Bull: [Stops inside door to survey William] Give us three half pints o’ porter.
William: Hello there.
[Mick goes behind counter to fetch the stout. The Bull scowls at William who is somewhat amused by his antics]
Bull: We were told about you. Are you aware there’s an objection here?
William: So I’m told.
Bull: What do you want the field for?
William: That’s no business of yours.
Mick: He’s going to make concrete blocks.
Bull: What?
Mick: To cover the field with concrete.
Bull: What about the grass? What about my lovely heifers?
Tadhg: No more meadows nor hay? [To William] You’re an oily son-of-a-bitch!
Bull: No foreign cock with hair-oil and a tie-pin is goin’ to do me out of my rights. I’ve had that field for five years. It’s my only passage to water. You’re tacklin’ a crowd now that could do for you, man. Watch out for yourself.
[Mick arrives with three bottles of stout]
Bull: Give us sixpence worth of biscuits – far-to-go ones.
William: [To Mick] Isn’t it time the auction was started?
Bull: If you know what’s good for you, you won’t bid.
William: Is that a threat?
Tadhg: [Intimidating] Make what you like of it!
William: If you care to make yourself clear, I certainly will.
Tadhg: [Fighting pose] If you fancy yourself, you can have it here.
William: For God’s sake, be your age!
[William rises, goes to stairway and calls for Maggie Butler before anyone can stop him]
William: [To others] I think you’ll all agree that Mrs Butler should be present. She is the rightful owner, I believe.
Mick: Mrs Butler, I’m going to start the auction now.
[Mick places bag of biscuits on table and accepts money from Bull]
Bull: [To Mick] He’ll get his head split if he isn’t careful. Bloody imported whoresmaster, taking over the village as if he owned it.
Mick: I want no trouble here now, Bull. There’s a way for circumventing everything.
Bull: I’ll circumvent him, if there’s circumventing to be done.
[Enter Maggie Butler followed by Maimie]
Mick: Mrs Butler, take a seat.
[Reluctantly Mick goes behind counter and emerges with two long slips of white paper]
Mick: I’ll read the conditions of sale. [Stands on a low box] ‘The highest bidder shall be the purchaser and if any dispute arises as to any bidding, the property shall be put up again at the last undisputed bidding. There will be a reserve price and the vendor and her agents will be at liberty to bid. No person shall advance less than five pounds at any bidding and no bidding shall be retracted …’
Bull: I see the dirty hand of the law in this!
Mick: [Reading] ‘Two … The purchaser shall immediately on being declared as such, pay to the Auctioneer one-fourth of the purchase money as a deposit together with the usual auction fees of five per cent …’ And so on and so forth, et cetera, et cetera.
[Mick hands form to Maimie who places it on counter. Bull snatches the paper]
Bull: Law! Law! [To Tadhg] That’s the dear material. All the money in Carraigthomond wouldn’t pay for a suit length of that cloth.
[He slams form back on counter]
Mick: And now the ‘Particulars and Conditions of Sale’ … [Reads from second paper] ‘Particulars and Conditions of Sale by Auction of the undermentioned property pursuant to advertisement duly published for the purpose …’
Bull: Oh, merciful God, that’s the rigmarole. Start the bidding and get it over.
Mick: [Hands paper to Maimie] … Now, this land, as you all know, is well watered and well fenced with a carrying power of seven cattle …
Bull: Thanks to me and Tadhg. ’Twas our sweat that fenced it and our dung that manured it. Come on, man, get on with the bidding!
Mick: Do I hear an opening bid for this excellent property?
[Bull, Tadhg and the Bird sip their stout and nothing is to be heard unless it is the sound of Tadhg crunching biscuits]
Mick: I repeat, ladies and gentlemen, will someone bid me for this fine field on the banks of the Oinseach river. [Pause] This property of three acres one rood and thirty-two perches or thereabouts. This green grassy pasture … [Pause] … come on now! … Do I hear an opening bid? … Will someone bid me, please!
[Bull nods at the Bird and the Bird shuffles a pace forward]
Mick: Do I hear a bid?
Bird: £100.
Mick: I hear you loud and clear, sir. £100 it is from the Bird O’Donnell … Now, this is more like it. Do I hear any advance on £100?
