Snow Angel

by Sharon Maria Bidwell

  “You mine, Jay? You my angel?”

  “Yes.” He managed to force the words out by closing his eyes.

  “What?”

  “I said yes!” That finger moved slightly back and forth just inside him, making him shake, to beg ... almost. The words lay heavy on his tongue, trembled at the edge of his lips.

  “Open your eyes and tell me.”

  Jay shook his head so slightly from side to side. No, please, no.

  “Jay.” The voice was insistent. He opened his eyes.

  “Yes.”

  “Yes, what?”

  “Yes, I’m yours.”

  “You want this?” A second finger stroked around the rim as the finger within twisted with the movement. Jay squealed though not in pain. “You want?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ask me.”

  Something inside him fractured and tore his jaw apart with unseen fingers. “Please.”

  “Please?”

  A shuddering breath shivered through him. He slumped in defeat, his head resting against Dean’s forehead. His words came out low and breathless. “Please touch me. Please put your fingers inside me. Please, will you f’ing fuck me!”

  Dean chuckled. That sound angered him, but not enough to stop this. The sudden presence of a second finger spread him. Jay couldn’t help it. Rising up onto his knees, he started to move up and down on the penetration, aware all the time that Dean’s eyes gleamed with that strange light. At times, Dean could look like a man in need of exorcism. If that were true, then what was Jay, for some kind of spirit moved him, had its wicked way with him. Reaching out with a hand for balance, Jay continued to plunge up and down, increasing the speed, grunting when he felt a third finger begin to open him. “Dean, please,” he managed to ground out between his teeth. “I need this. I need you inside me.”

  Ignoring his plea now, Dean just started to move his hand, corkscrewing his fingers up as Jay came down. Truly, they needed lube, but there was no time to pause. As the sensation ripped through him, Jay just shouted. “Please!” It came out halfway between a sob and squeal. Those large hands let go of him completely and for a moment, the world rushed in cold and empty. Then Dean’s warm, hard, comforting grip returned. Jay only realised Dean intended to answer his plea when the big man slipped further down the couch and lifted Jay towards him. Three fingers had opened him nicely. He barely heard Dean’s whispered warning of “All at once” when the rigid shaft entered him. Dean kept his promise. There was no hesitation, no stopping. Dean plunged into him in one admittedly slow, but hard, firm glide.

  There was barely time to be thankful Dean kept only half his promise. No matter what the books or movies said, you couldn’t do this without lube or spit, or some kind of assistance. You couldn’t just force someone open without them paying the price for it. Dean apparently knew how to keep it just the right side of agony but even so, some pain shot through him, but it dissipated, spreading out, seeping through his limbs, leaving his skin tingling. It shouldn’t have. It should have hurt like hell and it did, but adrenaline helped, so did desire. So did the numerous times he’d succumbed to his toys in the last few days while he bleakly stared at the phone waiting for it to ring, and three of Dean’s fingers were more than he was used to taking. The other thing that helped was that Dean let gravity do most of the work. Jay closed his eyes. His mouth fell open and his head rolled back as he sunk down, slow, but steady, onto that solid length. By the time Dean started to move, to pump his hips upwards, Jay was already shaking.

  “Do you want me? Hmm? Can I have you, Jay? Can I have you whenever I want? Will you do this whenever I say?”

  He couldn’t understand why Dean said these things, asked these things. Worse still, it turned him on. A small part of him felt sick and cold, the kind of anxiety that went beyond fear into petrified. Seeing as he was the one on top, he should have been the one driving. Somehow, Dean still rode him, ploughing into more than his distended backside, plunging right up into his bowels, his heart, and his brain. Each savage thrust brought more rawness to abused flesh, but it also abraded his heart. He couldn’t pull off ‑‑ physically he couldn’t force Dean to let go of him ‑‑ and he wasn’t sure he would have anyway. He suddenly wanted to get away from the man under him, but he didn’t want the hard ride to stop. The trouble was each plunge loosened more than it should have. His hands pushed against that unyielding flesh, but he couldn’t make Dean stop. He could only close down his heart. Dean seemed to sense it. As though he could read the struggle going on inside him, those fingers curled into his hair more tightly. One of those large hands shook him slightly and pulled his head to the right and down. A sound of complaint escaped him over and above the sounds he already made. This position made his spine ache. It made him more aware of the hard, short, and sharp thrusts. The position left him no choice but to stare into those eyes as Dean’s gaze bore into him.

