her beautiful face and I can’t shake the smile. I’m about to marry the love of my life. I’m about to marry … Neddie Waters. I’m ashamed to say that once again I am holding back actual tears. Gosh, I’m so in love with this woman. I take a deep breath and thank God this is real.
Two years ago Neddie Waters died … for twenty whole minutes. It was the longest twenty minutes of my life. I’ve never felt so tortured. There was a part of me that longed to celebrate the life of my beautiful daughter and the other half of me wanted to mourn the love of my life. But I refused because I made her a promise. I promised I would marry her. I reminded God of my promise. I spoke to him for the full twenty minutes. I told him that it was wrong to allow me to break my promise; it was something I just couldn’t do. In that very moment, I became a man of my word. Something changed within me and I knew that Ned had to wake up because I wasn’t ready to lose her. I still had so much to learn and I needed her by my side to do it.
“Hey,” I whisper as her father hands her over to me with a proud smile on his face.
“Hey,” she whispers back.
“You look beautiful.”
“So do you.” She chuckles.
“Now, I’ve got a promise to keep. You ready to get married?”
“I am.”
Today just became one of the best days of my life and the list of best days seems to keep getting longer. I turn my head and look at my wife as she undresses. My wife. That sounds so good. I stroll casually through our hotel room and into the bathroom where she is standing in front of the mirror. I wrap my arms around her and breathe her in.
“You smell good,” I whisper in her ear.
“I smell of you.” She chuckles.
“I know,” I say cockily.
“I see you brought Freddy on our honeymoon.”
“Babe, I never leave the house without him.”
She rolls her eyes. I squeeze her tighter. Our eyes meet in the mirror.
“You’re my miracle,” I whisper the words she has heard thousands of times over the past two years.
“And you’re mine.”She smiles.
“And Cacey’s ours.”
“She is a miracle isn’t she?” I nod. “I never thought I could have this,” she says seriously.
“I never thought I wanted it.”
“Funny how life changes, isn’t it?”
“It really is. Ned?”
“Yes?”
“You’re my wife.” I watch her reflection smile back at me.
“And you’re my husband.”
“Best. Words. Ever.” I tease in a whisper.
“Some things never change.” She rolls her eyes. I turn her in my arms so our faces are a little over an inch apart.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever truly explained this to you but you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Ned. You have given me so much, sacrificed so much and no matter how much I try I can never truly repay you.”
“You repay me every day, just by being with me.”
“Neddie Cole, gosh that sounds so hot. You having my name is so sexy.”
“It does kind of have a ring to it, doesn’t it?” She chuckles.
“It does but babe, you really can’t keep calling me Cole. It’s going to sound weird, especially now that you and Cacey share the same name.”
“I’ll call you Brennan when we’re out but at home you’re Cole.”
“Fine by me, at home your Christina Grey … I like secret identities.” I wink.
“Of course you do.” She hesitates for a moment before speaking again. “The first day we met I knew. I tried to ignore it but deep down I knew you were the only one for me,” she says seriously.
“How?”
“When I told you about my mom I saw something in your eyes and I knew that if that something ever broke its way through it would love me like nobody has ever loved me before.”
“And I do … love you.”
“I know.”
“Now, not to cut the sweet talk but I really, really want to make love to my wife.”
She gasps. “What a coincidence because I really, really want to make love to my husband.”
I lift her off the floor until her legs wrap around my waist and she is laughing. Still my favorite sound in the entire world. I crush my lips against hers and don’t break the kiss as I carry her to the bed. I lay her down gently before climbing on top of her.
“You know,” I say as I start to take both of our clothes off slowly, “we’re technically both virgins.” I smirk down at her.
“We are?” She raises her eyebrows at me.
I nod. “Yup, I’ve never had married sex before, have you?”
“Nope never.”
“I wonder what it feels like,” I tease.
“Much better, I’m guessing.”
“You’re about to find out.” I smile. I look down and admire her body. Every mark and blemish look beautiful to me. “You’re so perfect.”
