by Kim Loraine
“Missed you, Angie.”
She nodded against his shoulder and willed herself not to cry. She’d cried more in the last few months than she had in her entire life.
“Shit, Val has turned you into a girl.”
His laughter rumbled through her chest and achieved her goal of breaking the embrace and taking the mood back to a light one.
“You sure you won’t stay with us? We’ve got an extra room.”
She shook her head and slid into the passenger seat. “Nah, my apartment will be available in a few weeks. I couldn’t kick my renter out without notice. Mom and Dad have plenty of space.”
He shrugged as he backed out of the parking space. “Okay, but you’re welcome to be with us anytime. You know that.”
“Thanks. I don’t think I could handle hearing you two through the thin walls of your apartment.”
A shit-eating grin spread across his face. “Yeah, it gets pretty loud.”
“Ugh, shut up. She’s my sister. I like to pretend I’m blissfully ignorant to that part of your relationship.”
He laughed, his eyes lighting up with amusement and a serene expression coming over him.
“So, when’s the wedding? Val won’t give me an answer.”
“You and me both.”
“What?”
“She’s dragging her feet. I’d marry her tomorrow but she’s not sure.”
That was shocking. Weeks ago, when Val had been taking care of her it was obvious how in love she was. Had something changed?
“What happened?”
He shook his head and clenched his jaw. “Nothing. I . . . I don’t know. I think there’s a lot going on right now.”
“Are you guys okay?”
“Oh, yeah, we’re great. That’s not the problem. It’s just . . . this whole cluster-fuck you’re involved with has been hard on the people you left behind. Not to mention, Michael and Lena. I think them splitting up has Valerie spooked.”
A sick feeling gripped her stomach.
This was her fault.
“Anyway, I told her it’s up to her. In my mind, we’re already married. She’s mine and I’m absolutely hers.”
“How has my situation made it hard?”
He blew out a frustrated breath and took the exit for Golden Beach. “I think you need to talk to your mom about that. Just remember, this is a small town. Everyone knows everyone else’s business. You’ve had a lot of business to talk about. Your mom had to deal with it.”
She sat silent for the rest of the ride. She’d been aware that her family was exposed to all the same gossip as the rest of the world, but she couldn’t bring herself to face them. Hearing it from Donovan made it real. Her choices hadn’t just hurt her. They’d hurt her family, her friends, and their reputations.
As Donovan pulled the jeep into the driveway of her family home, she pushed away the butterflies in her stomach and the thrumming of her blood in her ears. No matter what, she was home. Home was where she always went when things got to be too much.
He helped her with her bags and after another uncharacteristically emotional hug, headed home, presumably to Valerie.
Angela had been home for two days and her parents still hadn’t mentioned any of the drama surrounding her and Garrett. She had a feeling that brief respite from her heartbreak was about to end when she saw the look on her mother’s face as she poured herself some cereal.
“We need to talk,” her mom said, a pointed edge in her voice.
Angela took a deep breath and poured a cup of coffee. “I figured.”
Her mom settled at the breakfast bar and dropped some walnuts and blueberries into her steaming bowl of oatmeal. “What was going through your head, baby?”
Her throat tightened at her mom’s words. It all made sense to her at the time, but now that she was wading through the wreckage of her life, she couldn’t manage to grasp even a thread of sanity in the whole thing.
“I . . . it seemed right at the time. It was working. It was supposed to end and then . . . things got out of hand.”
A sad look crossed her mom’s features. “You mean you fell in love with Garrett?”
“I think I was always in love with him. I think I’ve known it, deep down, since we were twelve. It’s why I never really dated anyone. It never felt right.”
Her mom nodded. “We’ve all known it. I’m surprised it took this long for you two to figure it out.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Her mom laughed. “Me? Tell you anything? You’re hilarious. Have you met yourself?”
She found herself smiling at her mom’s candid attitude. She was always straightforward and unafraid to tell her kids exactly what she thought.
“This was something you needed to figure out on your own. I’m just so glad you’re not marrying a rock star and having Garrett’s love child.”
A pang went through her at the thought of having a child with Garrett. What was it? Loss? Did she want to have a child with him?
“No. Not having any love children with anyone. Garrett and Parker won’t even speak to me.”
“Have you tried recently?”
She shook her head. She couldn’t handle any more rejection right now. “Do they know I’m back?”
She watched her mom’s features smooth into a calm expression. The kind she used to deliver bad news. “Everyone knows.”
Her heart lurched. She needed to escape. Needed to find sanctuary, to bare her soul and gain some solace. “I’m going to take a walk. I’ll be back in a few hours okay?”
Her mom nodded. “Sure, baby. Take some time and get your heart put back together. The boys will be back from camp at three. Asher has been begging for you to take him windsurfing. You think you could take him out?”
