“Rob … I mean Rueben. It’s not easy getting used to you being Amish when all along you led me to believe you were English.”
He lowered his gaze. “I couldn’t get up the nerve to tell you because I was afraid of your reaction.”
“I would have reacted better if you’d been truthful from the beginning. Aren’t you aware of what the book of Proverbs says about dishonesty? ‘Lying lips are abomination to the Lord: but they that deal truly are his delight,’ ” Ellen quoted.
Rueben glared at her. “I don’t need a reminder. I’ve been lying to myself for years.”
“It’s not your fault Arie didn’t get out of the car when you warned her.”
“No, but I am to blame for trying to beat the train. I am a glotzkopp, and because of my stubbornness, Arie is dead. She was too young to have her life end that way.”
“So what are you going to do—stay here on Kauai the rest of your life and try to bury your past?”
He nodded. “The farther I am from home, the less likely I’ll think about what happened.”
“Do you truly believe miles or even an ocean will change all that?” Ellen tried to be sympathetic, but her nerves were on edge. “I’ve never mentioned this to you before, but ever since I met you, I felt there was something sad behind your eyes. This weight you carry will eventually beat you down, if it hasn’t already.” Ellen paused, then added, “Rueben, you deserve to be happy.”
“I can’t go back and look my family in the eyes, or Arie’s folks either.” He scuffed the toe of his sneaker against the tile. “And happiness—well, that’s the last thing I deserve.”
“Don’t you care how much they must miss you?”
He shrugged. “They’re better off without me.”
“Rueben, you can’t mean that.”
“I do.”
Ellen looked away. She wanted to say more, but heard their guests coming into the dining room, awaiting their breakfast. “We can discuss this some other time if you like. Right now I have guests to feed.” She moved over to the stove.
Rueben grabbed a second bottle of water and went out the back door.
Lihue
Ken sat beside Mandy’s hospital bed, fretting. It seemed like she’d been in labor a long time. He wondered if something was wrong. The nurse who’d checked on her recently assured them everything was fine, and that many women experienced a long labor with their first child. Still, it was hard not to be concerned. He and Mandy had been through a lot since coming to Kauai, and he hated to see her suffer during labor. Ken was glad that for the moment at least, she’d dozed off.
He looked over at his mother reading a magazine in the chair across the room. I wonder if Mom suffered much when she gave birth to me or my brother. His fingers clenched. I can’t believe Dan didn’t bother to come see me after the shark attack. What kind of brother is he? For that matter, he’s been no support to Mom since Dad died.
Ken felt thankful Ellen had come to help out and that his mom had hired Rob. Although, from what Ellen had told him and Mandy the day after Christmas, Rob wasn’t even the young man’s name. It was hard to understand how Rob, a.k.a. Rueben Zook, could lie about his Amish heritage and run away from home. His situation seemed similar to Ken’s brother, only they’d left home for different reasons. And at least Dan wasn’t trying to hide his identity.
People can make all kinds of excuses for the things they do, Ken thought, but it all boils down to one thing: everyone is responsible for the way they deal with what life throws at them, and I’m certainly no exception.
It had taken a while, but Ken had finally accepted the fact that he had to learn to live with his disability and stop feeling sorry for himself. It wasn’t like he was completely incapable of doing things. He just couldn’t do all the physical chores he used to do. But he would do what he could and leave the rest to Rueben, or whomever Mom chose to hire in the future at the bed-and-breakfast.
Ken’s cell phone rang, and Mandy’s eyes opened. “Sorry for waking you, honey. I forgot to silence my phone. Is there anything I can get you?”
“No. Go ahead and see who’s calling.”
Ken answered the call and was surprised to hear Mandy’s mother on the other end.
“Hello, Ken. Nathan and I are at the port where the ship came in, and we need a ride to the B&B,” Miriam said.
Ken slapped the side of his head. He knew Mandy’s folks were supposed to arrive today. He just hadn’t expected it to happen this early. He looked at his mother. “Mandy’s folks are here already, and they a need a ride. Would you mind going to pick them up? I know they’ll want to come here.”