[All eyes are turned on William who calmly lights a cigarette]
Bull: £110.
Mick: £110 from Mr Thady McCabe.
Bird: £120.
Mick: £120 from Mr Bird O’Donnell.
Bull: £130.
Mick: Do I hear … Do I hear an increase on £130? Do I hear an increase on £130?
Bird: £150.
Mick: £150. Do I hear –?
Bull: £160.
Mick: £160 from the Bull McCabe. Do I hear any advance on £160?
[At this stage they all look at William who smokes on unperturbed]
Bird: £190.
Mick: Any advance on £190? Any advance on £190?
Bull: £200!
[Pause]
Mick: I have £200. Do I have any advance on £200? On £200? I have £200 from Mr Thady McCabe of Inchabawn … [Again William is the subject of all eyes] Is this to be the final bid? There is a reserve and I will negotiate by private treaty with the highest bidder. C’mon now, ladies and gentlemen. Before I close this public auction, do I hear any advance on £200?
William: [Casually] Guineas!
Mick: Any advance on £200?
William: Two hundred guineas.
Tadhg: What’s guineas?
Bull: He should be disqualified. There’s no such thing as a guinea going these days.
William: All right. I’ll bid £300.
[An audible hush]
Mick: [Nervously] I have £300 … have I any advance on £300? I’m bid £300. Do I hear £350? Do I hear £350? No! … In that event, I’ll call a recess for a day and negotiate by private treaty.
[Mick is about to turn away but William rises and stops him]
William: What time to you propose to start tomorrow?
Mick: Oh, some time in the morning. We can’t all be on the dot like you. These people here are hardworking people with little time to spare.
William: What guarantee have I that you won’t close the deal with him? [Indicating Bull]
Mick: Now, let that be the least of your worries. Everything is nice and legal here.
William: I take it then that my bid being the highest, you’ll give me something in writing until morning.
Mick: [Anger] You’ll get no bloody writing from me … You’ll be here in the morning if you want to bid again.
William: Bid against whom?
Mick: [For the benefit of Maggie Butler] You’ll bid till this woman’s reserve has been reached. There’s no one going to wrong an old woman, not while I’m on my feet, Mister. I’ll give you a guarantee of that.
William: How much is the reserve?
Mick: £800.
William: That’s not beyond me and I’m prepared to bid again. When can I see the field?
[Tadhg and Bull step forward]
Tadhg: Stay away from that field.
Bull: There’s cattle of ours there.
William: If the field is for auction, I’m entitled to have a look at it.
Bull: Use your head while you’re able. Stay away!
Tadhg: That’s right! Get the hell out of here now … while you can.
Maggie: You can see my field any time, sir.
Bull: [Roars] Shut up, you oul’ fool! What about my claim?
Bull: [Dangerously] Look out for yourself, you! Look out for yourself. [He cows the old woman]
William: I’ll be back when you open in the morning.
Bull: That field is mine! Remember that! I’ll pay a fair price. God Almighty! ’Tis a sin to cover grass and clover with concrete.
[Maggie Butler rises and moves towards doorway]
Maggie: [To Maimie] I’ll have to be goin’. There’s no one in the house but myself.
Bull: You should remember that!
[Maggie looks back, startled. William acknowledges Maggie’s exit]
Bull: [To William] Get out while you’re clean!
William: I’ll be back in the morning … and this time I’ll be with my solicitor.
[William exiting]
Bull: You might be back with more than your solicitor.
[William exits. Bull, Tadhg and Mick go into a huddle at the counter. The lights fade]
SCENE 3
[Action takes place in the pub late that evening. Leamy is at the door looking out, Maimie is outside bar, watching him]
Maimie: [To Leamy after opening pause] It’s quiet, Leamy. You could have gone out with the boys.
Leamy: I’d rather be here with you, Muddy. You go out for a walk and I’ll be OK. There won’t be anybody in for a while.
Maimie: A funny thing, Mister, I’d rather be here with you, too. Give my back a rub like a good boy. [Leamy does so] Oh, that’s lovely!
Leamy: I wish it was always like this.
Maimie: Sit down, Leamy, and we’ll treat ourselves to a drink.
Leamy: You stay there and I’ll get it. [He seats his mother] Now, what’ll it be? The sky’s the limit!
