by HELEN HARDT
And she hadn’t seen him look happy in a very long time.
“You were moving around and stretching, so I figured you’d be up soon. Thought you might be hungry.”
And she found, to her surprise, that she was famished.
Jeff wore only a pair of jeans. He looked delectable as usual, but she turned her mind away from such a sexual scenario. He might not yet be ready to resume their relationship, and she had to make peace with that. In her heart, she knew they’d be together. Someday.
“I am hungry. Thanks. We can take this in the kitchen.”
“When I went to all the trouble of reheating this and setting it on the tray and walking twenty feet to bring it in here?” He winked. “Not a chance.”
She smiled, hoping she didn’t look too horrible due to the tears she had shed earlier after he’d fallen asleep. “Okay.”
She sat up and arranged some pillows for their backs. He set the tray in front of her.
She inhaled. “Smells great.”
“It ought to. You made it.”
“So I did. I hope you like it.”
“I already sampled a bit of it. It’s delicious.” He situated himself beside her and took one of the filled plates off the tray.
They ate in silence. When Maria finished, she moved the tray away and took Jeff’s plate. When she started to rise, he stopped her.
“I thought I’d take this stuff out to the kitchen.”
“That can wait. Here—” He took the tray from her and set it on the floor next to his side of the bed.
Maria swallowed, unsure what was to come. She said nothing.
He turned to face her, cupping her cheek with one palm. His touch sent her sizzling.
“Mia, I wish I could take parts of today back.”
“Jeff…”
“I’m serious. I never wanted to dirty you with any of that.”
“Please. I’m a big girl. I wanted you to open up to me.”
“I know. And I adore you for it. I just never wanted you to have to deal with any of those things. They’re too…awful.”
“I want to deal with it. I want to be here for you. And I intend to be.”
He smiled, stroking her skin. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
Apprehension sliced through her. Was he going to set her loose? Say they had no future? That he’d never be healed? She balled her hands into fists. Damn it, she was prepared to fight for what they’d had, what they could have again. She’d give him all the time he needed, but they would have a future.
She forced her voice to stay steady. “What is it?”
He smiled. “I forgave you long ago.”
She widened her eyes. He had? And all this time…when he was pushing her away… Did he no longer love her? A pit of hopelessness opened in her belly.
He spoke again before she could form any words. “I forgave you. And I forgave Wayne. I’m glad he was there for you and for Angie. You both needed him, and I’m glad he loved my little girl.”
“He was her—”
“—favorite,” they said together.
“I know she was,” Jeff said. “I wish he and I could have made peace while he was alive. But at least I know he was a good man and he took care of all that was precious to me.”
The lump in her throat began to dissolve. She was still precious to him. But still he held something back.
“The thing is, I couldn’t be with you, even though I had forgiven you.”
“Why not?”
“I couldn’t forgive myself.”
“Jeff, all those mistakes you made were long ago. You were young and headstrong. You had been disinherited. Everyone makes mistakes.”
“Mine cost a man his life, and though he didn’t die at my hand, I’ll have to live with that forever. I thought that was bad enough. But then, in prison, when I couldn’t help those innocent boys…”
Maria’s heart ached. Jeff Bay was a good man. A truly good heart. “I know.”
“I felt I was inadequate in some way. That a better man could have intervened and stopped those atrocities.”
“Jeff, you are the best kind of man. You always were. You just lost your way a little. And though you’re a good man, you’re only one man. There was nothing you could do.”
He nodded, his eyes distant. “I realize that now. It will take some time to heal, but I’m ready to start the process.”
“We can find you a therapist. The best there is.”
He chuckled. “In Bakersville?”
She smiled. “Well, we’ll have to go to Denver. But I’ll go with you. You won’t go through this alone. I promise. Harp will give you half a day off. No problem.”
“But the cost, Mia.”
Hang the cost. She’d gladly pay for the best therapy in the world to heal Jeff. But he wouldn’t take her money. She already knew that. Didn’t matter though. “Silly, didn’t you read those papers you signed when you started working here for Harp? All of our employees are covered with health insurance, and the state of Colorado has mandatory mental health benefits.”
Jeff’s eyes widened, and he broke out into a loud guffaw. He grabbed her face and kissed her lips. “All this time, Mia, I’ve been killing myself wondering how to get through this. Do you know I never once considered that I had benefits here?” He laughed out loud again.
And what a joyful sound it was! Maria laughed with him. She hadn’t heard that wonderful sound in over thirty years. And all over health insurance.
He pulled her to him, still laughing, stroking her back. “My Mia. I should have known you’d take care of me in the end.”
She smiled with him, happiness overwhelming her.
And when his laughing stopped, and he softly kissed her neck, her happiness turned to unglorified glee. She pulled back a little and met his gaze. No words were necessary.
They slowly undressed each other, kissing softly, caressing each other’s bare skin. Maria knelt and sucked on Jeff’s cock, which felt as divine beneath her tongue as she remembered. She twirled her tongue around the head and then spiraled tiny kisses over the shaft, all the way down to the base, where she licked and cupped his balls. Then back up, where she took him to the back of her throat.