The thought of her five-year-old brother learning to windsurf terrified her. She’d been a lot older when she’d first tried, but she had made a promise to him that when he was five she’d take him out. He was five now, and he’d reminded her every moment possible since she’d arrived home.
“Yeah. I’ll make sure the boards are ready.”
Her mom squeezed her arm and dropped a kiss on her forehead. “I love you forever, baby.”
“Me, too, Momma.”
Chapter 41
Angela stood outside the imposing wooden doors of St. Andrews church. Her heart heavy. Her mom was right, she needed to spend some time straightening herself out. Opening one of the massive doors produced a loud creak that bounced off the walls and arched ceilings of the old Catholic church.
She made her way through the sanctuary and selected a seat at the pew her family always used. Always, meaning when they occasionally decided to go to church. Glancing at the kneeling rail in front of her, she sighed and flipped it down before placing her knees against the padded piece of wood. She crossed herself and stared at the crucifix which hung above the altar.
Bowing her head, she began to silently beg for guidance, for hope, for forgiveness. When her knees ached and her heart felt lighter, she slid back onto the hard wood of the bench behind her. A warm body and familiar scent next to her sent a wave of shock through her.
“Is it true?” Garrett’s voice was a harsh whisper in the quiet of the sanctuary.
“Are you kidding me?”
“That’s not an answer.”
She couldn’t believe this was who they had become. He was really asking her if she was pregnant.
“Which part are you most concerned with? That I could be pregnant? Or that it might not be yours?” She couldn’t look at him. Her heart couldn’t take it. She knew if she looked into those onyx eyes and saw the hurt she heard in his voice she’d break.
“Is it . . . his?”
Anger sent her blood boiling. �
�I can’t have this conversation.”
His hand caught her wrist as she rose. “Just tell me.”
She forced herself to train her gaze on the statue of the blessed virgin, surrounded by votive candles lit to represent the troubles of so many others.
“Let go of me, Gare.” Her voice bounced off the walls of the empty church— louder than she’d anticipated.
“Damn it, Angela. Tell me.” He stood to his full height and took her chin in one hand, tilting her unwilling face to his.
“You left me. Why do you care?”
“I left? You chose. You chose everything else. You broke us. Not me.”
Her chest constricted at the brightness in his eyes—at the fierce burning anger.
“We said nothing would get in our way. We promised to stay focused.”
“You broke that promise the minute you agreed to your bullshit relationship with Aiden. How’d that work out for you by the way?” His words stung.
She tried to hide the hurt with a bitter laugh.
“I’m sorry, that was low.”
Shaking her head, she lowered herself back down to the pew.
“Is it mine?” he whispered.
“No.”
The tortured look that passed over his face sent a cold ribbon of shock down her spine.
“I’m not pregnant.”
His mouth dropped open and color started creeping its way back up his cheeks. “You’re not?”
“Nope. This oven is empty.” She pointed to her pelvis in an attempt to add a little levity to the situation. “It’s done. We’ve been let out of our contract. You were right. They were trying to make us into people we would never have let ourselves be.”
The tightness in his jaw eased, and she let out a small sigh of relief. He was bending, if only just a little.
“Have you talked to Parker yet?”
The thought of apologizing to Parker for her atrocious behavior made her sick.
She kept her eyes trained on Garrett’s lips as she answered him. “Not yet. I needed to see you before anyone else.”
He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he let out a long breath. “What do you want from me?”
“Everything you’re willing to give.” Her answer came quickly, and as she waited for his response her heart sat in her throat.
“I don’t know.” He shook his head, eyes still closed, a pained expression creasing his brow.
His warm hand found its way to hers and their fingers intertwined. For a moment, all else was gone. For a moment, everything was right. And then it came to a screeching halt.
“I’m seeing someone, Angie.”
Her stomach turned to stone.
“Her name is Casey. She’s an ER nurse. We met when Jamie—”
“Oh, oh, yeah. I . . . okay.” She felt the telltale trembling of her lower lip take hold and knew she needed to make a break for it. “I’m . . . I hope you’re happy.”
He wouldn’t look at her. The bastard was scared. He just nodded his head and muttered, “She’s.” He paused. “Great.”
She needed to get out of there. Shame, hurt, anger. All of her emotions were knocking at the door, begging to be let out.
“I’ve got to go. I need to see Parker.”
Pulling her fingers free of his, she forced her tears away and did all she could to keep the dam from bursting until she got to her car.
Her teeth were chattering with the nervous energy she’d been fighting on the drive to the house Parker now shared with Jason. Angela had been more nervous about this moment than any other. She’d never had a falling out with Parker. Not once in their entire friendship. He was always easy going and his feathers rarely got ruffled.
