The impact she caused on him was evident, and he refused to look at her face.
- Look at me and tell me you do not feel anything for me. That there can be nothing between us. Only if you tell me face to face I will clearly believe it.
-Victoria ... Do not force me to reject you. I will never be able to tell you that I do not love you ... But there is no future for us, that is what I feel. So, why should we try to hurt ourselves?
-Because I believe that if you accept what you really feel we can be happy. Who establishes if we will succeed or fail? What about trying?
-Do not insist more, you do not even imagine the pain that causes me to have to act so cold. I know I hurt you and it's not my intention. I only bring pain, Victoria. Dassim and my clan are witnesses. I love you too much to condemn you to that.
He abruptly retreated leaving her dazed and trembling. She had succeeded,she had forced him to confess his real feelings. The barrier he raised was because of the guilt he felt for Dassim's death, it was evident.
It may take years to overcome it, but time cures everything. She had gone through something similar when she returned from Africa, of course not so raw.
But now that he was clear that the feeling between them was the same, it would not stop.
Thirty.
Usem laid back and tried to fall asleep. He could not; he felt annoyed with Victoria and her obsessive intention to make him talk more than needed.
All those days he had tried to bury his feelings, subsume his life to meet the needs of his daughter. That should be his only desire.
However, she feared for him. she was too small to have to deal with this. Something was wrong, the two women he loved most posed a challenge to him.
He got up after a while. It was obvious he could not sleep, at least for now. He had to speed up the retreat, Victoria was besieging him and he could not resist much.
How happy he would be to be able to give in just like that, surrender to the passion between them! But he forced himself to get away from that idea. He did not deserve to be rewarded. She did not understand it because she was dazed by the romance between them, but she would soon.
He would talk to his daughter tomorrow. He had to put her on notice that they were leaving so she could say good-bye. She knew she was going to regret giving up on Victoria and her parents, who had adopted her with incredible love. And she had made good friends in the center.
"It will be the last time I take off her affections," he promised himself.
Titrit he woke her up in the morning as at when she fell asleep she did it later than usual. She looked at him suspiciously, so he smiled at her and energetically hugged her.
"How serious my star is today. Did you get off on a bad foot?
"Are you all right, Daddy?"
-Better than ever. Almost everything is ready for us to travel to Madrid. There the uncle and our house awaits us. Can you believe we own a beautiful apartment? You'll see, you'll love it.
-How many days of walking is Madrid?
He smiled. His daughter was still impregnated with Tuareg culture.
"You do not walk much here, love. You travel in vehicles, as we have already done.
"But it's close, isn’t it?" I would love my friends and Victoria to visit us.
"We'll see, of course," he encouraged her. You do not worry about anything, you will see that my family like you and you will make friends quickly.
He felt her tension loosen and he promised himself to be more attentive to her reactions. He had to take care of her and help her live her life as a child, without imposing extra pressure.
In the living room they met the owners of the house, who returned from a morning shopping.
"Are you leaving?" The woman asked.
"We are going to buy the tickets to travel to Madrid!" Titrit cheered cheerfully. When we are there we are going to invite you to visit our new home. Dad says it's beautiful.
"Of course!" Replied the man, looking at him with some surprise. We will love to go. Are you going away so soon Usem? Have you succeeded in fixing everything?
"Practically everything, yes. I do not want to continue robbing them of space and attention, too kind they have already been. We will try to enlist everything to leave tomorrow.
The rest of the day was spent in paperwork and arrangements for the transfer, in addition to sharing times together in the cinema, fun that Titrit had discovered and fascinated her. Also the chips and burgers, so it was a full afternoon.
When they returned they were both tired and went straight to their rooms, which made it impossible to cross Victoria. Of course he planned to say goodbye to her, but even when the game was irreversible.
"What a coward!" He thought bitterly. "I'm so weak that I know I'm going to give in if you push me again. And here I am locked up and avoiding the love of my life. "
In an attempt to unburden his mind he plunged himself into calculations and revisions of tasks inherent to a financial adviser. These last days he had also destined them to catch up with the innovations in the accounting area, especially in the matter of information technology.
He had been amazed by the registered technological advance and was aware that to be able to fulfill his role worthily had to perfect himself. He wanted to respond 100 percent to his uncle's confidence in him and not to leave him in a bad position. Fulfilling the requirements could also mean improving his situation and thinking about other opportunities, if these were presented.
One of the things he was worried about and still could not solve entirely was Titrit's education. He hoped that his aunt and cousins could guide him to get the best place for her, one where she would feel comfortable and not out of place. She was not accustomed to the rules of an institution and all her learning was from life, beyond that he had endeavored to teach her the Spanish language and to suggest to her others, math and science.
The girl had a very good amount of information but to adapt to a life regulated by schedules, work deliveries, qualifications, could be a hard test.
