Kennedy gives me a reassuring smile. “You were doing just fine before. Remember the pizza you and Addy made together?”
The pizza was just throwing together cheese and toppings on dough. I was pretty horrid in the kitchen, but not that bad.
“I’ll come over early and help you,” Mom informs me. “You are not giving my granddaughter anything but the best. We’ll do a smaller version of our typical Christmas lunch, that way she isn’t too full when she goes to Opal’s the next day.”
Relief floods my body.
Kennedy flicks my arm. “I can try to help, too. I have some presents for Addy that I want her to open.”
My brows pinch. “Aren’t you doing Christmas with them?”
“I may have gotten a little present crazy this year,” she admits. “There will be plenty to go around, trust me. Plus, my mother will be on some cruise, so it’ll be nice to spend time with people I actually like.”
Mom coos at Kennedy. “Well you’re more than welcome to join us, darling. We’d love to have you, wouldn’t we, Sebastian?”
Even after twenty-four … practically twenty-five years, Mom still won’t call me Bash.
Mom pinches my cheek like I’m a one year old, causing Kennedy to giggle. I playfully slap her hand away, grinning and shaking my head.
My eyes go to Kennedy. “We’d love to have you,” I agree.
Red creeps across her cheeks. “Okay.”
Mom claps. “Now that that’s settled, we should fix this disaster. We’ll need to go food shopping when we’re done.”
I roll my eyes at Mom’s directness. “Only if you let me pay this time.” She never lets me pay. It’s as though she’s forgotten about the small fortune I make from being in Relentless.
“Don’t make me come over there, Sebastian,” she scolds in the same mother-voice that petrified me as a child.
I cringe, causing Kennedy to laugh at my expense.
“Fine,” I relent begrudgingly.
“My, my,” Kennedy teases, leaning into me. Our arms brush in the slightest way again, but it still leaves a heat soaring through my limbs. “It’s adorable how easily you cave to your mother, Sebastian.”
The way my name rolls off her tongue makes me reevaluate hating my name so much. Because when Kennedy says it, it sounds perfect.
***
There’s a moment of clarity you get after realizing that moving on is exactly what you needed after hanging on to a memory for so long. It means accepting that there’s nothing left to hold out hope for, and no reason to keep rereading the same chapter before finally moving onto the next.
I’ve been stuck mid-book for six years, too afraid of finding out how it ends. But I’m finally learning to turn the pages.
When I knock on the front door of Opal’s apartment, I’m surprised to see Noah on the other side of the door.
Kennedy never mentioned that he was back, although she did say they were talking again.
“Noah,” I greet, clearing my throat. “Merry Christmas.”
For a second, he glances behind his shoulder, then steps out of the apartment into the hallway. The door stays partially open, my vision skewed by the slim crack that peers in. I see pieces of their Christmas tree, the lights lit up and ornaments hanging from the limbs.
My focus turns to Noah.
He stuffs his hands in his pockets. “I want to thank you.”
I blink, not expecting him to say that. Honestly, I didn’t know what he was going to say, but it wasn’t that.
“Uh, for what?”
“For the bar talk. For being a good person.”
I refrain from snorting. Most guys wouldn’t consider making a move on the woman they love a ‘good guy’ but I know where he’s coming from. We’re not all that different, never have been.
“I did what I thought was right,” I reply.
He nods. “And I appreciate it. I know she means a lot to you, so letting her go … that’s a huge deal.”
“It’s only fair to her. She let go a long time ago, for you. It was time for me to do the same.”
He claps my shoulder. “You’ll always have each other, you know.”
I think about it before shaking my head. “No, we won’t. But we’ll always have Addison.”
Noah nods in understanding, pushing the door open and gesturing for me to come in. As soon as I step inside, Addison pops out of her room, decked out in a red tutu, white long sleeve shirt, and a headband with reindeer antlers with bells attached.