  “There’s no one here but us. Forget the rest of the world. Forget tomorrow.” The words were low, rough, somehow threatening. “Right here, right now. Do you want me?” The hand tightened, the grasp tugging at the roots of his hair.

  “Yes,” Jay managed to whisper.

  “Are you mine?”

  “Yes.”

  “Can I have you whenever I want?”

  Jay hesitated and the grip tightened into pain. “Yes,” he almost shouted into Dean’s face.

  “Say you’re my slut.”

  Jay frowned, but the grip on his hair lessened. The voice changed. The whispered words contained a rich tremor. Dean’s face softened; his eyes took on a glazed look. His thrusts eased. They began rocking together, keeping pace with each other. Their coupling was no longer a marathon, but a calm jog. Dean’s muscles relaxed, liquefied back into the couch. Any moment Jay expected the man to start purring. “I’m your slut,” Jay whispered before he even realised he was going to say it, and that even before he realised he meant it.

  “Say you’re my angel.”

  “I’m your angel.”

  A strange sound escaped Dean’s throat, one he couldn’t interpret. Dean’s imposing shaft still moved within him, but for the moment, it became secondary. Jay studied Dean’s face, trying to work out what the other man was thinking. He couldn’t explain it. In the space of a few seconds, things altered. He no longer felt humiliated or tortured. Indeed, right now in this moment, the only certainty was that Dean was with him on a level beyond what they were doing.

  * * * * *

  “Dean?” Jay barely breathed out his name, but all the unanswered questions and confusion sounded in that word. It manifested in every line of his face. All Dean could do was to shake his head. When it looked as if Jay was going to speak again, he hushed him.

  “No questions. Not right now.” It was all very well for him to say that, but he wasn’t the one with his friend’s cock buried to the hilt inside him. He had asked a lot of Jay tonight. He should give him something in return. “It’ll work out.” The moment the words left his lips, he regretted them. He had no right to promise that, not really. He didn’t know what was going to happen or how he would feel. He only knew how he felt now.

  Dean swallowed, suddenly aware they grew still. One of his hands travelled to Jay’s hip and guided him in a gentle rock. The subsequent movement caused Jay’s head to drop, his eyes to close and a shuddery breath to vibrate through him. The pleasure that caused his face to slacken instigated only one thought in Dean. What the fuck am I doing?

  It was a fine time to think about that now. He hadn’t come here for this. He hadn’t! Seeing Jay again, looking at him with those wide questioning eyes, seeing desire in them even if Jay didn’t realise it existed, even if he didn’t know how desirable he looked with that wave of fine silken tresses, that pout his lips drew into when he...

  Dean closed his eyes and groaned, tilting his head back as much as the sofa would allow. The truth was Jay’s gaze alternated between love and lust with despair in the wake of both. One moment his eyes looked br
ight and clear and then hazy, unfocused. The next they looked haunted. Of course, Dean told him everything would be all right. How could he not?

  A lump formed in his throat and Dean swallowed, desperate to dislodge it. It felt like the ache of pent up tears and he didn’t want his emotions to get in the way of all that good feeling, the tightness around his cock, the heat against his crotch. Why? Why was he doing this? Why do this to Jay? Strangely, he could get his head around the idea of fucking him. It might not be right, some might even consider it a little perverted, but it was just sex. It felt good. What he couldn’t account for was the fact that more than his cock seemed caught up in it. His mind said this was just a little fun. They could fuck a few times and things could go back to normal. At worse, maybe they would go their separate ways. That inner voice said they were drifting slowly apart anyway, but another part of him found it completely unacceptable. He didn’t want to lose Jay. He came here today to apologise, to say they could just be friends, but the moment he set eyes on him...