Sigh. It was going to be complex, but would be achieved. The effort had to be greater but would be successful, one could not allow himself to think of another form.
"How much easier it would be with a woman by your side!" Mischievously he leaked his subconscious.
He was about to go to sleep when the knock on the door surprised him. It was Victoria.
"I'm sorry to bother you, I've come to bring you some recommendations that the psychologist gave me for you to keep in mind." Also some directions and places that can be useful as they are centers to help the integration of foreigners. So Titrit will be able to keep in touch with her world while inserting herself into ours.
He looked at her tenderly. She was an incredible woman, worried and kind despite his abruptness.
"I have no words to thank you." They will be very useful to me ...
"I have been told you are leaving tomorrow." Well, I'm glad you could fix everything. I therefore say goodbye because tomorrow is going to be a busy day at work and I do not know if I will have time to come. Give my regards to Titrit and tell her to contact me. I'll be happy that you call me.
She withdrew abruptly, leaving him somewhat cut off. From the tenor of the previous day's talk, he thought she would make some reference. But in reality what more could she say. She knew she was banging against a wall of denial. She felt empty
The farewell was brief but felt. Victoria's parents hugged Titrit many times and made her a promise to call and visit.
"Do not forget us now that you're going to have new friends," the woman said.
"No, no, of course. I love you very much - she felt what she was telling them.
This filled his heart. She was a sweet child.
During the travel, he tried to distract her and enthuse her with what was awaiting them. He needed her to be expectant and joyful, without fears.
His family was waiting him and they received him with a racket. Presentations, gifts, hugs, fe
d Titrit and himself. He felt at home and that relieved him. It had been a long time since he had experienced this sensation.
Settling down did not take them too much and the next days and weeks went by with speed. Accompanying the process of Titrit brought more relief than he thought given the ease of the girl to integrate. Feeling safe and in a family helped her. The directions that Victoria had given him were a fundamental fact.
He himself had some stumbling in his work, but he was able to solve them and he felt at ease with his companions. They were younger in most cases and his life intrigued them, so he soon became a center of anecdotes and stories.
This became an unexpected catharsis, allowing him to remember and appreciate the said infinite moments and joy experienced in Africa. The tragedy had momentarily erased them, but now they came back pure and uncontaminated.
Gradually he could chat without pain and this was becoming natural also to remember with his daughter. The memory of Dassim became less painful because they chose to remember it in the best way: their gestures, words, anger and laughter.
Titrit was his great walking stick in that sense. She remembered her mother in her purest essence and remembered her with joy. This made a dent in him and helped heal his wound. He could forgive himself. This process of months occurred unconsciously, but he could see it with a single sentence of his daughter.
"Mama would be happy to see how happy we are, don’t you think so, Daddy?"
"Of course, of course she would be.
And he thought she really would have. Dassim had been a woman of a unique practicality, always looking at the positive side of the situation.
The best homage was to live life as she would; with intensity and joy, without resorting or turning to pain. Always looking forward.
He felt the blow lighter.
Thirty-one.
Victoria finished preparing the medicine cabinets and replenishing the necessary medicines to start tomorrow with everything ready. She felt tired, many hours and many days she worked too hard. She had not had a vacation for a long time and she felt the need to enjoy it.
She closed the office and walked down the hall. As she passed the meeting room she saw Miguel amusingly chatting with one of his new colleagues, a very pretty young lady. She smiled and continued. Things had not finished well between them, but none of them had been worried for long. This allowed her to see how wrong she would have been if she had enshrined the relationship when he proposed it.
Fortunately that had not happened; the arrival of Usem had once again upset her life. And equally his retreat. It had been abrupt, as if he could not wait to lose sight of her. This had hurt and weaken her intentions to erode her walls.
So here she was again, alone for a change. She decided to buy something for dinner, something quick. She wanted to sleep more than anything. She drove to her house and found it empty. She had forgotten that her parents had a commitment. "Better," she thought, "I save myself from the worried look of Mom who despairs for her maiden daughter."
She turned on the lights in her way and lay on the couch. She felt lonely and she felt older than she was. She was learning to deal with her singleness and with the idea that she could not fulfill her ultimate ambition to form a family.
"Not everyone can be lucky in love" she thought.
She missed Titrit too. She was an extension of Usem and as such she loved her. But also because she was a sun of a little person. They had been in telephone contact quite often and she had told her about her progress and achievements. From her words it was clear that they were happy, that they had been able to form a beautiful home and their situation had improved. They deserved it.
She got up to account for her dinner, and then the doorbell rang. This surprised and annoyed her at the same time. She did not expect anyone, nor did she want to hold a conversation. She decided to ignore it, but the imperative of the second call made her go to the door. She put on her best face since she did not want to offend any neighbor, and rather complained to her mother about how unfriendly she was.
