Excitedly, she did as she was told. He closed the door behind her and ran around to the passenger side. “I hope I can get a ride back to the hotel,” he joked.
“She leaned over the armrest, kissed him, and said, “I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”
“My girl,” he replied.
Makeba adjusted her seat, secured herself in her seatbelt, revved up the engine and pulled off into traffic heading back to the hotel feeling like the luckiest woman in the world.
It’s Your Life
Makeba decided to make a detour and ride around Newark showing Declan some of her favorite spots before returning to the hotel. One of them was Branch Brook Park. On their way to the park, the mood became somber when he announced he was going back to Chicago Monday morning.
He placed her hand in his, “I want you to go back with me.”
She contemplated accepting his offer long and hard. Unfortunately, she had to work. She couldn’t take off without notice and expect to have a job when she returned but at the same time she didn’t want to disappoint him. He had done so much for her over the last couple of days. It was because of him she was riding around in a $50,000 car.
“It’s not enough time for me to submit my paperwork for personal days honey. I’m sorry.”
Not wanting to make eye contact, she kept her focus on the road.
He released her hand and began staring out the window. Makeba could see how much her response had saddened him. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him so she thought of a compromise. “What if I fly out on Wednesday? That way I could submit my paperwork to my manager for three personal days tomorrow.
A wide smile spread across his face. “I’m not a hard man to please. I’ll take it.”
She was elated she could make him happy but deep down inside she wasn’t too happy herself. Working wasn’t the only reason she was reluctant to go back to Chicago with him. Her last visit wasn’t a very pleasant one and she was in no hurry for an instant replay of that experience. Makeba didn’t know if she could be cordial and respectful to his mom after all she had taken her through. One thing she would always look forward too though, seeing Granny Whitaker again.
Declan glanced at her. Even though she agreed to meet him on Wednesday he was sure he witnessed uncertainty in her eyes. He knew she had reservations about going back because of his mother but this time they wouldn’t have to stay at the family house. He only stayed there that time because his mom insisted that they stay instead of going to a hotel but that was before she knew the woman he bragged on, spoke so highly of, and declared his love for, was black.
Makeba pulled over. She had reached her destination. Neither of them got out of the car right away. A million thoughts ran through their minds. The air in the car grew thick, so thick it felt like imaginary hands were gripping their throats making it difficult for them to breathe. This wasn’t going to be easy and they both knew it. A long distance interracial relationship? No, it wasn’t going to be easy at all.
Makeba turned to face Declan. “I’m afraid Declan.”
He eyed her. “Of what?”
“What if I’m not enough for you? What if one day you wake up with a change of heart? What if a blond blue-eyed bombshell steals your heart?”
He leaned over the armrest and kissed her. “Baby, just because I’m a man, don’t think I don’t have my own fears about all of this. I have never felt about any woman the way I feel about you. You think the thought of one day waking up without you in my life hasn’t crossed my mind? You think I've never pondered you having a change of heart about being with me because of the difficulty of our relationship? I have. I’ll be here with you for as long as you allow me to be. I promised you that I would love you until my heart stops beating and that’s a promise I don’t intend to break.”
She hugged him tight. “Thank you for loving me Declan, all of me with all my doubts and fears but I promise to love you longer than you promised to love me,” she joked pulling from his embrace and opening her door.
‘Well, how long do you plan on loving me?” he inquired as he watched her exit the vehicle.
“I promise to love you for another lifetime. In other words, when my heart stops beating in this life, my love for you will jumpstart it and will begin loving you in the next.”
He looked up as if he was pondering over her words. “Well, then I guess I’ll have to keep this ticker beating for just as long,” he smiled as he got out the car making his way next to her. He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her as if it was the first time.
Makeba interrupted their kiss, grabbed his hand and escorted him to an empty bench. They sat under a huge tree which shaded them from the sun. “How often do you stare at me while I’m sleeping,” she inquired.
Holding her hands in his, he gazed into her eyes. “Every chance I get.”
“Why?”
“Laying close to you, feeling your heart beating…And wondering what you're dreaming…”
“Wondering if it's me you're seeing.” She chuckled, releasing one hand from his grasp and placing it over her heart as he continued to croon the lyrics to Aerosmith’s, “I don’t want to miss a thing.”
“Oh my God! You’re full of surprises.”
“You haven’t seen anything yet.”
“I can’t believe you just serenaded me. It was the most awful sound I ever heard but at the same time it was the most beautiful thing ever.”
He guffawed. “Are you implying that I can’t sing?”
She nodded her head vigorously. “Yes.”
They laughed as he pulled her up from the bench. “Let's go and get something to eat. I’m famished.”
“Me too,” she replied as they got in the car and left.
~*~
The next few days were not without incident. The relationship between Makeba and her father had taken a turn for the worse. When she returned home night after night she no longer felt like daddy’s little girl instead, she felt more like an adversary crossing the threshold of enemy lines. She’d attempted to converse with him on numerous occasions but the conversations would become tumultuous so she stopped trying. The condition of their relationship weighed heavy on her heart but there was little she could do about it except give it some time.