“Daddy!” she chirps, launching herself at me.
I catch her, hugging her tightly. Like I never want to let her back down again. I missed a lot of things over the past couple weeks, but Addy the most. Even though she called me every night, and we Skyped twice a week, it wasn’t the same as holding her, being with her.
“Hey, baby girl,” I say into her shoulder. Her arms cling to me, her legs wrapping around my waist. I shift so she’s sitting on one of my arms, then draws back so we’re face-to-face.
“I missed you so much!”
I smile wide. “I missed you, too. Talking on the phone wasn’t the same.”
She shakes her head in agreement.
Opal comes out from her room, giving me a sheepish smile. Her arm wraps around Noah’s, and the light reflects on something resting on her left ring finger, catching my eye.
My eyes bounce between them, brows going up. “You’re engaged?”
Noah smiles. “Yeah, man. For a few weeks now.”
Addy wiggles in my arms. “Now I get two daddies, and a baby brother,” she tells me, poking me in the cheek.
“And you’re pregnant?” I question.
“I found out the day you had Addy before going to Nashville. I’m about five months now, and we found out last week that it’s a little boy.”
Opal looks worried over my reaction, but there isn’t any part of me that resents them. My heart doesn’t race, or crack, or sink in my chest. It just remains as is, beating at its normal pace.
Because I’m happy for them, truly.
I smile. “Congratulations, guys. It’s rare to find the kind of love you two have, and I’m happy for you.”
Opal’s eyes gloss over as she studies me.
Noah kisses the side of her head, drawing her closer into his side. Seeing them together has shown me everything I needed to see. No more loose threads, or jagged pieces hanging onto the surface.
In the moment we were just … us. Noah, Opal, and Bash, three people who have history. Three people who love a little girl more than anything in the world.
We finally existed in the right timeframe, being the people we were always meant to be.
Opal withdraws from Noah and rubs her arm nervously. “Can I talk to Bash alone for a second?”
I set Addy down, and Noah holds out his hand for her. She goes to him instantly, wrapping her hand around his fingers.
“I’ll go grab her bags,” Noah tells us, guiding her back into her bedroom.
I turn to Opal. “Everything okay?”
She blows out air. “Yes. For the first time in a long time, yes. I can’t … it means a lot, Bash. For you to still be here, for you to be okay with this. Addy needs her father, so I’m just glad you’re here.”
“I need her, too, you know,” I reply. “And there’s no reason to thank me. You and Noah are meant for each other, I see that now. Knowing Addy will always be loved means a lot, especially if I decide to go back on tour.”
Her lips twitch. “You’ve considered not going back with the band?”
I nod. “It seems like an easy decision, knowing that I’ve got Addison here. I’ve got my mom, my daughter. I’ve got my family here, one I don’t want to miss more time with when we’re gone next summer.”
“But the band means everything to you.”
“No,” I disagree, “not anymore. Addy is everything to me, and always will be. Seeing her smile, laugh, be happy? That’s what I live for now. Relentless will always be something I
love, but Addison may just be my biggest love of all.”
Her lips waver upward. “You know, she doesn’t have to be the only one.”
My brows pinch in confusion.
She elaborates. “I know it’s none of my business, but I can see how much lighter you are since coming back. You should consider opening up to somebody—finding your Noah.”
I chuckle. “I think I’d like somebody a little more feminine looking than Noah,” I joke.
She cracks a smile. “You know what I mean. I want to see you happy, Bash. Truly happy. I know you will be with Addy, but there’s so many levels of love. You deserve to feel every single one of them. Surface level, bone deep, soul crushing … every single one.”
I smile, glancing at the ground.
“Kennedy mentioned that you talked while you were in Tennessee,” she notes, causing me to snap back up. “When Kennedy is happy, she gets this twinkle in her eye. I’ve only ever seen it a few times, back in high school, back when we would all hang out. You’d tease her, and her cheeks would flush, and her eyes would turn this beautiful shade of emerald. She never had that twinkle when she dated anybody else. But talking to you? Her hazel eyes are permanently a beautiful jewel tone.”