She smiles up at me as I lower myself over her.
“Ah, hold on, I’ve got a gift for you,” I say jumping off her.
“I thought your gift was in your pants?” She winks.
“That’s a gift you already own; what’s in here is different,” I say as I dig into the bottom of my suitcase and look for silver paper. Got it! I head back to the bed with the mystery gift in my hand and climb on top of her.
“What is it?” she asks as I hand it to her.
“Open it and find out.”
She looks up at me as if I’m up to something before she slowly unwraps the paper. I watch the confusion as the pen falls out onto her chest.
“A pen?” she asks as she scrunches up her nose and picks it up.
“Look again,” I whisper.
She looks confused as she pulls out a piece of paper too.
“Unfold it,” I instruct. She does. I see the moment that recognition fills her face. The tears fill her eyes as she looks up at me with a small smile.
“Cole,” she whispers.
I slip the paper out of her hand and smooth out the creases.
“It’s my bucket list.” She breathes as a tear slides down the side of her face.
I nod. “Now you can check off the one that says ‘hold a baby in my arms’. You did, our baby … Cacey. You did it and I’m so proud of you.”
“I can’t believe you kept this.”
“I had to keep it, we haven’t finished it yet. Now put a check next to it.”
With a shaky hand, she lifts the pen to the paper and draws a check and then the tears really fall. I take the pen out of her hand, place the lid back on and put it down on the bed beside us with the piece of paper. I rub the pads of my thumbs gently under her eyes until the tears are gone.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
I shake my head as I hold her face. “No, thank you. Thank you for finding me and thank you for giving me Cacey. You are so much more than I could have ever wished for. I never thought someone like you could exist. You are so perfect.”
“So are you. You are the best version of perfect I’ve ever known,” she whispers as her hand strokes the side of my face.
“No matter what happens, no matter how long we have left, you will always be my forever, Neddie Cole.”
“And you’re mine, Brennan Cole until death do us part.”
“And even then I’ll still love you. Don’t forget to wait for me in heaven,” I whisper.
“I will.”
“Promise?” I ask seriously.
“I promise.”
“Thank you. Now, Freddy I need you to leave the room, I’m about to make love to my hot wife and things might get messy.” I hear the sound of her laughter and I feel so complete.
Ned may not be cured and we might not know how much longer we have left — or why she’s still alive — but I am going to spend every waking moment cherishing this woman because when you come across someone like Neddie you treat every day with her as if it is your last.
“I love you, Ned.”
“I love you, too.”
“I love you more …”
THE END
Just over a year ago Neddie’s story was very real for me …
Let me set the scene. My family is incredibly close … My mom, dad, brother, and sister … we are close. My mom and dad are no longer together but they are great friends. For my entire life, my dad has always been the one that never gets ill. We all get a cold, he doesn’t. We all get a virus, he doesn’t. He just never got ill. But just over a year ago he did. For the first time and it was major. It turned our family upside down and tested every bit of faith we had as a family unit.
To go from never seeing my dad ill to being told he has a weak heart, with a leaky valve, a clot in his heart and a clot in his lung is BIG. To be told that he has heart failure and that without a transplant his heart could last a week, a month or even a year if we’re lucky — he could die — is heartbreaking. Well, that was my family’s story just over a year ago. Suffice it to say, Christmas last year was pretty much ruined.
Just like Neddie my dad was fit, healthy, and young (maybe not as young as Neddie lol). The point is that nobody knew why this had happened to him but the fact was it did. My dad was a little less rebellious than Neddie and he did take his medicine but time was ticking and there was no news of a transplantation at this point — keeping in mind, we were told he could die while waiting on the list, die during surgery or die if his body rejected it. Gosh, it was a gloomy time but throughout it all, we stuck together. Like Brennan, we kept laughing and smiling. Like Neddie, we stayed positive. We kept the faith and despite being told the worst news ever, we kept smiling.