Makeba sat behind the bar in deep thought about all the things that were taking place in her life. It would have been perfect if only she and her dad could bury their differences and restore their broken relationship. She never desired anything more than to bring their battle to an end. She threw in her white towel and raised her hands in surrender but it wasn’t enough. He wasn’t willing to bring an end to the war. As a result, she knew it was definitely time to move out so she began looking through the Star Ledger for apartment rentals.
“You need a break?”
Makeba took a deep breath then looked up from the paper. “Yes I do.”
“Go ahead. I’ll cover.”
“Thanks Rasheeda,” she replied as she jumped off her the barstool, snatched her cell phone off the counter, and left the store.
She was walking down the concourse when her phone rang. It was her mom. At first she contemplated letting the voicemail pick it up. She wasn’t in the mood for any lecturing. It was bad enough she was missing Declan like crazy, her father wasn’t speaking to her and she was tired from all the overtime she had been putting in. In spite of her desire to ignore the call she decided not to because it was her mother and it would have been rude to do so.
Just as she had expected, another lecture about how she needs to patch things up with her father. Was Mrs. Jones blind? Did she not pay attention to the efforts she had put forth to end this feud? She had to. She was there during the time Makeba tried to start a conversation but like the dutiful daughter she agreed to give it another shot. She promised that one way or another it would all come to an end. She ended the call then returned to the store since the call lasted longer than she had expected. Thanks to her long winded mother her break was
over.
“Is everything ok?”
She laid her phone on the counter, sighed and looked sadly at Rasheeda. “It can be better.”
“You want to talk about it?”
Makeba began to relate to her friend everything that was going on between her and her father. The moment she got to the part where Declan proposed, Rasheeda jumped up and scolded her for not telling her sooner. With all the chaos going on, she completely forgot to tell her about the engagement. She quickly apologized and continued her story. Rasheeda listened in astonishment. It was hard for her to grasp everything her friend was relaying to her about her relationship with her dad, because she witnessed firsthand how close Makeba was to her father and the impact he had on her life.
“Wow Keba, I’m at a loss for words.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I am too.”
Rasheeda rubbed her friends back. “Would you like my input or did you only want a listening ear?”
“I want to hear what you have to say,” she replied wiping the tears from her eyes.
“Hypothetically of course, let’s say your mom and dad were divorced and he started seeing someone else. The relationship between your dad and this woman blossomed into something deeper and he asked her to marry him. He tells you and you voice your disapproval of the engagement. Do you honestly think he’d end his relationship with her and walk away because you have your reservations about the relationship?”
“No, I don’t think he would.”
“Then why should you?”
Silence.
Rasheeda walked towards the threshold of the bar’s exit, glanced over her shoulders and said, “You have to live for you. If you love this man like you say you do then, marry him regardless of how daddy dearest feels,” she stated as a matter of fact then walked away leaving Makeba to marinate on her words.
~*~
She hadn’t been home yet. She stayed an extra night with Declan so they could drive together to the airport. His flight was boarding a half hour before she had to punch in. After saying her goodbyes she started her shift. It was awfully slow even for a Monday. Eventually Rasheeda had her close the bar early and sent her home, a move she wasn’t too happy about but understood.
Makeba drove up to front of her house. Her stomach knotted when she observed Mr. and Mrs. Jones sitting on the porch. Her mom stood as she watched her daughter exit her brand new car. Mr. Jones, on the other hand, folded his newspaper throwing it on the side of the chair. He stood up and stormed into the house. She shook her head as she ascended the steps. Her mother grabbed her hand smiling at her lovingly nodding her head towards the door. She didn’t have to say anything. Makeba already knew what she meant.
Slowly she entered the house. Cautiously she approached the lazy boy chair where her dad was seated pretending to watch television. She wrung her hands as nervousness overtook her. She fought back the need to cry. Never in a million years would she have thought her father would behave in such a manner towards her. Yes, she saw it before with Mark but that was different. She was his little girl. He had always shown how proud he was of her, always has been supportive and loving, always said he couldn’t wait until the day he would escort her down the aisle on her wedding day. The last few days was a total contradiction to all of it.
“Daddy, can I talk to you?”
“Talk.”
She watched as his jaw tightened. His eyes were fixated on the screen. Not once did he attempt to look at her. His red eyes and pursed lips were proof that he was upset. Something in her told her to leave it alone and just go upstairs to her bedroom. Something deep down inside was warning her that she wasn’t going to get her desired results but she was stubborn, always have been. She refused to back down. This conversation was inevitable. It had to happen. And now was as good a time as any.
“I don’t know what I have done to deserve your anger daddy but I’m so sorry if I upset you in any way. I never intended to hurt you. I love you dad and I need you to be happy for me. I always dreamed of the day that you would walk me down the aisle on my wedding day and proudly place my hand in the hand of my future husband. Every little girl dreams of that dad. I don’t only want your approval, I need it. I need to know that you support me on this.”