He shuddered. “God, Mia, I’ve missed you so much.”
His words warmed her, spurred her on. She began moving her mouth faster, adding her fist to the mix, wanting so much to feel him explode inside her mouth. So much….
He grabbed her hand. “No, baby. I want to take it slow.”
She reluctantly let his cock drop from her lips.
“Let me take care of you now.” He laid her gently on the bed and spread her legs.
Maria leaned forward and held on to the sides of his head, her fingers threaded through his silky hair, as he stroked between her legs with his tongue. “Jeff, yes, just like that.” He licked her and sucked on her clit, and just when she was about to go mad, he thrust two fingers into her heat and she soared.
That feeling—that amazing feeling—that had been lying dormant inside her for so long awakened again.
He moved forward, covering her body with his, and kissed her deeply. They kissed for a long time, all the while their hands never leaving each other.
And when he finally entered her, time rolled backward and she took flight.
* * *
Thirty-Three Years Earlier
“Jesus Christ!” Jeff ran to Regan. The shot had gone right into his chest. Blood had already soaked his shirt. Jeff put his fingers against the man’s neck. No pulse.
“I am so outta here,” Max said, throwing the gun down.
“You just killed someone,” Jeff yelled. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Max ran out the door. Wayne struggled on the floor.
Jeff’s heart thrummed, his whole body aware of its rapid beat. What to do? Get out? Wayne knew they’d been here. He could identify all of them. Max wouldn’t get far. Still…if he grabbed one of the cars in Grandpa’s garage, he
could head south, maybe make it to Mexico…
God, he was thinking crazy. A man was dead. Dead. Bitter agony welled up inside him.
He looked toward his brother. Wayne was still struggling for something. Shit! He hadn’t wrapped Wayne’s wound.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m trying to get my cell phone in my pocket. Shit this hurts!”
“You’re bleeding. What the hell do you need your phone for?”
“To call the cops, you moron. You’ve outdone yourself, Jeff. Even I didn’t think you were capable of this.”
God damn. Why the hell should he care about his brother’s wounded arm? Wayne was about to finger him to the cops. Black rage bubbled in his blood. He was through. Through with these people. Fine. He’d take the heat. What choice did he have? He’d be dragged off to jail and then he’d cop some kind of plea and get probation. Max had killed someone. He hadn’t.
He’d take care of this, and then he’d make a life with Mia. A modest life, but a good life. A happy life.
He looked at his brother, hatred boiling in him. “Don’t bother with your phone. Regan said the cops are already on their way.”
“You won’t get away with this, Jeff.”
Jeff didn’t reply.
“Why did you do it?”
Jeff shook his head and met his brother’s gaze. “You’re really asking that question? Really? You don’t think it’s just a little unfair that you stand to inherit everything Grandpa owns and I get squat? Christ, Wayne, I wanted what’s rightfully mine.”
“And instead of talking to us, you dragged those two dregs of society in here to rob us? You’re insane.”
“Talk to you? You can’t be serious. Neither of you have had a kind word to say to me—”
“Freeze!”
Three uniformed cops bombarded the room, guns pointed.
“Cuff them both,” one said.
“Hey,” Wayne said. “I live here. This is my house. And I’ve been shot in the arm.”
“And you?” The cop turned to Jeff.
Must be a new cop. Most people in town knew who Jeff Bay was.
“I have no idea who he is.” Wayne looked away. “Cuff him and get him the hell out of my house.”
Chapter Twenty
Jeff basked in his happiness as Maria cuddled against him, her soft snores giving away her slumber. She was his again. And this time he’d never let her go.
She stretched a little and opened her eyes.
“Good morning, sleepyhead.” He chuckled. “Or should I say good evening?”
She smiled. “You doing okay?”
He nodded. “I haven’t felt this good in a long time.”
“Good. I’m glad.”
He looked into her chocolate-brown eyes. “I love you, Mia.”
“Oh, Jeff.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed, and then pulled back a little and returned his gaze. “I never thought I’d hear you say that again. I love you too.”
He smiled and pushed a stray strand of onyx hair behind her ear. “Thank you for waiting.”
“I would have waited forever. There’s never been anyone else for me.”
“For me either. Only you, my Mia.”
She hugged him again, and he held her close. He had a long road of healing ahead, but he knew, in his heart, he’d never have those nightmares again.
* * *
Thirty-Three Years Earlier
The county jail sucked. Crowded into a dirty cell with the dregs of society, as Wayne called them, wasn’t on Jeff’s bucket list. What in God’s name had he been thinking, living the kind of life he’d been living? Over a week had gone by. He’d lost track of how many days. He’d been arraigned for robbery, but he had no money for bail, so he had to wait until a public defender came to see him so he could make a deal.
Max had been taken in as well. Fortunately, he and Jeff hadn’t had any contact. Jeff wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep from throttling the guy.
The doctors had taken a sample of his blood earlier today. He wasn’t sure why, but he had nothing to hide.
Mia had come to see him a couple of times. He wasn’t allowed much time for visitation, and he had to sit behind a glass wall and look at her pretty brown eyes and talk to her on a phone. But at least she had come. At least she cared.