My lips part, then close.
She shrugs. “I think I always kind of knew she had a crush on you, but never really put much thought into it. Kennedy would never hurt me. She still wouldn’t, which is why she’s holding back. But don’t let her, Bash. Don’t let me get in the way of you two.”
I inhale slowly, only able to stare at her.
Is she giving me permission to date her best friend? Telling me to go for what I want? Do I even know if this is what I want?
I do.
Because Kennedy’s name is what gets my palms clammy from nerves. It’s hearing Opal bring it up that kickstarts my heart like somebody jumpstarting a car. I’m nervous, giddy, confused, maybe even a little lost.
But it’s an intoxicating feeling, one I haven’t felt in a long time. It’s one of love and lust. One where I can see myself falling at the feet of another person.
“I think I’m the only one who didn’t see it,” I finally say, breaking the silence.
“You were preoccupied because of me,” she answers simply. “But you have nothing stopping you now. Kennedy loves Addison like she’s her own daughter. She’s family. Seems kind of fitting that you two end up together. If that’s what you want, of course.”
I lick my bottom lip. “I think it might be.”
She bobs her head. “Good. Get the girl then, Everly.”
I chuckle at her command. It’s not until then that I remember what I’d put in my back pocket for Opal, an early Christmas present.
Pulling out the envelope, I stare at the chicken scratch across the top, noting the date. It was the last letter I’d written to her. The only one that really mattered in the scheme of things.
“Here.” I pass it to her. “You asked what the letters I’d written to you said, and I told you that you weren’t ready to know. There were a lot more, but this one … this is the only one that matters at this point in our lives. It’s the one I’d rewritten countless times. It’s … it seems like the perfect moment to give this to you.”
Hesitantly, she takes it.
“Merry Christmas, Opal.”
Noah brings Addy out about a minute later, bag in hand, passing it to me. They say their good-byes, and I help her into her coat before we make our way out of the apartment.
Looking back one last time, I smile at them.
And the sight of them smiling back, has an ease filling my body that I haven’t felt in a long time.
“Daddy?” Addy asks as we walk outside.
“Yeah, baby girl?”
“Are you and Aunt Kenny gonna get married and get me more brothers and sisters?”
Her bluntness amuses me.
I kneel down in front of her, adjusting her antlers so they’re straight, and smile. “I’m going to try to get Aunt Kenny to date me first, Addy. Then we can talk about getting married and making more brothers and sisters for you to play with. How does that sound?”
Opal,
It’s been a year since Relentless left for tour, and I’m finally coming home. I have countless letters collecting dust, no mailing address or stamps on them, waiting to be sent. Or not to be.
Thing is, I can’t gather a reason to send them. I tell myself it’s because I don’t know if you’re away enjoying college or have your own place by now. I could send these to your mom, but something stops me every time.
A year is a long time, and things change.
God forbid you’ve moved on. I hope you’ve moved on. Maybe not to another person, but to another happiness. School. Classes. Books. You’re the only weirdo I know who liked homework, so hopefully you’re surrounded by plenty of that.
There are a lot of reasons I don’t send these.
I hurt you, broke your trust, and I don’t know if I can earn it back. Hell, I don’t know if I deserve to. But I’m going to try, even if it means waiting for you—proving that leaving meant more than just chasing a dream that could end in a blink of an eye.
If waiting for you means earning your trust, then I’d wait a lifetime. Because more than anything, I want you to trust me like you used to.
I want you to be happy, Opal.
Hopefully with me.
With or without me.
-Bash
Two Months Later
“Where the hell is the cat?” Will demands frantically, searching every room for Ollie.
I can’t believe he lost him, considering the thing is the size of a small dog. Seriously, how do you lose a dark grey, twenty-pound pet?