“Not a problem.” She rose from the chair and picked up her purse. “I’ll be back soon.”
Ken got back on the phone with Miriam and told her his mother would come to get them.
Mandy looked over at Ken with a wide-eyed expression. “The pains are coming harder now. Oh, I hope my folks get here before the baby is born.”
CHAPTER 36
Kapaa
I can’t believe you’re leaving in the morning. The time you’ve been here has gone too fast.” Mandy slipped her arm around Ellen’s waist as the two of them stood looking down at the baby, asleep in his crib. “I appreciate all the help you’ve given, as well as the emotional support I needed. I’m going to miss you so much.”
Ellen swallowed hard, hoping she wouldn’t break down. “I’ll miss you too. Maybe when little Isaac Charles is older you can come to Middlebury to visit. I’m sure everyone in your family would like to meet him.”
“I know they would, and we will do that whenever Ken is up to traveling.” Mandy smiled. “Maybe you can come back to Kauai to visit us sometime.”
“That would be nice.” Truth was, Ellen didn’t think she would ever return to Kauai or any of the other Hawaiian Islands. Unless it was another emergency, she wouldn’t be able to fly, and coming by cruise ship didn’t seem possible anytime in the near future either.
Ellen thought about Mandy’s parents and how difficult it would be when the time came for them to return to Indiana. Miriam and Isaac had been a big help since they arrived. But they’d stayed with their new grandson and his parents only ten days, and would be going home in a few weeks.
Ellen wondered if Isaac or Miriam resented Mandy marrying Ken. If they did, they’d never shown it. They had always been kind and loving toward him. When a son or daughter married outside the Amish faith, it was difficult enough. But being separated by so many miles made it worse.
I could never marry outside the faith or move thousands of miles away, Ellen told herself. I would miss my family, and they would miss me.
Her thoughts went to Rueben. It was hard to believe he hadn’t seen his family since he’d left home almost two years ago. Ellen understood the guilt he must feel over his girlfriend’s death, but staying away from family and friends was selfish and hurtful. If Rueben had remained in Pennsylvania, his parents or church ministers could have helped him deal with the grief and guilt.
Ellen dreaded going to the airport tomorrow—not just saying goodbye to her friends, but having Rueben drive her there in Ken’s SUV. When Rueben heard Vickie would be taking Ken to a doctor’s appointment in the morning and had guests checking in during the afternoon hours, he’d volunteered to see that Ellen got to the airport.
Since Christmas, Rueben seemed to be avoiding Ellen, so it seemed strange he wanted to see her off. The thought of being alone with him, even for the short drive to the airport, sent shivers of apprehension through her body. Ellen hoped she wouldn’t break down when she said goodbye to Rueben. She cared for him and was angry with herself for allowing it to happen.
Ellen turned her focus on the baby again. His little eyes were open, and he seemed to be smiling at her. She looked at Mandy. “Would you mind if I hold him for a while?”
“Of course not.” Mandy gestured to the rocking chair in her bedroom. “Why don’t you sit there and rock him? I have one little request from you fir
st, though.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“I would like to take a photo of you holding him, so I’ll have this memory to look back on.” Mandy’s eyes misted.
“Okay. I’m all right with that.” Ellen picked up the baby and took a seat in the rocking chair.
Mandy got her camera and took a couple of pictures. “Okay, Ellen, you can keep rocking the baby while I go visit with Mom and Vickie. Ken and Dad are both dozing in the living room, so they’re not good company right now.” Without a sound, Mandy slipped out of the room.
As Ellen rocked baby Isaac and stroked his silky dark hair, she closed her eyes and imagined what it would be like to have her own precious child.
Lihue
When Rueben drove Ellen to the airport the following morning, he tried to think of something to say. What was there to talk about? He’d messed things up with his deception. He’d ruined any chance of a relationship with her, and now she was going home.