The surprise was huge to find Usem waiting. She was baffled and then frightened.
-Usem ... Hi, what happened? Where is Titrit?
"Calm down, nothing happens, she stayed with my family in Madrid.
I was scared for a moment. I was afraid that something had happened to you, how silly, I know that your life is better. Come in, come in, do not stay out there.
-Thank you. How are your parents?
Well
The banalities in both of them that used to upset her is there again. She looked at him in silence, waiting for him to explain the reason for his return. He found it different. More confident, more plumb. The new life suits him, she thought bitterly.
Titrit sends you her greetings. She wanted to come, but she had to stay. She had homework and classes.
She watched him, waiting for him to detail the reasons for his visit. She hoped he would not fool himself to come and do formal sociability with her, she could not tolerate such a lack of tact. But she never knew well with men.
"My parents are not around, it's a shame if you came to greet them." They will regret it.
"Sorry, yes. There will be opportunity, no doubt. Actually, I came to talk to you ... You see, the last time we talked seriously you were very expressive with me and I was very strict. I have reviewed my reactions and I am sorry if I treated you abruptly ...
"I hope you did not come here to apologize for that." No need, believe me.
- Look, yes it is ... These months that have passed have been very important to me. I have managed to establish myself, to incorporate my daughter to life in Spain and I feel that without you this would not have been possible.
He came and sat down beside her. She was confused, what did he want, thank her? He had already done it and it was not necessary. It was obvious that she helped because he needed it and because she cared about him.
-I have been able to reflect on what happened to me in recent years and to understand that everything bad has had its positive counterpart. My life in Africa allowed me to share with my father, to have a family, to know you.
She paid more attention to his words. They were of a different intensity, sprouted serenely and from the bottom of the heart. There was no remoteness in his eyes or gestures.
"I feel healthy and free, Victoria. Time and those who love me have helped me to overcome the obstacles that I put to my happiness. I felt rotten with guilt and remorse.
-You did not have responsibility in what happened, tragedies happen and are inevitable. At least a large part of them, as in this case.
"I understand now. I feel pain in remembering Dassim, but above all I made prevail the good moments she gave me and my child.
"It seems, good for you."
She could only accompany the catharsis with phrases as she looked at him with intensity. Was there anything else ...? Was there something there for her?
"That's why I'm here." You complained to me for that attitude, you correctly understood that I was limited ...
Abruptly he stopped and stood. He walked two steps, came back on them and put his hands on her shoulders, kneeling beside her.
"I'm terrible to make declarations, Victoria ..."
She looked at him and tried to read in his eyes, which glowed like fires.
"Whatever you have to tell me, you have to do it, Usem." I've talked a lot, it's time you do it.
She did not want to gloat over her confusion, but she needed him to be clear and tell her what he felt bluntly.
-I love you, I love you as much as the first day. I have loved you forever and nothing has been able to kill that feeling, neither time nor distance. Nor the horrors that I have lived.
She had waited so long for these words, so often she thought they would not come! She could not believe they were there, sweet as nectar.
Crying would have been appropriate perhaps at that moment, but it did not occur to her. The feeling of fullness that filled her coul
d only be expressed with actions.
She surrounded him in an interminable and tight embrace, which transcended the years and was twinned with that of farewell that had taken place in the desert.
He responded by melting into her and searching her lips urgently. Then the time stopped for both, who returned to be the Tuareg and the western wrapped in the passion. The seemingly insurmountable wall that had contained his feelings had broken to pieces and she finally got what she had dreamed of.
He took her in his arms and led her up the stairs to her room. She let him do it, sheltered in her chest. The night was very brief, they had a mutual hunger that was years old and the need to touch without stopping. There were no corners of their bodies and their souls that were not touched, there were no caresses that were forbidden. Their naked bodies curled for hours, pretending to settle the interminable time without contacts. When the thirst seemed to be satiated momentarily, came the statements he contained and Victoria so longed for.
"I can not live without you, my love. I try and life makes me less beautiful, more gray. I thought that was waiting for me from here.
"Quiet, I do not want you to think that anymore. I know I gave you a reason, but it was not because of lack of love. I needed time to heal my wounds, to wash my faults or at least those I felt were mine.
"And you have taken your time, but from here on, do not separate from me. No more.
-I will not do it. We must organize, but I want you to be by my side now and always. Next to me and Titrit.
"I'm willing to go with you wherever." And there is no doubt that Titrit is also in my heart. We will form a united family.
He smiled at her and she felt complete, as he had not done it so long ago. As he had long waited.
Final
Usem looked at his two women and smiled. They looked like two girls kicking the water and running around each other across the sand. The laughter did not stop and he loved to see Titrit screaming with pleasure.
Migrant Hearts Page 13