Silence.
Makeba stood there looking at him through blurry eyes. He didn’t say a word. His efforts to keep his eyes from looking in her direction, didn’t go unnoticed. The more she stood there waiting for a response, the angrier and hurt she became.
“Dad,” she yelled, “say something!”
He jumped from his chair startling her. He was so close to her face she could feel the heat from his breath. He glared at her in a way that sent chills down her spine. Fearful or not still, she wasn’t backing down.
“Daddy please, please be happy for me,” she pleaded.
“I can’t. I can’t condone this.”
“Why not dad? Isn’t it enough that I love him and he loves me? Isn’t that what it’s all about?”
“It’s a lot of decent black men out there. You’d know that if you gave them a chance.”
“I fell in love daddy,” she cried, “and the man I happened to fall in love with is a white man. Why can’t it be more about how I feel and less about the color of his skin?”
“Those people can’t be trusted. They’ll turn on you in a minute. I don’t trust him and I can’t give my blessings on this. You think it’s going to be easy? Well, you’re in for a rude awakening. Times have changed but not like you think. Race relations have gotten worse since we’ve voted a black man into office. He doesn’t love you. He wants an arm piece or maybe he just wants to piss his parents off or something. Whatever it is, it’s not genuine. You think him buying you fancy cars is proof of his feelings for you? That’s material shit. Fancy gifts and little trinkets are not a token of someone’s love,” he shouted. “They use you for their benefit. When they’re done, they’ll toss you out like last night’s trash.”
“How do you know?”
“I know and you will too eventually. A hard head makes a soft ass. You go on and marry him. Go ahead but if you think I’m going to give you away on your wedding day you have another thing coming,” he stated then walked away.
Mrs. Jones walked in the house just as her husband was walking away. She glanced over at Makeba who was sitting on the sofa bawling. She knew her father wasn’t going to budge. He was adamant and she knew there was no changing his mind. She looked up at her mother teary eyed as she sat beside her and wrapped her arms around Makeba allowing her daughter to cry on her shoulders.
“Baby, it’s your life to live. I can see how much you love this man and I know his love for you is genuine. When true love shows up, don’t let anyone stand in the way of it. I know you love your dad and I know this is tearing you apart but everything will work out fine. Give it some time.”
She raised her head to look her mother in the eyes. “Mama, I don’t know if I want to marry Declan and risk my relationship with daddy.”
“You know what that tells me sweetie?”
“What?”
“It tells me you don’t love that man as much as you say you do.”
“But I do mama.”
“Then don’t ever give up on the love you two have for one another. Don’t let someone else’s bias come between you and Declan. You can’t live your life for me or your dad. You have to live it for you. Now go clean yourself up and let me talk to your father,” she said as she watched him return to his lazy boy chair.
Makeba kissed her mother on the cheek then left without acknowledging her father’s return. She hurried up the stairs to her bedroom. It didn’t take long before she could hear yelling coming from downstairs. She tiptoed to the top of the staircase and kneeled down so she could hear what the argument was about. From what little she got she knew something had happened to her dad in high school but what? She had hoped the details would come up during the argument but it didn’t. They skated around it. She assumed it was
for her benefit.
“Tell her Terrence. You owe her an explanation for your behavior and your reluctance to offer her your support. She's your daughter. She needs you.”
“She needs to stick with her own kind.”
“Her own kind? Do you hear how you sound? She’s your daughter for crying out loud,” she yelled, and it shouldn’t matter who she chose to spend the rest of her life with. As her father you’re supposed to teach her about a love that has no conditions.
“I know who she is. All the more reason why I’m against it. Them people-“
“Stop it! Stop it now. You fix this and I mean you better fix it immediately or its going to be a war in this house like you’ve never seen before.”
“Are you threatening me woman?” he shouted.
“It’s not a threat at all. It’s a promise. You’re the reason Mark doesn’t come home and why I haven’t seen my grandchild yet. Our children are grown. They’re not babies anymore They don’t need us to make decisions for them. You’re not going to her wedding? Fine. That’s your decision but you tell her why. You owe her that much.”
“I don’t owe her anything. I’m her father and I love her. I want the best for her.”
“Even as parents we don’t always know what’s best for our children. She loves and adore you and they love each other. That should be enough, Terrence.”
Makeba left the top of the stairs with more questions than answers. What had happened to her dad to make him this way? She retrieved clean night clothes from her drawer and laid them across the bed. She picked up her cell phone. There was an urgent need to speak with Mark. She called him and began to tell him all that was going on between her and their father. Mark listened intently. He knew all too well what she was going through. He had been there with him. After she was done with her story he advised her to make the decision that was best for her. He offered his support and informed her that he would be more than happy to stand in for their dad on her wedding day. She was happy to hear that he was in her corner but without her father’s blessing, nothing will ever feel complete and she told him so.
Until My Heart Stops Beating Page 12