  Jay with that soft-to-the-touch skin, a slim tautness like a lean, athletic woman, with hips a good grip-satisfying distance apart, pouty cock-sucking lips ‑‑ the thought made Dean groan silently. Too late. He lay buried inside. He would save that for next time maybe. He opened his eyes in shock. He was already thinking of a next time and not later, next month or next week, but later tonight maybe, after they shared a bath. An involuntary grin suffused his face. He would like to get Jay in the bath, hot and wet, naked. He should have found the idea disturbing but he didn’t.

  “What?” Jay asked, undeniably breathless. He was asking after whatever caused that grin. He must be. Dean could still feel it stretching his face.

  “Nothing and everything,” Dean told him, running a hand through all that long hair, drawing him into a kiss. When they stopped kissing, Jay’s eyes remained shut. They still rocked, each downward stroke taking Jay down the full length of his cock now. The hard work came in pulling back, away. He held Jay’s face in one hand while watching those sensations play out over the smaller man’s face. The eyelids fluttered, trying to draw open. All he could see of Jay’s eyes through the slits were white. Jay’s cock slid back and forth in a pool of glistening fluid that now completely coated Dean’s stomach. Whatever resistance remained, it lay forgotten. Jay’s movements turned frantic, little rocks and twists, his legs trembling now from the strain of being in an awkward position on the couch for so long. Not that Dean was about to let him up no matter how awkward. It didn’t seem as though Jay felt inclined to move off anyway. He had always thought Jay quiet unless he was angry but he wasn’t quiet now. Good thing it was winter with the windows closed. Otherwise, the whole street would have been able to hear them. There was no knowing how thick the walls were. When moans weren’t tearing from his throat, Jay breathed so hard Dean feared he might hyperventilate. When a breath caught in his throat and the moans of pleasure turned into what sounded like a whimper of pain, Dean gathered them together as much as he could. Jay was close to finishing and Dean fought his own release. He felt sore from the pounding his cock received. He had no idea how raw and sore Jay was feeling. It didn’t seem to matter. He wasn’t sure either of them cared.

  * * * * *

  Jay threw back his head, on the verge of orgasm. Not all men could come from penetration without additional stimulation, but there was a spot where he liked to be touched and if the guy’s cock was just the right length ... Apparently, Dean’s was. Stimulation of the prostate was good and it made for great foreplay, but there was another place inside him, deep inside, possibly at the point where his body opened to another depth. “There.” He couldn’t believe he forced the word out but he wanted it there. “There. Just there.” He fell almost still, his muscles tightening all over, his mouth falling open, his gaze unfocused, a slight frown creasing his brow, his hair falling forward in a shroud and aware of what Dean could see on his face and unable to hide it. He would have cried out if he could. His cock stroked all this time across the soft tightness of Dean’s stomach. Now, as he hovered, all Dean did was caress him, fingers playing lightly in a feather-light touch along the length and over the head of his cock. He bucked as the orgasm took him.

  For a moment, there was only the sweet pulsing, the hot flood pouring out of him to coat Dean’s stomach, to drip down his sides. Then those large hands took him, forced him up and down hard, one, two, three times. Just as he thought he couldn’t stand one more thrust, the twin creature nestled inside him released a hot flood. Dean shouted unintelligibly, clutched him. They clung to each other through sheer necessity. With the loss of adrenaline, Dean’s grip now bordered on pain. Why was that always the way that you didn’t feel it until afterwards? He wouldn’t be surprised to see bruises in the morning. They would be worth it though, just to feel this now, to feel Dean helplessly clinging to him. He couldn’t help it. He started smiling.

  “You don’t need to look so smug,” Dean gasped, as they both began to come down. Dean’s face pressed against Jay’s chest and he looked up, somewhat sideways. He uttered a light moan and slipped to the right, shifting, falling lengthwise onto the couch and taking Jay with him. The movement pulled his cock out but Dean didn’t let go, but somehow managed to draw Jay down and on top of him.

  Not knowing he was going to speak before the words were out, Jay surprised himself by saying, “I just came all over you.”