I can only imagine what Ellen is thinking. She’s committed to her church and Amish family, so I can’t ask her to stay. Rueben blew out a breath. Besides, even if she were willing to give up her Amish life, I’m not ready for a commitment to another woman.
Rueben had left a trail of bad decisions—at home and here on Kauai. He didn’t trust himself not to make more.
Rueben’s thought went to his friend Taavi. He said I need to have faith that the Lord will help me deal with all this, but I’m not sure I can. My faith in God faltered after Arie died, and I began blaming myself.
He glanced over at Ellen. Her posture was rigid as she stared out the passenger window. She’s probably as uncomfortable as I am right now. Is there anything I can say to make things better before we part ways?
As they drew closer to the airport, Ellen looked over at him and said, “I appreciate the ride, but you can just drop me off at the terminal. That way you won’t have to pay for parking or trouble yourself any further.”
“It’s no trouble.” Rueben shook his head. “I want to take your luggage in for you.”
“I can manage.”
“Your suitcase is heavy, and you’d have to lift it onto the conveyor belt where they check for items that can’t be taken off the island.” Rueben drove Ken’s car into the parking lot and turned off the ignition. Then he got out and took Ellen’s suitcase and carry-on tote from the back of the vehicle.
When Ellen exited the car, she carried her tote, while Rueben pulled the suitcase. He kept his steps slow, trying to delay the inevitable. If only he could make time stand still. Why can’t I remember what I wanted to say to Ellen? Last night in bed, he’d rehearsed what he wanted to tell her, but now all he could do was grope for the right words to say.
Rueben had made sure Ellen was here in plenty of time, so she wouldn’t miss her flight. They walked side by side, but no words were uttered between them. When they approached the conveyor belt, Rueben lifted the suitcase for her and picked it up on the other side. Then he waited as Ellen went to the counter and got her boarding pass. Once that was done and the luggage had been sent through, he began walking with her again.
As they came closer to the security line, Rueben began to panic. He still hadn’t said what was on his mind, and he was almost out of time. “Wait, Ellen.” He touched her arm. “There’s something I need to say.”
She stopped walking and turned to face him.
“Listen, I want to apologize again. I was wrong to deceive you.”
She nodded.
A quick look around, and his eyes honed in on a couple who were saying goodbye with a hug and lingering kiss. He looked back at Ellen, wanting nothing more than to kiss and hold her the same way. His throat felt so dry he struggled to swallow. For this one moment, it felt as if they were the only two people in the terminal. No sounds could be heard, except for the beating of his own heart drumming in his ears. It was only he and Ellen, and as she looked up at him, Rueben felt as if he were drowning in her beautiful blue eyes.
He reached for her hand, and was pleased when she didn’t resist. “I care for you, Ellen, and if things had been different, I think we could have begun a serious relationship.” He paused and moistened his lips. “But I’m sure you realize under the circumstances a future for us is not possible.”
“I know.” Ellen’s eyes glistened with tears. Her thumbs rubbed against his fingers, and her touch nearly drove him insane. “I hope someday you’ll go back home and make things right with your family.”
Rueben shook his head forcefully. “That’s not possible. I can never return to Pennsylvania.” He pulled Ellen closer and gave her a hug. I can’t believe I’m letting her go. His mind thought one thing, but his heart said the opposite. “Goodbye, Ellen. I wish you all the best.”
“I wish the same for you.” Ellen turned and hurried toward the ever-growing security line.
As Rueben watched her go, the lump that had formed in his throat thickened. Then, as the line started moving, she was out of sight, swallowed up by those passengers who had followed. If things were different, I’d go with her.
Over the Pacific Ocean
Tears streamed down Ellen’s face as she looked at the pictures Rueben had printed for her from several of their outings, including the one he’d taken of them at Spouting Horn. Saying goodbye to Mandy and her family had been difficult, but leaving Rueben had been heart wrenching. Her head told her there was no chance of a relationship with him, no matter how much she longed for it. Her heart ached, thinking about Rueben’s estrangement from his family. Surely they had to miss him, and no doubt he wanted to be with them. If he could get past the guilt, Rueben might be able to go back to Pennsylvania and reestablish a relationship with his family, even if he chose not to stay there permanently.