Maimie: I’ll have a drop of brandy. Are they asleep upstairs?
Leamy: All sound! … A small brandy it’ll be.
[He goes behind counter]
Maimie: I haven’t sat down since morning. It’s like a holiday having a stretch. [She yawns] I wonder what it’s like to have a job that ends at six with Saturdays and Sundays free and holidays. Can you imagine, Leamy … holidays. Sure, if we had holidays we wouldn’t know what to do with ’em.
Leamy: [Places drink on table and sits down] Would you like a cigarette?
Maimie: Aye, they’re over there by the register. You’re a great boy! [Lifts her glass] Long life, Leamy!
Leamy: And the same to you, Muddy! [They drink!] Do you feel it, too?
Maimie: Feel what?
Leamy: The fear! I’m getting afraid already. I’ll bolt the door and put up the shutters and let nobody in. Let’s just sit here and never open that old door again.
Maimie: I know what you mean, Leamy.
[Someone approaches from outside]
Maimie: Take the glasses, quick!
Mrs McCabe: Ah, wait for me, will you!
Dandy: C’mon. C’mon.
[Leamy takes the glasses and hurries behind the counter. Enter Dandy McCabe and his Wife. His Wife trails behind him, wearing a shawl]
Dandy: Good evening, Maimie!
Maimie: Dandy, Mrs McCabe.
Mrs McCabe: Hello, Maimie.
Maimie: What can I do for you?
Dandy: Give us a gargle first. [To Wife] What do you want?
Mrs McCabe: A tint of peppermint.
Dandy: Give her a peppermint and give me a half o’ rum.
Leamy: I’ll get them, Muddy.
Maimie: Good boy, Leamy.
Dandy: Is the boss in?
Maimie: He should be back shortly.
Dandy: You’ll do, just as nicely. I want to pay him for that acre of bog. Will you see if he has it in the books?
Maimie: Sit down, I won’t be a minute.
[Exit Maimie]
Dandy: [To Wife] C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon! Sit down there you, in a place where I can be admiring you.
[Leamy emerges with drinks and places them on table]
Dandy: You’re the oldest boy, aren’t you?
Leamy: Yes sir!
Dandy: Call me Dandy, man. They all call it to me. Them that don’t do it to my face, do it behind my back. What’s your name?
Leamy: Leamy!
Dandy: Leamy, Dandy!
Leamy: Leamy, Dandy!
Dandy: You’re called after your grandfather, Leamy Flanagan. A decent man he was. Too fond of his drop. A good man’s case. How much is due to you?
Leamy: Three shillings.
Dandy: [Locates money] A horse and a hound is three shillings and a tanner for yourself.
Leamy: Thanks very much.
Dandy: Thanks very much, Dandy.
Leamy: Thanks very much, Dandy.
Dandy: Simple, isn’t it? [Indicates Wife] You know this one?
Leamy: Yes, Dandy.
Dandy: Married twenty-four years and never a cross word between us.
Leamy: [Beginning to enjoy himself] That must be a record.
Dandy: Say ‘Dandy’.
Leamy: That must be a record, Dandy.
Dandy: [Conspiratorially] And I’ll tell you something else. To go no further. [Leamy nods] If she liked she could be married to the Aly Khan.
[Wife hits him on the arm and nearly collapses with laughter]
Dandy: Met her when I was in the army. Love at first sight. Bet you can’t guess why I brought her to town tonight … go on, guess.
Leamy: I couldn’t guess, Dandy.
Dandy: [Looks around mysteriously] Word of a man. Shake hands on it. To go no further. [Leamy shakes his hand … conspiratorially …] I’m buying an aeroplane for her.
[Wife hits him on arm and laughs to her heart’s content. So does Leamy]
Dandy: She has one weakness though, only the one …
Leamy: What’s that, Dandy?
Dandy: She won’t eat canaries. I boiled a canary for her yesterday and stuffed him with ginger. Wouldn’t look at it … [Laughter] … had to give it to her mother.
[Enter Maimie with a ledger. Leamy goes behind counter and puts money in cash register]
Maimie: [Reading from ledger] One acre of turbary purchased last January, including fees, thirty-six pounds ten. It’s here all right, Dandy.