She’d assured him that she knew he was innocent, that everything would be okay, but he got the distinct feeling she didn’t believe him. Something in her face, her eyes. Sure, he’d been in trouble before, but he’d never harmed another human being.
He’d get out of this, and she’d believe in him again.
It was late. Visiting hours were over. She hadn’t come today.
He inhaled a deep breath and let it out slowly. The public defender would surely come tomorrow. Then this nightmare would be over.
He’d go home to Mia.
* * *
“Help me, Maria!”
Maria sat up in bed. Meghan? What was going on? “What’s wrong?” Maria stood, wrapped her robe around her, and walked swiftly to Meghan’s room. She wasn’t there. Meghan called again, from the bathroom. Maria hurried in.
“What is it? Are you okay?”
“I’m scared. I’m bleeding.”
“Goodness, what happened? Did you fall down or something?”
“No, it’s… I think it’s my period.”
“Your period? Oh my.” Meghan was only barely eleven. Pretty early, but certainly possible. “What happened?”
“It was on the toilet paper.”
“Are you in any pain? Did it hurt when you peed?”
“No.”
“Okay, not a urinary tract infection then. I guess it is your period. I’ll get you a pad, okay?”
“I’m scared.”
“Honey, this is nothing to be scared of. You’re just growing up.”
“I didn’t expect it yet. None of my friends…you know…”
“Well, you’ll be the first then. They’ll all be jealous.”
That got a smile out of her. “Yeah, I guess maybe they will be.”
“Sure they will.” Maria groped in the cabinet under the sink for her box of pads. Meghan was too little for a tampon.
“Here they are.” She pulled out a pad and unwrapped it. “You just pull off the paper here and it sticks to your panties.”
A jolt hit her. Déjà vu. Only it had been…how many weeks since she’d used one of these? Not being sexually active, she hadn’t bothered keeping track, but her cycles were pretty regular. About every four weeks. But her last period had been well over four weeks ago, maybe even five or six.
Oh my God.
She and Jeff had used protection—the second time anyway. But he had pulled out the first time. Not a reliable method. How stupid were they? Truth be told, she hadn’t given it more than a thought. She’d been so overcome with desire… Oh! She wanted to slap herself. Her skin grew cold. She rubbed her arms.
“Are you okay?” Meghan asked.
She cleared her throat. “Yes, yes. Of course.” Her sister was becoming a woman, and she was centered on herself.
But what would she do?
No reason to worry. It was probably nothing. Stress, of course. Jeff had been arrested, and she’d been worried…
God, Jeff had been arrested! A man was dead. He’d be going to jail for sure. For how long, she had no idea.
She wanted to believe he was innocent. In her heart, she knew he was, but even so, he’d been caught red-handed at the scene of a robbery and a murder.
What would she do if she was pregnant?
She inhaled and turned back to Meghan. “Can you handle everything now?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“This is nothing to worry about, Megs. Just a part of growing up. If you have any questions, you know where I am.”
“Should I, like, stay inside or anything?”
“No, of course not. You can do anything you want to do. Except swimming. You need a tampon
for that, and I think you’re probably too young for those. And in five or six days it’ll be gone.”
“Okay.” Meghan walked out of the bathroom.
Maria set the cover on the toilet seat down and plopped onto it. What to do? Her heart skittered. She’d read in McCall’s magazine about a new home pregnancy test that had come on the market. It was ten dollars. She’d scrape together the money and buy one.
No reason to worry until she knew for sure.
But she had a sinking feeling she already knew.
Chapter Twenty-One
Jeff tottered around in the kitchen, looking for something to eat. Maria was asleep in his bed. Where she belonged. He’d closed the door so as not to disturb her when hunger had led him out for a snack.
He glanced at the clock on the counter. Nine thirty. They hadn’t left the house all day. Maria had been there since she’d shown up that morning with breakfast.
His Mia. They were together again. God, so much time lost! But they were on their way to making up for all of it.
He jerked when someone pounded on the door. What the hell?
He went to the door. No peephole. “Who is it?” he asked. Could be Harper. Or maybe one of the hands.
No response.
Well, that’s weird. He lived on a private ranch. The knocking sounded again. Perhaps whoever it was hadn’t heard him? He wasn’t scared, exactly. Still, something whispered to him to leave well enough alone.
He walked away. Whoever was there would get the message. He just hoped the knocking hadn’t woken Maria.
And again, the pounding. Jeff’s heart stuttered. He had a very bad feeling.
He turned out the light in the kitchen and headed back to the bedroom.
But jolted when the door crashed open.
He blinked, his heart leaping into his throat.
No.
God, no.
It couldn’t be.
* * *
Thirty-Three Years Earlier
Maria’s hands shook uncontrollably as she read the instructions to the pregnancy test once more. Nausea permeated her, and she swallowed back a heave. She hadn’t eaten anything anyway. There was nothing to come up. She hadn’t eaten since she’d had the revelation yesterday, when she’d helped Meghan with her first period. No appetite. Just a perpetual sick feeling from her stomach that flowed through her whole body.