Unable to drink the water a flight attendant had given her, Ellen watched the huge thick clouds hanging weightless in the sky like giants. Rueben is wrong. She squeezed her fists until her fingers ached. Things could be different if he wanted them to be. Why won’t Rueben release his guilt and give his burdens to God?
Ellen never expected her trip to Hawaii would turn out the way it had. She’d gone there to help Mandy but had fallen in love with a man she could not have a future with. Even as the distance between them grew longer, how could her feelings be reversed?
Maybe once I get home and into a routine again, it will be easier to forget I had feelings for Rueben. Ellen closed her eyes. I will pray for him. And also for his deceased girlfriend’s family. They all have to be in pain.
When her plane landed in Seattle, Ellen would spend the night at a hotel near the airport. Tomorrow morning, she would board another plane and should arrive in South Bend, Indiana, that evening. She looked forward to being reunited with her parents and sisters, although this homecoming would be bittersweet. I hope the old saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” won’t hold true for me.
CHAPTER 37
South Bend, Indiana
On January sixteenth, Ellen stepped off the plane that had brought her back to her home state. The problem was, it didn’t feel like home. After being in the Aloha State almost seven months, sometimes she had begun to feel it was where she belonged. Already, she missed Mandy and everyone else who’d become like family to her.
Pulling her cape tighter around her neck, Ellen had almost forgotten how cold January could be here in the Midwest. A shiver went through her body, making those warm temperatures she’d become so accustomed to that much harder to leave behind. Her cape felt heavy and bogged her down. The gray and dismal sky had no life to it.
As her feet walked on Indiana soil, Ellen’s heart remained in Hawaii with Rueben. She’d thought of little else the whole trip home. Would she be able to shed the feelings that had grown within her for him?
Ellen made her way to baggage claim. The best antidote for thinking too much was work, and she hoped to remedy that by finding a job right away.
As Ellen approached the carousel to wait for her luggage,
she spotted her mother and sister Ruby. Tears sprang to her eyes. It was so good to see them.
Mom enveloped Ellen in her arms with a hug so tight it nearly left her breathless. “Oh, Daughter, we’ve missed you something awful. It’s wunderbaar to have you home.”
Ellen could barely get the words out. “I’ve missed you too.”
When she pulled away from her mother’s embrace, Ruby gave her a hug. “Ach, you’re so tan. And here it is the middle of winter.”
Chuckling, Ellen shook her head. “Not in Hawaii. Well,” she corrected herself, “technically it is winter there, but you’d never know it by the beautiful warm weather they have.”
“Bet you’re going to miss it.” Ruby pointed to the luggage, circling on the carousel. “Look, there’s your suitcase coming off now. I’ll go fetch it for you.”
While her sister raced off to get the luggage, Ellen grinned at Mom. “You’d think she was eiferich to get me home.”
Mom’s face broke into a wide smile. “We’ve all been eager for that, Ellen. You’ve been gone much too long. And since Ruby and Darla decided not to go to Florida this winter, it’ll be nice to have all of my daughters at home.”
“Jah, it will be nice, but I wouldn’t have felt right coming home sooner, when Mandy needed me so badly.” Gripping her tote with one hand, Ellen placed the other hand on her chest. “She and Ken have been through so much these past several months. They were ever so thankful for all the support they received—not just from me, but from everyone who helped with Ken’s hospital, doctor, and therapy expenses.”
Mom squeezed Ellen’s arm. “You did a good thing by going there.”
Ruby returned with the suitcase. “Are we ready to go?”
“Jah.” Mom slipped her arm around Ellen’s waist. “Our driver’s waiting outside the terminal, so we’d best not keep her waiting.”
The Hawaiian Discovery Page 21