She saw his car in the driveway and was surprised to find him sitting on the front steps, waiting for her.
“If it isn’t the bad girl herself.” He stood and grinned, but there was something guarded in his posture.
“How’d you know I was coming?”
“Garrett. He called after your little confession session.”
Of course he did.
“Parker, I’ve got a lot to say to you.”
His lips formed a thin line, but he nodded and opened the door, inviting her into his home.
The little beach house looked so different now that Garrett wasn’t living there. All of the little things that made the place Garrett’s had been replaced with the smooth lines of modern furniture and sleek decor of Jason. She trailed her fingers along the back of the charcoal gray couch and let them rest on the framed picture of the band placed on the end table.
“Better times,” Parker murmured, taking the photo from her hand and smiling down at it.
“How did we get here?”
“Greed, narcissism, naiveté?”
“I’m so sorry, Parker, for everything. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I don’t know what happened to me.”
She watched as he chewed his lip and stared at the floor. He didn’t look at her and her hope came crashing down.
“You betrayed me, Angie. You wanted me to be someone I’m not. I’ve never felt ashamed of who I was until you made me think I should.” His gaze snapped to hers, burning with a fierce anger and she fought the urge to turn away.
“I know. I don’t know how I can make it up to you. What I can do to show you how sorry I am.”
“Garrett said Backbeat dropped you.”
She nodded and sat on the unfamiliar couch. “Aiden helped me. I self-sabotaged until they had no choice but to drop me.”
“Why? You had everything you wanted.”
“No. I was so far from where I really wanted to be. I never wanted to lose you, the band, Garrett.”
Parker ran a hand over his jaw and let out a heavy sigh as he sat next to her. “I’m glad you finally realized it.”
“It took me too long to understand that what I thought I wanted wasn’t what I needed. Fame doesn’t matter if you’re alone.”
“Garrett know this is how you feel?”
She had to fight back the welling tears at the memory of her conversation with Garrett. “Yes, but that’s not an option anymore. He’s moved on.”
Parker shrugged. “Maybe he has, but you can’t let his hurt get in the way of what’s meant to be.”
“We’re not meant to be. We’re seriously fucked up because I never gave us a real chance.”
“Hmm.” Parker contemplated her words, then offered a soft smile.
“What?”
“Nothing. Thanks for apologizing. It means a lot that you’d come admit you were wrong. I love you, you know?”
She leaned against his shoulder, absorbing his warmth.
“Me too,” she whispered, afraid if she spoke any louder her voice would break.
He pressed his cheek to the crown of her head. “I’m getting married next week.”
“I heard that.”
“Will you still be in the wedding? It wouldn’t be the same without you and Garrett there.”
Part of her wanted to run for the hills, tell him it was a bad idea, but a bigger part said this was the right thing to do no matter how hard it would be.
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
“Thanks, Angie. I know it’ll be rough, but you and Garrett need to get back to what brought you together in the first place.”
“Whisky?”
He laughed.
“No. Music. Singing together. Putting everything else aside so you can do what you do best.”
Her stomach filled with anxious energy at the thought of performing alongside Garrett again.
“I don’t think he’ll want to.”
“Leave that stubborn ass to me. He’ll do it
because I asked.”
She kissed him on the cheek and thanked her lucky stars that he’d forgiven her.
She smiled as she left his house, her heart feeling lighter than it had in weeks.
Chapter 42
One year earlier
Garrett flipped through the lyric book Angela had left on his table. He stared at the words, chord changes, and notes scribbled in the margins. She really was good. He’d not been willing to see it. He’d worked up the courage to apologize for being an ass, but she hadn’t given him the opportunity, and weeks had turned to months. They practiced—she left. That was the routine. Parker acted as the trusty buffer from week to week and the band got a lot accomplished, but there was a layer of distrust covering them.
Garrett knew he’d hurt her. He knew his fear left him in danger of losing her friendship and causing everything to go down in flames. If they weren’t able to trust each other, their music would suffer.
His heart beat against his chest like it was trying to escape as he knocked on her door. Stomach in knots, he fiddled with the metal spiral at the top of her lyric book as he waited for her to answer. Five minutes and multiple knocks later, he gave up and headed back to his car. Where was she? There was a multitude of places she might go. She could be at work, picking up some extra hours, or at the beach, or maybe she was performing a solo set somewhere. Deciding that searching was better than sitting on his ass, he got in his car and headed to her family’s house. Her mom might be able to give him some direction.
He pulled up to the curb alongside the house he knew so well and grinned. Angela’s car was in the driveway.
Letting himself inside as he’d done hundreds of times over the last twelve years, he heard the sound of Valerie and Angela chatting. Their similar voices floated down the hall from the kitchen.