  “Oh, you like that, do you?” That masculine voice still sounded a little breathless and the guy’s chest rose and fell, gently lifting and lowering Jay as he lay on top of him. A hot, sticky wetness made their skin slide, as well as stick between them. Dean’s voice held amusement and laughter in it. “Well, I just came inside you, for the second time.”

  Jay turned his head and looked at him, searching Dean’s face and eyes. He still couldn’t tell what the other man was thinking. He didn’t know how to ask him, and then Dean frowned slightly, and suddenly Jay knew exactly what question he wanted answered first.

  * * * * *

  “You get off on it, don’t you?”

  “Pardon?”

  “Telling me what to do. Getting me to obey you. Making me ask. You get off on it.”

  Letting his hand wander, Dean cupped Jay’s sweet, heart-shaped butt. That’s what Jay was. Sweet. All sorts of sweetness, like candy. Even now, his eyes searching, questioning, Jay looked endearing. He wanted an answer, though. Dean had one for him but he wasn’t sure he wanted to give it. He wasn’t sure he liked it. “You’re sweet, Jay. Sweet and clean, like an angel. I like to make you a little dirty.”

  Jay frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Dean shrugged as much as the position would allow him. “Sex takes us back to basics. You’re so closed off most of the time, not in general, but sometimes, with me. I know how you feel. I like seeing the evidence of it. When you’re pleading, I see the struggle going on inside you. It’s written all over your face.”

  “You want me to struggle?”

  He shook his head very slowly. “I want you to give in.”

  Little tensions, tightening of muscles, a frown, anger, and confusion played out in Jay’s face. Dean couldn’t remember how many muscles the face contained, but it seemed his friend used all of them. “What do you want from me?” The voice was heavy, thick with emotion, tears clogging the throat.

  “I’m not sure,” was all Dean could tell him. It wasn’t enough, and it wasn’t fair, but it was honest. He stroked Jay’s face, his jaw, his throat. “I need time to figure that out.”

  “Time?” A whole list of questions existed in that one word, but the most unsettling two were bright in Jay’s eyes. What was Jay supposed to do in the meantime while Dean ‘figured it out’? Even worse, what was it Dean needed to consider? Just what was he doing fucking his friend, and where did he think it could possibly take them?

  “Are you playing with me?” They went back to speaking in whispers.

  “Yes, but not the way you mean it.”
>
  “What then?”

  Dean stretched, laced his hands behind his head. He meant to reach back down if Jay moved, but the smaller man just continued to lie on top of him. Dean studied his face while Jay stared back, for once in his life unblinking. “I want this with you,” Dean suddenly blurted.

  “This?”

  He could only be blunt. “To fuck with you. To fuck around while it feels good.”

  “And have me beg and plead.”

  A slight smile tugged at the corners of his mouth before he could stop it. By the quick dart of Jay’s eyes, he could tell the other man saw it. With luck, it didn’t look evil. “It’s a game, Jay. It pleases me. It’s not intended to hurt you.”

  “That aside, where does fucking around get me?” There was anger in that voice now and Dean didn’t blame him. He reached down with one hand and caught Jay just as his muscles tensed to move. Even with one hand, he could hold Jay in place.

  “You know the straight guy’s idiom. If a mate offered to give you a blowjob, what would you do? Answer. You’d lie back and enjoy it.” Jay tensed, his gaze hardening, but Dean anticipated that. “I need time. Don’t ask me a question I can’t answer. Not yet, maybe not ever. You tell me to fuck off, I’ll go, but I want to stay the night, if you’ll let me.”

  “So you can screw me again?”

  Dean shook his head and moved, bringing his other arm down and somehow sitting, pushing Jay off, and scooping him up towards him all in one movement. “To hold you.” The small lie slipped off his lips too easily. He wanted to hold him, all right, but he also wanted to fuck him again, but seeing the look in Jay’s eyes, he wasn’t going to do that, not tonight, anyway. He wasn’t that much of a bastard. He watched the war in Jay’s eyes and kept the smile at bay when he saw the moment Jay lost the battle. His friend harboured one more surprise for him, though.