Dandy: And I’m here, too. [Takes wallet from inside pocket and extracts money] Here’s your money, Maimie. Three tenners, a fiver, pound note, ten shillings, that’s thirty-six pounds ten.
Maimie: [Accepts money and counts it] It’s all here, Dandy.
Dandy: And I’m all there!
Maimie: I’ll cross it off the book and get your receipt.
[Maimie goes behind counter to cash register and ledger. Dandy rises to his feet, finds Mick’s auctioneering hammer and fondles it briefly]
Dandy: Will I have another? [To Mrs McCabe] Will you have one?
Mrs McCabe: Not for me.
Dandy: I’ll have the same again, Leamy. [Lifts hammer] There’s a hammer that never drove a nail. Ladies and gentlemen. I have here for sale, one prime farmer’s wife, fifteen hands high, sound in wind and limb and steady as a butcher’s table. Do I hear a bid … Do I hear a bid for this prime specimen of womanhood … [To Leamy] You, sir! You look a decent sort of a man. Do I hear a bid …? She has two medals for making toast and four for making pancakes. She has a gold cup for drinking sour milk and a certificate for snoring.
[Suddenly Dandy stops dead and looks towards the doorway. Enter the Bull McCabe, followed by Tadhg, followed by the Bird O’Donnell. Dandy’s Wife gets up immediately and stands near her husband]
Bull: You came, Dandy. Blood is thicker than water.
Dandy: [Subdued, cautious] How’s the Bull? How are you, Tadhg … Bird?
[Leamy quietly withdraws a little behind grocery counter. Maimie comes from behind counter]
Maimie: Your receipt, Dandy.
Dandy: Thanks, Maimie.
Bull: You got the word?
Dandy: Yes, Bull.
Bull: You know there’s a man in the village who’s here to wrong me?
Dandy: Yes, Bu
ll! Yes!
Bull: Sit down! … All of you, sit down! Where’s himself, Maimie?
[Enter Mick Flanagan]
Mick: Right behind you, Bull. Sorry I’m late.
Bull: [Generously] A good man is never late, Mick.
[All sit … Mick, the Bird, Tadhg, Dandy and his Wife. Maimie goes forward and sits a little apart independently. Bull sees Leamy behind the counter]
Bull: What’s he doin’ up? Shouldn’t he be in bed?
Maimie: He’s just going.
Bull: No … No … Let him up. He’s no fool. He knows enough. Sit down, boy … out here, boy.
[Leamy takes a seat near his mother]
Bull: I’m a fair man and I want nothing but what’s mine! I won’t be wronged in my own village, in my own country by an imported landgrabber. The sweat I’ve lost won’t be given for nothing. A total stranger has come and he wants to bury my sweat and blood in concrete. It’s ag’in’ God an’ man an’ I was never the person to bow the head when trouble came and no man is goin’ to do me out of my natural-born rights. Now this robber comes from nowhere and he’s nothing less than a robber … And you all know the cure for a robber … he must be given a fright and a fright he’s goin’ to get. But people forgets old friends when there’s danger and if this man gets a fright and a bit of a beatin’, we’ll have the civic guards goin’ around askin’ questions. Now, you know the kind civic guards is … What is friends for, I ask, unless ’tis to pull one another out of hoults. What is neighbours and relations for unless ’tis to ‘love ye one another’ says the Gospel. So, when the civic guards come with their long noses, all of you will remember that Tadhg and myself were in this pub at the time that robbin’ gazebo got his dues … We’ll give him just enough to teach him a lesson. Now, I’ll want a promise, won’t I, to show we can trust one another. Dandy, you’ll take an oath on the Holy Ghost.
Dandy: Sure, Bull. Sure. And don’t worry about the Missus.
Bull: Sound man, Dandy. I knew I could trust you. What about you, Bird?
Bird: OK, but I’m not swearing by the Holy Ghost.
Bull: And what have you got against the Holy Ghost, you little caffler, you?
Bird: ’Tis wrong! ’Tis wrong!
Bull: Did he ever give you a fright?
Bird: A fright?
Bull: Yes, a fright. Any other ghost you’ll meet will frighten the life outa you. But the Holy Ghost never gave anyone a fright. Come on, swear!
The Field Page 4