We search under and behind the furniture with no luck. He even shakes the treat container he brought to bribe the cat with.
“I can’t believe you lost the cat,” I muse.
He shoots me a look. “I can’t believe I lost the engagement ring.”
Will trained Ollie to wear a collar—custom made with the Batman logo, since Tessa is obsessed with the superhero—that had the engagement ring attached to the front.
“Let’s be real,” I joke, looking under the chair, “Tessa would be more upset that you lost her cat than a piece of jewelry.”
“An expensive piece of jewelry.”
I snicker.
While he goes back through the left side of the house, I search the bedrooms. This is the first time everybody we know will be in the same house, having a barbecue in the middle of winter. It’s unusually warm for March, so we’re taking advantage while it lasts. Ian, Kasey, and Taylor are driving from Vermont, and Dylan and Ashton are flying in from Tennessee. Ben has remained in Clinton for the most part, keeping to himself now more than ever.
If I thought he was a ghost before, he became even more of one over the past few months. When I did see him on New Years, he was different. Something in his face was lighter, and his shoulders weren’t as tense.
I chalked it up to a little romance, but never asked for the details. Not because I didn’t want them, but because he was keeping his lips shut tight.
As I pass the spare room that quickly became Addy’s, I hear ruffling coming from behind the door. When I crack it open, Ollie shoots out in a pink princess dress, trying to tear it off with his teeth.
“Addy?” I question slowly, feeling bad for the cat currently struggling with what little remains of his dignity. “Why is Will’s cat wearing one of your dresses?”
“We were playing dress up.”
I press my lips together, trying not to laugh. What really amazes me is how a kid who isn’t that much bigger than Ollie could even steal him. Hell, I even wince when picking the damn thing up.
I finally shake my head, swallowing my amusement. It’s entertaining, but I can’t have her taking other people’s pets. “Next time, let one of the adults know where you’re taking him, okay?”
“Can we get a cat?”
She’s a
sked me this at least five times before, and the answer is always the same. Opal and Noah are looking for a house for the four of them, so there’s more room. They agreed to get a cat when they moved and after the baby is born, but not until then.
“Sorry, kid. Your mom told you no.”
She sticks out her bottom lip.
Will comes into view and bolts toward Ollie as soon as he sees him wrestling with the dress on the floor. He picks him up and holds him out to me, a blank expression on his face.
“Sebastian.”
“Yes, William?”
“My cat is wearing your daughter’s dress.”
“I think pink is his color,” I reply, grinning.
Will sighs heavily. “If this is what kids are going to be like, I’m glad we’re not rushing into having them.”
I pat his shoulder. “Focus on her saying ‘yes’ first before you bring up kids. Wouldn’t want to scare her away from putting a ring on it.”
He pales. “She wouldn’t run.”
I quickly reassure him, “You’re right, she wouldn’t. I was just messing with you, man.”
“It’s just everyone is having kids. It’s only a matter of time before Ian and Kasey announce they’re expecting.”
“Whoa, back up,” a new voice says from behind us. Both of us turn around to see Ian and Kasey standing at the door. Taylor is between them, looking around my house, probably for Addison. They’re close in age, Taylor only being a few years older. But they have gotten along well, the few times they’ve seen each other.
Kasey crosses her arms on her chest. “There will be no babies anytime soon,” she informs us matter-of-factly. She bobs her head, causing her messy blonde bun to break apart, hair failing to the side of her face. Ian instantly brushes it behind her ear, causing her to send him a goof smile.
“We’re getting a dog though,” Taylor states, addressing no one in particular.
Ian nods. “We’re going to the shelter when we get back to adopt one.”
“That’s great, dude,” I answer. If I ever got a dog, it’d be adopted, too. I blame the depressing as shit shelter commercials that play on TV. Addy saw one last month, and it took me nearly an hour to get her to stop crying.
The Choices We Make Page 29
